Anyone else having issues with other moms who are quick to criticize your parenting?

Mandy - posted on 08/26/2010

Unfortunately all mums seem to come in for criticism no matter what they do or whatever their age. Everyone has opinion on child-rearing, even people that have never had children.
Sounds like you are doing a great job and are a wonderful mummy.
I've come in for stick because on forums I don't come down clearly in either side. I breastfeed but I don't co-sleep (I did a little with my youngest but didn't get any sleep, but at least he wasn't screaming) because my husband has medical conditions. I think people didn't like the idea that they couldn't pigeon hole me.
I always find killing nasty or critical people with kindness puts them on the wrong foot, smiling politely then saying "oh it's great isn't, exactly why I do it". I also like saying about the WHO guidelines, shuts most people up. Another good fact for people that criticise you co-sleeping is to mention that in Japan of parents sleep with their children and there is no word for cot death or SIDS because it is so rare.
Keep doing what you're doing if you and you're lo are happy.

Kimberly - posted on 08/25/2010

I am going through the EXACT same thing!!! I am 20 years old and am going through the same thing. First everyone is shocked to hear that I have been married for well over a year. Second every time I take my daughter to the doctor, the pediatrician ask me, "So, are you still breastfeeding or have you given up yet.!" When I tell him that I am still breastfeeding me, he looks shocked! The nurses ask me what formula the baby is on every time we go to the doctor. My family is quick to lecture I should be breastfeeding but when we go out in public, they say I should bring a bottle. I just don't understand it
I too cosleep with my baby. We started that when she was about a month old. We almost had a run in with PPD. It was awful. We both get more sleep now than before when she was in her own bed. I love breastfeeding and cannot imagine giving her formula again. (I say again because I developed posteclampsia after I had her and was given a medication that made my supply almost noexistant. I ended up having to supplement for 2 weeks and pump around the clock every 2 hours to get my supply back.)

It is great knowing I am not the only one going through this.

Emily - posted on 08/25/2010

"I don't even try and argue or defend my choices anymore, it just takes too much precious energy, I just nod, pretend to agree and do what I want anyway :-)"
LOL-I love this comment! That is exactly what I have learned to do with my MIL:)

Nicole - posted on 08/25/2010

Just because you are young does not mean that you dont know what your doing. Breastfeeding is very healthy and better for your child I wouldnt let anyone tell you different. There aree a lot of mommies that can not breast feed to to lactation issues and would love to be able to give there child that nutrition so dont let anyone tell you other wise!

Danielle - posted on 08/25/2010

It doesn't matter if you are a first time mom or like me on your fourth. Everyone has an opinion and feels that you need to hear it regardless. I have found that the best way is to just smile and say thank you. And if they keep going on then just tell them you are mom and will do what you think is best for your child. I breast fed all four anywhere from four months to my oldest was 10 1/2 months. It is your decision and no one elses. We also kept our babies in bed till about 6 weeks old and then moved them to a bassinet in the room and my last is in the crib still in our room. It makes nursing much easier and both my husband and I sleep better for it.

Shannon - posted on 08/25/2010

I am a 32 year old first time Mom....and by the time my son was 3 months old, I'd had my fill of other Mothers judging and assuming. Because I was such a care-free, spontanious and perhaps a bit flighty person in my 20's, MANY of the people in my life assumed from the get go that I wouldn't do anything properly. I've had the "this is why you should breastfeed" lectures from people who haven't bothered to ask me if I am, in fact, BF! I have also had people looking down their nose at me when they find out that I co-sleep with my son as well - like you, I would never have slept the first 3 months if I didn't co-sleep! And I ENJOY co-sleeping with my son for a variety of reasons.

I have found that simply smiling at those Mothers who think I'm an idiot does the trick. I know a ton of Mothers who do things I would never dream of doing as a mother but I wouldn't ever give my opinion about it. I know now that every Mother and child has their own way of doing things - and if you're comfortable with the way things are working for you two, to heck with what the other Mothers say! (Besides, sometimes the advice is just ridiculous! I had one older lady tell me that if he wouldn't sleep, just give him tylenol!! He wasn't even sick!)

