Kelsi - posted on 01/31/2011 ( 42 moms have responded )
Just to make things clear I do not have postpartum psychosis. I have never ever once felt like harming or neglecting my children. They are my world and they are the reason I fight this and want to get better. I literally love them more than life itself. I have terrible low self esteem and anxiety. I have struggled with depression/anxiety for a few years but have really no logical reason to feel this way, I have a wonderful life. I have recently found out that a lot of women in my family have struggled with depression so i'm guessing I'm just wacked out and probably hormones from birth control and having babies the past few years just amplified it.
I wanted a medication free pregnancy but I got so depressed that I ended up going on a low dose of a "pregnancy/BF" approved SSRI for the last 2 weeks of my pregnancy. I was on it for the first month after then weaned myself off after a few more weeks because i had a feeling it was causing problems for my little one. suddenly my colicy little boy turned into the happiest little baby. I feel horrible for going against my gut feeling and taking the meds. I felt great up until recently and have LOVED the breast feeding experience just as much as my little boy. But now my husband who has been anti-breastfeeding since the beginning is really pressuring me to wean him and go back on meds.
I have tried journal writing, joining playgroups, making new friends, outdoor activities, eating healthier, exercise, etc to try and help, but I am still really struggling. I'm mad that I feel this way and that I can't just will it to go away. I really don't want to give up BF (my son is only 8 months old and wanted to go to at least a year, preferably just let him decide when he's done) I love it for SOOOO many reasons and really believe it's the best for my baby (probably don't have to tell you all how great it is) but I think I need a little extra help.
Does anyone know or have experience with any natural supplementation that may help me that can also allow me to continue to BF. It's going to break my heart to wean him. :( Or at least anyone that has been there and can share their experience?
a sad little mommy