Missing Bobby: A Widow's Journey

http://widow2010.blogspot.com

Learning to live with loss is a journey that doesn't end. This blog chronicles the journey I am on, learning to live without my husband and raise my two boys alone the best way I know how.

Anne is a winner of Top 25 Moms with Inspiring Families - 2012

How does blogging help you deal with challenges?

Blogging helps me in two different ways to deal with challenges. First, it gets my feelings about subjects that resonate with me out where I can read them back to myself and reflect on what I am feeling. Second, it helps having my issues out there where my friends can read them and start conversations with me that help me process what I was feeling when I wrote the entry. Both of these help tremendously because it frees up my thoughts for (hopefully) more positive things!

What's a book or song that has inspired you?

The song that has inspired me the most is “Landslide”, written by Stevie Nicks and performed by Fleetwood Mac. There are so many lines in that song that apply to what I’ve been through with the death of my husband; and what I am going through now; that if I didn’t know better, I would swear that Stevie wrote it about me. The most powerful line of the song, I’ve been afraid of changing ‘cause I built my life around you, really nails it. I’ve been thrust into this position where I have no choice but to live my life without Bobby, who I happily built my life around. It’s a scary thought, especially because I thought I had my whole life mapped out before me, and it was going to be a good one! I tried to fight it, but despite my efforts, I am slowly changing, whether I want to or not. However, I’ve heard widows say that they’ve changed so much, that their deceased spouse would not even recognize them. This will not happen to me. No matter how much I change myself or my life, at my core I’ll always still be the girl he loved!

After a particularly rough day, how do you raise your spirits?

On particularly rough days, I’ll watch something on TV that makes me laugh. I like to watch sit-coms, particularly old ones from my childhood, or the ones from the 90’s, like “Friends” and “Frasier”.

What about working out? Why not yoga or meditation? Because I truly believe that laughter is the best medicine, and it works wonders for me. When I can distract myself with something funny, I can literally feel my spirits lifting. Laughing out loud makes me feel lighter, as if a weight has been taken off my shoulders.

Why is the stay-at-home vs. working moms debate so passionate?

Anne

Most moms feel guilty no matter what they do. So when other moms are feeding into that guilt, it makes them feel worse, but it also makes them feel like they need to defend their position, and in that defense, sometimes it means putting the other one down, even if they don't mean to. In my own personal experience, I have never heard any working mom put down a stay-at-home mom, but I have heard it in the other direction. I think we should all do what we think is best for our families, whether that is staying home or working. I think we should also note that some moms don't have a choice...they have to work for financial reasons.
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