being pressured to stop

Kelly - posted on 04/28/2010

First of all good for you for still breastfeeding. you are hands down giving your child the absolute best you can give. Now about giving your baby your negative vibes. that's impossible. It's actually healthy for you to nurse her when you are upset because it will calm you both down. You are a working mom and you both need that reconnection time. Now as for the name calling, you can not control what others say to you but you can control what you do. and you do that this way, through education. I want you to go to www.llli.org and be empowered. this is the web site for La Leche League. there are lots of groups to go to for meetings where breastfeeding is not only encouraged but also embraced. Also breastfeeding, according to the American Academy of Pediatrics (your daughter's pediatrician can fill you in on this too) recommends that breastfeeding is recommended for the first year of life and then encouraged for any amount of time after as long as it is mutually wanted between mother and child. meaning that you are doing the best for your baby!!!! And if you have a problem with getting her breast milk during the day because you're working or whatever and you formula feed as well, just know in your heart that any breast milk you give your baby protects from so many illnesses, encourages a beautiful bond and reassurance for your daughter and you. It levels out your hormones to help you deal with the postpartum period which lasts for up to 2 years after giving birth. And from the stress you are getting from your mom and grandmother and the stress from your daughter's father, you owe it to your daughter to bond as much as you can.
I can't stress enough ho much you are doing a good thing. And if you educate yourself further about the benefits, you'll feel empowered and confident to tell whomever is bothering you that you are not a pig or a cow but a lactivist and a super mom.

Hey, feel free to send me a PM if you ever want to talk more. I'd be happy to help more if I can.

A - posted on 04/28/2010

Wow! I think that's horrible of your mom and grandmother. Personally, if it were me, I would not continue a relationship with my mom or grandmother or let them see my daughter until they came to accept you for who you are, and that you're breastfeeding. I recommend you start breastfeeding full time again! YOU know its best for your baby- otherwise you never would have done it. You should be putting your DAUGHTER first, not your mom or grandmother. Its sad they don't agree with you, but they are WRONG. It IS whats best. YOU are the parent of your daughter- not them. You can't live your life letting them run the show- be your own person. Make your own decision.

Don't think twice about putting them out of your life if they can't accept breastfeeding. It will be better for you and your baby. You'll be less stressed, and you'll both be healthier. They are really horrible people for calling you that. Could you imagine your little daughter growing up and saying those things to HER? Of course not, because you LOVE your daughter. Your mom and grandmother are NOT showing you love right now.

But its really important you stand up for yourself and your daughter! Dont let them walk all over you. Be a good mommy, don't follow in their footsteps. BREAK the cycle! Good luck hon. I'll keep you in my prayers. Breastfeeding is what GOD wants.

Shelley - posted on 04/28/2010

You are doing an awesome thing for your little one and don't let anyone tell you any different. You are giving her the best possible start in life...."BREAST IS BEST" It appears that your mother and your grandmother are very ignorant and I am very sorry that you have to live with that kind of ignorance. Ignore them as best you can and remember that what you do for your little one is out of love.....unlike your mother and grandmother. Best of luck to you and God bless:)

Gillian - posted on 04/28/2010

IGNORE THEM. Absolutely ignore them. Tell them you've made your decision and you are done hearing about it. Then you can talk about other things. Don't get angry or upset, just explain you appreciate their "input" and have made your choice. End of story.
If you are calm, firm, and put your foot down now it will end unnecessary forcing of issues in the future as well and be beneficial for you all.
And you be proud of yourself! Breastfeeding isn't the easiest thing in the world. Doing whats best for our children never is.

Kristiana - posted on 04/28/2010

I'd really love to go on a rant about the self-righteous right now, but I doubt that would help you in your current situation.



Instead, I'll just say that, IMHO, your mother and grandmother should mind their own business - not yours.



Your choices are for you and your family - you and your baby - not for them. Nurse your baby as long as you both want to, and don't stop because someone else has beliefs about nursing that don't match yours. The only wrong answer is the one that's imposed on you by anything other than outright medical necessity. And even then I'd get a second opinion.



Good luck. And I'm sorry.

Heather - posted on 04/28/2010

peditricians recommend breastfeeding until at least 6 months of age. it is so much better for you and baby. show them the research or have them talk to your peditrician.

