being pressured to stop

Mandy - posted on 04/20/2010 ( 170 moms have responded )

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my baby is 5 months old and even though i didn't want to my mother and grandmother made me "stop" breastfeeding about 2 months ago, but i've been secretly bf at night. well they recently found out and now they're calling me a pig and a sow and a lot of other derogatory names. idk what to do anymore, it makes me so mad, and then i have to put my daughter down cuz i don't want herr getting my upset vibes. i would love some feedback on this issue. Oh, and i already tried talking to them about the benefits for my daughter but they still continue on with the name calling and degrading.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Beck - posted on 04/20/2010

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I feel so sorry for you, that is terrible. I hope it improves for you, being a mum is hard enough without listening to that crap. PLUS you are doing SUCH AN AWESOME thing bfeeding her! Gosh, I can't believe them. Make them come on this forum and read all the benifites and mums who are trying EVREYTHING to keep feeding. My son is 13.5 mths old and still has 3 bfeeds a day and NO ONE could tell me to stop! I thought some of these may help...
http://ifbreastfeedingoffendsyou.blogspo...

copied and pasted icase linky dont work.

"Are you still nursing?"

"Of course not! My mom weaned me a long time ago. My baby is though!"

"Absolutely, isn't it wonderful?"

"Right now? No, he's over there playing."

"I was never a nurse."

"Yes, his doctor is so thrilled. So many moms give up due to pressures of rude friends and family."

"Everyone asks that, it must be because he's so incredibly healthy."

"Yes, he deserves only the very best. "

"Of course, I am glad you keep asking. It shows you want the best for him."

"It's her turn, you'll have to wait in line!"

"When are you planning on weaning?"

"I'm not. He'll wean me."

(pause) "Oh, you were talking to me? I thought you were asking him...he can't answer you yet."

"Maybe when she moves out. She can always come home for a snack, though."

"When are you planning on minding your own business?"

"He hasn't told me yet."

"I haven't asked him yet."

"I hope not for a while. We're both enjoying our time together."

"What, and get my PMS back? are you crazy?"

"I weaned a long time ago, when I was two I think."

"I don't know. He seems to still enjoy it and I enjoy those extra 500 calories I burn."

"Thanks for asking. Everyone seems to need an answer for that except for me and my child."

"When will you give him cow's milk?"

"Whenever he becomes a baby cow."

"When he starts thinking he's a calf."

"Whenever human milk stops being the best for human babies."

"Breastfeeding is gross!"

"So is changing diapers, yet people do it all the time."

"The reason women have breasts is to feed their young."

"Hello? Did you not realize that humans are mammals?"

"Seems to me that you have some issues you need to work out."

"Feeding my baby with whatever it is that they put in formula is gross to me."

"Watching people stuff their faces in restaurants is gross. Should that not be allowed?"

"Watching people eating crappy fast food is gross, and they do that in public all the time!"

"Why would you want to nurse when you can just get formula?"

"Gee, I don’t know. It must have something to do it with being free, always the right temperature, portable, what nature intended, and the best way I can nourish my baby."

"Have you checked out the price of formula lately?"

"Breastmilk is sterile and safe - the same cannot always be said for formula."

"Why give my baby something man made when I can give her what nature intended?"

"You should go feed her in the bathroom."

"Do YOU eat in the bathroom?"

"Why don't YOU go eat in a filthy bathroom?"

"If my breastfeeding offends you, I will be happy to ask your waiter to bring you your food in the restroom."

"How long are you going to do that? Shouldn’t you be feeding your baby solid food now? "

"I plan to follow medical recommendations: The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends exclusive breastfeeding for the first six months and continued breastfeeding at least through the end of the first year. The World Health Organization recommends breastfeeding for at least two years and beyond as long as mom and baby want to continue."

"Oh, until he goes off to college."

"Its just until I learn to cook!"

"Don’t you want your husband to be able to bond with the baby?"

"You’re right, holding the baby, talking to the baby, changing the baby, bathing the baby, and spending time just being with the baby sure won’t be enough for him to bond with the baby."

"He will bond the same way fathers have bonded for their babies in the thousands of years before formula was invented."

"You want to get up in the middle of the night to nurse?"

"You’re right: I don’t want to get up; that’s why my husband gets up and brings the baby to me."

"I’d rather nurse in my sleep than schlep to the kitchen and try to mix, heat up, and feed my baby formula in my sleep … because I sure do love sleeping."

"We co-sleep. I just roll over, give him the breast, and go back to snoozing!"

"There goes your sex life. "

"My husband would be really shocked to hear that … especially after we … well, I’d better not say any more."

"Are you speaking from experience?"

"How long are you going to keep nursing?"

"Oh, another 10 minutes or so..."

"Until I finish medical school to become a doctor!"

"Isn't he a little old for that?"

"Aren't you a little old to be wearing those jeans?"

"His doctor doesn't think so."

"What?! He's not even out of diapers!"

"Aren't you a little old to be randomly coming up to strangers and asking impolite questions?"

"He doesn't NEED to nurse at this age!"

"He doesn't need his teddy bear either and but we still give it to him."

(laugh) "Where did you hear that?"

"He can HEAR you, you know."

"And you don't NEED to eat that doughnut, but you still are."

"And you should be OVER the whole thing by now, are you still afraid of a breastfeeding child?"

Miscellaneous Responses

"If you are offended by me doing this, then you are looking too closely."

