Bitter-sweet

Patti - posted on 11/28/2008 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I am enjoying reading all of the conversations with a heavy heart. Tears fill my eyes and make it hard to type. I'm sure there are many out there who would not understand this grief. Seven weeks ago my husband broke his back in a hunting accident. We spent close to a week in the hospital and all of my children were staying with our family. It was a very difficult time. It was so frustrating to me because I had worked so hard to get my supply at a place where my son and I were both comfortable. The hospital was accomidating and allowed me to pump there and I would send my milk home with my son for our family to give him. Try as I may I could not meet the demands of the full time care of my husband and the exclusive breastfeeding that I worked and loved so much. by the time we went home my son did not want to nurse anymore. After all, the bottle is much easier. I tried not to think about it, and continue to tell myself that some milk is better than no milk. If I didn't have four year old twins and a disabled husband I would have just began to pump again. I just couldn't do it. Slowly my supply is going away and I am facing the sad reality that this beautiful moment in our lives is coming to an end. This is our last child and I am finding it very difficult to let go. Has anyone gone through this? Sorry this is so meloncholoy. I never expected this to be so hard. At least I have had almost six months of this bonding and nourishment with him. Keep up the good work all you breastfeeding moms, no matter what your story is:)

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Bethany - posted on 11/29/2008

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Oh my word, I am so sorry!! I didn't nurse my older kids because I just wasn't educated enough!! But when I had my son I was determined. That is, until I got mastitis, gave him a bottle once, and he never wanted to relatch. I had three older boys and I just didn't have the time or patience it would take to teach him how to relatch, so I gave it up. He was 10 months old and I would cry when I would get out the bottle and formula, especially if people were around. I instantly felt like they were judging me. I am so sorry, being your last that makes it even harder. I was blessed with one more, now 6 months, and thankfully, even after mastitis three times I have been able to continue breatfeeding. You got 6 wonderful months of bonding and closeness with your child. Even with the bottle you are able to snuggle and kiss. You did more than a lot of other mom do, and your baby got the very best thing for 6 months, that says a lot!! Don't beat yourself up over it and don't kill yourself with regret. We all do what we can do. Of course, I liked Amanda's advice, talk to La Leche League, they are wonderful and they'll even have someone come over to your house if you wish to try again, but again, if it's too much just remember what you did do and those bonding moments that you already created.

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I have not experienced what you are going through, but I did go through a very difficult time when my two week old daughter did not nurse at my breast for almost a week, I didn't know how I was ever going to get her nursing again, I was able to use a tube attached to my breast that fed her milk fast enough to keep her nursing and eventually my supply came back. I would encourage you to not give up yet. I know how special nursing can be, have you checked with your local La Leche League for help? I just a read a story the other day, about a mom who kept nursing her babies, even after being diagnosed with some rare disease where her mamorey glans didn't grow, she used this nursing supplamenter so she could still "nurse" her babies. It sound like you are having a very difficult time, and don't loose heart, you obviously understand the beauty of breastfeeding and have given your child many precious moments!

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