crying to sleep

Sarah - posted on 06/18/2010 ( 110 moms have responded )

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my daughter is now 2 and a half mos old. bedtime is always a fight with her. we have had the same routine since day 1...starts out by taking a bath, rubbing on some lotion and dressing, taking her vitamin, nursing while i hum a lullaby or 2...and then she is usually asleep so i lay her down.

some nights she doesnt fall asleep while she nurses so i will rock her. this usually leads to a fight in which she cries and cries and cries...and nothing seems to soothe her. she will cry until she falls asleep. she wont take a pacifier (which is not something i wanna force anyways...not a habit i want to start) im just wondering what you do with ur little one.



also, if she is asleep and i lay her down she sleeps for a little bit (maybe 20mins) and will wake back up. im wondering what you guys do...how you handle this. do you pick them up and put them back to sleep? do you let them cry themselves back to sleep? do you nurse them back to sleep? i know for me the only way my girl goes back to sleep is if i let her nurse. thats pretty much the only way to get her to go down at night. not something i wanted to do but its pretty much what she decided. i tried it all and thats the only way she would have it. if i tried to anything else all she did was cry...until she fell asleep. i dont know if im just too soft and dont like her crying or if i feel its wrong to make her cry herself to sleep. idk...thats why im wondering what you all do.

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Crying it out is toxic for your baby. http://ecochildsplay.com/2010/04/23/cry-... It creates huge amounts of stress hormones in their little bodies.
You will only be in this stage of life for a very short time. Crying is the only way that a baby can tell you that they need something, when you ignore the crying, you are ignoring the communication. When you baby stops crying, it isn't that they feel confident - they have simply given up.
If you poll your friends with children, you will find that all babies want to nurse to sleep and lay down with their mothers. I don't understand why anyone has such a huge problem with it. And if all babies want to do it, I don't understand why it is perceived as bad or inappropriate - maybe it is just natural? I am glad that something so simple can comfort my son and usher him off to a good peaceful sleep. I have nursed him to bed since he was born and he sleeps with me. Despite a short colicky phase, we have peaceful evenings.

Grace - posted on 06/24/2010

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hey darl wow thats exactly the problem i had with my little girl, it wasnt until i came accross the 'sleep programe' its worth looking up on the net, the idea is to feed when bub wakes, play time-give her as much exercise as possible - both mentle and physical, take her nappy off introduce new toys and take her for a walk as this will stimulate her mind and should cause her to be really tired and ready for bed... try keep her awake for around 1 and a half hrs do your normal bed routine, lay her in her cot making sure she has burped, not cold/hot, clean nappy and not overtired then yes she will cry but the tears are only for attention- she is not usto putting herself to sleep, she actually dosen't know how to (so you have to teach her)... as soon as she starts crying start your stop watch the battle has begun, i left mine for 1 minuite then went in for a cuddle-pick her up so that if she does have wind she will burp it up, give her a patt on the back DO NOT TALK OR MAKE EYE CONTACT!! when you are ready and she has carmed down abit put her back on her back in her cot and walk strait out, as soon as you start to put her down she will start sobbing again but you have to be strong- if you cant do it get somone else to( my mum did it for me) or even put your ipod on and turn it up extra loud... each time you go in spread the time further and further so like start with 1 min, then 3, then 5 then 10, 15 and hopefully she will sleep even if its 10 mins ( the ideal time would be 1 and a half hours) the reason your girl is waking up after 20 mins is thats because she has just entered the light stage of her nap- every 20 mins their sleeping changes from light to heavy(mine usta do the same) thats why she needs to learn to put herself back to sleep and trust me the yonger they are the quicker it is for them to pick it up.... hope this has been helpfull comment me if ive forgotten anything or you have any questions but yeah this saved me i got to the stage where i was rippin my hair out- i rocked Aaliyah in the pram on her belly shit scared she would suffercate and every 20 mins feed her so she was snacking and mother hood should be fun not stressfull just remember to be strong your doing it for her own good and the key is to be consistant (stay at home for a week just dedicate it to teaching your angel to sleep on her own) Good luck and yeah comment me if ive forgotten anything :) grace.

Resmi - posted on 06/23/2010

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my kid too ws tht way. i think she might be feeling hungry. or, otherwise, she might be wanting u near thru out night time. just cuddle in the bed with the baby. when she feels ur warmth, she might feel more confident. feed her when she cries in the midst of sleep. it's ok.

