cry-it-out method

Shaunna - posted on 11/14/2008

I've had many people tell me to try it, and I've had many people tell me not to try it. It really has just all boiled down to what feels right for me and my baby... and it didn't feel right. When a baby's language is a cry, then it seems as if it's my job to listen. There's nothing wrong with waiting a few minutes to see if my baby can soothe himself, but when that fails, I want him to know he's not alone in his little battle to be okay!

Diane - posted on 11/14/2008

I'm not sure what name the method we used would be named if it had one but it is not an exact method.

From the beginning I wanted to train Lily to go to sleep on her own. I read somewhere that babies get their "night" sleep cues around 6 weeks. These cues tell them that it's nighttime and time to sleep for an extended period of time. It said up until then you can do anything to help a baby get to sleep and it won't "spoil" them; although I don't believe you can ever "spoil" a newborn!

So, immediately home from the NICU I would nurse then lay her down. She would fidget a bit then settle down. If she woke up I would pat her belly or rub her head but not pick her up. It worked perfectly!

Now at 10.5 months old she just lays in her bed for about 15 minutes babbling then falls asleep on her own. She still doesn't sleep ALL night. She does wake up and fuss a bit but I go in give her a paci and leave. She will eventually fall back asleep. I have not had to actually pick her up to calm her in a LONG time.

I do not recommend the CIO method. I think it's cruel. Babies cry for a reason. But I'm not for co-sleeping or attachment parenting either. I'm not saying it's wrong just not for my family.

Also, I truly believe children need schedules. If a child is on a schedule he will know it's time to sleep b/c he is tired. Therefore he won't have to CIO.

I wish you luck with whatever you try.

Danielle - posted on 11/14/2008

DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME!!!!! Great way to make your baby detached. Read some Dr. Sears books first!

Helen - posted on 11/14/2008

When I was pregnant I started reading Marc Weissbluth's "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child". I used this book as a framework for understanding child sleep development, and when my son was born used the info I had learned to understand my son's behavior. I'm a first time mom so it was a TERRIFIC resource with a mixture of science and some common sense. I saw that you posted about a day ago that you are using this book too. I am SOO glad! GOODLUCK. I hope your new resource works for you and your precious little one. : )

DD - posted on 11/14/2008

I didnt' read all the responses, as I'm outnumbered :) I couldn't let my son CIO...just couldn't I absolutely hated the book BabyWise...made ME cry!! I did love the No Cry Sleep solution and that book helped me get my son out of my bed after I was done co sleeping and into his bed sleeping longer and better. I highly recommend it.

Amanda - posted on 11/14/2008

I read in Parents magazine it is harmful if small infants are left to cry too. A baby under 6 months isn't crying because they are sad, they are crying because they NEED something. Now, my 2 month old I respond to his cries because obviously he is hungry or cold or whatever, but my 2 year old, if he cries, he can cry it out. If he doesn't want to go to bed, it's his problem not mine. Age makes a huge difference. At 8 months old, I would let him cry to a certain extent. At that age they might just cry because they are not getting what they want in bratty way, not a needy way, so you just have to make sure you know the difference.

Margaret - posted on 11/14/2008

I actually read in a parents magazine that if your child is less than 6 months old, that it isn't a good thing to allow the child to cry for so long, that it can be harmful to their nervous system. It read that they need to know when being conforted. I am a new mom myself so I am not sure of that whole thing either. My daughter is 2 months old and when she is just a little fussy, I let her be but if she is seriously crying to the point of her face turning red then i try to comfort her.

Reyna - posted on 11/14/2008

Sheryl, if you read what I wrote, I wrote that I wouldn't let a baby cry that long, I think it is torture, so I don't know why you needed to mention the 3 hour thing. It was just an example and I don't really know the mom. I just saw her a couple times at some baby info session at the community centre. I have not seen that mother in months. Anyways, she was the mother and she made that decision. We don't need to judge others. We are all different as all our babies are too, and every mother knows their baby the best. I also agree with you Sheryl under 6 months, I never left my baby crying. As to you Beth, my son is the same way, will only fall asleep on the breast and that is why I thought of this method too. My dr. recommended it, because it is hard on us mothers, bad for their teeth and I used to feel very weak. Now that my son is 13 months, I probably will try it once again, once this 16th tooth is completely out. I know it is like eating a lolipop when they fall asleep on the breast and since my son has so many teeth, I want to break that bad habit. Sugar on teeth is not good! Good Luck!

