Comfort/night nursing

Nicky - posted on 01/16/2011

i was down to night breastfeeds, till she bit me, then i realised it was a comfort thing so i am now experimenting with pacifier, water and milk, sometimes she will need some milk and absolutely guzzle it, other times a bit of water, or just the pacifier does it
around 8 mths they realise that they are their own person and not an extension of you so can be pretty unsettling for them, ride it out and if you continue breastfeeding then there is no problem with that in my opinion, my whole perception on it changed after she clamped down with her little teeth YEOOOW!!!!!! esp. at 2am.... lol

Liz - posted on 01/15/2011

I have been trying to leave her with him for 20-30 minutes with no needs required (feeding or naps). He does alright with her. I really try. I have been good with not getting on him about what he does with her after he told me, when she was really tiny, that he can't parent if I don't let him. That was a wake up call for me. I backed off after that...

Laura Zoey - posted on 01/15/2011

I think dads have a hard time trying to fill moms shoes for the baby, and if they can tell they won't be just as good as mom is, they might not want to try. They don't like making it obvious that they can't do something well enough!
I know that it seems easy for a dad to just help out, but in reality, we are the ones with all the pregnancy hormones preparing us, and we did the labor and birth, we breastfeed and get all the prolactin mommy hormones with that, so it really is unfair to expect dad to be just as equipped as mom to comfort baby.
Now nothing wrong with them trying, as they can with effort be just as comforting as mom, but some dads don't want to try and fail or 'fail' in their minds when they see baby prefers mommy!
Some nice ways to help dad step up is to give him space!
When he does handle baby give him little to no direction or help, let him figure things out his own way, even if you already know what baby wants, let dad work through it himself.
He might do things very differently then you, and it might seem less effective, but in the end we can't expect dad to be mom! His ways probably work just as good, but we like our ways better.
Also if you are able to leave dad and baby home for small times alone, and gradually bring it longer that helps, imagine trying to babysit a child with the mom in the room, you would be worried about her judging you, self conscious of her watching you, and most likely not act out your full potential for fear of embarrassing yourself!
Now dad is much more then a babysitter, but the pressure can be just as strong if you hover!
This is easier said then done, and I to this day still struggle with letting my husband care for Eric his way, I know what I should do, but often times my mommy attitude kicks in and I end up undermining his efforts.
It takes work! But I think it is worth it to make sure dad and baby bond their own way. And honestly, we all know as moms we can be quite pushy and nosey :):):)

Liz - posted on 01/15/2011

I have decided to take the opinion that I am doing what I feel works best for me and my child. She can nurse at night but I am not going to offer her the breast just to keep her quiet. If she is yelling for it or is acting hungry I will offer it up, I am going to keep at it. We did change the Motrin to evening and night. During the day she does ok with a wet wash cloth or teether. I have tried to get my husband involved at night. I am not sure why her won't. He is not super confident with her yet. I do everything with her. I think when she is able to do a bit more, he will be a bit more involved. He says he will. we will see...

April - posted on 01/15/2011

My son is 2 and we nurse all night...3 to 5 times a night. I do it because he physically needs it (eats 3 meals of solids but it isn't as much calories as I would like). Sometimes I feel so totally empty that I cannot imagine that he got any milk. However, he is very wet in the morning when I change his diaper.

If you are happy and she is happy...continue on!! :)

Heather - posted on 01/15/2011

I have the same issue with my 12-month-old. I hear the same "he doesn't need it" and "he's spoiled" arguments, but I've also talked with lots of other breastfeeding moms and the nighttime feedings seem more normal than not. When the teething (or cold or flu or whatever) starts, my kid nurses like mad and my sleep suffers. There are also times as well when I think he goes through a growth spurt or some other big change and my breast becomes his safety blanket. I roll with it as much as I can, but it's tiring.
With the pain relievers, I find he's usually distracted enough during the day not to need them; we save the big guns for the night howling. If it's more of the safety blanket thing, I give him the breast as long as there's milk. Then I have daddy take over the cuddling (baby sleeps in our room, so it's easier), as papa can't offer/deny milk. The baby squeals at first but settles down pretty quickly. It helps that we've shifted from mama to papa at bedtime in general. It was a bit of an adjustment, but our baby's gotten used to it. He & daddy have their own nighttime routine now. It's good for their relationship (my hubby works long hours too, and he really values that time in the evening with the babe), it gives mama a bit of needed space, and I suspect it makes it easier to pass off the nighttime cuddling when necessary.
Those are my tips. If you catch me on the off day, I'll grumble away about it, but as he only fed once last night, I'm feeling falsely confident. lol. It's a process, eh.