Ellen - posted on 04/28/2010

girl you don't have to deal with that!!! there are shelters and other places you can go and they can get you a place to stay!! breastmilk is best!! to hell what your family says!!!

Jessica - posted on 04/28/2010

Do what you want to do if they don't want to support you in your decision to breast feed your child tell them you don't need them in your life(and sorry but from the sound of it ya don't anyway) I breast fed my son until he was 14 months and it was hard sometimes but worth it and i was only doing it at night for the last month or so but hes been healthier for it and you need to do what feels right for you its your child and your choice not theirs

Ellie - posted on 04/28/2010

Please don't listen to them. You are doing the best thing for you and your child. From a practical perspective, you'll save a LOT of money by doing that, from not spending it on formula to having a child who gets sick less often, has less allergies, and is probably happier. You are also doing what the entire medical community recommends.

Your mother and grandmother grew up in a different era when there was not the same level of knowledge and wisdom about breastfeeding. They were taught it was not a good thing.

On a sassy note, you could always remind your grandmother that *she* was breastfed. They didn't have formula then. When my Mom nursed me, and my grandmother complained, that was my great-grandmother's response. "It was good enough for you!"

You know, perhaps all the name calling is because they really feel badly about not having breastfed their baby and done, what they now know, they should have. If you don't do it, they don't have to be reminded of their history. People often get mean when they are feeling defensive. If you think that could be it, remember that it is something *they* are going through, not really about you.

Much love and support to you. You are following your instincts and doing the best for your baby. That's what you need to be doing. Be her mom. Put her first. Do what is best for her. Mom's can accomplish amazing things if it's for the sake of the baby.

Christine - posted on 04/28/2010

I wouldn't associate with them until they can act like grown ups, which I know sounds just as immature, but I can't think of any other way to resolve the issue, you shouldn't feel bad about doing what you believe is best for your baby. You are doing what is best for your child and there is nothing wrong with that. I bf my daughter until she was 1 and I dried up. I guess I think it is terrible that they think they have any right to tell you what to do with your child. I don't think you should feel bad or negative about bf your daughter. Do what you think is best, and tell them that you would appreciate it if they would keep their opinions to themselves.

Tara - posted on 04/28/2010

I'm so sorry! How awful that they are being like that. You should nurse your baby as long as you can and want to! Maybe if you could bring your mother or grandmother with you to her next doctor's appointment, you could have her paediatrician explain to them how great breastfeeding is. Sometimes hearing stuff from a doctor is more convincing to some people.

Jessica - posted on 04/28/2010

DO NOT let them stop you. This is your child and you do what you think is best. Their are many wonderful benefits. Maybe instead of telling them give them proof. If you need some back up find a La Leche League meeting near you. THey can support you and give you literature for your mean family.

Maggie - posted on 04/28/2010

Well done for keeping up the night feeds and being so strong in the face of such adversity. You truly are a wonderful mother. Keep strong and stick to what you believe in.
I really hope things work out well for you and your baby.

Natasha - posted on 04/28/2010

you should not be listening to them. breast feeding is mandatory for the first 6months, thereafter..it should be continued with extra top feeds and beginning of solids.you should breast feed for a min of 1 year, if not more.

Jenni - posted on 04/27/2010

Stay strong and know that what you are doing is right and they are stuck in the wrong generation. There are so many benefits to long term feeding. Keep going...
I keep yopu in my thoughts

Heidi - posted on 04/27/2010

That's horrible, just remember your mom and grandma are the abnormal ones for thinking BF is wrong. I admire that you still BF at night and encourage you to begin BF during the day if it's what you want. Maybe think of some snappy comebacks when they call you names, like, "you're the pig/sow for telling me it's wrong for me to BF my own daughter," or "back off, it's my baby not yours." I know it's hard to talk back to your own mother but keep in mind what is at stake - the health and wellbeing of your child.

Jennifer - posted on 04/27/2010

Don't be pressured out of it. My daughter just turned a year and I started to slowly take her off at about 11 months, she doesn't have as many breastmilk snacks. A lot of moms that i know stopped breastfeeding between 12-18 months.

