no, a 13 year old should not be treated as an adult. We view our relationship with our kids as being in stages- the first stage, we are in charge. The next stage, around 11 or 12 we become more like a personal trainer- directing them/ lecturing them about right behavior, still telling them what to do, but also giving them some respect, listening to their side but ultimately we make the decisions with a nod to their wishes. At around 16/17 we move into the coach position where we are on the sidelines/bleachers giving encouragement, talking in a huddle once in a while - but they are now making a lot of decisions on their own, with input from us. Our oldest is 17 and we are in the coach position with her right now. I think a 13 year old wants some respect and to be listened to, but still yearns to be cared for and to have you as a safety net - they want you to say no sometimes. Kids this age have such bad impulse control, they really are not little adults yet.