Erica - posted on 06/23/2010

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She does not have the ability to soothe herself yet. This comes when the child is about 5-6 months old. It's going to have to be some fact finding on your part. Understandably, she's going to freak when she nurses to sleep. Imagine if you fell asleep on the couch and you woke up in your bed. Pretty jolting! :) Until she matures enough to soothe herself and her sleep patterns lengthen, it's going to be rough. It sounds like you're setting her up to have a great bedtime routine, she's just simply too young to be able to benefit from it. Sleep training can't even begin to have any fruition until about 4 months...and even that's early! There's a lot of good advice on here. Good luck!

Melissa - posted on 06/23/2010

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Wow, a lot of great responses, good luck to you if you read all of them (I made it halfway, I'll admit it)
My suggestions-some may have already been said-:
**Make sure, even if she has fallen asleep, that you try to burp her. Sometimes, even -w- b.feeding, they get gassy, and that could cause them to awaken after falling asleep after a feeding.
**Try different carrying methods to try to soothe her, I found that sometimes, when my DD was fussing, if I held her on her stomach looking down to the ground it would calm her down, and she'd fall asleep.
**I also learned that the transition from arms to crib could be a scary one, when you let go of their back and place them down, they could have the fear of falling, which also would cause some tears. I was almost crawling into the crib with DD when I was trying to lay her down.
**have you tried a swaddler? uncontrollable body twitches can awaken them as well. I ADORED my velcro swaddler.

Something that works one day, may not work the next. That is one of the joys of motherhood. My daughter is almost 18 months old, and sleeps wonderfully. I have never let her CIO, I personally can't bear to think my peanut is unhappy. She has a routine down: bath, brush teeth, read a book {2 out of 7 days we make it through a whole book}, say goodnight to the snakes, ride the stuffed giraffe, then its lights out. If she wants to play in bed/talk to herself, thats fine, she eventually goes to sleep.

Good luck, and as had been said, it will get better!!!

Jennifer - posted on 06/23/2010

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have you tried taking your shirt off and laying it under her so she can smell you? That worked for my youngest.

[deleted account]

Dont worry to much at the moment, your baby is so young. I have 2 sons (one is 14mth's and the other 5yrs) and they were both in a hammock till 6 mths old. Some people don't like this because I was gently bouncing my baby to sleep but it worked a treat and I wasn't moving them from me to the bed so the didn't wake up again, until they were meant to. At 6 mths, they both moved into their cots. This was hard for the first 48hrs because they were not being bounced anymore to sleep but I did a little controlled crying (which broke my heart sometimes) but only leaving 30sec, then 1 min, then 2min etc.. before going back into the bedroom, rolling baby on his side gently patting back, saying softly "it's sleep time" "I love you" and leaving again. By 2-3days later both my babies were sleeping by themselves and they still sleep fantastic!! Dinner is at 5pm, bath at 6pm both in bed by 6.30pm each night and they go straight asleep!
They both also listen to instrumental lullabies and have since I bought them home from hospital.
Enjoy your time with your baby, they are only young for so long and they need to be shown to have go sleep pattern's as this will last them for life! xxx

Rachel - posted on 06/23/2010

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I think you are doing the right thing wounderfully. I am not in love with the cry it out method especially before 1 yr old. The only way they no how to tell us anything is crying for a long time. If you dont go to them all you are teaching them is no one is there for them when they need you. My daughter slowly on her own has started poping of the bob snuggling and sucking her thumb so sleep, that started around 4 months. I go by the rule of booby try the bed if it doesnt last in bed with me as I need my sleep too. Booby in bed in the middle of the night no lights then back to her bed if that does not work back to bed with me. Slowly but surely she lasted longer in her own bed and now I can put her back in her bed after her 3-4:30 am snack. They tell us what they need we just have to listen. My daughter wanted nothing to do with a dummy either then she found her thumb... gasp say some... I say a woundrefull self soother... she now squaks once one or two times at night or in the middle of a nap pops her thumb in and back to sleep. if it turns into wimpering and fussing then I get her. Now some times she even goes down for a nap an hour after booby then some play she will get cranky, I offer her booby she declines I try the swing and out like a light, lamb in one hand othe hand thumb in mouth and when she is really asleep out falls thumb.

Jenn - posted on 06/23/2010

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I wouldn't worry about nursing a 2.5 month old to sleep. If this is working for you right now, do it! When she gets older, try nursing her until just before she falls asleep. Then rock her until she falls asleep and then try putting her to bed then. It's all about trial and error! You'll find out what works best for your baby. Stay true to your gut. If something doesn't feel right to you, don't do it just because a book is telling you to. All babies are different; you know your baby the best.

Sonya - posted on 06/23/2010

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Go with the flow until about 4 months before you start to do any sort of sleep training. It can be really tough, but just follow her lead right now. She will get there!!!