It's in our very nature to give advice and helpful tips. Try to remember that they mean well but that you don't have to listen to a darned thing they say! ; )

Nicole - posted on 08/24/2010

When my son was a baby Hurricane Juan hit, we had no power for 9 days. I was breastfeeding my son, my sister in law was sterilizing bottles on her BBQ. I find breastfeeding very freeing and very convenient. Keep it up. Co sleeping is good for the baby as long as your mattress is hard like a futon and you don't have a bunch of pillows and heavy blankets that could fall on or overheat the baby. I've had two babies who breastfed and co-slept and I wouldn't have done it any other way.

Dorothy - posted on 08/24/2010

as a mom of 5 and 1 on the way I have heard so much it is not funny oh and my first was born when I was only 16 with my 5th I was actually able to breastfeed him untill his first b-day one person asked me why she was all snotty about formula is just as good I just gave her a stupid look and told her no it isn't I can not beleive there are people out there that still beleive that I mean I am nocking people that choose formula but to actually think that it is just as good...........seriously I have lots of stories but that is the one that popped in my head at the time.

Mary - posted on 08/24/2010

I relate a lot too, but my sitution is almost the complete opposite. I am 18 years old and my son is 10 months old. I am a very protective mother and I do not let my baby stick anything in his mouth that can be harmful to him or even threaten his life.... I say this because this is the story:

My boyfriend, my son, and I were visiting my boyfriend's dad and step mom, we were outside and I let my baby down on the ground but I follow him everywhere he goes and I play with him so I know what he is messing with. Anyways, my baby picked up a piece of foam insulation and was going to put it in his mouth, I told him no and took it away. My boyfriend's step mom got very angry and said, "You know that babys feel with their mouths and by not letting him stick things in his mouth, he will be too steril and be sick his whole life." This made me very angry because I do let my child play with anything he wants to as long as I would also stick it in my mouth. Then a couple days after this incident, we came back for another visit and my boyfriend's dad's daughter (3 yrs old) threw a metal wrench at my 10 month old. Both my boyfriend and I scolded her and I said, "If you throw this wrench at Ruger (my baby) again, and it hits him, I will spank you." The step mom blew up at me and said that I can never yell at her daughter and threaten to spank her. I am still breastfeeding my baby and my boyfriend's step mom insists everyday that I should stop boob feeding him because he is too big. AND!! she constantly tries to give my baby POP! Seriously! I do not drink pop for a couple reasons and one of them is because I am nursing a baby! I always tell her NO POP but shes constantly trying to give him some.



Now, my boyfriend's family and me are in a little feud over nothing really. I will have no one throwing something that can hurt my child. And, it's not like I spanked her, I just warned her that she will get a spankin if she does it again (this was not the first time she threw stuff at Ruger). I don't know what to do because they try to tell me how to raise my child, but I can't stop their daughter from throwing things at my child.

Shelley - posted on 08/24/2010

I am happy to hear that you have gone this long with breastfeeding. I needed coaching everyday for the first 3 mths to breastfeed because I was feeling depressed and my daughter wanted to nurse every half hour. It seemed torturous.

She's 7mths now and I'm still breastfeeding. I co-sleep too but I don't tell anyone because I hate hearing people throw advice at me and tell me what I'm doing wrong. I also have a bad habit of reacting with offensive words if I feel attacked. I lost my best friend that way because she kept telling me i need to stop co-sleeping.

I'm 30 years old and my mother co-slept with all of her kids up to 3 yrs old because she had to. She couldn't afford to get cribs for us. But we survived.

It's good to just smile and nod. I do that most of the time. Alot of people commented about my choice to breastfeed and said it's too time-consuming and it really doesn't make a difference. Alot of people are biting their tongue now when they see how healthy-looking my daughter is. She's chunky, doesn't get sick, and I ride public transportation with her at least 3 times a day, exposed to all kinds of unknown germs and diseases.

Yeah, I am not sure if age makes a difference though. I am 30 and feel like I'm wearing a sign that says "SUGGESTION BOX".

