Snowflake Special

http://www.snowflakespecial.com

A domestic violence survivor's journey through life, motherhood, ministry & business. Now a dv advocate & community trainer. Readers find encouragement, challenge, wisdom & inspiration.

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How does blogging help you deal with challenges?

Blogging has been an outlet for me in a lot of ways:
• It has allowed me to be a voice for my fellow survivors of domestic violence.
• I’ve been able to encourage others, which encourages me.
• I get to share my passions of interior decorating, being a mom and learning.

Being able to share these things helps me deal with my own challenges of being a working single-mom of a toddler, starting a ministry, advocating for the hurting and just living life!

What's a book or song that has inspired you?

Naming one book and song that have inspired me is going to be a tough one as there really are quite a few of them! But...

Book: Andy Andrews is the most recent author to inspire me and challenge the way I look at my life. His books “The Traveler’s Gift” & “The Final Summit” are just two of his books, both of which are fantastic!

Song: Mandisa’s album “What If We Were Real?” is beyond amazing. Every song has a very powerful message. The two songs that speak to my heart the most are “Stronger” & “Just Cry.” I still cry when I hear them!

“Stronger”
Hey, heard you were up all night
Thinking about how your world ain't right
And you wonder if things will ever get better
And you're asking why is it always raining on you
When all you want is just a little good news
Instead of standing there stuck out in the weather

Oh, don't hang your head
It's gonna end
God's right there
Even if it's hard to see Him
I promise you that He still cares

When the waves are taking you under
Hold on just a little bit longer
He knows that this is gonna make you stronger, stronger
The pain ain't gonna last forever
And things can only get better
Believe me
This is gonna make you stronger
Gonna make you stronger, stronger, stronger
Believe me, this is gonna make you ...

Try and do the best you can
Hold on and let Him hold your hand
And go on and fall into the arms of Jesus
Oh, lift your head it's gonna end
God's right there
Even when you just can't feel Him
I promise you that He still cares

'Cause if He started this work in your life
He will be faithful to complete it
If only you believe it
He knows how much it hurts
And I'm sure that He's gonna help you get through this

When the waves are taking you under
Hold on just a little bit longer
He knows that this is gonna make you stronger, stronger
The pain ain't gonna last forever
In time it's gonna get better
Believe me
This is gonna make you stronger
=====
“Just Cry”
Why you gotta act so strong
Go ahead and take off your brave face.
Why you’re telling me nothing’s wrong
It’s obvious you’re not in a good place.
Who’s telling you to keep it all inside
And never let those feelings
get passed the corner of your eyes.

Chorus:
You don’t need to run, you don’t need to speak
Baby take some time let those prayers roll down your cheek
It may be tomorrow, you’ll be pass the sorrow
But tonight it’s alright, just cry.

Though you know your Sunday songs
A dozen verses by memory, yeah their good right
Life is hard and days get long
You got to know God can handle your honesty
So feel the things your feeling in your fears and doubts
Don’t stop the shame and sadness loneliness and anger
Let it out, let it out.

Chorus:
You don’t need to run, you don’t need to speak
Baby take some time let those prayers roll down your cheek
It may be tomorrow, you’ll be pass the sorrow
But tonight it’s alright, just cry.

Doesn’t mean you don’t trust him,
it doesn’t mean you don’t believe
It doesn’t mean you don’t know
He’s redeeming everything.

After a particularly rough day, how do you raise your spirits?

Rough days come around now and then, sometimes more often than not. But, when rough days leave me ragged, I find solace in several things:

3) Uplifting music. Music speaks to me in ways that most other things can't. Music truly does span cultures, languages and backgrounds. Particular songs take me back to memories connected with them. The diversity of music is one thing that I love about it. I find music encourages me when my want-to has gone, gives me energy or soothes my weariness. Whether peppy prose or soft serenity, any ditty makes my day!

2) Essential oils. I've recently been introduced to a particular brand of essential oils that are certified therapeutic grade. I've struggled with health problems all of my life, including lack of energy and insomnia. I’ve tried EVERYthing and nothing has ever really seemed to help. But I have been pleasantly surprised that this particular brand of essential oils really does help me to relax and rest after a stressful or difficult day.