Cavell - posted on 06/23/2010

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The thing is that before 6 months or so, babies do not realize that when you are out sight you haven't dropped off the face of the earth. As far as she's concerned if she can't see you, you aren't there. My little girl was a night time cluster feeder. I thought I was either losing my supply or my mind at first, because she would feed almost constantly from around 6pm until 9-10pm. Then she started sleeping from 9-10 until 5am (all by herself, no sleep-training at all). I would nurse her to sleep (which is what all species of mammal do) and she would be out until 5-6am, dream feed and right back to sleep. We sometimes forget that we are mammals. and our babies need us in different ways at different times. Most mammals nurse on demand, and their babies almost never leave their side. Society tells us that babies should be able to fall asleep on their own and sleep all night in order to foster independence, but I feel like they are more likely to be independent if they know that no matter when or why, we are there for them regardless.

Melissa - posted on 06/23/2010

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My son is only a year but I go in at whatever time you set for bedtime... I put him in his crib and lay on the floor next to him, then I put my hand in his crib until he falls asleep. Sometimes he will just lay there and go to sleep and sometimes he plays for a few minutes but with in 15 minutes of going in he is asleep. I am not for CIO at all... I tried 2 days and could not handle it so I found something that works better for us. He stays asleep for 4-6 hrs straight then will wake and finish the night with me another 4-6hrs. Good luck with this just be patient!

Jennifer - posted on 06/23/2010

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Mine is just shy of two months and I am feeling ya. She will fall asleep from either nursing or rocking and I will put her in her bassinet. She will either sleep for 20-30mins or wake up the minute I let go of her. She is my first so immediately when she begins to cry I would pick her up and either rock or nurse her some more. This only made matters worse. I now find that if she has eaten well, been burped and has a clean diaper that is all she needs at the moment (she gets tons of cuddle time throughout the day and during night feedings). Usually she is crying because she is fighting sleep. The first night I let her cry was devastating to me but it actually helped. I also use the binky now (it took a while to find one she liked and would take to), but as soon as she is asleep in my arms I gently pull it out and put her down. I found that if I lay her down with it and it falls out she will wake up from that. But, as long as there basic NEEDS are met they will be fine crying for a little. Most of the time it is a strong cry for a few minutes that dies off to a whiney/fussy cry. And, I only let her cry for 10-15 minutes tops. But, rushing to pick her up the moment she begins to cry lets HER know (yes babies are smart enough to work you over) that this will happen every time she fusses. It is harder on the parent then it is on the child. Also, I use gas drops after night feedings because gas pains can be a culprit to why they wake up. Hope this helps!



And don't think I am a heartless meany, I am still guilty of picking her up and loving her the instant she cries because she is just so gosh darn cute and I love her more then anything. But the other mom's are right, instinct will tell you what to do.

Amanda - posted on 06/23/2010

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I think she's too young to start any kind of sleep training. At this age they need their mommies and if she wants to nurse to sleep, then let her. Your daughter will tell you what works and what doesn't. I know we all have these preconceived notions of what kind of parents we want to be and what kind of children we want to have, but they have their own plans and you kinda need to just go with the flow...

That said, I was in your situation with my daughter who is now 2. I spent a lot of time sleeping in my nursing chair. Curl up with a book and enjoy the snuggling time, it'll be over way too soon. I didn't start sleep training until my daughter was 6 months, and I tried all of the different techniques before cry-it-out finally worked. But at 2 months old, that's way too young to let her cry in my opinion..

Allison - posted on 06/23/2010

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You are absolutely not soft to pick her up! 2 months is entirely too young to let cry it out. Is it possible for your husband/partner to put your baby down at night. Babies can smell their mothers, and this makes newborns want to nurse. My husband would rock my daughter to sleep after I had nursed her for the last time of the night. He was very patient and it was tough, but I stayed away and I am so glad I did because she never had issues being put to sleep at night after a couple of months. Nap time, however, was a different story. I admit I nursed her to sleep, but I did what I had to do. You can't "spoil" an infant!

Tracey - posted on 06/23/2010

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I've always nursed my daughter to sleep, up until recently she has decided she can go to sleep on her own! I think it's just a natural thing for a child to want to be close to their parent when they get sleepy. I think the American culture is the only culture that looks down upon spending time and take care of your baby beyond the womb. Most cultures carry their babies on their backs or in pouches and you never hear of them complaining about having babies that cry to much or too long, their babies are conent because they have that parent time they need while they are young. I would tell you to follow her cues on what she needs and if you're worried try to let her only nurse until she's asleep and not let her suckle, this way she doesn't start to believe she has to be full to go to sleep, but enjoy your time, cuddle her, she's still so tiny because before long your baby is going to be all grown up and NOT need you and you'll be wondering where the time went!