Susan - posted on 01/15/2011

I have pretty much the same situation with my 8 month old baby boy. Some people were telling me he was being too needy or he was in a habit. Then I called up The Breastfeeding Hotline here in Australia where I live and the lady I spoke with assured me that many breastfed babies wake 2 - 3 times a night to feed. Part of the reason is that despite them eating solid foods, breastmilk has certain things in it that food can not have so some babies are still needing extra nutrients at night time. She reminded me that a baby at 8 months or even older is only really capable of expressing a need, despite some old school thinkers saying a baby is being manipulative at that age or in a habit ( I dont think it is the case at all) when my boy wakes he seems really hungra/thirsty, it is very hot over here so could be part of the reason.
I know you must be exhausted, I am too, i dont think you are doing anything wrong.

Liz - posted on 01/14/2011

Thank you all for your advice

Laura Zoey - posted on 01/14/2011

If she chews on you, and you notice :), take her right off, or pull her into your breast so she releases to take a breath. Don't let her keep doing that or it will just get worse.
She can learn not to do that, and you will really appreciate it when she does!
If you can try to remain somewhat conscious in the night time nursings for a few days, you should be able to stop her doing that with repitition.
My husband also doesn't do anything with bed time, but he would, if Eric would let him!
If Eric even sees or hears dad at night he screams!
So it's all me all night.
Maybe try not doing the motrin in the day, and save the doses for night time.
I gave Eric motrin one dose before bed every night for a few weeks when his molars were coming through. Life saver!
When she is in her crib and wakes, are you able to breastfeed her back to sleep and put her back in the crib after she is asleep?
This is my main sleep tactic, and while it is a delicate procedure to put him back asleep, I found through trial and error how best to put him down and keep him asleep.
This way she is out of your bed, not crying because you respond when she wakes, but the downfall is you get less sleep.
You can have your husband pick two of three options
1 she sleeps with you, doesn't cry, you get sleep, but less privacy
2 she sleeps in her crib, she doesn't cry, you get less sleep, and privacy is possible but you will be tired
3 she sleeps in her bed at the beginning, she comes in bed with you when she wakes, so then she isn't crying, you get sleep, and you get partial privacy in the early night.

Honestly I think 3 is the best solution, which sounds like what you are doing now. But he just needs to realize that all other options are less desirable.
Maybe you would be more eager to stay up with him at night if he was willing to wake up with the baby in the morning and let you sleep in every morning!

Liz - posted on 01/14/2011

It has been a long time thing. She has been doing this since about 4 months (so about 4 months). My husband would prefer it both ways :) He wants her to sleep in her bed but also not cry at all at night. He is also not willing to help at bed time. His justification is that she is more comforted by me and nursing is working well so why mess with it...
She used to take a pacifier on occasion. I can still get her to take one here and there. Think the reason I am having so much pain from her nursing at night is that she is using me a teether. I have really large breasts so she just kind of takes a mouthful and chews. I caught her doing it last night. I am not quite sure how to deal with that. She is taking motrin during the day to help with pain. At night I have not been doing anything. Her teeth are a ways from popping through. She has been teething on and off for 2 months.

Laura Zoey - posted on 01/14/2011

I like to lay on my side, with my arm either under his head or up under the pillow, and then I put a rolled up hand towel under my breast to hold it up and level.
I tuck up my legs so his legs rest on mine, this keeps him from scooting around much.
Also I found that if I sleep without a shirt or bra sometimes he is comforted just laying his cheek on my breast.
Otherwisei breastfeed him in our rocking lazy boy chair, this way I can use more positions to get him comfy, but if I fall asleep iusually wake with a leg fallen asleep!
But I go back and forth between putting him in his bed, or bringing hum in with me.
Would your husband prefer it if she slept with you all night, so she isn't crying at all?
Or does he want her in her own room?
Reuse a sound machine to make some white noise so it's not as loud when Eric wakes up.
I'm right now getting over a setof blistered nipples cuz Eric had a stomach virus and nursed me raw!
But even though I have bloody scabs now, it doesn't hurt as bad as when the blisters were starting!
I use lanisoah nipple cream, it's wonderfully soothing for the sore nipples and helps speed up the healing.

Does she suck her thumb?
It's really helpful to me that Eric sucks his thumb cuz some times he is happy just being held while sucking his thumb and boobs get a rest.
How long has she been wanting to breastfeed all night? Is it still fairly recent, or is it a long time thing?

Liz - posted on 01/13/2011

Thanks Laura. I really have not bought into the social pressures of sleeping separately until just recently, and it is more pressure from my hubby. My husband works really long hours and does not function well on less sleep than he needs. I feel bad every time he has to wake up because she is crying. I stay home and he still expects me to nap during the day so I can stay up in the evening with him.