Jodi - posted on 04/27/2010

Do not listen to them, as hard as it may be, ignore their remarks. Personally, unless you're yelling at them or engaging in a true fight, I wouldn't even take baby off the breast! I wouldn't say a word to them, just look at my child,knowing I was doing the right thing, if they touch you or the baby, call the cops...press charges, do what you ahve to do to be the best Mom you KNOW you can be! Don't let others put you down, don't let others make parenting decisions that you know aren't best for your child for you! As a mom, you need to stand up for what's best for your baby...not only is breast best...but do you want her raised in a home where she sees her mom...and probably herself one day, put down constantly by those around her? Not the message I would want for my daughter. Make your stand now mamacita! You can do it!!!! Best of luck!!!

Tarina - posted on 04/27/2010

I believe, ignoring all the disparaging remarks made in this thread about them being evil or ignorant or whatever else that didnt really need to be said, that you have the choice to bf your baby or not. If they are going to physically restrain you from doing so, then it is a police matter... there are shelters if you end up really in a pickle, or im sure a friend would take you in should it come to that, but at this point I believe it is simply a power struggle with them. They dont see you as fit to raise the child, and are attempting to help you in the way they think is best... which obviously is not since you are unhappy. Be clear that while you appreciate their perspective, you are a grown woman, and will make your own decisions regarding your child, and they need to respect them, and to respect you. Be clear that if they want anything to do with you or your child in the future, they will step back into the roles they belong in and leave you to yours. You should not have to sneak around or lie or feel guilty for doing what your heart tells you is right for your baby. Remember even though it feels like you are stuck dealing with the way they treat you out of necessity, you are not. There are ALWAYS options, and do not let yourself or your child suffer for fear of being alone. Better alone with support than being surrounded without it. ♥ Good luck.

Erika - posted on 04/27/2010

Hi mandy
sorry to hear about ur family but I think u should still feed ur baby no matter what they said . there would be some people in the world who will not like what u doin. but is the best for ur child . look im the only one in my family who's breastfeed and i never pay mind too it, but i no it not easy to hear . I THINK U SHOULD NOT TALK TO THEM FOR A LITTLE BIT . REMMENBER U ARE THE MOM OF UR CHILD NOT THEM .

Tara - posted on 04/27/2010

I'm SO sorry you have to endure this kind of behavior, name calling. If it were me I wouldn't listen to them #1 its your baby your choice. It sounds like your living in high school all over again. Don't let the name calling and all the other harasment change your mind your baby is worth the fight. If they can't respect you enough to keep there mouths shut even if they don't agree they are not worth being around. Stick to your guns and show them your not going to let them make your desissions. I am breastfeeding my daughter now she is 5 months old this is the best and most important time in the childs life for breastfeeding. Dont give up because of them you are a strong women and you can take the hits for the benifit of your baby. NOT THAT I THINK YOU SHOULD HAVE TO.

Sarah - posted on 04/27/2010

You go girl. You are a 21 yo single mum with a 5 month old and working AND sticking up for yourself and your baby in the face of enormous pressure. This makes you a strong and courageous woman and a wonderful mother.I think you already know motherhood is not all about milestones and cuddles but about sacrifice and strength. Keep it up. I think you are amazing.

Jennifer - posted on 04/27/2010

I AM APPALLED AT YOUR MOTHER AND GRANDMOTHER'S BEHAVIOR, but not suprised. Usually when people feel the need to make other feel bad by putting them down and nasty name calling it is because they are miserable or uncomfortable, and in this case HIGHLY UNEDUCATED about someone or something. And mostly, NO ONE can MAKE you do anything! they had their chance to raise their children, now this is your time, and you should do what is best for YOUR CHILD! Chances are that you were not breastfed, which is why you are getting so much grief from your mom, but your grandmother? I do not understand their derogatory behavior other than they are 2 very jealous clucking hens about the special relationship you have with your sweet little baby girl. Now they are trying to assert the pecking order down to you! DON'T LET THEM GET AWAY WITH IT! THIS IS YOUR BABY, NOT THEIR'S! YOU DO WHAT IT RIGHT FOR YOU AND YOUR CHILD FOR AS LONG AS YOU WANT TO! Breastfeeding should be encouraged and I am ashamed of you family for their lack of support! If they continue this negativity around you and your daughter, you simply just do not need to be around them, and maybe should limit the time spent with them until they can control their behavior and keep their opinions to themselves and attitude in check...if your mother wants any quality time with her granddaughter, and grandmother with her great granddaughter, they should soon get the message. I am extremely sympathetic to your situation, I have nothing but love and support for you! You will have the most splendid, and secure relationship with your daughter should you decide to continue BF, and I most certainly think you should, I still BF my daughter and she will be 10mos on May 1st. YOu do what is right for you and your daughter, I can't stress that enough! Love, support and prayers