Krystle - posted on 06/23/2010

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I nurse my son back to sleep. He's a year now, and that's always what we've done. I don't believe in the cry it out because I think it breaks the trust he feels if I don't respond.

You'll do what you feel works for you're family, but I would say, she's still so young, and babies learn to sleep at their own pace, and not to feel pressured to "make" your baby sleep with "sleep techniques'

http://drjaygordon.com/faq/sleep/drferbe... says "after several cross cultural studies, they found it's "An American myth that teaching a child to sleep alone develops there autonomy"....“It is clear that children of differing temperaments need different things at night, just as they do during the day,”

Alejandra - posted on 06/23/2010

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I had the similar problems when my baby (now 7 mo) was 1-3 months. She could not fall asleep on her own and if I nursed her to sleep she would wake up upset when I tried to put her down. I did not want to turn sleep into a battle, so I let her cosleep. That way I could nurse her to sleep in my bed and then we did not have to move her and she would stay asleep. Cosleeping was not very comfortable for the parents, but we kept checking if she was able to sleep in the crib. Eventually, around 3 months, I was able to nurse her to sleep and put her down. And then around 4 months we tried letting her crying it out, which worked after a couple days of serious crying.

So... my advice is: Don't make a battle of sleeping time. Let her sleep with you if that is what she wants right now. Just keep trying other things from time to time, so that she can move to the crib as soon as she is ready.

Bekah - posted on 06/23/2010

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She seems a bit young for CIO. You might want to make sure she isn't suffering from gas or reflux since we wakes up after feeding and seems to need to nurse to sleep again. while you don't want the pacifier (I didn't either), you might try a different kind to see if your daughter likes it. she may be a baby that just needs to suck--but of course she won't want the pacifier when she can have you! Just depends on if you want to be her pacifier. And if she's crying 5 or 10 minutes and then falling asleep, then that may not be too big of a deal, but she should eventually stop doing that. If she doesn't or if she cries 20-30 minutes every time, that's a different story. Neither my husband nor I could bear it, so we never let our daughter cry. It was a lot of work (she's now 2), but it's what worked for us. It stinks that they don't come with better instructions, right?

Lee - posted on 06/23/2010

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my daughter is now 7mnths and still likes to be nursed to sleep.it used to bother me but she is my last child so i soak it up now knowing how quick they grow as her sister is almost 2 yrs. When Jazmyn was 2mnths she was the same as your little one.i found that cause they are comfy and feeling safe they tend to know when you have moved them into there bed,and tend to wake up.
A comforter like a teddy or favourite blanket used all the time its time for bed seems to work.What i used was a shirt of myne,when i would be bf her i would stick it between us to get our feeding smell on it and then put her down with it.i found she would hold on tight to it and it made the transition from me to bed alot easier.
Dont forget, you are her mum and maybe you have to try different things but you know what your doing so go with it!
Hope it helps:)

Toni - posted on 06/23/2010

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I agree...what works now probably won't work later....just do whatever you are comfortable with!

Anna - posted on 06/23/2010

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You are not being too soft by nursing her to sleep - that's a lovely thing to do for your baby. I never left my son to cry - I had to try A LOT of different things to get him to sleep as he was always changing. Some things that worked for us: walking with him, nursing, letting him suck my little finger, humming, singing. Now he's 18 months and the only way he will fall asleep is if I go "ohhhmmmm ohhhmmmmmm" - like meditating! Just keep trying all sorts of weird things and something will work for her.

Jennifer - posted on 06/22/2010

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@Natalia C...i just thought i'd let you know that your story is very sweet, and quite beautiful

Natalia - posted on 06/22/2010

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every family and child is unique...so use your gut and respond to your child's individual needs. In our case, i strictly nursed and co-slept. I was blessed with a little one that just didn't sleep much...he doesn't want to miss anything. He also really likes snuggling and boob. At 10 months he was waking up 10 times per night. I thought i was going to go insane. But i dug deeper into my barrel of presence and persevered as i knew deep down that he needed to be with me. Then around 16 months he would nurse and then turn over and snuggle with me until he fell asleep...which was the beginning of him learning to fall asleep on his own ...but on his own timing. And then little by little i would say "okay mama wants to go to sleep" and he would let go of my hand, say okay and fall asleep on his own. Then by around 23 months i got pregnant again and decided that i needed to not nurse at night...so i night weaned. I had papa respond to him in the night explaining that he would have mama when the sun came up and he really got it. Talking to him and explaining everything worked really well for him. Then at 24 months i just "knew" it was time for co-sleeping to end...and we moved him to his own room with a great twin mattress on the floor and he instantly loved it...literally NO crying, NO issues...and he sleeps mostly through the night! Sometimes he wakes once or twice...but i get him ready for bed, we read stories, we sing a song or two, he nurses a bit, then he turns over and i tuck him in and he says good night mama...it's a dream and i worked damn hard for it ...2 years of very little sleep...but so worth it in the long run to see the effect on my son. He is letting go of me as he is ready ...forcing him to be independent of me on my timeline doesn't resonate with me. I completely support co-sleeping! it's great, especially with a newborn. And when my son was a bit older...yeah it sucked to get woken up in the night...but i got to see my son and snuggle and experience the most beautiful and gentle moments of my life. I had him at my side and he was fine under my blanket and i never was afraid of rolling onto him or anything...i believe our instincts are too strong for that to happen.
best of luck