"Do you often look this closely at women's breasts?"

"It is illegal to harass a mother breastfeeding in public or to ask her to cover up. If you still have a problem feel free to call the police. You can explain to them why you are breaking the law."

And of course, you all know our favorite:

If breastfeeding offends you, put a blanket over YOUR head!

Rebecca - posted on 04/21/2010

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NUTRIENT BY NUTRIENT WHY BREAST IS BEST
MOTHER'S MILK: IDEAL NUTRITION FOR HUMAN BABIES
Milk is milk, right? Mammals make it (humans are mammals) and babies drink it. There's more to the story than that. Each species of mammal makes a unique kind of milk, which meets all the nutritional requirements of its offspring at the beginning of life. Each species' milk has specific qualities that insure the survival of the young in a particular environment. This principle is known as the biological specificity of milk. Mother seals, for example, make a high-fat milk because baby seals need lots of body fat to survive in cold water. Since brain development is crucial to the survival of humans, human milk provides nutrients for rapid brain growth.
No matter what animal it comes from, milk contains the basic nutritional elements of fats, proteins, carbohydrates, vitamins, and minerals. Let's look at each one of these nutrients in human milk, comparing them to the same nutrients in formula or cow milk, so you can further appreciate how your milk is custom-made to meet the needs of your baby.
Unique nutrition for unique humans. As hormones levels change in the days after birth, the mother's body starts to make more plentiful amounts of milk. Colostrum gradually changes into mature milk--the stuff babies have been thriving on for thousands of years. Milk's basic ingredients are fat, proteins, lactose, vitamins, minerals, and water. This is true of milk from all kinds of mammals. Yet, the proportions of these ingredients differ, as do the kinds of protein and fat. This is what makes each species' milk uniquely suited to its young. It's also why cow's milk and cow's milk-based formulas are not the ideal food for human infants.
HIGH QUALITY PROTEIN
Protein is a prime example of how human milk is unique nutrition for human babies. Human milk is low in protein, at least when compared with the milk of other species, especially cow's milk. This isn't a nutritional deficiency; there are good reasons for this. Human infants are designed to grow slowly. While it's important for humans to develop strong bodies, even more important is brain development and the learning of social skills. The experiences that shape the brain come from close contact between mother and baby when baby is held and carried. If human infants doubled their birthweight in less than 50 days the way baby calves do, and then continued growing, how could their mothers carry them and talk to them and keep them close? Baby cows need to learn where to find the best grass in the meadow; baby humans need to learn how to work with others so that everyone's needs get met.
Though the protein content of human milk is generally low, the types of amino acids that make up these proteins are important. One particular amino acid, taurine, is found in large amounts in human milk. Studies show that taurine has an important role in the development of the brain and the eyes. The body can't convert other kinds of amino acids into taurine, so its presence in human milk is significant--so significant that some formula manufacturers have begun adding it to artificial baby milks.
If you let milk stand out of the refrigerator and sour, you will see that milk proteins fall into two categories, curds and whey. (Remember Miss Muffet?) The curd portion, the casein proteins, are the white clots; the liquid is the whey. Cow's milk is mostly casein protein, which forms a rubbery, hard-to-digest curd in babies' tummies. Human milk has more whey than curd, and the curds that are formed are softer and more quickly digested. Breastfed babies get hungry sooner than babies who are formula-fed because human milk proteins are digested so efficiently. It doesn't take as much energy to digest human milk as it does to digest formula. Frequent feedings also ensure that human babies get lots of attention from their mothers.
SELF-DIGESTING FATS
There's another reason why babies digest human milk so quickly: the fat in human milk comes with an enzyme, lipase, that breaks the fat down into smaller globules so this important nutrient can be better absorbed into the bloodstream. Fat is a valuable source of energy for babies, so the presence of lipase makes the fat in human milk more available. This is one of the reasons human milk is so good for premature babies, who need lots of energy to grow but whose digestive systems are very immature.
A changing nutrient for changing needs. The fat content of human milk changes constantly. Typically, fat levels are low at the beginning of a feeding and high at the end. Babies nurse eagerly to get the low-fat, thirst-quenching foremilk, then slow down and linger over the high-fat dessert at the end of their meal. Babies who nurse again soon after the end of the last feeding get more high-fat milk, so babies who breastfeed more frequently during a growth spurt get more calories. Longer intervals between feedings bring down the fat content of the milk stored in the breast. This nutritional fact of human milk is one of the many reasons why the rigid 3 to 4 hour scheduled style of feeding is biologically incorrect.
Smarter fats. The special kind of fat in human milk is important to brain development. As newborn babies grow, the nerves are covered with a substance called myelin which helps the nerves transmit messages to other nerves throughout the brain and body. To develop high-quality myelin, the body needs certain types of fatty acids--linoleic and linolenic--which are found in large amounts in human milk. (See "Breastfeeding Builds Brighter Brains")
VITAMINS AND MINERALS
The vitamins and minerals listed on the formula can are no match for those in the milk made by mom, even if milligram by milligram comparisions suggest otherwise. When formula researchers want to know how much of a particular vitamin or mineral babies need each day, they look first at how much of that nutrient is present in human milk and how much milk a baby of a given age takes in a day. But just doing the math doesn't tell the whole story. More important than the amounts of nutrients in the milk is the amount that is available for the infant to use, a nutrient principle called bioavailability. The bioavailability of a nutrient is influenced by many factors, including its chemical form and the presence of other substances.
The three important minerals calcium, phosphorus, and iron are present in breastmilk at lower levels than in formula, but in breastmilk these minerals are present in forms that have high bioavailability. For example, 50 to 75 percent of the iron in breastmilk is absorbed by the baby. With formula, as little as four percent of the iron is absorbed into baby's bloodstream. To make up for the low bioavailability of factory-added vitamins and minerals, formula manufactures raise the concentrations. Sounds reasonable, right? If only half gets absorbed by the body, put twice as much into the can. Yet, this nutrient manipulation may have a metabolic price.
Baby's immature intestines are required to dispose of the excess. Meanwhile, the excess unabsorbed minerals (especially iron) can upset the "ecology of the gut," interfering with the growth of healthful bacteria and allowing harmful bacteria to flourish. This is another reason formula-fed infants have harder, more unpleasant smelling stools.
To enhance the bioavailability of nutrients, breastmilk contains facilitators - substances that enhance the absorption of other nutrients. For example, vitamin C in human milk increases the absorption of iron. Zinc absorption is also enhanced by other factors in human milk. In an interesting experiment, researchers added equal amounts of iron and zinc to samples of human milk, formula, and cow'd milk, and fed them to adult volunteers. More of the nutrients in the human-milk sample got into the bloodstream compared to the formula and cow's milk. In essence, breastmilk puts nutrients where they belong - in baby's blood, not in baby's bowels.
HORMONES AND ENZYMES
Every year medical journal articles describe more valuable substances discovered in human milk. Scientists are only beginning to write the story on other factors in human milk that may be important to baby's growth and development. For example, other enzymes besides lipase are available to aid infant digestion. Epidermal growth factor, present in human milk in significant amounts, may promote the development of tissues in the digestive tract and elsewhere. Other hormones in milk may influence a baby's metabolism, growth, and physiology. The effects may be subtle, but they may also have far-reaching implications. Being breastfed has advantages that reach into adulthood. Science is only beginning to learn what these benefits are.

