Old Dog New Tits

http://olddognewtits.com

I'm just a person writing about stuff I think is funny. Or interesting. Sometimes both. I make fun of people a lot but I'm not a jerk. Because "people" usually means me. Also, I like cheese. Way more than you do.

Michele Robert is a winner of Top 25 Funny Moms - 2013

What's the funniest thing your child has ever done or said?

At 13 and 10, my kids are older than many others here. So I need to select my answers wisely to avoid embarrassing the snot out of them and earning myself top billing in their future tell-all memoirs. That said, reflecting back on their toddlerhoods, two stories come to mind.

My daughter --- Back when my girl was only two, she and I were making a quick run through a crowded grocery store. The lines were long and the woman in front of me kept blathering on and on about Angelina Jolie being “on the cover of TWO magazines at the SAME time.” (I know. Yawn!) My daughter started whimpering and trying to tell me something, but I couldn’t hear her over Angie’s obnoxious nemesis. Now completely fed up with me, my daughter grabbed my cheeks to turn my face to hers and scream, “MY VAGINA FEELS SPICY!!!” (I still don’t even know what that means.) And it worked. She had my full attention. I never broke eye contact with her until we left the store. Stupid Angelina Jolie.

My son --- His story can really best be appreciated by clicking this link … http://olddognewtits.com/2012/04/24/the-day-things-got-hairy-at-disney-world/. It's my top-viewed blog post of all time.

What always makes you laugh?

Well, yes. Of COURSE, my kids make me laugh. Every day. Usually when they’re not looking. But there are others out there who also test the limits of my bladder on a regular basis. Among them are Ellen DeGeneres, Jim Gaffigan, Mitch Hedberg, Mike Birbiglia and the entire cast of Arrested Development.

And then there are the unsung heroes ... like the brilliantly witty people in my family and my delightfully screwball friends who like to get silly with me.

Seriously, do YOU have someone in YOUR life who is willing to beat the crap out of you dressed as a ketchup bottle? (Or so she thinks.) See it to believe it ... http://olddognewtits.com/2013/01/15/ketchup-with-us-10/

What's the funniest gift you've ever received?

Right after I published The Day Things Got Hairy at Disney World (http://olddognewtits.com/2012/04/24/the-day-things-got-hairy-at-disney-world/), my husband (Dave) ran into my friend (Mel at AccordingToMags.com) in the DC area. The story had just won a little contest and Mel wanted to send me a congratulatory gift through him. What was it? Duh, a lady razor and some shaving cream. Which got his carry-on pulled at airport security. He almost missed his flight. All in the name of good hygiene.