Angie - posted on 11/13/2008

I tried it, and it for the most part has been the only thing that has worked. My daugher is now 17 months old. She never was a very good sleeper. I would have to get her to sleep, then hope she would stay asleep when I put her to bed. I had to get up 5 or 6 times a night still when she was plenty old enough to sleep through the night. I finally decided to try letting her cry, cause she was just throwing a little fit at bedtime. I knew she didn't need anything and she was staying up soooo late! So, one night we tried it and I couldn't take it. I finally gave up and did our usual routine. A few nights later we tried it again and she didn't cry for very long, or very hard. Suddenly, I was able to put her to bed awake, tired and ready to sleep. I still have to go through this with her occasionally, but I can tell when she's needing something or when she's just mad. I never let her cry for long, but some nights I do have to let her cry a bit to go to bed. It really worked in just a couple of tries, but it is really hard to do it. I distracted myself and went where I couldn't hear her but my husband could, a few times. She always napped fine, so I never had to do it for naps, just bedtime. She has 2 nightlights in there and a noise machine to give her white noise, and I have music in there for her too when she needs it. We didn't try this until she was probably nearly a year old, and that was probably bad on my part, waiting that long to get her to sleep well on her own.

Tiffany - posted on 11/13/2008

i just want to recommend the No Cry Sleep Solution.....this worked well for my son when he was about your son's age and having trouble with naps.

Beth - posted on 11/12/2008

Thanks for everyones responses! I know everyone has an opion about this. I am reading healthy sleep habits, happy child. My son is 8 months old and only falls asleep by the breast, so i am just trying to break this habit so that i can have a life!! But we will see if it works, if its too hard on us both then more time is what i will give him! thanks again!

Jenn - posted on 11/12/2008

I have tried it and it works on and off for me. 15 minutes is what the doctor told me and if it goes longer than that, there's something else wrong (or he's just really determined). Usually by then, they have tired themselves out and just go back to sleep.

Erica - posted on 11/12/2008

Well i did not exactly the cry it out method but i did the it's time for bed method she has always slept in her bed since she was born i would rock her then when she was alseep i would put her to bed but when she got older and didnt want to go to bed she was 9 months to a year I put her to bed while she was awake and told her it's time for bed mommy will be close by she would say mommy and wine for about 5 mins then she would be sleeping! As long as you assure them your right there they will be fine i wouldnt leave them and longer than 10 mins or if the cry is more than a i just want you cry.

Pattie - posted on 11/12/2008

FYI there are some great links on this site about the book "Baby Wise" If you are a follower of the book you should look at some of these facts. I read the book 4 years ago and thought it was a good idea until I googled the author. Couldn't believe all the controversial stuff about him. His own church kicked him out for embezzeling sp? money. http://www.fresnofamily.com/ap/ezzo.htm

Barbara - posted on 11/12/2008

I don't think that Randi was judging anyone, just reacting. You can't judge people who've been told that CIO is a good thing to do by people they trust. Pretty much everyone was using techniques like the Ferber Method not so long ago. My own parents told me that babies "need" to cry sometimes.
That being said, it seems that current thinking is that letting your baby "cry it out" does far more harm than good. Dr. Ferber has pretty much been debunked. When you've read the books that I ( and Randi as well probably ) have read it's kind of scary to think that people still use those methods. Sorry if that seems offensive, but it kind of gives you an idea of where we are coming from.

Randi - posted on 11/12/2008

Emily- So why should your baby cry if they "just" want to be held? Babies NEED to be held and feel secure. It bothers us to hear them cry because we are meant to respond to them. Letting your newborn baby CIO teaches them that you are only there when it's convenient. Babies stop crying because they have given up. Secure babies cry less. I am not judging, I just find it very sad for the poor little babies left to cry at such a young age.

Carmel - posted on 11/12/2008

I don't judge any one who does this but I don't recommend it at all. I feel that babies need mommys reassurance. Check out the book that has the "pick up put down method" I don't know the author but you can look it up if interested.

Christina - posted on 11/12/2008

I too did the Ferber method for nap and bed time. It worked great for my first son who is now 21 months old. I am currently starting to do it with my 2nd son who is almost 5 months old. He kind of showed me himself that he was ready for it by crying himself to sleep when I couldn't get to him right away. He usually fell a sleep after 5 minutes of crying. My children's doctor is the one who recommended it to me with my first son once he turned 4 months old. I have a great book that also recommended it at the age of 4 months old. Both the book and the doctor say that it is perfectly normal for a baby to have a little cry before bed as it helps them to burn off excess energy. They also say that it is harder on the parents than the baby. Obviously cover the basic needs first before you let them cry, ie; dry diaper, well fed and burped, etc. Keep teething in mind. I would give my son Motrin (under the advice of the doctor) right before bed when he was teething or sick. Apparently teething pain can be worse at night because of the change in blood flow while laying down. Try slightly elevating the head of the crib a bit during teething.



I recommend that you do research it before trying it out. Perhaps discuss it with your doctor to see if your child is ready for it.



Remember no one truely knows your baby better than you. Follow your motherly instinct! Best of luck to you with what ever you decide!