Annie - posted on 04/27/2010

this post is so sad hun, my mother breastfed all of us 6 children untill we were all 8 months and i did the same with my daughter x do what u feel is right hun x

Angela - posted on 04/27/2010

You should tell your mom and grandmother about the benifits of feeding this way. #1 is new studies have shown a 58% decrease in hereditary breast cancer. That means if your mom/grandma or other female in family had it, you have now lowered your rick by 58%. Second don't feel bad, it's hard to get them to stop and shouldn't be forced. I just went to feeding at night only, cause my daughter refuses to eat food if she could have a boob. This is not an easy time for us. So I can only imagine how it is for you. Take joy in this time, breastfeeding is not just a healthier choice for feeding but promotes bonding as well. And if you and the little one still want to feed this way, then you should. Your mom. and You know best. Be strong and if they insist on name calling tell them you won't come around. No one deserves to be called names, and shame on them, they are family. They should know better.

Beth - posted on 04/27/2010

wow, you are doing what's best for YOUR CHILD. Don't listen to them it's better for both of you to breastfeed. You need to take care of your daughter and let them be. Your being a great mommy and your daughter will benefit from it.

Sarah - posted on 04/27/2010

Honestly I'd tell them to kiss my a$$. It's your child and unless you are truly hurting the child, they have no right to step in. And if they keep it up, I'd tell them straight out that you think they are jealous of something about you doing all you can to do the best for your child. I bf till my son was almost 1. I would have gone longer but complications stopped us. Just hold your head up proud, cause what you are doing is great! I'm the kind of person though that if I were in your shoes, I'd bf in front of them as much as possible. They can't stop you! Let them trash talk. Just means you are better then them!!

Tamara - posted on 04/27/2010

i was in the same doat with my oldest. hes 2 1/2 now, and had never know his father. its very hard, but with hard work and confidence, you can do it. that sucks that there is negativity around you. try your hardest to just ignore it. feel free to speak up tho and let them know that your childs diet is your choice. if you happen to get the boot as a result, there is subsidised housing. it will be a rough start, but once you get some help from the father, you will be just fine. best of luck

Mary - posted on 04/27/2010

OMG!!! I would tell them where to stick it (and a probably other few choice words!) Sammie is right, these are EVIL people. My child was 4 months old when I went back to work so she had to be put on a bottle when mommy wasn't home but today she is 7 months old and she nursed last night. I think that it is YOUR CHIOCE and your BABY's CHOICE - the two of you decide when the time is right!!!. Besides, my Cheyenne usually doesn't get any milk from me because I've pretty much dried up BUT she needs the comfort provided by me and I just could never deny my baby the comfort she wants, especially during those long dark nights!!!!!!!!!!!

Erin - posted on 04/27/2010

Um... I breastfed my daughter till she turned 1 year old! Don't even listen to what they have to say its YOUR child not theirs! If they knew what was best for baby they'd want you to continue to nurse!

Angela - posted on 04/27/2010

OMG?! Are you serious?!

Please do yourself a favour and contact your nearest La Leche Legue and speak to someone there and then get you mum and grandmother to speak to someone because they seriously need some help! Or cone them into a group meeting and let the LLL ladies rip them to pieces!

OMG, still hard to believe your family would be so mean and uncaring and rude!!!

Pam - posted on 04/27/2010

It's your baby! You can breastfeed for a year or more. I think 3 yrs. is long enough to bf. I think your mom and grandma are being realy mean to you. I wouldn't bother with them until your done bf and do it on your own time. You poor girl! Keep breastfeeding!

Karolina - posted on 04/27/2010

My baby is 10 months old and I am still breastfeeding;) Your family is WEIRD !