I know now with her teething that she really does need the comfort. She seems to be in pain and even with all of the remedies I have tried, she doesn't seem to get relief for longer than 30 minutes to an hour. My big problem is that she makes me really sore. She doesn't stay latched on very well in her sleep. Other than me staying awake the entire time she nurses, do you have any suggestions for how to keep her latched on properly so that I am not having as much pain? I have woken with blisters and she is getting little blisters on her lips like when she was a newborn from nursing so much.

Laura Zoey - posted on 01/13/2011

On the opposite side of sleep, I am tired too some nights but I am confident that the bonds you choose not to break in infancy will remain strong throughout the Childs life.
I don't think Eric deserves to cry himself to sleep, wether I check on him or not.
In his perfect world he would be with me as much as he wants, and so I try to not push him out of this as much as I can.
If she desperately wants to breastfeed, then in HER mind it is a desperate need.
Babies can not manipulate, they don't have anterior motives, these are learned behaviors and she does not cry to be a bother!
Crying is her only method of communication, so it's very important you not ignore her when she speaks to you.
If she were saying, "mom I'm scared! Mom I'm lonely!" you wouldn't ignore that, so don't ignore her cries either!
If it makes you feel like she needs you, then she needs you.
If you hear a whining or whimpering and think, she is ok, then she is ok!
We are supposed to be tuned in to our babies emotions.
We are the ones in charge, we brought the baby into this world, and it's up to us to care for them.
Your instincts are your best friend as a mom, and forcing yourself to ignore her cries will not help anything. All this does is desensitize yourself to her calls.
You want to be in tune to her, not apathetic.
Just don't try to go against your heart. You don't have to teach your daughter to self sooth. Self soothing is another learning experience and babies will learn it at their own pace in their own time when it's right for them.
Making them learn to self sooth sounds like making them learn to walk before they are ready!
There is no age where she HAS to be independent from you. You should be her source of safety and comfort for years and years to come!
Just trust yourself, trust her needs.

Melanie - posted on 01/13/2011

If she wants to nurse when she sees you...try sending your husband in for awhile to comfort. Babies don't expect to get milk from Daddy so sometimes it helps to have him take over for a bit if possible! My girls are very stubborn and we had to let them cry it out until they learned to self-soothe. They were ok, just mad that they didn't get what they want. I would check on the baby every 20-30 min or so and she would know she wasn't abondoned but she also learned that she would not get to nurse at night and now she doesn't wake up unless something else is going on like teething, etc. Some people don't agree with this but it works and it was worth the pain (yes, it always hurts to hear your baby cry for a long time) so that our family can get more rest and I can be a better mother b/c I'm not tired all the time!!

Liz - posted on 01/13/2011

She is inconsolable by cuddling. She cries and pulls at my shirt. She will not give up. It could be 30 minutes of crying. I am just not that strong to hold out. I am just so torn. I would love to sleep longer than a few hours at a time but I also don't want to have her feel abandoned at night.

Melanie - posted on 01/13/2011

I cut out night-time feedings at 6 months as the babies are getting enough during the day and once I refused to nurse at night, my dtr stops waking up in the night. The exceptions are if she's teething or sick and needs extra fluids/comfort. If my dtr is crying in the night, I can still go in and comfort her by cuddling and just not feed her and that seems to work fine. It's not great for you to be used as a pacifier so feed when she's hungry and if she's just having a snack...maybe take that option away. I know many will object to this but wanting sleep for yourself at this stage is ok too!! I try to do any night-time stuff in the nursery and keep our bed as "ours" now that our kids are getting bigger.

Laura Zoey - posted on 01/13/2011

I also bring Eric in bed with me in the early morning, he loves it, I love it and my husband loves waking up with all of us together!
It just feels right.

Laura Zoey - posted on 01/13/2011

Physically she might not need the nutrients of your milk at night.
But babies have more needs then just the physical ones!
They have emotional and mental and social needs.
Emotionally she is in pain from teething, this need is satisfied with breastfeeding.
Mentally she is likely feeling detached to you at night, and she needs regular check in times to comfort her self knowing you haven't gone far.
Social needs tell her instinctually that she should be near mom, biologically speaking babies should be sleeping next to mom to make sure they are safe, warm, etc.
Now we know that our babies are safe and warm in their cribs, but the baby might not know that!
They still feel that instinct to be close to mom.
So all these reasons point to one simple solution in her mind-breastfeed!
It's all very normal, and quite natural, and honestly healthy for her!
My son also breastfeeds in the night, at that age it was also about 3 times a night, and as he got older it has now turned into once a night! (he is 21months)
So all on his own he has cut back his breastfeeding at night needs and I'm certain that after a bit longer he will be sleeping all the way through completely on his own choosing.
That will be nice, but even more nice knowing he was actually ready to do it.
I really do love our night time breast feedings now, it's a good way to reconnect to him, and I love that he needs me still! As he gets older and more independent he doesn't need me so much so often, but I know I still have a very important place.