Did anyone else have a lack of a support system while breastfeeding?

Zara - posted on 01/21/2009

actually in the uk the govenment is starting to pull their fingers out and make some public places more b/f friendly. i think its more the people working in these places who have the problems rather than the company saying no breastfeeding allowed!

Emily - posted on 01/20/2009

Wow... remind me never to move to the UK. Here in the US... at least in Utah (and I know Oregon as well) any women is allowed to breastfeed anywhere she and her baby are allowed to be. (So no nursing in bars... go figure). The law here specifically allows for moms not to cover, and explains that any possible boob or nipple-flashing, prior to, during or immediately following nursing is NOT considered indecent exposure and in a public location you cannot ask a breastfeeding mom to stop nursing.

Personally, I'm always as discreet as possible when nursing... but I don't use a blanket or other cover because it doesn't work with my kids and I would be less discreet with one. My husband disagrees with me on this, though he does acknowledge that our children do not tolerate nursing under a blanket... so he doesn't push it. And he does admit that I'm very discreet when out in public (at home, not so much... but it's my house, and my family).

Kristy - posted on 01/20/2009

You need to do what YOU think is best for YOUR baby. Don't let others make you feel guilty about your choices.You are a doing the best possible thing for tour baby! Think only about you, your baby and your husband. Everyone else really doesn't matter. I definitely had the same problem and it used to bug me constantly until I took this attitude! My baby is now 18 months old and looking back, I would never have changed my choices for a moment. My own mother gave me a hard time! Congratulations on being so selfless and to giving your baby a wonderful start in life!

Heather - posted on 01/20/2009

Thanks everyone! I was just curious to see if other people were having similar experiences and if so, how they handled them.  I'm going to continue to BF, but no solids consistantly until he is a bit older.  :)

Barbara-Anne - posted on 01/20/2009

What I've been told is that you're covered by law up to 6 months - ie you cannot be asked to leave an establishment.  You can tell them to get lost.  However, after 6 months, if you're asked to leave or cover up, you have to.  So, because of Jack's age I'm at risk of being kicked out of places so I don't do it.  In Canada we have programs called 'Anywhere, Anytime'  there are pictures of breastfeeding mothers on buses inviting woman to feed their babies.  It's such a shock to be here!!!

Kaylea - posted on 01/20/2009

Quoting Barbara-Anne:

I'm a Canadian, but I'm living in the UK and I've been told on several occasions that Jack is too old to be breastfed (he's 9.5 months) and to please not do it in public.  At the doctor's office I was offered a private room to feed him to make ME more comfortable.  I couldn't believe it.  To breastfeed I basically need to be a shut in.  It's so hard to live in a foreign country and not know your rights!!  Kaylea's story about the surestart centre doesn't surprise me at all!!  There isn't even a LaLeche group in the area I'm in...soooo sad.

To say you dont know your rights living in a different country is acceptable but i was born in the UK and have lived here all my life and i dont even know my rights! there was an artical in the news not so long ago about a woman getting taken to court for breastfeding in McDonalds in the UK. Ok the judge laughed it off and said how else was the child supposed to be fed! but it makes you wonder. If i need to feed Ryan when i am out i check that it is ok with the staff just to be on the safeside! i dont want to be half way through feeding him and the police turn up! and to say it is so sad, thats an understatement!

Barbara-Anne - posted on 01/20/2009

I'm a Canadian, but I'm living in the UK and I've been told on several occasions that Jack is too old to be breastfed (he's 9.5 months) and to please not do it in public.  At the doctor's office I was offered a private room to feed him to make ME more comfortable.  I couldn't believe it.  To breastfeed I basically need to be a shut in.  It's so hard to live in a foreign country and not know your rights!!  Kaylea's story about the surestart centre doesn't surprise me at all!!  There isn't even a LaLeche group in the area I'm in...soooo sad.

Kaylea - posted on 01/20/2009

I'm living in the UK and i dont feel that there is much support around where we are, as i said before is it the norm to bottle feed in our family so no support there! I took the boys to the sure start centre yesterday so that matthew (2) could play with other kids. while i was there Ryan (7weeks) needeed feeding so i fed him, you should have seen the looks i was getting from the other mums! i dont care though, i know that what i am doing is best for my son and that is all that matters.