Rebecca - posted on 04/26/2010

Tell them that God made women with breast and the purpose of those breast is to feed babies. God is perfect and doesn't make mistakes. Breastfeeding is the best food for your baby because God intended it that way. Ask them to respect your decision and if they won't you will have to decide if you are strong enough to take what they are dishing out. You have to do what is best for your baby. YOU and only YOU control your actions. If they call you names, so what. Stick and stones. It is really unfortunate that it is your family. Hopefully they will realize that being abusive toward you is not the best way to parent or grandparent. Good luck and I hope you have the courage necessary to do what YOU feel is best for your sweet baby.

Namrata - posted on 04/26/2010

I'm sorry to hear that ur very own are causing u so much pain and anxiety! but u know very well that the best thing for ur baby is for u to continue breast feeding her. I'm from India where there are so many myths and superstitions.....about everything. But breastfeeding has never been attacked. My daughter is now a year and one month old and I still breast feed her, though now i am slowly weaning her off. For the first 6 months i exclusively bf her....not a drop of anything else. And it feels great knowing that i could do that. If ur family interferes too much, tell them that this is something u really need to do and that by constantly pressurizing u they are also hurting the baby. The most important thing is for u to not react to their behaviour. U tell urself that this is ur child and u have all the right to do RIGHT by her. Don't let their name-calling affect u....try it. That wud be the best solution. 'If somebody doesn't know any better, why let them influence us?'

Keep BF mom.....

Naomi - posted on 04/26/2010

why on earth do they want you to stop breastfeeding?! that is just ridiculous! it is really none of their business. she is your child not theirs. yes they are family and they like to give you advice, but they need to understand it is your decision in the end and they can't force their beliefs onto you like that.

Andrea - posted on 04/26/2010

It sounds like they need some education on breastfeeding! If you are able, it's the best thing you can do for your baby's first year. It doesn't make you a pig. I couldn't believe it when I read that! I hope they come around, because only you know what's best for your baby.

Trisha-Ann - posted on 04/26/2010

Iwould just have to tell them to back off. He is my child and its my decision and if they they dont like it they dont have to be around when im feeding him. You are the perosn that had the baby you are the mom and its your decision... NO MATTER WHAT! Dont let them bully you and keep you from doing what you think is right.

Amanda - posted on 04/26/2010

ummm screw them!!! breastfeeding is the best thing for your baby!!! you are her mother and you should make the decision on what you would like to do. good for you for wanting to continue nursing. why would they call you names for doing someting that benifits there grandchild??? Dont listin to them, continue being the good mom that you are and do what you think is right for YOUR baby!!! ♥

Ruth - posted on 04/26/2010

my advice, tell your mother and grandmother that you talked to the doctor about it and were encouraged to keep breastfeeding, whether it's true or not. remember, you are the mother and the one responsible for your baby. i'm sorry you have to put up with the name-calling. try not to let it get to you. i'm sure it can be hurtful, especially since they are family. maybe remind them that breasts are meant for nursing. and if you do decide to stop breastfeeding...make it YOUR decision, not theirs. there are benefits to breastfeeding which your baby has already been experiencing. but formula fed babies also do alright. if the situation gets to be too much and you need out, there are homes for women and their children.

Dana - posted on 04/26/2010

What your mother and grandmother are doing is bullying, plain and simple. They are intimidating you to change an aspect of your life (i.e. breastfeeding) through verbal abuse. This would not be tolerated in a school playground or a workplace, why should it be acceptable in the family home. Ask your mother if she would like to be called names for not having breastfed you (I assume that she didn't)? Why she put you at risk of allergies and skin problems? Did she want you to suffer for the rest of your life? Why she didn't give you the opportunity to reach your full potential in terms of IQ? Not saying that you're not smart of course. I was bottlefed as well while my husband was breastfed and never saw a drop of formula. And I know we are different genetically, but from very similar backgrounds (we both have doctors and lawyers in the family), his memory is far superior to mine and his IQ is higher, makes you wonder.

Keep breastfeeding, you're doing what's best for your child. Get as much of that liquid gold into her as you can. It is your legal right to breastfeed your child and it is unlawful for you to be bullied out of it.