Karlee - posted on 06/22/2010

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Just relax!!!! She's still so little!!! Enjoy her and do what is most comforting for you both. There will be a time when you may need to have her cry it out, but for now ENJOY!!!

Andrea - posted on 06/22/2010

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One more thing.....at this point it is okay to pick up your baby to calm them. Your baby is too young to cry herself to sleep. It will get better I promise. Keep researching and find what answer is most beneficial for you and your baby. Always remember too that just because something works, it can change so just try to stay calm and not get frustrated (easier said than done).

Toni - posted on 06/22/2010

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My baby boy only went to sleep after nursing also. This didn't stop until sometime around 5-6 months old. When he was 2 1/2 months, which is the age you are talking about, I almost always let him nurse to go back to sleep in the middle of the night. I used the lay down position so it wasn't as much of an inconvience for me. He would eat for just a few minutes and fall asleep. Since he was sleeping already laying down, it was an easy transition back to his bed. As time went on, he would go longer and longer in between those middle of the night feedings, and by 6 months I started weaning him off those by using a bottle at night instead of nursing. At 6 months, I started letting him cry a little when he woke up. I would never let him cry more than about 10-15 minutes, then I'd go in and rock him til he calmed and let him cry again. It only took about a week.

He's 13 months now, and has been sleeping 9-12 hours a night straight through since he was 6 months. When he's sick or teething that changes, but over all, he's doing well.

Each baby is different though...do what you are comfortable with. Try different methods until you find one that suits your baby.

Andrea - posted on 06/22/2010

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One thing to know is that it is okay to nurse her back to sleep at this point. That is how my daughter used to do it too (she is now 6 1/2 months old). She too would not take the pacifier, would not let me rock her, etc.) Alot of babies cluster feed at night (meaning they feed a lot of feedings more close together to prepare to sleep for longer periods of time). So she may be falling asleep before she is full and then realizes she may need to eat more. Another suggestion is to make sure that she is burped. They say too to make sure the baby stays awake during the entire bedtime routine including the feeding (this does not mean having the eyes open but just making sure that they are aware of where they are) and then placing them in bed because they say it can be scary to fall asleep in one place and wake up in another. Are you swaddling your baby still? Have you seen the Happiest Baby on the Block DVD? Let me know. Sorry I am rambling but I totally understand where you are coming from :)

Leanne - posted on 06/22/2010

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Try putting a heating pad in her sleep area whether it be a crib or bassinet/cradle, etc. Keep it on low heat so it's not HOT when you lay her down. It helps transition the babies from our arms to their beds since it's still warm. Imagine laying somewhere warm and comfy then being placed on a cold sheet all of a sudden. I'd wake up too if that happened to me!

Hopefully something like this would work for you as it did for me :)

Beth - posted on 06/22/2010

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Every mother I speak to and every book, article, professional etc... that I have encountered all agree that it is NOT okay to let a baby that young cry themselves to sleep, or cry it out as it is commonly called. My daughter was a horrible sleeper from the get go and I nursed her to sleep for the first 3-4 months. Then as she got older and more capable, she started putting herself to sleep. Then she went through a phase where she had trouble putting herself to sleep again, now she is starting to go back to putting herself to sleep again. Babies will change their habits over and over again. Just keep going with the flow and stop stressing yourself out. You should always do what works best for you and your baby.
I always picked my baby up if she started howling, my daughter also took a pacifier though so sometimes if I just gave it back to her she would be fine. Good luck.