Aicha - posted on 08/24/2010

trust your instincts! You know what's best for you and your baby ignore the other mothers and look into finding a new doctor your doctor should be supportive of you not criticizing you . Co-sleeping and breastfeeding are the best way to have a healthy baby keep up the good work

Dana - posted on 08/23/2010

I'm not a young mum, I'm 30 and I also cop it. One thing I've learned since becoming a mother is that once you're a parent, you can't win, you'll never please everyone. Sometimes it seems like my life is being run by everyone else, even down to people telling me when I should be having another baby, that my son should wear shoes or not wear shoes, that he should not have a dummy or that I shouldn't take the dummy off him.
In the end it's no-one else's business how we parent our children, we all do what we feel is best for them and what works, because we love them more than we thought it was possible to love anyone and if we need advice we will ask for it.
I don't even try and argue or defend my choices anymore, it just takes too much precious energy, I just nod, pretend to agree and do what I want anyway :-)

Amanda - posted on 08/23/2010

i've never gotten grief from outside people (by outside i mean not in my home). however i've been getting shat on by my fiance alot lately over how i raised my older two kids (i admit i made mistakes but i'm working to correct that now, and they are good kids, just inherently lazy i'm afraid) and he's constantly predicting my ruination of the 2 children we have together (ages 2 and 8 days). i want to smack him sooooo badly.

Amanda - posted on 08/23/2010

Its not just young mom's hunny. I am 31 and I am criticized constantly my baby boy is also 4 months old and getting grief about not starting on solid foods, co sleeping, and using cloth diapers.... Just ignore it and stand your ground.

Dora - posted on 08/23/2010

Try not to listen to others. First of all we all make mistakes as mothers and your right that is the only way we will learn. Making mistakes and learning from them I believe make us better moms. Just don't let those negative people bring you down. I dealt with people like that and told them exactly what was on mind. My son is now 2yrs old and people make comments towards me because I feed my son organic foods as much as possible, I read to him every night, and I don't allow him to listen to music on the ready. He is only allowed to listen to Sesame Street CD, The Laurie Berkner Band and Yo Gabba Gabba. He is also only allowed to watch Noggin/Nick Jr., Sesame Street, Thomas and Bob the Builder. i just think he is way to young to be exposed to negativity. He will have the rest of his life to deal with negativity. As a child and want him to only be exposed to the positives in life. My belief is that children need to be happy and as his mother it is my job to provide the very best all around.

Emily - posted on 08/23/2010

I've had a lot of judgement too... and I'm not really a young mom. I think there is criticism everywhere, which is unfortunate. I do try to defend my parenting choices with facts and research, but sometimes it's easier to just nod and ignore people. At the end of the day, you are the mom and it's your decision how you raise your child.

Sammie - posted on 08/23/2010

You can never please everyone, so dont worry about anyone but you and your child/children. Sounds like you are doing an excellent job at being a new mommy. A lot of the things you mention that you do, i so agree with. My children all coslept, and were breastfed until they chose to be done. I say just let what people tell you go in one ear and out the other. You know whats best for your child. And you can tell all the ones who cant believe you are still nursing a 4.5 month old baby, that the WHO (World Health Org.) Recommend nursing until at least 2yrs, see the shock on their faces then.
Keep up the good work and know that you are doing the best thing for YOUR child.

Angie - posted on 08/23/2010

Yea, some of the people in this support group are quick to criticize. But I'm lucky enough to have a very supportive family and group of friends at home who are always supportive of my parenting skills and turn to me on occasion to give them advice. I also co-slept with my son (and both daughters) until he was about 10 months old and started crawling around the bed instead of sleeping. I got more sleep those first few months than lots of other moms did because he slept so much, plus it makes it much easier to nurse the baby when your sleeping with him. I found breastfeeding is more convienient than formula feeding. I've never had to get up in the middle of the night to make a bottle and I can go right back to sleep as soon as he's latched on. Don't let the breastfeeding advocates batter you on assumptions. Only you know what's best for your baby and what works and what doesn't. Every baby is different, so take his cues and let him lead the way. There are a lot of people who will try to tell you to do things a certain way, on both sides of the breasfeeding/ co-sleeping fence. In the end, trust your intuition, it's the best tool you've got.