Rebecca - posted on 04/21/2010

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BREASTFEEDING TID-BITS

ü No bottles or pacifiers for the first 4 weeks if can be avoided.
ü 8wks maternity leave if possible to get through 6th wk growth spurt.
ü Breast milk is a living organism (please don’t kill it in the microwave).
ü There are 15-25 milk duct openings in the nipple, they don’t all work simultaneously.
ü Bumps on areola are Montgomery glands; they Sucrets anti bacteria.
ü 165 fatty acids in breast milk… 2 in formulas.
ü Breastmilk can change colors (green, yellow, pink, blue…)
ü There are 85 calories in 4oz of breast milk and digests easily so baby will be hungry more frequently than a formula fed baby in the beginning.
ü Babies tummy is the size of a walnut so don’t worry about starving baby…
Babies have fat storage built up to live off of until your milk comes in at 3-5 days.
ü Baby is getting enough to eat if 6-8 wet diapers per day after milk comes in &/or baby gaining weight.
ü Tickle babies nose with nipple to open wide then latch lower mouth and up over nipple with areola in mouth about 1-2 inches (like eating a huge hamburger).
Baby to breast not breast to baby
Chest to chest and bare in the beginning if / when possible (i.e. sleeping)
ü Finish first breast (15-20 minutes) before offering 2nd breast and start with 2nd breast at next feeding to be sure both breasts are being emptied. This will ensure a good milk supply in both breasts and prevent baby from developing a preference.
ü Day 1 = 1 teaspoon per feeding
Day 2 = 1 tablespoon per feeding
Day 3 = 1 ounce (2TBSP) per feeding
Day 4+ = a few ounces per feeding
0-2 months 2-5 ounces per feeding
2-4 months 4-6 ounces per feeding
4-6 months 5-7 ounces per feeding

ü Mature milk is established in approximately 2 weeks.
ü First 5-10 minutes baby receives fore milk = thin & watery, like getting a drink
At 10-20 minutes baby receives hind milk = thicker, the meal
If you don’t breastfeed long enough the baby wont receive the hind milk, baby wont gain weight and will become ill so be sure you get at least 15 minutes of nursing in each time baby is at the breast.
ü Babies approximate weight gain= 4-7oz per week for the first month
1-2lbs per month @ 2-6 months
1lb per month @ 6-12 months
ü Babies approximate length growth= 1 inch per month for 1st 6 months
½ inch per month from 6-12 months.
ü Breastfeeding is NOT painful but may be tender at first. If you experience pain check your positioning and latch.
ü When using a pump (manual or electric) keep in mind that the amount you pump out is in no way comparable to what the baby can get out. The amount you can pump out depends on a) time of day b) stress level c) comfort d) type of pump.
ü You may want to continue taking your prenatal vitamins for as long as you are breastfeeding.
ü Remember: ANY breastfeeding is better than no breastfeeding.
ü Trust your instincts and ask questions when you need validation or answers!

