child-led weaning; myth or reality?

Jennifer - posted on 01/15/2010

I have a child right now that is 28 months old and still nurses a lot she sees her little brother nursing and wants to. She also wants to nurse when she gets hurt. I don't mind because it calms her down right away as to crying for a while. My first born only nursed til she was 18 months old, I wanted to go til 2 yrs but she self weaned at 18 months. So I hope that helps one of my children self weaned and I honestly don't see my current DD stopping anytime soon just because she does see her brother nursing. And I see the conection that they have and I don't want to do anything to interfere with that and cause any resentment between them. I do however think that you need to do what you feel is right for you and your family and what feels right for you.

Teresa - posted on 01/15/2010

I have 8 year olds, so no WAY I can imagine nursing a child that age.

I am still nursing my 21.5 month old son, so I don't have a story of child led weaning yet (weaned my twins at 15 months). I don't have a plan set in place for what we will do, but I can't imagine having him nurse older than 3.....

Celena - posted on 01/15/2010

Thanks very much Lisa- that's very helpful information. We'll see how long my little guy wants to go. :)

Minnie - posted on 01/15/2010

You're concerned that breastfeeding an older child might damage the child's emotional and psychological development somehow. This might help:



According to the American Academy of Pediatrics:



"There is no upper limit to the duration of breastfeeding and no evidence of psychologic or developmental harm from breastfeeding into the third year of life or longer."197

Celena - posted on 01/15/2010

My question is more long term, whether or not it would set up any odd associations or feelings that might be counterproductive for a healthy sexual attitude in an adult.

Emily - posted on 01/15/2010

I don't see why it would be different. Children just don't see their mother's breasts as sexual objects. Doesn't matter if they're a boy or a girl.

Celena - posted on 01/15/2010

Thanks for the information- that's good to know. Do you suppose it's the same whether the child is a girl or a boy?

Emily - posted on 01/15/2010

I've only ever heard of positive research on "extended" breastfeeding. I can't imagine a child having psychological or sexual issues from extended breastfeeding, unless the mother has psychological issues herself. I think the problem is that in our culture breasts are so sexualized, so it is hard for adults to see breasts used as anything other than sexual objects. A child doesn't have that same skewed perception. I've heard a lot of people recall memories of breastfeeding as a pleasant, comforting experience.

Celena - posted on 01/15/2010

Thank you Stephanie- I try to just do what feels natural for both of us- that's why I decided not to have the cut-off of one year like so many people seem to feel is the norm.
Lisa- I am not trying to say what's right for anyone but me and my family. I understand that there is more than one answer to how breastfeeding happens and when it stops. I just wanted to know how child-led weaning actually worked and progressed for them from some real people.
I suppose I do wonder about how that 8 year old will be as an adult. Sure, she's happy now, and as wonderful as that is, I am curious how it will affect her ideas and associations in later life. Of course every child will wean I just don't feel like there's alot of information about whether or not child-led weaning after 2 ,3, 4, 5+years old has any psychological/sexual ramifications. It's just a concern stated in what I thought was an open forum, not a judgement or condemnation.

Minnie - posted on 01/15/2010

I think what matters in the case of the woman nursing an eight year old is that she and her daughter were _happy_ with their relationship.



Anthropological research shows that the biological age for weaning for humans is somewhere between 2.5 and 7 years old. That's quite the range. Why not take things one day at a time? You might find that day to day, your little one doesn't grow up as fast as you think, not much more than the day prior, and you might find that your comfort zone of nursing a toddler to older child becomes more relaxed.



I still stand by my statement: do you know of any adults who still need to nurse? Of course not. Every child weans.



I do know one woman who is nursing a 4+ year old- and happily, I might add. There is another on this forum who is nursing a 5+ year old.

Stephanie - posted on 01/15/2010

I nursed my three daughters for 13 mos each. I was aiming for 12 mos, and anytime after that depended on the child.
for us, sometime that next month, they all just slowed down. They were busy doing other things, they were eating solid foods well. We had plenty of snuggle time. They slept well at night. so the nursing just tapered off. They'd nurse once a day, and skip a day, and then come back, and skip again. and then not come back.

for some kids, that takes longer, 2-3 years sometimes. If both momma and kidlet are happy about it, then go for it. for us it happened just after a year. It wasn't something I pushed or encouraged either direction.
and I'll do the same with my baby due this fall. personally, I don't want to nurse a 2 yo, but given my history I don't think it'll be an issue.
:) the thing I learn most with my first kids(they're twins) is that worrying about how nursing is going can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. but enjoying the time and letting what's natural be natural is so much better and simpler.

Celena - posted on 01/15/2010

I am sorry for some of my original word choices- I went and edited my original post. I watched a video of a mom breastfeeding her 8 year old and myself found her daughters' relationship/dynamic with their mother's breasts a little off-putting. I am interested in child-led weaning and just wanted to hear how it worked/if it worked for other mothers in order to help me make decisions for my family.

Minnie - posted on 01/15/2010

Creepy is a subjective term. Were the horror stories from people who HEARD about eight year old's breastfeeding, or from the mothers themselves who were breastfeeding the eight year olds?



Do you see any adults still needing to nurse at their mothers breasts?