1) Relax to something I love. Above and beyond being with people that I enjoy, I enjoy relaxing after a long day with a hobby. My hobby-drug of choice is interior decorating. It is so nice to light a few candles, turn on some Michael Buble, sip some wine and flip through page after page of my favorite decorating magazine or book.

When my spirits are low, I find a little me-time does the trick, no matter how long. As a mom, I can always use a few moments to recharge my batteries so that I can be the very best mommy and human possible!

1 Answer

How can I handle being a Single Mom?

Marissa Greentree

I'm also a single mom. My son is 3. As single moms, we exert energy and emotions in large quantities day in and day out. We're always giving and are seemingly forever emotionally spent, which is completely normal! I recently posted this in reply to another board but it fits well here: Something that has helped me a lot is to try to live each and every moment in the moment. I do what I can to shed the past, allow the future to take a back burner and give myself a chance to just "be"...right now. It removes a huge weight of stress and anxiety. It helps me to remember who I am: a strong, confident, smart, powerful force in the life of my child and others. If I can live moment by moment, I am better able to give my son what he needs when he needs it. It also helps when I take time for myself to recharge. (Now, I’m not saying that you forget/stuff the past and not plan for the future. Not at all. But you expend your energy in the here-and-now and not in the past or the future. Let your focus be on the immediate.) Know that you are not alone! Find women and fellow single moms with which to connect (both virtual and real) and from whom to draw strength and encouragement. Knowing you’re not alone is one of the best defenses you can possess. Find those moms you can cry with, vent to, consult and laugh with. It readies you for the future so you can live for today. On the practical side, with my son being an only child, he craves my attention constantly so I do my very best to meet those needs as I'm able. We make and eat dinner together, chat about our days, play games in the livingroom (or let him run outside) and have creative times. Bedtime is actually pretty relaxing for both of us at our house: Our routine includes his bath time, calming essential oils on his feet (it's his "tickle feet spa" time), story time, sometimes a few songs, hugs/kisses and a sound machine playing rain....all done with low lighting (xmas lights are the best so far), which seems to help him and I both begin to prepare for bed. By the time he's in bed, I'm ready to relax myself. Being a single mom is far from easy but, as others have said, it is most rewarding to watch your children grow, learn, develop personalities and become adults themselves. Be encouraged!
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3 Answer

How do you react when you child pushes your buttons?

Marissa Greentree

Three words: mommy time out. :O) I'm a single mom of a 3yo boy. The terrible twos didn't end with two. My son has many good days but, being a single mom, mommy's buttons can be easily pushed. I've found that what typically works for my son also works for me. Sometimes I just need my own time out. When I feel my son is pushing me closer to the edge of a precipice, I go to my room, close the door and lock it...even if it's just for 30 seconds. I take several slow deep breaths and try to relax. A cold washcloth to the face/neck seems to help. A few drops of lavender and peppermint essential oils help to balance out my emotions. One thing that kids do so well is turn off emotions when they are done with a fit or get what they want. You know, those moments where they were screaming one minute and giddy the next? I don't know about you but it takes me quite a bit longer to lower my blood pressure, regain composure and become chatty again. Not so with kids. So, I do whatever I can to pace myself during moments of button-pushing. When I control my frustration, I'm less likely to take it out on my son. When I get time outs, I'm less likely to snap. When I take a moment to walk away and re-group, I can return to the situation with fresh perspective. And, chances are, during that mommy time out, my son has calmed down and forgotten all about my buttons!
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0 Answer

What's the best way to make your toddler behave?

