Daycare or Home? Advise Please

Maia - posted on 03/18/2010 ( 11 moms have responded )

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My baby is 8 months and shes my first and has only been at daycare for two weeks, shes breastfed so only goes for 3 hours a day 3 days a week. so we get to daycare and shes okay when i drop her off (i stay with her for bout 20mins) but when she notices im gone she just constantly cries the whole time until i pick her up, we have a very strong bond (as all mothers and babies do) so its been hard to for me to leave her knowing shes just gonna cry, may i add shes like that with my family and friends aswell. I have been thinking about pulling her out of daycare and keep her home with me, the reason why i wanted her to go to daycare was so that she gets use to being around other kids and people other than me or her father. Being a mother is always an experience and learning different things everyday. i love being a mum and wouldn't change it for the world. if anyone has had the same or similar experience i'd love to hear your thoughts and opinions. Should i leave her in daycare and eventually she 'll get use to it? or should i keep her home with me?

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Angela - posted on 03/18/2010

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I used to work at a day care and my daughter will NEVER go to one. I felt like I was the only person who really cared about the babies in my class, and that was before I had my own. For instance, the manager would leave babies 1 year and under in high chairs for up to two hours just because she didn't feel like taking them down - throwing donut holes to them every once in a while. An 8 month old girl started choking on hers (big suprise right?) and i ran over and started hitting her on the back and she coughed it up. Nobody but me moved! and I was still in training and 18 years old! I went and threw it away and all the lady in charge said was "now she's gonna be mad you didn't give it back to her." No, no way will I ever leave Cady in a day care with people that I don't know personally and don't love her and not only see her as a paycheck. No thanks!

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Ms - posted on 03/18/2010

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Honestly and this is my opinion from my experience. I've been a mommy since I was 17. My son is now 10 and I have a two year old daughter. I kept my son at home with me and have family members what him for the time being or when needed. My son didnt start daycare until he was a lil over three because that was the time I seriously unable to keep up with him(lol) and the time he is learning to be more independent and play with other kids and i'm doing the same thing with my daughter now. She is two years old now and she will be starting preschool in the fall because she will be 3 at that time and already been potty trained. the first few years of your baby is the most important. Continue to bond with her. Another reason why I prefer to wait because I like to know what is going on as well. by 3 years old (well younger in some toddlers)my kids are both able to tell me what is going on and I'm not saying bad things about daycare but (we all have seen some bad one in the news here and there) you never know if your child is getting the proper attention, or being fed at the right time or too much or too little. Those little things to me matter alot. Right now she is only 8months and honestly I prefer to be there for my kids each time they cried when they were at that age and like what other parent said join some kind of mommy and child group so she meet new kids and you can make new friends as well.

April - posted on 03/18/2010

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Maia..i just read your post again and just realized that your little girl has only been going for 2 weeks. so this is something new that you started. and now i realize you were having doubts about this new decison. anyway, i think you are definitely not "over mothering"....i think you are trying to be the best mom you can be for your little girl and anyone who doesn't like it can do whatever they want with their own kid! :)

Maia - posted on 03/18/2010

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Thanks guys for your comments, it has made things a lot clearer for me as i have been told from lots of people that maybe i over mother her and that maybe the reason why she is the way she is, Personally i dont care what people say because i would rather over mother my daughter then not be a mother at all but has made think twice about the way i have been raising her. I have never heard about separation anxiety but it definitely makes a lot sense so i am going to do some research. Thanks again for your guys thought, i will definitely take into consideration :)

April - posted on 03/18/2010

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keep her home with you. there are other ways she can be around kids. join a mommy and me playgroup or take her to an infant/toddler gymnastics class. there's no reason for daycare if you're a stay at home mom.



also you are putting her at risk for illnesses. daycare is a major germ fest!!