Heather - posted on 06/22/2010

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She is only 2 1/2 months ... nurse her darling. You will both be happy! Good luck! :)

Erin - posted on 06/22/2010

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My son was the same way. I could rock him and nurse him but as soon as i stood up or tried to put him down he would wake up. So the solution to that was to lie down and nurse him in my bed. That way i wasn't touching him and when he fell asleep I could get up. He's 19 months now and we still co-sleep and he still nurses to sleep. We've never had any bedtime battles because he enjoys going to bed with me.
When my son was about 2 months old we started giving him homeopathic colic drops that had camomille in it to settle his stomace and help him relax. Sometimes it was the only way to get him to settle down and stop crying in the evenings. And he too wouldn't take a soother, and i also didn't raelly encourage it. However it may turn out that your breast is a replacement soother... she will just want to stay latched on even if she's not eating. Each baby needs comfort differently, and that may just be what she needs right now.
If you're breastfeeding there maybe be something you're eating that gets into your breast milk and is upsetting her stomach. I had to cut things out of my diet like onions (and onion powder, which is in EVERYHTING), broccoli, cabbage, chocolate and citrus. There was a very noticable improvement in his evening mood once i did that.
Anyway, like many have said, I think she's too young for crying it out... if shes crying she needs something, she's not doing it to make you upset.
Good luck to you!

Michelle - posted on 06/22/2010

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OKay, here's the thing, she is too young to be crying it out at this point. You need to swaddle her up so she is nice and comfy--before you nurse her. Then, when you go to put her down, she won't be shocked with the temperature difference. Consider the first 3 months as a "4th trimester".

Another thing to consider is whether she is gassy. Is she sleeping flat or on an incline? If you don't have her bed raised up a bit, you should. It helps. I put my children down on their backs, but I would also position them on their sides--this seemed to have been the more preferable position for them to sleep.

Hang in there. I've been through this. Each child is different. At this point, do not let her cry it out. She needs to know you are there for her. I would definitely swaddle her though.

Good luck!

Tara - posted on 06/22/2010

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As usual I"m taking the stance that we are animals, we have debt and we have more "advanced" intelligence, however we are animals and baby animals need few things to keep them content, body contact with their mom, food readily available whenever she feels the need to suckle (which is a need that goes way beyond the need to satisfy hunger) and security.
Your daughter may just be feeling insecure in her new surroundings still and her need to fall asleep while nursing is her only way of knowing how to comfort herself, it is her first healthy way to attach to you, to form a bond of trust and safety. Feed her when she is hungry, even if that means letting her nurse to sleep, these years fly by so quickly. She will NOT be nursing to sleep at age 3!! But at 2 and a half months, she needs the basics. Her wee body snuggled up against your warm one, your breast close by so that she feel secure in her most basic need and the attachment that forms when these needs are met.
Read some information by Dr. Sears, great stuff!!

Heather - posted on 06/22/2010

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I personally do not agree with CIO. Babies don't really know how to think yet and don't understand the meaning of things like bedtime. Babies usually don't cry for no reason, there are a number of things that may be wrong like hunger, gass, etc,,,or it can be as simple as wanting some love and closeness and just want to be held. But think about it, if you spent the beginning of your life 9 months in the womb, warm and cozy and then suddenly arrived in this new world full of strange noises, textures and temperature changes.....would you want to be left alone to deal with it on your own?

I have a 2 month old as well and it took me the first month to figure out our sleep routine and what worked for her. I tried several things and nothing seemed to work at first. I tried having her in the bassinet at night but she would only sleep for an hour at a time and didn't really want to sleep and I was exhausted. After trying several things we figured it out and works perfect for us to this day. She of course naps during the day but at night, she sleeps on my schedule.
When its time for bed I put her in her pj's (something comfortable that covers her whole body), then she is swaddled which prevents her from waking in the night because babies have that startle reflex that they do on instinct and will wake them, plus it makes her feel safe and secure, then I have my nightlight on which is one of those Himalayan orange rock lamps that is darker and emits a nice soft glow, just enough for me to see the baby and its relaxing, then I lay her next to me in bed and she nurses and I gently rub her back and head to relax her and she falls asleep when she is done and sleep next to me all night waking only to nurse every few hours and then falls right back to sleep. She will sleep with me all night and wakes up only when I get out of bed and am not next to her anymore in the morning.

The bathing and lotion routine by johnson & johnson works really well too but my doc told me to only bathe my baby one to two times a week only until she is older because she doesnt need it and it removes the natural oils in her skin, but the bathing is nice on the nights I do and she sleeps really well after that.
But you can still put lotion on her everyday if you want, Try the johnsons bedtime lavender it should help your baby relax.
Anyway, if you don't feel comfortable sleeping with her, just nurse her in bed lying down like your going to bed and when she falls asleep, gently move her to her bed. But make sure she is swaddled, oh and another helpful tip, warm up her bed with a heat pad before getting her to go to sleep and remove it before putting her in it that way her bed is nice and warm like when she was next to you and will be less likely to wake up from the shock of a cold bed.