Rebecca - posted on 04/21/2010

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BREASTFEEDING BENEFITS FROM TOP TO BOTTOM
Breastfeeding is good for every part of baby's body--from the brain to the diaper area. Here's a list:
· Brain. Higher IQ in breastfed children. Cholesterol and other types of fat in human milk support the growth of nerve tissue.
· Eyes. Visual acuity is higher in babies fed human milk.
· Ears. Breastfed babies get fewer ear infections.
· Mouth. Less need for orthodontics in children breastfed more than a year. Improved muscle development of face from suckling at the breast. Subtle changes in the taste of human milk prepare babies to accept a variety of solid foods.
· Throat. Children who are breastfed are less likely to require tonsillectomies.
· Respiratory system. Evidence shows that breastfed babies have fewer and less severe upper respiratory infections, less wheezing, less pneumonia and less influenza.
· Heart and circulatory system. Evidence suggests that breastfed children may have lower cholesterol as adults. Heart rates are lower in breastfed infants.
· Digestive system. Less diarrhea, fewer gastrointestinal infections in babies who are breastfeeding. Six months or more of exclusive breastfeeding reduces risk of food allergies. Also, less risk of Crohn's disease and ulcerative colitis in adulthood.
· Immune system. Breastfed babies respond better to vaccinations. Human milk helps to mature baby's own immune system. Breastfeeding decreases the risk of childhood cancer.
· Endocrine system. Reduced rish of getting diabetes.
· Kidneys. With less salt and less protein, human milk is easier on a baby's kidneys.
· Appendix. Children with acute appendicitis are less likely to have been breastfed.
· Urinary tract. Fewer infections in breastfed infants.
· Joints and muscles. Juvenile rheumatoid arthritis is less common in children who were breastfed.
· Skin. Less allergic eczema in breastfed infants.
· Growth. Breastfed babies are leaner at one year of age and less likely to be obese later in life.
· Bowels. Less constipation. Stools of breastfed babies have a less-offensive odor.

[deleted account]

Please don't listen to them. You are doing the best thing for you and your child. From a practical perspective, you'll save a LOT of money by doing that, from not spending it on formula to having a child who gets sick less often, has less allergies, and is probably happier. You are also doing what the entire medical community recommends.

Your mother and grandmother grew up in a different era when there was not the same level of knowledge and wisdom about breastfeeding. They were taught it was not a good thing.

On a sassy note, you could always remind your grandmother that *she* was breastfed. They didn't have formula then. When my Mom nursed me, and my grandmother complained, that was my great-grandmother's response. "It was good enough for you!"

You know, perhaps all the name calling is because they really feel badly about not having breastfed their baby and done, what they now know, they should have. If you don't do it, they don't have to be reminded of their history. People often get mean when they are feeling defensive. If you think that could be it, remember that it is something *they* are going through, not really about you.

Much love and support to you. You are following your instincts and doing the best for your baby. That's what you need to be doing. Be her mom. Put her first. Do what is best for her. Mom's can accomplish amazing things if it's for the sake of the baby.

This conversation has been closed to further comments

170 Comments

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Kelly - posted on 04/28/2010

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First of all good for you for still breastfeeding. you are hands down giving your child the absolute best you can give. Now about giving your baby your negative vibes. that's impossible. It's actually healthy for you to nurse her when you are upset because it will calm you both down. You are a working mom and you both need that reconnection time. Now as for the name calling, you can not control what others say to you but you can control what you do. and you do that this way, through education. I want you to go to www.llli.org and be empowered. this is the web site for La Leche League. there are lots of groups to go to for meetings where breastfeeding is not only encouraged but also embraced. Also breastfeeding, according to the American Academy of Pediatrics (your daughter's pediatrician can fill you in on this too) recommends that breastfeeding is recommended for the first year of life and then encouraged for any amount of time after as long as it is mutually wanted between mother and child. meaning that you are doing the best for your baby!!!! And if you have a problem with getting her breast milk during the day because you're working or whatever and you formula feed as well, just know in your heart that any breast milk you give your baby protects from so many illnesses, encourages a beautiful bond and reassurance for your daughter and you. It levels out your hormones to help you deal with the postpartum period which lasts for up to 2 years after giving birth. And from the stress you are getting from your mom and grandmother and the stress from your daughter's father, you owe it to your daughter to bond as much as you can.
I can't stress enough ho much you are doing a good thing. And if you educate yourself further about the benefits, you'll feel empowered and confident to tell whomever is bothering you that you are not a pig or a cow but a lactivist and a super mom.

Hey, feel free to send me a PM if you ever want to talk more. I'd be happy to help more if I can.

A - posted on 04/28/2010

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Wow! I think that's horrible of your mom and grandmother. Personally, if it were me, I would not continue a relationship with my mom or grandmother or let them see my daughter until they came to accept you for who you are, and that you're breastfeeding. I recommend you start breastfeeding full time again! YOU know its best for your baby- otherwise you never would have done it. You should be putting your DAUGHTER first, not your mom or grandmother. Its sad they don't agree with you, but they are WRONG. It IS whats best. YOU are the parent of your daughter- not them. You can't live your life letting them run the show- be your own person. Make your own decision.

Don't think twice about putting them out of your life if they can't accept breastfeeding. It will be better for you and your baby. You'll be less stressed, and you'll both be healthier. They are really horrible people for calling you that. Could you imagine your little daughter growing up and saying those things to HER? Of course not, because you LOVE your daughter. Your mom and grandmother are NOT showing you love right now.

But its really important you stand up for yourself and your daughter! Dont let them walk all over you. Be a good mommy, don't follow in their footsteps. BREAK the cycle! Good luck hon. I'll keep you in my prayers. Breastfeeding is what GOD wants.