Sara - posted on 01/19/2009

I'm fortunate in that I get support from my sister... but my MIL (who never breast fed) always has lots of suggestions and input on how much and how often I should be feeding my infant. She tried to get my 3 day old on a feeding schedule. Arg! And now that my daughter is 5 months old, she's trying to tell me that she should be taking more than 4 oz in a bottle at daycare... because her daughter was taking 5 oz of formula when she came home from the hospital. And hubby (who is supportive) doesn't really want me to explain to MIL why she doesn't need more than 4 oz (yes, breast milk is different than formula, and is digested efficiently - unlike formula, so you need more formula than you would need of breast milk).

What was funny to me is how I told MIL about 6 different times that I wasn't going to start solids until at least 6 months (she was encouraging us to give her cereal during earlier growth spurts). And tonight on the phone, she advised us not to start solids yet if we didn't need to, like it was her idea all along. Anyway.

You know what is best for you and your baby. There are tons of resources available online if you can't get to LaLeche Meetings or other places for support. I love the kellymom.com website!

Kelli - posted on 01/19/2009

I understand what you are saying, I have been going through the same thing! I did introduce Kaikoa to cereal about 2 weeks ago, he is almost 6 months old. I introduced him to cereal so that he can learn how to eat with a spoon but not to wean him from breastfeeding. I have been exclusively breastfeeding him since day 1. I have gotten a lot of criticism for wanting to brestfeeding for so long, I have learned to tune all of it out. I have often felt very alone breastfeeding but have always remembered that it's best for my son so I know its the right thing to do. Most of the people who have something to say never brestfed their baby so I know they will never get it. It is a great way to lose the weight and a great way for mom to bond with baby and their is nothing better than that. Stick with it!!! Also, my son eats cereal 1-2 times a day now and breatfeeds just as much as he did before cereal. He really like the cereal. And its fun to feed him too.

Heather - posted on 01/19/2009

Thanks Tara-I feel the same way.  My doctor told me to introduce cereal, but I have only been giving it to him in extremely small amounts and only a couple times a week. 

Tara Lee - posted on 01/19/2009

Good for you ! You do what YOU think is best for your baby ! Don't let anyone pressure you into doing something you are uncomfortable with.

In the last 2 years, 7 babies have been born in our family and I am the only one who has chosen to(or is able to) breastfeed! It is very sad really. My little girl is 4 1/2 months old and I have no intention of starting food(of any kind) until atleast 6 months.  Even though, I am told I should. I know that my milk is the best thing for her and thats what she is getting !! Besides, almost everything I read says that babies digestive systems are not mature until at least 6 months.

Kayla - posted on 01/19/2009

Dont worry your figure will be back befor you know it, and you can do excercises while nursing to help it along. I'm still breastfeeding my 25 month old son. My husband is okay with it... hes actually not for or against it he says its up to me. My best friend Mike on the other hand thinks I should have stopped at 12-15 months. I'm a young mother and never even gave breastfeeding a thought till I delivered and the nurse asked me if I was. Now I'm very much for it.

Deangela-Deanne - posted on 01/19/2009

Your choice. I was on child #7 before the doctors told me I was right. I feed until each child decided they were through and weaned only one child after a year. She would have nursed longer than 14 months if I let her, but I was pregnant and could not continue.

Do feed from the table as you eat as they get older and limit times as they grow, but don't stop until you are ready. If sleep issues are problem you NEED to feed solids, but you do not have to stop breast feeding.

I never cared what was said, but I am strange anyway.

Best recommendation is laugh in their faces. We were asked to leave a church once because I bf in church. My baby was 3 wks old at the time and it was my 3rd. It was the last time I let anyone tell me where I could not feed too.

Christine - posted on 01/17/2009

I agree.  Support from day to day is very important.  It breaks my heart how breastfeeding is viewed in the US.  If you do it for a little while, that's great...but, god forbid you continue breastfeeding past a year.

Heather - posted on 01/17/2009

There is and they are so helpful, I would like the support from day to day people in my life though. :)

Zara - posted on 01/17/2009

im in the uk and i know here we have breastfeeding support groups where you go and meet with other breastfeeding mothers. is there nothing like that in America?

Barbara-Anne - posted on 01/16/2009

My little guy is also 9 months and I'm getting tons of resistance.  I'm so sick of it.  I'm at the point where I just don't talk about it anymore, but that bugs me because I feel like I should be an advocate for the cause.  How sad is it that breastfeeding a baby needs to be a cause???

Christine - posted on 01/16/2009

It is so hard when you don't have a support system, isn't it?  I have been struggling with this lately too.  All the mama's I know (which isn't very many) their children are older, or they don't breastfeed.  I'm determined to do what is best for my son, just like the rest of you, but it is very hard not having someone to talk to and relate to with something as important as providing the optimal nutrition for our little ones.  My son is 9 months and I can't believe how many people question if I'm still breastfeeding...I am tired of defending doing something that is so natural and normal. 