Sorry this post was so long but I know how you feel and I want to help as best I can.
Also, I am in the middle of reading a really great book you should check out. If you don't want to buy it, try your local library or buy it cheap online amazon or ebay. Its called: The Science of Parenting.
Really good so far and talks about the mental effects of doing CIO and also explains why babies cry and what they are trying to deal with physically and emotinally to help you understand them better and help you with them. It is full of helpful info for a parent and I highly recommend it!
Good Luck!

Becca - posted on 06/21/2010

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Consider silent reflux also, it took me months to work out my daughter had silent reflux from a number of allergies. many drs, nurses ect told me she just had colic. if you dont feel happy letting her cio then dont. what is right for one family is not always right for the next. good luck

Skye - posted on 06/21/2010

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Have you ever considered reflux? Maybe she is uncomfortable? Hope you get some rest soon, I know what you are going through- all the best :)

Abigail - posted on 06/21/2010

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My son does the same thing he will wake up as soon as i put him down or will wake up after 15-20 minutes ,and he will cry and fuss but i pick him up again and rock him in my arms eventually will fall asleep and if he wakes up i will do it again eventually hell get to tired to cry and all e will want to do is sleep,usaully if i rub his back or rub my hand on his head very gentley that seems to work well even when he does open his eyes i do that maybe 1 -6 times and he goes out .im a softy too i absolutley hate to hear him cry ,babys are all diffrent ,you just got too remember when you get stressed that your not doing something right ,that youve done everything you can do ,you did your best and thats all you can do ,the lactaion consultant told me when i called for advice that it is recomended that you take your baby to bed it helps you get sleep ,which is sometimes what you need especially if you are nurseing ,and it takes away the stress of getting up at night doing it all over



Good luck babe:)

Hayley - posted on 06/21/2010

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Shes only young so dnt wory about nursing 2 slp at t mo. and i wrap up my baby. otherwise he wakes himself up by hiting hmself with hs hands or getn frights n jumping wich wakes h.im up. i usualy try rocking h im 2 sleep if he hasnt bn aslp lng. wich usualy puts him back 2 slp. hpe my ideas r a litl help. gud luck

Pamela - posted on 06/20/2010

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My daughter is10 months and we cosleep.
This was something my husband and I had not even thought about, and wasn't something we did to begin with. We fell into it when Bella wouldn't sleep for very long away from me, and I started to look like a zombie with boobs. lol

She's been sleeping much better with us than she ever did by herself. Last night she slept for 12 hours (although she does stir during the night to latch on, this doesn't even wake either of us up fully anymore!).
A bonus that I didn't expect out of all this is that my period is yet to return

Catlin - posted on 06/20/2010

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My daughter is 10 months old now, and she still wants to nurse to sleep at night sometimes!! Its a comfort thing for older babies, but your baby is really young, she could just be hungry! she loves her momma and wants to be close to her, that not a bad thing!!!
I second the No Cry Sleep Solution! It's works and there is no crying. Our daughter sleeps 11 1/2 hours a night since we started using it. ( she wakes up at about 330 to eat then falls back asleep)
It's perfectly normal to want your baby to not cry, it's a survival mechanism built into both mothers and babies!! Good luck

Lisa - posted on 06/20/2010

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We did BabyWise. You need to find a happy median between schedule and demand feed but for us the feeding, play and sleep scheduled made both of our lives easier. Plus with BabyWise you never nurse the baby to sleep. This also makes life MUCH easier when you begin to wean.

People may disagree but fussing is a way that babies soothe themselves to sleep. Teach you baby to learn to sleep. I agree that your baby is too little for CIO. However, the Ferber method isn't just about letting your baby cry endlessly! Most people don't know the method and use it incorrectly. If you are going to sleep train in that way please read the book.

Most of all, you know your baby. Educate yourself and modify as you need to. Do what feels right for you and your baby.

Noreen - posted on 06/20/2010

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I don't think you're too soft at all. It's completely normal for mothers to feel stressed and almost panicky when their baby cries. Its our instinct.

I am a natural momma. I do what feels right and natural for us. My children have never cried themselves to sleep. Kaleb is 5 and Noah is 4 and they both sleep peacefully and comfortably in their own beds all night 9/10x. And if/when they do wake up it's because they have to use the bathroom, they're thirsty, or had a scary dream. Abby is almost 9months old and she is still sleeping with us. I nurse her to sleep almost every night or let her daddy take her and he gets her to sleep.

A GREAT book to read is "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantly. It's a great book even if you don't have sleep problems.