Shelley - posted on 04/28/2010

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You are doing an awesome thing for your little one and don't let anyone tell you any different. You are giving her the best possible start in life...."BREAST IS BEST" It appears that your mother and your grandmother are very ignorant and I am very sorry that you have to live with that kind of ignorance. Ignore them as best you can and remember that what you do for your little one is out of love.....unlike your mother and grandmother. Best of luck to you and God bless:)

[deleted account]

IGNORE THEM. Absolutely ignore them. Tell them you've made your decision and you are done hearing about it. Then you can talk about other things. Don't get angry or upset, just explain you appreciate their "input" and have made your choice. End of story.
If you are calm, firm, and put your foot down now it will end unnecessary forcing of issues in the future as well and be beneficial for you all.
And you be proud of yourself! Breastfeeding isn't the easiest thing in the world. Doing whats best for our children never is.

Kristiana - posted on 04/28/2010

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I'd really love to go on a rant about the self-righteous right now, but I doubt that would help you in your current situation.



Instead, I'll just say that, IMHO, your mother and grandmother should mind their own business - not yours.



Your choices are for you and your family - you and your baby - not for them. Nurse your baby as long as you both want to, and don't stop because someone else has beliefs about nursing that don't match yours. The only wrong answer is the one that's imposed on you by anything other than outright medical necessity. And even then I'd get a second opinion.



Good luck. And I'm sorry.

Heather - posted on 04/28/2010

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peditricians recommend breastfeeding until at least 6 months of age. it is so much better for you and baby. show them the research or have them talk to your peditrician.

Ellen - posted on 04/28/2010

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girl you don't have to deal with that!!! there are shelters and other places you can go and they can get you a place to stay!! breastmilk is best!! to hell what your family says!!!

Jessica - posted on 04/28/2010

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Do what you want to do if they don't want to support you in your decision to breast feed your child tell them you don't need them in your life(and sorry but from the sound of it ya don't anyway) I breast fed my son until he was 14 months and it was hard sometimes but worth it and i was only doing it at night for the last month or so but hes been healthier for it and you need to do what feels right for you its your child and your choice not theirs

Christine - posted on 04/28/2010

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I wouldn't associate with them until they can act like grown ups, which I know sounds just as immature, but I can't think of any other way to resolve the issue, you shouldn't feel bad about doing what you believe is best for your baby. You are doing what is best for your child and there is nothing wrong with that. I bf my daughter until she was 1 and I dried up. I guess I think it is terrible that they think they have any right to tell you what to do with your child. I don't think you should feel bad or negative about bf your daughter. Do what you think is best, and tell them that you would appreciate it if they would keep their opinions to themselves.

Tara - posted on 04/28/2010

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I'm so sorry! How awful that they are being like that. You should nurse your baby as long as you can and want to! Maybe if you could bring your mother or grandmother with you to her next doctor's appointment, you could have her paediatrician explain to them how great breastfeeding is. Sometimes hearing stuff from a doctor is more convincing to some people.

Jessica - posted on 04/28/2010

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DO NOT let them stop you. This is your child and you do what you think is best. Their are many wonderful benefits. Maybe instead of telling them give them proof. If you need some back up find a La Leche League meeting near you. THey can support you and give you literature for your mean family.

Maggie - posted on 04/28/2010

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Well done for keeping up the night feeds and being so strong in the face of such adversity. You truly are a wonderful mother. Keep strong and stick to what you believe in.
I really hope things work out well for you and your baby.

Natasha - posted on 04/28/2010

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you should not be listening to them. breast feeding is mandatory for the first 6months, thereafter..it should be continued with extra top feeds and beginning of solids.you should breast feed for a min of 1 year, if not more.

Jenni - posted on 04/27/2010

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Stay strong and know that what you are doing is right and they are stuck in the wrong generation. There are so many benefits to long term feeding. Keep going...
I keep yopu in my thoughts

Heidi - posted on 04/27/2010

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That's horrible, just remember your mom and grandma are the abnormal ones for thinking BF is wrong. I admire that you still BF at night and encourage you to begin BF during the day if it's what you want. Maybe think of some snappy comebacks when they call you names, like, "you're the pig/sow for telling me it's wrong for me to BF my own daughter," or "back off, it's my baby not yours." I know it's hard to talk back to your own mother but keep in mind what is at stake - the health and wellbeing of your child.

Jennifer - posted on 04/27/2010

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Don't be pressured out of it. My daughter just turned a year and I started to slowly take her off at about 11 months, she doesn't have as many breastmilk snacks. A lot of moms that i know stopped breastfeeding between 12-18 months.

Jodi - posted on 04/27/2010

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Do not listen to them, as hard as it may be, ignore their remarks. Personally, unless you're yelling at them or engaging in a true fight, I wouldn't even take baby off the breast! I wouldn't say a word to them, just look at my child,knowing I was doing the right thing, if they touch you or the baby, call the cops...press charges, do what you ahve to do to be the best Mom you KNOW you can be! Don't let others put you down, don't let others make parenting decisions that you know aren't best for your child for you! As a mom, you need to stand up for what's best for your baby...not only is breast best...but do you want her raised in a home where she sees her mom...and probably herself one day, put down constantly by those around her? Not the message I would want for my daughter. Make your stand now mamacita! You can do it!!!! Best of luck!!!