Emily - posted on 11/12/2008

Randi- this post isn't meant for you to judge parenting techniques.

Emily - posted on 11/12/2008

I use the CIO method, for sleeping habits. with my son I had him sleeping through the night at 6wks old- exclusively breastfed. I would let him cry 15mins, go in and rub his back without speaking or turning on any lights, then leave and come back and repeat this cycle until he knew he was safe. with my daughter, I do the same thing, it's all about reassurance and consistency. As long as you konw they are fed, burped, dry and otherwise comfortable, you know they will be fine for certain periods of time on their own and that most likely they are crying because they want to be in mummy's arms. My daughter is 11wks old and sleeps 8hrs a night, exclusively bfd.

Sheryl - posted on 11/12/2008

Renya - Who ever let their baby cry for 3 hours is obviously insane and needs to have their parenting skills evaluated. You should give their head a shake! I normally do not comment negitively however.....There are times which I can not restrain myself...3 hours is neglectfull. How long you allow a baby to cry should depend on the age of the child. I don't think any babe under 6 months should be left screaming any longer than 5 or 10 minutes. Use your HEAD and HEARTS mothers. Your babies rely on you for the comfort and security that you provide. And any infant that cant even roll over should be tended to....alowing them to cry for extended periods is insane. I once heard a story about a mother who was trying the CIO method. She let her babe cry for an extended period of time because a BOOK told her to....She painfully and tearfully sat outside the baby's room.until finally she couldn't take it anymore......she went in picked up her babe and stripped the child down only to find a peice of thread tightly wound around her baby's toe......She kissed that method good bye. Thankfully the baby did not loose his toe! Harsh as it may sound it's a true story. So please use some maternal instinct here and be reasonable....

Joanie - posted on 11/12/2008

The thing is, the cry it out method works. But I think you need to read up on how to do it correctly (which is what I'm doing right now). Try Baby Wise or Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child or Baby Whisperer. I don't like the idea of just leaving them alone to cry for an hour. If the baby is hysterical, it's not good. The baby should start taking small breaks from the screaming and the breaks should get longer and the screaming periods shorter. If this isn't happening, I don't think it's good to leave them for too long. I also agree that your baby should be closer to 6 months old, and you need to be fairly certain they don't have a legitimate reason to cry ie: teething, gas, illness, hunger.



I kind of let my kid cry recently, but I was still holding him. He's been fighting his naps and doesn't like me to cradle him, and he wants me to stand and bounce him. So I just cradled him with a pacifier and sat on my bed and lightly patted his back. He screamed and fought me for a bit, then started taking breaks from the screaming, etc. Then I set him down after he was calmed down, but not completely asleep. I'm hoping this will help the transition to getting him to fall asleep in his crib without me. But I'm still reading up on healthy sleeping. I think it's important to know what the research has shown and how they recommend you do it.

Valerie - posted on 11/12/2008

When our daughter hit the 6-month mark a few weeks ago, my husband and I decided it was time to put her in her crib for day-time naps. She had previously been falling asleep for her naps in the car, stroller, bouncy seat, etc. I knew she would have better and longer naps if she slept in her crib, but in order for that to happen, we had to let her cry it out. She doesn't take a pacifier and she doesn't suck her thumb, but she has found a way to calm herself and fall asleep on her own. The first three days were the toughest because she would cry (not hysterically - we wouldn't let it get to that point) for 30-40 minutes before dozing off. Now if I put her down awake (but sleepy and yawning), it takes less than 5 minutes for her to fall asleep. And just as we thought, she does take longer naps in her crib. But I'm with some of the other moms - I wouldn't let a baby younger than 6 months cry it out.

Courtney - posted on 11/12/2008

I did the Ferber method with my 3 year old when she was 4 months old. With the Ferber method you go in and check on them after 5 minutes, 10 minutes, 15 minutes and then every 20 minutes until they fall asleep. The first night she cried for an hour (so did I, BTW), the second night she cried for 30 minutes, the third night she cried for 10 minutes and by the fourth night she was able to lay down in her crib and go to sleep without making a peep.
My baby will be 4 months old next week. I spoke with the pediatrician about the crying it out method and she said that it was time. She felt like I needed to do 10 minute intervals instead of 20 and that 45 minutes was long enough, but that there was no harm in it.
I do agree with a lot of the posts that say follow your own instinct.....My pediatrician is the 3rd pediatrician that said to me that younger than 4 months old was too young to let them CIO.

Bernadette - posted on 11/12/2008

I was soooo against the cry it out method with my first child. However, after my second child was born I found myself not as "soft" as I was with my first. So I gave it a try. I didn't do the Ferber Method. Instead, I just did the old fashion cry it out until he fell asleep. While I did go in to comfort him if his cries were persistant, I would otherwise let him cry it out until he fell asleep. I am still so surprised that he was able to learn to put himself to sleep in just a matter of days. He may still wake up in the middle of the night (he is now 11 months old), but he often time whimpers softly to himself back to sleep. Go with what feels comfortable for you and your baby. Don't start this process until after the age of 5 months. Before that they may still be hungary in the middle of the night and therefore are crying for milk.