Corinne - posted on 08/23/2010

I'm a 30yr old Mum of 2 (aged 4yrs and 2yrs) and I still have people (M.I.L and family) telling me I'm not doing it right. I do all the "right" things, I breastfed, I used cloth nappies, no dummies, routines, no T.V, reward charts etc..... If they get too involved , I step up and remind them that they are my children and it is my place to make those decisions, not theirs, if they don't like it, they are free to leave. It didn't go down well the first few times, but now they know I won't change to suit them. Stick to your guns honey. You sound like a smart young lady, who's doing a terrific job. You should be proud of yourself. x

Kirsten Veronica - posted on 08/23/2010

I'm not a young mom, but I am a first time mom and I can completely relate to your frustrations.

First of all, GOOD JOB MOMMA! Good for you for figuring out how to treat and prevent your PPD! Good for you for nurturing and nourishing your son! Good for you for knowing that the "advice" you are getting is hurtful and being strong enough to do what you feel is right. Good for you for taking care of yourself!

I had a mom I really love tell me I was going to kill my daughter by co-sleeping. Well, a year later she is doing great and we still sleep together every night, and some nap times. And by the way, I have no intention of moving her to another bed for at least two more YEARS. I did some research on safe co-sleeping, and did what I could. I don't smoke, do drugs, have apnea or am morbidly obese. I did use blankets and a pillow under my head, but I always tucked the blankets under her arms to keep them off her head. Had I not slept with her, neither of us would have ever slept. Plus I always know when she is having a growth spurt or teething issues because her night breastfeeding increases dramatically.

I say breastfeed in front of all the people, all the time. ;) Get comfortable breastfeeding in public and show them that you are doing great. Plus, if you breastfeed "out in the world" you can set a wonderful and supportive example for other young (and older) mother's out there who really need to know that it is perfectly normal to breastfeed.

Good luck Katie. You're doing a great job.

Ashleigh - posted on 08/23/2010

I was barely 18 when I had my first son.I EBF and co-slept.Nobody thought Id be a good mom.My Dr offered me fomula quite often because it would'free me up' to do things.My son never had a drop of formula and NEVER had a bottle.i had him with me 24/7.People fianally did realize that I knkew what i was doing as a mom.It helped that i had a great husband who was also a great dad.We have 4 boys now and I've EBF and co-slept with all of them.None of them have ever had a bottle.
You sound like a wonderful mom.you're doing what you need to do and what you know is best for your baby.that is all that matters.dont worry about what everyone else thinks.You just keep up the good work.nurse your baby because you need and want to.people are always going to assume the worst of young parents.Some of us...a lot of us do it right.You are doing and amazing job.

Rachael - posted on 08/23/2010

I feel the same as you, I am 20 and have a three and a half month old son. I am breastfeeding but I found it difficult to start with so I had to stay in hospital overnight so that the midwives could help me to get him to latch on. I had an awful night and was told to put my baby in bed with me. Since then, I have never been able to get him to sleep in his crib and as a result we have been co-sleeping since he was about four days old.
My sister in law is a mum of four and disapproves of this saying that I will end up smothering my baby and that I am putting him at a greater risk of cot death. I know I am probably just taking the easy way out because I get more sleep this way but if I don't get any sleep at night I struggle through the day.
I can also relate to people assuming that you're not breastfeeding. I had a midwife come round when I was halfway through the ironing and I had a jug of water on the table for the iron and she immediately started criticizing me for not breastfeeding.
I think you sound like an amazing mum and as long as you try your best then nobody can ask more of you. Keep up the good work!!

Julie - posted on 08/23/2010

I can relate to everything you just said. I am a young mom too and I have people always telling me what they think I should do with my son before they even ask if I already do it or not! "Mother knows best", is so true. You know what is best for you AND your baby so just follow your instincts. If you are happy and healthy, and your baby is happy and healthy then thats all that matters!