Barbara-Anne - posted on 01/16/2009

Quoting Kaylea:

I breastfed Matthew (nearly 2) for only 2-3 months as i didn't have the support, he was 10lb 7oz born and i had an emergancy c-section, the midwife on the post ward kept telling me that he was so big that i wouldn't be able to feed him compleatly myself and she told me he had to have formular as well or we couldn't go home. so me not knowing much about breastfeeding just went along with her. i am the oldest of 4 and my mum bottle fed us so that was just the norm in my family so i had no one to ask for advice. I regret mix feeding and stopping early with him as he cought every cold and got so many ear infections. This time i am determind to just breastfeed Ryan (7weeks) i have done so far and i want to carry on but i still dont feel the support is there, i had my 6 week check and i said that i was saw and i had pain deep in my breasts and i didn't know why, my doctor said that he didn't know much about breastfeeding so he couldn't help. I have spoke to my health visitor but she dont have kids and dont know nothing either, she just said that it must be that he is not latching on properly but when she saw me feeding him she said that it was right and couldn't explain the pain. i just feel that there is no support, even from the pro's!

Check out this website:www.drjacknewman.com/  There are handouts on breast pain.  Mine was from thrush, but it  could be mastitis.  Either way, it's completely treatable.  If you e-mail Dr. Newman, he'll reply telling you exactly what you need from your doctor.  Don't give up!!!

Erica - posted on 01/16/2009

Quoting Zara:

Quoting Kaylea:

I breastfed Matthew (nearly 2) for only 2-3 months as i didn't have the support, he was 10lb 7oz born and i had an emergancy c-section, the midwife on the post ward kept telling me that he was so big that i wouldn't be able to feed him compleatly myself and she told me he had to have formular as well or we couldn't go home. so me not knowing much about breastfeeding just went along with her. i am the oldest of 4 and my mum bottle fed us so that was just the norm in my family so i had no one to ask for advice. I regret mix feeding and stopping early with him as he cought every cold and got so many ear infections. This time i am determind to just breastfeed Ryan (7weeks) i have done so far and i want to carry on but i still dont feel the support is there, i had my 6 week check and i said that i was saw and i had pain deep in my breasts and i didn't know why, my doctor said that he didn't know much about breastfeeding so he couldn't help. I have spoke to my health visitor but she dont have kids and dont know nothing either, she just said that it must be that he is not latching on properly but when she saw me feeding him she said that it was right and couldn't explain the pain. i just feel that there is no support, even from the pro's!

they say its the first 10 weeks that are the hardest and that was true for me, i remember having severe itching deep in my breasts during and after feeding and no-one could explain it. im not a professional but it may be all the milk cause your body takes its time to establish the amount of milk it needs to produce for each baby. i personally kept feeding through all the pain and the tears and now every time Erica smiles at me i fill with pride in the hospital i couldn't latch her on at all and now we've been doing it for 14 months. good luck and if your finding it hard i hope you feel you can turn to anyone on here for support! x

I had this pain too, finally I realized I can associate it with after a big feed, when my breasts were trying to refill quickly.  Now she's 14 weeks, we are so much better!  I have milk to spare and never really any particular pain.  Hang in there it gets better!

Erica - posted on 01/16/2009

Just wanted to say, I hear you on the MIL thing! She wants to give my baby everything under the sun and even gave my older daughter a chicken foot/leg to gnaw on while she was teething. I almost died. Even my husband was disgusted, but she just laughed and told him he used to have them all the time (!). Water was a big issue too. And baths. But I really do like her and know that she loves them and is just doing what she was raised to do...it's a cultural and generational gap for me.

Sonya - posted on 01/16/2009

the lack of support out there is astounding!!! Its so easy to just give in to it. I did with my first baby at 5mos, and after a few weeks I felt so bad about quitting, tho everyone kept saying how "nice it must be now to be done with that stuff". I didnt have the support at home because my husband was overseas at the time. The second time around has been wonderful. Well, him being home to support me, and we also moved away from the inlaws. My new doc isnt as supportive as my old one, but I dont let it bother me this time around. if anyone asks me when i am quitting, i usually ignore the comment or say i'm not a quitter...it'll figure itself out.

