What's the funniest thing your child has ever done or said?
Oh, goodness. My children are a constant source of laughter mingled with abject humiliation. I can't possibly narrow it down to one thing - so here's a sampling of my daily life:
A then 3-year-old Lena asked me: "Mommy, what is hot and dangerous?" Oh, God. How do you explain the hot mess that is Ke$ha to a preschooler? I stumbled through an explanation about an attractive woman using it to her advantage. Her response: You know what else is 'hot and dangerous'? Fire. And lava." Yes. Yes it is. And a far better answer than mine.
My littlest one, Emmeline, loves to roar like a lion. One day we found a bunch of dandelions that were going to seed. Thinking she would roar, I asked Emmeline what she thought dandelions say. Lena answered "Blow me."
Not to be left out of this, my 2 year old Emmeline is a constant source of hilarity. Here are a few examples:
Lena: When I grow up, I'm going to be a veternarian.
Emmeline: No you not. You gonna be a witch cuz you is mean.
Right before Christmas we enjoyed breakfast with Santa. Afterward the girls each took a turn speaking with Santa. He asked Emmeline "Have you been a good girl this year?" Emmeline responded "Um....no. Me haven't."
Emmeline: "I eed you a open da door."
Me: "Please ask me again in a nice way."
Emmeline: "Open da damn door now. Peas."
It is very hard to reprimand your progeny when you are laughing at them being assholes. But, as a SAHM, my job description does include "do not raise a flock of assholes." Looks like I have my work cut out for me.
I need a raise.