Momaical

http://www.momaical.com

Momaical: [mom-mahy-uh-kuhl] Noun: A humor blog about a Mom trying to clean, cook healthy food and not raise a flock of assholes. Cursing & copious coffee involved.

Tracy is a winner of Top 25 Funny Moms - 2013

What's the funniest thing your child has ever done or said?

Oh, goodness. My children are a constant source of laughter mingled with abject humiliation. I can't possibly narrow it down to one thing - so here's a sampling of my daily life:

A then 3-year-old Lena asked me: "Mommy, what is hot and dangerous?" Oh, God. How do you explain the hot mess that is Ke$ha to a preschooler? I stumbled through an explanation about an attractive woman using it to her advantage. Her response: You know what else is 'hot and dangerous'? Fire. And lava." Yes. Yes it is. And a far better answer than mine.

My littlest one, Emmeline, loves to roar like a lion. One day we found a bunch of dandelions that were going to seed. Thinking she would roar, I asked Emmeline what she thought dandelions say. Lena answered "Blow me."

Not to be left out of this, my 2 year old Emmeline is a constant source of hilarity. Here are a few examples:

Lena: When I grow up, I'm going to be a veternarian.
Emmeline: No you not. You gonna be a witch cuz you is mean.

Right before Christmas we enjoyed breakfast with Santa. Afterward the girls each took a turn speaking with Santa. He asked Emmeline "Have you been a good girl this year?" Emmeline responded "Um....no. Me haven't."

Emmeline: "I eed you a open da door."
Me: "Please ask me again in a nice way."
Emmeline: "Open da damn door now. Peas."

It is very hard to reprimand your progeny when you are laughing at them being assholes. But, as a SAHM, my job description does include "do not raise a flock of assholes." Looks like I have my work cut out for me.

I need a raise.

What always makes you laugh?

I learned early in life that humor can get you out of a lot of trouble (and also into it - but that's another story entirely). For example when your English teacher calls on you when you're daydreaming and asks you to define "paradox". If you answer "two small dogs" it gets you off the hook - long enough to remember that it is also a seemingly self contradictory statement that is true. So, I have surrounded myself with funny people.

Laughter can get you through difficult times and is a great ab workout! My husband makes me laugh constantly. We have produced two smart ass kids. My friends are hilarious. If you're not funny - you're out. And then the funny people will all get together and make fun of how not funny you are. (No we won't).

Life's difficult. Might as well live it laughing and drinking Zoloft-tinis with funny people.

What's the funniest gift you've ever received?

My children.