Tarina - posted on 04/27/2010

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I believe, ignoring all the disparaging remarks made in this thread about them being evil or ignorant or whatever else that didnt really need to be said, that you have the choice to bf your baby or not. If they are going to physically restrain you from doing so, then it is a police matter... there are shelters if you end up really in a pickle, or im sure a friend would take you in should it come to that, but at this point I believe it is simply a power struggle with them. They dont see you as fit to raise the child, and are attempting to help you in the way they think is best... which obviously is not since you are unhappy. Be clear that while you appreciate their perspective, you are a grown woman, and will make your own decisions regarding your child, and they need to respect them, and to respect you. Be clear that if they want anything to do with you or your child in the future, they will step back into the roles they belong in and leave you to yours. You should not have to sneak around or lie or feel guilty for doing what your heart tells you is right for your baby. Remember even though it feels like you are stuck dealing with the way they treat you out of necessity, you are not. There are ALWAYS options, and do not let yourself or your child suffer for fear of being alone. Better alone with support than being surrounded without it. ♥ Good luck.

Erika - posted on 04/27/2010

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Hi mandy
sorry to hear about ur family but I think u should still feed ur baby no matter what they said . there would be some people in the world who will not like what u doin. but is the best for ur child . look im the only one in my family who's breastfeed and i never pay mind too it, but i no it not easy to hear . I THINK U SHOULD NOT TALK TO THEM FOR A LITTLE BIT . REMMENBER U ARE THE MOM OF UR CHILD NOT THEM .

Tara - posted on 04/27/2010

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I'm SO sorry you have to endure this kind of behavior, name calling. If it were me I wouldn't listen to them #1 its your baby your choice. It sounds like your living in high school all over again. Don't let the name calling and all the other harasment change your mind your baby is worth the fight. If they can't respect you enough to keep there mouths shut even if they don't agree they are not worth being around. Stick to your guns and show them your not going to let them make your desissions. I am breastfeeding my daughter now she is 5 months old this is the best and most important time in the childs life for breastfeeding. Dont give up because of them you are a strong women and you can take the hits for the benifit of your baby. NOT THAT I THINK YOU SHOULD HAVE TO.

Sarah - posted on 04/27/2010

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You go girl. You are a 21 yo single mum with a 5 month old and working AND sticking up for yourself and your baby in the face of enormous pressure. This makes you a strong and courageous woman and a wonderful mother.I think you already know motherhood is not all about milestones and cuddles but about sacrifice and strength. Keep it up. I think you are amazing.

Jennifer - posted on 04/27/2010

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I AM APPALLED AT YOUR MOTHER AND GRANDMOTHER'S BEHAVIOR, but not suprised. Usually when people feel the need to make other feel bad by putting them down and nasty name calling it is because they are miserable or uncomfortable, and in this case HIGHLY UNEDUCATED about someone or something. And mostly, NO ONE can MAKE you do anything! they had their chance to raise their children, now this is your time, and you should do what is best for YOUR CHILD! Chances are that you were not breastfed, which is why you are getting so much grief from your mom, but your grandmother? I do not understand their derogatory behavior other than they are 2 very jealous clucking hens about the special relationship you have with your sweet little baby girl. Now they are trying to assert the pecking order down to you! DON'T LET THEM GET AWAY WITH IT! THIS IS YOUR BABY, NOT THEIR'S! YOU DO WHAT IT RIGHT FOR YOU AND YOUR CHILD FOR AS LONG AS YOU WANT TO! Breastfeeding should be encouraged and I am ashamed of you family for their lack of support! If they continue this negativity around you and your daughter, you simply just do not need to be around them, and maybe should limit the time spent with them until they can control their behavior and keep their opinions to themselves and attitude in check...if your mother wants any quality time with her granddaughter, and grandmother with her great granddaughter, they should soon get the message. I am extremely sympathetic to your situation, I have nothing but love and support for you! You will have the most splendid, and secure relationship with your daughter should you decide to continue BF, and I most certainly think you should, I still BF my daughter and she will be 10mos on May 1st. YOu do what is right for you and your daughter, I can't stress that enough! Love, support and prayers

Annie - posted on 04/27/2010

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this post is so sad hun, my mother breastfed all of us 6 children untill we were all 8 months and i did the same with my daughter x do what u feel is right hun x

Angela - posted on 04/27/2010

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You should tell your mom and grandmother about the benifits of feeding this way. #1 is new studies have shown a 58% decrease in hereditary breast cancer. That means if your mom/grandma or other female in family had it, you have now lowered your rick by 58%. Second don't feel bad, it's hard to get them to stop and shouldn't be forced. I just went to feeding at night only, cause my daughter refuses to eat food if she could have a boob. This is not an easy time for us. So I can only imagine how it is for you. Take joy in this time, breastfeeding is not just a healthier choice for feeding but promotes bonding as well. And if you and the little one still want to feed this way, then you should. Your mom. and You know best. Be strong and if they insist on name calling tell them you won't come around. No one deserves to be called names, and shame on them, they are family. They should know better.

Beth - posted on 04/27/2010

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wow, you are doing what's best for YOUR CHILD. Don't listen to them it's better for both of you to breastfeed. You need to take care of your daughter and let them be. Your being a great mommy and your daughter will benefit from it.

Sarah - posted on 04/27/2010

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Honestly I'd tell them to kiss my a$$. It's your child and unless you are truly hurting the child, they have no right to step in. And if they keep it up, I'd tell them straight out that you think they are jealous of something about you doing all you can to do the best for your child. I bf till my son was almost 1. I would have gone longer but complications stopped us. Just hold your head up proud, cause what you are doing is great! I'm the kind of person though that if I were in your shoes, I'd bf in front of them as much as possible. They can't stop you! Let them trash talk. Just means you are better then them!!