Anne - posted on 03/18/2010

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I agree that when they are going through the separation anxiety stage daycare can be too much for them. I am lucky I can keep my little girl at home with me. I made a mistake however in taking her to playgroups at 10 months. I saw that she was eager to play with other children she would get excited when we passed a playground and try to chase after children in the store so I took her to a lot of groups - and she got rejected - a lot! The other children were not at an age to socialize and interract with one another. She smiled, waved, held out her hand to so many children and all that happened was that she was blanked, had toys stolen from her and was pushed over - a lot! By the end of 3 weeks she no longer wanted to play with other children anymore. She has lost that sweet enthusiasm. Maybe that is a valuable lesson in socialization but I don't think it benefitted her at this age. In addition to that disappointment she came down with a really nasty infection which made us all poorly for over a month. I was eager to get her contact with other children because I was afraid she may turn out shy like I was. All that seems to have happened is that I have pushed her into being shy at an earlier age.

Naomi - posted on 03/18/2010

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My little girl is 25 months old and I have breastfed her until she was 20months old. I'm a stay at home mom.It's not always easy but I would not give up the time we spend together for anything.They grow up so fast,and you won't get the time to bond.My little girl was like that cried when she had to stay with anyone but me.Also keep in mind they do grow up I have a little person now who want's to do everything for herself she is more independent and soon she won't need me as much as I will need her.So if you don't have to work stay at home you won't get this time back.Good luck.

Jess - posted on 03/18/2010

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Right now, keep your baby home with you. At 8 months babies don't need socialization with other babies. I totaly agree with Nikki about leaving her with close family members every now and then so that she learns you will always come back for her, but wait until she is a little bit older and has had a chance to bond with them.

As your baby gets older if you don't have to work there is no need to but her in a daycare. Find a play group so your child will can learn to play with and be around other children. When she gets old enough you could consider putting her into a part-time pre-school program.

Beck - posted on 03/18/2010

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I have worked in child care and watching bubs like this is awful! Some do settle and enjoy it but others don't and it would break my heart knowing that my bub is so sad with out me. It is a really hard age as the other mums have stated, for seperation anxiety. If I was you I would keep her home. There are lots of oppurtunities for her to get used to other people and play with other kids. There are only little for such a short period of time, cherish every day. My little man just turned one and has never suffered seperation anxiety and always happily goes to anyone and is happy when I leave him with my immediate family (I actually get a little sad cos he doesn't care - I supose he knows I will always be back in an hour or so). I wont leave him in any creche or child care because I know they dont know him like I do and know he wont get the same level of attention and care due to the number of other kids. I am a bit funny about it - which is odd cos Corey would have no problem with it at all.

Nicole - posted on 03/18/2010

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My son is 8 months old and this is the typical stage for seperation anxiety. It lasts approximatly 3 months on average. What about waiting till the worst of the seperation anxiety is over and then trying again. If u continue what you are doing now I'm sure u can see that it's making it worse, your just going to make your baby freak out even more and for a longer period of time. If you work with your babys anxiety instead of againt it, soon he/she will realise you are never far away and sooner or later will realise if you are gone you will always come back.
Personally I've decided to wait out the worst of the anxiety and then u will find a play group for him, I'm going to try an hour at first and then when he's comfortable with that I'll build up hour by hour up to 4hours. Hop

Nikki - posted on 03/18/2010

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Poor little thing, she has some separation anxiety, it is completely up to you but if it was me I wouldn't have her in child care that early if you dont need to for work. I would look at attending playgroups so that she gets to socialise with other children. Personally I believe 8 months is too young if it is not a necessity. I worked in child care for over ten years and it is a very different environment for little babies, regardless of how great the carers are, to go from being the centre of your world to one of 8 babies with two carers (that is the numbers for babies in Australia) It's a bit of a shock to the system. I would try and leave her with one or two close family member every now and then to try and calm her separation anxiety then as I said before attend a playgroup for socialisation. That's just what I would do, you will know what's right for your baby :) good luck

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