Child lead vs Mom lead weening

Maria - posted on 11/30/2008

Ladies,



Thank you! I think in my heart I have known everything you are all saying, but am having a hard time processing it myself. I consider myself to be a firm, but loving parent but on this one area I am a complete sucker (pardon the pun!) since I have enjoyed nursing and our snuggle time together. She is my only and will be my only so this is a bit of a sad time too.



So my mantra has been "willful children make good adults" since she is a VERY strong willed child in many ways. She has always had a difficult time self-soothing despite using a binky (trying to ween her off that too, but maybe I should wait and do the booby first) and a blankey (now it seems we are also adding a Teddy to the mix!) so I suppose I need to just gear up for the tears and know that they won't go on forever.



I set out to nurse for at least a year and then said when she was so dedicated that I was fine with nursing until 2 and we are getting close and I am ready.



Thank you for your advice...I will check these sites out!

Michelle - posted on 11/30/2008

It sounds as if she is BF for comfort and/or basically using you as her pacifier to go to sleep. Does she take a pacifier?

I know it can be very hard to wean. My son (who is now 3yrs) never took a bottle so it was stressful to be the only one that could be there. My dtr (9 months and still BF) takes a bottle of breastmilk when I am not there great so no worries.



Anyway, I think you need to set some limits. She has no nutritional need to be fed at 4am. She needs to learn to self-soothe without you there, especially if she is 21 months. I know it sounds easier than it is. Try ONLY breastfeeding at nightime and naptime for her to sleep and cut out the other times. Babies are generally crabbier at evening time anyway. After she gets use to this being the only time she is nursed (maybe a couple weeks), try rocking her at 4am instead of BF (even if she is upset) and eventually you can cut out the naptime and bedtime feedings.



I know it's hard but sometimes it is healthier for you if you have some sanity, and for her if she can soothe without the boob. Good luck!

Nicole - posted on 11/30/2008

http://www.kellymom.com/bf/weaning/how_w...

Here is a link with info on both.

Casey - posted on 11/30/2008

Oh sorry forgot here's a message board I like I find the girls really helpful although I've never asked a question myself its only because all my questions have already been asked. This link will take you too a question about putting limits on breastfeeding, but follow the links around, there is also a question on what is child led weaning and does it really exist which is interesting.



http://www.alternativebaby.net/?q=node/1...



Hope you find it helpful.

Casey - posted on 11/30/2008

Hi Maria



Firstly congrats you've done really well to make it this far! I'm at 18mths now and I'm sort of planning on weaning around 2. I've come to this conclusion mainly because hubby isn't happy about it now. He is a wonderful husband and does give me heaps of support but on this area we disagree. I like you would happily feed until he was ready to give it up.



But I digress, I've weaned Balen to just a couple of feeds a day plus two or three at night, from 6-8 plus all night marathon. I did it really slowly just one at a time during the day and at night I started by getting him to put himself to sleep rather than feeding him off. We did our bed time routine properly for a week (give or take) with boobie and then when I felt we were set in this I started to take boob away when he was almost asleep. Now this took time, sometimes I had to lay on my tummy so there was no access at all (we still co-sleep), there were alot of tears too, but if I felt that he was too overwhelmed I would start again. I always remember Sears saying in one of his books that there is a vast difference to a child crying in the arms of someone who loves and cares for them to on there own alone. Sometimes bed time would take an hour but the time decreased and it wasn't much more than a week before we had this system down pat and all I would have to say is "It's time to let go and go to sleep" and he would let go (this isn't every night we still have set backs but I simply take boob away and say goodnight to them and him and he settles down fairly quickly). This took a lot of stress out of the night and he started to sleep longer aswell. As for day sleeps it's still boobie all the way which is strange as until recently I always rocked him to sleep during the day so go figure!



I also read somewhere that around two they tend to go on a boobie marathon there is just never enough! She might have started this stage.



Here are some websites that might help:



Elizabeth Pantley

http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth/advice/...

Pinky McKay

http://www.pinky-mychild.com/

Dr Sears

http://www.askdrsears.com/default.asp



I used Elizabeth Pantley's and Sears books all the time, I don't really like the message board on Sears, but I do find his advice helpful. One of my girlfriends used Pinky with great success.



Hope this helps and congratulations again on doing such a wonderful job breastfeeding.

Casey

Vanessa - posted on 11/29/2008

I don't have a personal experience with weening yet but i read once that if you have come to resent or be frustrated by something then it is time to stop. It seems to me that you are in that place. Think of it this way, she receives the nutrients she needs in her regular food, so you have become a human pacifier rather then the provider of nourishment. I would say, give yourself permission to stop being a pacifier and help her find a replacement pacifier (dolly, blanket, etc.). I read in this book that telling the child, time to go back to sleep the boobies (or whatever you call them) are asleep too might help them understand that they need to wait until morning. It sounds silly, but to a 21 month year old ....it also said to be loving, yet firm about the decision. Hope that helps! Congrats on going this long, my daughter is 9 months and I am already sort of over it....but I am determined to hang on a few more months...good luck!