Tamara - posted on 04/27/2010

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i was in the same doat with my oldest. hes 2 1/2 now, and had never know his father. its very hard, but with hard work and confidence, you can do it. that sucks that there is negativity around you. try your hardest to just ignore it. feel free to speak up tho and let them know that your childs diet is your choice. if you happen to get the boot as a result, there is subsidised housing. it will be a rough start, but once you get some help from the father, you will be just fine. best of luck

Mary - posted on 04/27/2010

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OMG!!! I would tell them where to stick it (and a probably other few choice words!) Sammie is right, these are EVIL people. My child was 4 months old when I went back to work so she had to be put on a bottle when mommy wasn't home but today she is 7 months old and she nursed last night. I think that it is YOUR CHIOCE and your BABY's CHOICE - the two of you decide when the time is right!!!. Besides, my Cheyenne usually doesn't get any milk from me because I've pretty much dried up BUT she needs the comfort provided by me and I just could never deny my baby the comfort she wants, especially during those long dark nights!!!!!!!!!!!

Erin - posted on 04/27/2010

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Um... I breastfed my daughter till she turned 1 year old! Don't even listen to what they have to say its YOUR child not theirs! If they knew what was best for baby they'd want you to continue to nurse!

Angela - posted on 04/27/2010

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OMG?! Are you serious?!

Please do yourself a favour and contact your nearest La Leche Legue and speak to someone there and then get you mum and grandmother to speak to someone because they seriously need some help! Or cone them into a group meeting and let the LLL ladies rip them to pieces!

OMG, still hard to believe your family would be so mean and uncaring and rude!!!

Pam - posted on 04/27/2010

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It's your baby! You can breastfeed for a year or more. I think 3 yrs. is long enough to bf. I think your mom and grandma are being realy mean to you. I wouldn't bother with them until your done bf and do it on your own time. You poor girl! Keep breastfeeding!

[deleted account]

Tell them that God made women with breast and the purpose of those breast is to feed babies. God is perfect and doesn't make mistakes. Breastfeeding is the best food for your baby because God intended it that way. Ask them to respect your decision and if they won't you will have to decide if you are strong enough to take what they are dishing out. You have to do what is best for your baby. YOU and only YOU control your actions. If they call you names, so what. Stick and stones. It is really unfortunate that it is your family. Hopefully they will realize that being abusive toward you is not the best way to parent or grandparent. Good luck and I hope you have the courage necessary to do what YOU feel is best for your sweet baby.

Namrata - posted on 04/26/2010

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I'm sorry to hear that ur very own are causing u so much pain and anxiety! but u know very well that the best thing for ur baby is for u to continue breast feeding her. I'm from India where there are so many myths and superstitions.....about everything. But breastfeeding has never been attacked. My daughter is now a year and one month old and I still breast feed her, though now i am slowly weaning her off. For the first 6 months i exclusively bf her....not a drop of anything else. And it feels great knowing that i could do that. If ur family interferes too much, tell them that this is something u really need to do and that by constantly pressurizing u they are also hurting the baby. The most important thing is for u to not react to their behaviour. U tell urself that this is ur child and u have all the right to do RIGHT by her. Don't let their name-calling affect u....try it. That wud be the best solution. 'If somebody doesn't know any better, why let them influence us?'

Keep BF mom.....

Naomi - posted on 04/26/2010

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why on earth do they want you to stop breastfeeding?! that is just ridiculous! it is really none of their business. she is your child not theirs. yes they are family and they like to give you advice, but they need to understand it is your decision in the end and they can't force their beliefs onto you like that.

Andrea - posted on 04/26/2010

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It sounds like they need some education on breastfeeding! If you are able, it's the best thing you can do for your baby's first year. It doesn't make you a pig. I couldn't believe it when I read that! I hope they come around, because only you know what's best for your baby.

Trisha-Ann - posted on 04/26/2010

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Iwould just have to tell them to back off. He is my child and its my decision and if they they dont like it they dont have to be around when im feeding him. You are the perosn that had the baby you are the mom and its your decision... NO MATTER WHAT! Dont let them bully you and keep you from doing what you think is right.

Amanda - posted on 04/26/2010

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ummm screw them!!! breastfeeding is the best thing for your baby!!! you are her mother and you should make the decision on what you would like to do. good for you for wanting to continue nursing. why would they call you names for doing someting that benifits there grandchild??? Dont listin to them, continue being the good mom that you are and do what you think is right for YOUR baby!!! ♥

[deleted account]

my advice, tell your mother and grandmother that you talked to the doctor about it and were encouraged to keep breastfeeding, whether it's true or not. remember, you are the mother and the one responsible for your baby. i'm sorry you have to put up with the name-calling. try not to let it get to you. i'm sure it can be hurtful, especially since they are family. maybe remind them that breasts are meant for nursing. and if you do decide to stop breastfeeding...make it YOUR decision, not theirs. there are benefits to breastfeeding which your baby has already been experiencing. but formula fed babies also do alright. if the situation gets to be too much and you need out, there are homes for women and their children.