Shelly - posted on 04/26/2010

This is your child not theres and there are many benefits of breastfeeding if you can then keep it up if you want to all the power to you. It is one thing to give someone your opinion and another to call names and put you down. And to the point that it affects your bonding time with YOUR baby that is disgusting! Weather you are holding her or not she can pick up on your emotions and the simple fact that you have to HIDE and feed YOUR baby is awful you dont think she can pick up on that change. You need to tell them to butt out of the raising of YOUR child and then when/if you ever have any questions YOU will approach them not the other way around and that they need to be more supportive about it. I personally breastfed my son who will be 3 in aug2010 until dec2009 and my daughter was born oct2009 yes i breeastfed all throughout my pregnancy. Bottom line you need to do what you think is BEST for YOUR baby and it doesnt sound like you feel that you are.

Becca - posted on 04/26/2010

i would let them know that this is your child. i understand that they are your elders and you respect them, but they should respect the way that you want to raise your children. i am soo sorry that you are in this situation!

Lisa - posted on 04/26/2010

Hello, Mandy

Your old enough to have a baby your old enough to feed your baby the way you want to. Just ignore what they have to say and do what you feel is right for your baby. Don't let them tell you how to raise your baby. How old is your baby? I see her in the picture your baby is soo cute. they must have been told that nursing their baby was wrong. But why do they think God gave us Breast for. I know its not to please a man. It was to feed our babies. Eve did not have bottles back then they were the first people there were. Just trust your instinct and don't listen to them. Let them talk If you live at home maybe you might need to find another place to live or go in your room when its time to feed your baby and lock the door.

Kathleen - posted on 04/26/2010

Well it's obvious they are completely nieve... I breastfeed my son till he was 26 months old... and it is the best thing i ever did for both him and myself! Dont let these ppl get to you i know its hard b/c their family but if they had any idea how benefical it is for your child they should learn to keep their mouths shut and their noses out of your business... the only person you should take advice from is your childs pediatrician

Kathleen - posted on 04/26/2010

Well it's obvious they are completely nieve... I breastfeed my son till he was 26 months old... and it is the best thing i ever did for both him and myself! Dont let these ppl get to you i know its hard b/c their family but if they had any idea how benefical it is for your child they should learn to keep their mouths shut and their noses out of your business... the only person you should take advice from is your childs pediatrician

Chrissy - posted on 04/26/2010

okay tell them they dont know what they are talking about I have 8mos. old and iam just now starting to wean him off but if i could i would contin. but anyway keep nursing your baby they get so much from breast milk have you heard that how it helps and can prevent even some cancers? My son is 8 mos. and has not been really sick except for a cold once keep nursing your baby the baby needs it.

Asti Renee - posted on 04/26/2010

My son is 5 months old too. I am still breast feeding. Everyone I know praises me for doing it so long. Please don't listen to the names and such. You must raise your child the way YOU want. You are her mother and you need to raise her the way you want. I completely agree that the benefits outweigh the names, but then again I do not have to be called those names. I think it should be your decision to quit or not. Would they be upset about you pumping your milk and giving it to your daughter in a bottle? I do that when my son and I go out so I don't have to worry about bfing in public :) I really hope this all gets figured out for you. I bet it isn't easy for you to not be able to bf your daughter! GOOD LUCK!!!

Wendy - posted on 04/26/2010

I stopped breastfeeding my first child at 3 months partly due to lack of support. Nothing like your case, no one in my family had ever been able for one reason or another. I have regretted it ever since. I nursed both my girls until they were over a year old and am now nursing my almost 7 month old as well.

I hate that you are having such a hard time and absolutely no support when God was the one who gave women breastfeeding as the way to feed our children. It is a God given right and such a bonding for mother and child.

The spiteful streak in me encourages you to pump and have your "unsupporters" unknowingly feed your child breastmilk.

On a more serious note, I pray you continue to nurse your child and that you enjoy that time with your child as it passes all to quickly. God Bless!

Lisa - posted on 04/26/2010

Honey don't let them tell you what to do with your baby! I breastfeed and co slept until he was 17 months old. I miss every min of it! But the bond between is very very strong... Don't let anyone EVER tell you what to do with your baby! And the other moms are right you need to pull out info on the benefits of BF'ing!!!