Andrea - posted on 06/20/2010

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Your baby is VERY little. WAY too young to be left to cry herself to sleep. PLEASE give it more time. Letting an infant cry herself to sleep, especially such a little baby, is really not a good idea. She'll feel abandoned and scared, and when she finally goes to sleep after crying and crying for you, it's because she's exhausted and feels abandoned. I get that you're tired. There's not a mother on this forum that hasn't been through several sleepless nights, but really, this is what you signed up for when you decided to have a baby. All little babies fall asleep at the breast when they are that young. It's because they feel warm and secure and loved and relaxed. Is that really a bad thing? There are lots of other ways to help her self soothe that don't involve leaving her in a dark room to cry. The methods in the book The No Cry Sleep Solution work really well, but even in that book she outlines why any kind of sleep training is totally useless in a baby that's less than 4 months old. I don't want to preach at you, because I know that';s not what you wanted when you posted this question. It sounds like you are doing a great job. I just feel strongly about speaking against a really outdated sleep training method that I know is not good for infants.

Sylvia - posted on 06/20/2010

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I dunno, we just always co-slept. I know some babies will fall asleep after fussing for a few minutes if you put them down awake, but mine was the kind who would scream for hours and hours, so there was no way in h3ll I was going to put any of us through that. Talk about cruel and unusual.

She's almost 8 now, and goes to sleep on her own just fine, in case you're wondering ;^)

Steph - posted on 06/20/2010

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I am still learning lots as i'm a first time mum to 9 month old Jonathan. Very early on he started not wanting to go to sleep on his own. I knew ( as i have 3 older sisters all with Children) that rocking him to sleep on me was a bad way to go. But it didn't make the routine any easier. We established a bed time routine which definitely helps and I make a point of not bringing him out of the bedroom when he woke up crying or wouldn't go to sleep, at first I would go in and try to calm him down and then put him back to bed. We installed a dimmer switch into his room so that I could put the lights on low while I tried to calm him. I always put him back in his cot when he had calmed down and let him cry a little. He always went to sleep after 10 mins. This might sound like a long time but he needed to know that it was sleep time. Most of the time he cried because he was tired but wouldn't give in to sleep. I thought I had to be tough because he needed to sleep. Now a few months on, he sleeps like a dream most of the time and I only have trouble when he's either sick or teething. Times were tough because I didn't like to hear him cry but I had to think of when he was going to be 1 or 2 years old, would I have to rock him to sleep then because I hadn't taught him any different. I hope that my decisions are with his best interest in mind. Routine isn't always easy to establish but if you keep at it can be so rewarding.

Hannah - posted on 06/20/2010

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I remember having a terrible time for about the first 3 months, we would be up all night rocking my daughter, trying ANYTHING to settle her.... if you have found rocking and nursing works then go for it! IMO 2 months is too young to worry about nursing to sleep becoming a 'bad habit', it's just what baby needs, constant feeding on demand, and if they fall asleep at bedtime from it, bonus!

Now my daughter is older she has a routine (something that will gradually emerge in it's own time, so don't get too stressed over this one either) and she will be tired for bed at 7pm every night. Sometimes she is asleep after her bedtime feed, other times she pulls away sleepy and drops off in her cot, sometimes I lay her down and she will 'cry' for a couple of minutes then fall asleep. BUT I don't consider this CIO, as Sarah says if you follow your instincts they will serve you well. When a baby is older (mine is 11 months) you know when a cry is saying 'hey come back I want to play longer' and the crying that says 'I need you, something is wrong', and the tone of the crying will tell you if it is ok to leave baby for a while or not. You won't get this at 2 months though.

My daughter would sleep in my arms, and cry when I laid her down in her cot, I had to repeat this over and over for maybe an hour before she would eventually settle, but it does get easier as they get older. I read up after and this is actually called the 'no tears' method.

Sarah - posted on 06/19/2010

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If you feel cry it out is wrong DO NOT DO IT! You do not have to go against what you feel is right because it is more socially acceptable to CIO than to comfort your baby to sleep (which is VERY SAD IMO) You have those natural motherly instincts for a reason and there IS a reason why it feels so bad!!!!

There are numerous articles linking CIO to more stressful babies, babies with more stomach issues (it cases them to scream until they throw up!), emotional issues and attachment problems, anger issues and even SIDS.

I would continue rocking her and nursing her to sleep and eventually she will need to be nursed to sleep less and less, if you have to go a sleep training way I would do it gently with you still in the room.

I have a nearly 14 month old that I nursed to sleep for month and she is naturally getting so she does not need it anymore and can go and lay herself down and go take a nap when she is sleepy. I have never let her CIO and it has went great for us!

A great book is the NO-CRY SLEEP SOLUTION by Elizabeth Pantley. It deals with getting your baby to sleep with no tears shed and it WORKS!!!

A 2 month old has no idea where you are as they have no perception of 'there' so when you leave her alone in her crib you cease to exist. Take a moment to think about how scary that must be and how much she loves you and just wants your comforting presence. :)

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