[deleted account]

What your mother and grandmother are doing is bullying, plain and simple. They are intimidating you to change an aspect of your life (i.e. breastfeeding) through verbal abuse. This would not be tolerated in a school playground or a workplace, why should it be acceptable in the family home. Ask your mother if she would like to be called names for not having breastfed you (I assume that she didn't)? Why she put you at risk of allergies and skin problems? Did she want you to suffer for the rest of your life? Why she didn't give you the opportunity to reach your full potential in terms of IQ? Not saying that you're not smart of course. I was bottlefed as well while my husband was breastfed and never saw a drop of formula. And I know we are different genetically, but from very similar backgrounds (we both have doctors and lawyers in the family), his memory is far superior to mine and his IQ is higher, makes you wonder.

Keep breastfeeding, you're doing what's best for your child. Get as much of that liquid gold into her as you can. It is your legal right to breastfeed your child and it is unlawful for you to be bullied out of it.

Shelly - posted on 04/26/2010

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This is your child not theres and there are many benefits of breastfeeding if you can then keep it up if you want to all the power to you. It is one thing to give someone your opinion and another to call names and put you down. And to the point that it affects your bonding time with YOUR baby that is disgusting! Weather you are holding her or not she can pick up on your emotions and the simple fact that you have to HIDE and feed YOUR baby is awful you dont think she can pick up on that change. You need to tell them to butt out of the raising of YOUR child and then when/if you ever have any questions YOU will approach them not the other way around and that they need to be more supportive about it. I personally breastfed my son who will be 3 in aug2010 until dec2009 and my daughter was born oct2009 yes i breeastfed all throughout my pregnancy. Bottom line you need to do what you think is BEST for YOUR baby and it doesnt sound like you feel that you are.

Becca - posted on 04/26/2010

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i would let them know that this is your child. i understand that they are your elders and you respect them, but they should respect the way that you want to raise your children. i am soo sorry that you are in this situation!

Lisa - posted on 04/26/2010

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Hello, Mandy

Your old enough to have a baby your old enough to feed your baby the way you want to. Just ignore what they have to say and do what you feel is right for your baby. Don't let them tell you how to raise your baby. How old is your baby? I see her in the picture your baby is soo cute. they must have been told that nursing their baby was wrong. But why do they think God gave us Breast for. I know its not to please a man. It was to feed our babies. Eve did not have bottles back then they were the first people there were. Just trust your instinct and don't listen to them. Let them talk If you live at home maybe you might need to find another place to live or go in your room when its time to feed your baby and lock the door.

Kathleen - posted on 04/26/2010

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Well it's obvious they are completely nieve... I breastfeed my son till he was 26 months old... and it is the best thing i ever did for both him and myself! Dont let these ppl get to you i know its hard b/c their family but if they had any idea how benefical it is for your child they should learn to keep their mouths shut and their noses out of your business... the only person you should take advice from is your childs pediatrician

Kathleen - posted on 04/26/2010

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Well it's obvious they are completely nieve... I breastfeed my son till he was 26 months old... and it is the best thing i ever did for both him and myself! Dont let these ppl get to you i know its hard b/c their family but if they had any idea how benefical it is for your child they should learn to keep their mouths shut and their noses out of your business... the only person you should take advice from is your childs pediatrician

Chrissy - posted on 04/26/2010

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okay tell them they dont know what they are talking about I have 8mos. old and iam just now starting to wean him off but if i could i would contin. but anyway keep nursing your baby they get so much from breast milk have you heard that how it helps and can prevent even some cancers? My son is 8 mos. and has not been really sick except for a cold once keep nursing your baby the baby needs it.

Asti Renee - posted on 04/26/2010

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My son is 5 months old too. I am still breast feeding. Everyone I know praises me for doing it so long. Please don't listen to the names and such. You must raise your child the way YOU want. You are her mother and you need to raise her the way you want. I completely agree that the benefits outweigh the names, but then again I do not have to be called those names. I think it should be your decision to quit or not. Would they be upset about you pumping your milk and giving it to your daughter in a bottle? I do that when my son and I go out so I don't have to worry about bfing in public :) I really hope this all gets figured out for you. I bet it isn't easy for you to not be able to bf your daughter! GOOD LUCK!!!

Wendy - posted on 04/26/2010

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I stopped breastfeeding my first child at 3 months partly due to lack of support. Nothing like your case, no one in my family had ever been able for one reason or another. I have regretted it ever since. I nursed both my girls until they were over a year old and am now nursing my almost 7 month old as well.

I hate that you are having such a hard time and absolutely no support when God was the one who gave women breastfeeding as the way to feed our children. It is a God given right and such a bonding for mother and child.

The spiteful streak in me encourages you to pump and have your "unsupporters" unknowingly feed your child breastmilk.

On a more serious note, I pray you continue to nurse your child and that you enjoy that time with your child as it passes all to quickly. God Bless!

Lisa - posted on 04/26/2010

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Honey don't let them tell you what to do with your baby! I breastfeed and co slept until he was 17 months old. I miss every min of it! But the bond between is very very strong... Don't let anyone EVER tell you what to do with your baby! And the other moms are right you need to pull out info on the benefits of BF'ing!!!

Gretchen - posted on 04/26/2010

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My heart just breaks for you -- I'll be praying for you and your child as you do whatever you can to care for her and do what is in your best interest! God designed your body to care for your child, so I pray that He will provide for you the strength and peace to do what you need to. I'll also pray for your mother and grandmother, that their hearts will change. I'm so sad about the whole situation! BLESS YOUR HEART!!!



Wow. . . looks like you have roused an amazing army of support here! I'm so proud of all these women -- it gives me hope for the next generation!!

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