What's the funniest thing your child has ever done or said?
My 5 year old daughter was sure my husband was having an affair:
Adolpha: Mommy, where's Daddy?
Me: He's at work.
Adolpha: How do you know he's at work?
Me: What do you mean?
Adolpha: I mean how do you know? Maybe he tells us he's at work and really he's meeting a girlfriend. [Whoa. Where is that coming from - you're 5!? Actually, I have an idea. A close family member has been going through a divorce this year and it's been weighing heavily on my kids and worrying them that we might meet the same fate.]
Me: No, I trust Daddy. Daddy doesn't have a girlfriend. He has me. [But, of course, now I start wondering. Does Adolpha know something I don't?? Has she picked up on something the Hubs let slip?] Hey Adolpha...has Daddy ever mentioned a girlfriend before?
Adolpha: No. [Maybe she's seen something.]
Me: Has Daddy ever introduced you to a lady when I wasn't around?
Me: OK, [phew] see? Daddy doesn't have a girlfriend. If he did we'd see him with someone we don't know or he'd talk about her sometimes.
Adolpha: I think he's with Miss Marlene [a close friend of mine].
Me: What??! [I'll kill him!] How do you know? Why do you think that?
Adolpha: 'Cause, she's your prettiest friend. She's a little prettier than you. He would want a pretty girlfriend. Y'know, one prettier than you. [Gee, thanks, kid.]
A couple hours later, the Hubs got home and I "casually" mentioned the conversation I'd had with Adolpha: "Adolpha thinks you're a cheating bastard. Are you cheating on me, you jerk? Do you think Marlene is prettier than me?"
He laughed and called me crazy.
I laughed and then demanded to see his cell phone records. After he handed over his phone so I could check all his incoming and outgoing calls, emails, and text messages we went to put Adolpha to bed and have a talk with her.
Hubs: Why would you say I have a girlfriend?
Adolpha: Because Mommy doesn't love you as much as you love her. She only loves you this much. [Pinches her fingers.]
Hubs laughs and nods.
Me: Adolpha! Why would you say that? That's not true at all. [At least I don't think it is. True, there are some days that I love him less, but not every day.]
Adolpha: Yes it is. Girls always break boys' hearts because they don't love them as much as boys love them. It's OK that Daddy loves you more, but...he might get a girlfriend 'cause you don't love him enough.
Hubs (chuckling): Goodnight, my smart girl.
And so there you have it: Love advice from Adolpha. She's basically told me my friends are too pretty and I'd better step up my game a bit and convince the Hubs I love him more or else he just might get a girlfriend.