Marissa Greentree

Are toddlers supposed to "behave?" lol A few things that seem to work with my 3yo son (in the midst of single parenthood, speech/developmental delays for my son, - I know my son. My son is highly social. He craves attention, specifically mine. He doesn't really care what kind of attention he gets so long as he gets it. So, I do whatever I can to give him appropriate attention. What I mean by that is, I recognize and praise him for the things that deserve positive attention. As much as is safe, I ignore or disregard negative behaviors to a point. (If the negative behavior is something that is putting him in danger or is getting out of hand, I will address it.) For me, the things I ignore are things like saying "mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy" over and over again, throwing things on the floor for the purpose of getting my attention, etc. (When he stops, I praise him.) - Have a routine. My toddler begs for routine. When he misses a nap, he gets cranky. When he stays up too late at night, the next day he’s a bear. It’s my job as a parent to make sure that his needs are met and one of those needs (at least for my child) is proper rest and routine. If he knows what to expect on a normal day, he begins to look forward to it. On the same side of the coin, if he’s eating well, drinking fluids and getting plenty of fresh air throughout the day, he’s usually much better behaved. (Note: this isn’t to say that breaks from routine shouldn’t happen. Special outings, fieldtrips or lake picnics are great! But that regular schedule is really important to maintaining a happy, well-behaved toddler. Boredom can be a fierce enemy! - Spend quality time. Because my son craves my attention, I want to be sure to give it to him. I am intentional about those times that we spend together. They don't have to be "teaching" moments like making him answer a ton of questions: "what color is that?" "how many do you see?" "what are they doing in the picture?" " what letter is that?" Rather, we take time to just enjoy each other's company: coloring, putting together a puzzle, playing with his trains, digging in the dirt, playing with playdough - all the while praising his good behavior with lots of "YAY!" and hand-clapping. :O) (I have noticed a drastic difference in the number of tantrums during the day if I will just spend 5-10 minutes a day with him in this way!) - My son responds well to rewards: if he wants dessert, he has to eat some meat; if he wants to go outside and play, he has to pick up his toys; etc. Again, this is where knowing what makes your child tick and what motivates them is very helpful. Meeting them where they’re at is key (in other words, if they are social then, more than likely, a solitary time out would work better than a swat on the butt or taking away a privilege). Life does have consequences and I am a firm believer that kids should learn this while they are young. - Respond to bad behavior without emotion. This is probably the hardest part for me. When my toddler pushes my buttons, he knows what he's doing. That kid is like a trained professional! When my response is one of heated frustration, my toddler responds in kind. But when I respond with a firm but calm answer, he usually remains calm. Many, many times, his behavior reflects my own. Therefore... - Behave by example. By far, the very best thing that I can do is be an example to my son in all things, even when I think he isn't looking. He's watching me, copying me (especially as a toddler), learning from my and modeling my reactions and behaviors. I can teach him more by showing him than by trying to "reason" with him. Toddler-hood is really a remarkable stage, if we can get beyond the temper tantrums, fits, disobedience and boundary-pushing. They are learning new things every single day! They are developing their little personalities (or, as with my son, giant personalities), gaining independence, growing up. All of these things above translate to a toddler as love…and that’s really all they want!
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8 Answer

How can you get over a runny nose faster?

Marissa Greentree

My 3yo has been sick most of his life with constant ear infections, pink eye, respiratory infections, sinus problems, acid reflux, cleft palate, etc. He would go to day care and, within a couple of days, I would have to take him to the doctor for pink eye or some other kind of icky green runny nose. It would eventually turn into a fully blown something like the flu or infection that would keep him out of school. Being a single mom, I had actually lost jobs because my son had been sick and there was no one else to care for him...this was a really big deal! Very recently, I was introduced to doTERRA essential oils. I wouldn't have believed they worked if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes. They have an essential oil blend called "OnGuard," which is basically an all-natural antibiotic that clears the body of toxins without killing off good bacteria necessary for health. For the last couple months, I have rubbed some on the bottom of his feet before bed. (It travels through his body so quickly that, as soon as I put it on his feet, I can smell it on his breath!) He's not had so much as a runny nose in the last two months (and our weather has been 85 one day and 40 the next! (I've been using on myself with the same results: no sickness...not even a runny nose or sinus problems!)
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0 Answer

What is the best lesson you've learned from another mom?

Marissa Greentree

I was really stressing out about potty training my son. He was getting to the age that he "should" have been catching on and I felt like he just wasn't. A fellow mom (of 7 grown boys) said to me, "Have you ever seen an adult man get married in a diaper? In the same token, have you ever seen a Kindergartener or 1st Grader go to school in a diaper?" She also encouraged me to spend the time and energy I was using to worry and spend it intentionally investing in special time with my son.
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