Pattie - posted on 11/12/2008

To cry or not to cry - that is the question that causes the most arguments at our house. I can't stand the crying but my husband thinks I shouldn't pick them up every single time they cry. My first child is almost four and she did not go to sleep on her own or sleep all night until she was three years old. I never ever ever let her cry. My second child is 6 months old and also a terrible sleep. Last week I finally let her cry for about 30 minutes and she fell asleep. Ever since then, I feed her, rock her, lay her down and she actually stays asleep. I would have never done this with a baby under 6 months old or if I thought there was anything wrong with her. Lucky for me it only lasted one night, for 30 minutes.

So, here's what I would say to you. It is your baby. Do what your instincts and your HEART say. Trust yourself. You know your baby better than any doctor or author. Don't be guilted into doing or not doing something. People feel strongly about this subject and will argue it till the cows come home - you do what is right for you and your sweet baby.

Mary - posted on 11/12/2008

I wouldn't under any circumstance let your baby cry it out. I won't go through everything that all of the other moms have already said, but I think it's a horrible thing to do.

Shiloh - posted on 11/11/2008

http://www.attachmentparenting.org/princ...

Sarah - posted on 11/11/2008

I have three kids and have done this with all three. It has worked like a charm, my kids have all been on napping and feeding schedules, and all three kids slept through the night at 5-6 weeks. It's hard to hear them cry and you need to keep checking on them to make sure they are crying just because. But it works. I read the book called "Baby Wise" it talks about the proven method of Crying it out and how to help your kids get on schedules. Kids are happier and healthier when they are put on a napping and feeding schedule.

Reyna - posted on 11/11/2008

First of all, I don't know how old your baby is. If your baby is under 6 months, I do not recommend the cry it out method. Neither, do I recommend it if your child is waking up because he/she is teething, or any other thing like that. However, if your child is on solids as well and is 6 months or older, it is difficult and for me it only worked for a bit, because my son keeps going through teething stages, which causes pain and that is why he wakes up. When I did do the cry it out method, I let him cry for a minute, sat beside him, kept telling him I love him and singing to him. He would stop crying and then begin again. It really took 1 hour the first time, then became less and less each time. I have heard of someone letting baby cry for 3 hours, but I think if they cry more than an 1 and a half, that's torture! They must be crying because they are hungry or in pain. Well, good luck and the decision is up to you. All babies are different, and my son is 13 months now and he still is a bad sleeper usually; however, he is onto his 16th teeth.

Randi - posted on 11/11/2008

WOW!

I can't imagine letting a 3 week old baby CIO... That is so sad.

I can post links if you are interested showing a correlation between babies being left to cry and brain damage. Babies cry for a reason, not to manipulate you. If you respond to them, they will feel secure and actually cry less. I don't let my kids CIO, never have and they do great. Some kids just aren't sleepers! My son didn't sleep through the night until he was 19 months old, but my 7 month old has slept approx. 10 hours since she was about 2 months old. They are BABIES not adults and we should treat them that way.

If you are going to do a form of CIO, I would put the child in bed and walk away BUT I would not let them get hysterical. Allow them to fuss for a little bit, then go in.

Kari - posted on 11/11/2008

I started with my son when he was 3 weeks old because he would keep waking himself up over and over and wasn't getting a good nap. I started with letting him cry for two minutes, going in and calming him (patting him, give pacifier, shhing) left, wait two minutes more, and so on. Then I upped it to 5 and have stuck to that. He mostly goes to sleep by himself in a few minutes now. I usually go in after 5 minutes and then he falls asleep. This is only at naps; since we started this and got good naps in, he goes to bed at night without a problem (usually--is anything absolute with a newborn!?) As he sleeps better, he is sleeping more too and is more alert and calm when he is awake. We also make sure he is on the Eat, Play, Sleep schedule and that has helped the night time too and my sanity because I know what he should be doing when. He is 3 months now (well, in 2 days--every moment counts, goes by tooooo fast!) and is sleeping from 8 or 9 at night, wakes up about 5 for a 10 minute feeding and then back to sleep until 8 a.m. Good luck--best advice, watch the clock, don't assume you will know how long it has been because 2 minutes will seem like an hour!!! Distract yourself with dishes or folding laundry, start dinner, anything that makes those few awful minutes go quickly. I think it is well worth it in the long run. The hardest part of being a mommy, in my opinion, is letting them do things on their own but you feel so good when they do, even if it is just putting themselves to sleep.