Zara - posted on 01/16/2009

Quoting Kaylea:

I breastfed Matthew (nearly 2) for only 2-3 months as i didn't have the support, he was 10lb 7oz born and i had an emergancy c-section, the midwife on the post ward kept telling me that he was so big that i wouldn't be able to feed him compleatly myself and she told me he had to have formular as well or we couldn't go home. so me not knowing much about breastfeeding just went along with her. i am the oldest of 4 and my mum bottle fed us so that was just the norm in my family so i had no one to ask for advice. I regret mix feeding and stopping early with him as he cought every cold and got so many ear infections. This time i am determind to just breastfeed Ryan (7weeks) i have done so far and i want to carry on but i still dont feel the support is there, i had my 6 week check and i said that i was saw and i had pain deep in my breasts and i didn't know why, my doctor said that he didn't know much about breastfeeding so he couldn't help. I have spoke to my health visitor but she dont have kids and dont know nothing either, she just said that it must be that he is not latching on properly but when she saw me feeding him she said that it was right and couldn't explain the pain. i just feel that there is no support, even from the pro's!

they say its the first 10 weeks that are the hardest and that was true for me, i remember having severe itching deep in my breasts during and after feeding and no-one could explain it. im not a professional but it may be all the milk cause your body takes its time to establish the amount of milk it needs to produce for each baby. i personally kept feeding through all the pain and the tears and now every time Erica smiles at me i fill with pride in the hospital i couldn't latch her on at all and now we've been doing it for 14 months. good luck and if your finding it hard i hope you feel you can turn to anyone on here for support! x

Emily - posted on 01/16/2009

I felt like I had enough support with my first... but I didn't. I knew I would breastfeed, and everyone knew I would breastfeed. My mother and mother-in-law both breastfed all their children for various lengths of time, and I assumed everything would be fine. My mother came to help when my oldest was born. She's the reason we started a pacifier, and when I had trouble latching, she went out and bought a nipple shield for me, explaining that it was the only way she was able to teach her kids to latch properly. That whole fiasco, along with repeated insistence on schedule feeding (every 3 hours during the day, 4 hours at night), led to a nipple-confused infant, who was gaining weight but extremely slowly. It also aided in the super-fast return of my fertility and a surprise pregnancy when #1 was only 4 months old. At that check-up we were told that we MUST supplement with formula and solids or our little one would begin to rapidly loose weight. She was only 9 lbs 4 oz at her 4 month check-up, so we were terrified and felt we had no other alternatives. After a week of fighting her to take the bottle, she finally had her first formula feed, and promptly refused my breast after that. I called my mom in tears for support and the only thing she said was, "I only nursed you for 4 months... and you turned out fine." That was the first time I realized how little my mom must have known about breastfeeding... even after nursing seven children.

When I was 8 months pregnant with my second (and my first was 11 months old), I mentioned to a woman at the park that I wished I could have nursed my first longer (I knew she was nursing a 15 month old at the time), and I had toyed with the idea of trying to get my first to nurse again after the new baby was born. This woman strongly encouraged me to attend a La Leche League meeting (which was the next day) and ask my questions there.

I did go to the meeting, I never did get #1 to nurse again (we tried... she couldn't remember how, and didn't really care at that point.. and she bit me and drew blood... still my only true bite from any of my kids), but I made some awesome friends at that meeting who I'm still close with and who provided me all the support I needed to nurse my second through my pregnancy with my third, and to continue to tandem nurse for over a year.

I will be forever grateful for the women in that La Leche League group, and for the information and support they have continued to provide me. :)

Lorilynne - posted on 01/16/2009

Omg, the only support I had was from my husband.  Oh and one friend that lives in California (I'm in Florida) so I could really only talk to her online.  Everyone kept telling me that I wouldn't be able to do it and I would end up giving up.  With my daughter, I think just trying to prove everyone wrong is what got me through the tough times.  My MIL totally didn't understand and she was always trying to get me to give my daughter other stuff, especially water and I explained over and over that she didn't need any water (this was before she turned six months), that she was getting everything she needed from me.  I made it to 11 months with my daughter and I'm going strong at almost five months with my son.  No one tries to discourage me anymore and now I know lots of women that are breastfeeding.  My doctor was super supportive of the breastfeeding so I could always go to him for information which was wonderful but the nurses in the hospital were terrible though.  With my daughter, they kept trying to get me to supplement with formula because we were having some latch issues and she kept wanting to sleep through feedings.  The night before I left the hospital at like 2am, the nurse told me my daughter was severely jaundiced and that I wasn't going to be able to take her home the next day if it didn't get better and the only way to help the situation was to add 2 ozs of formula after each time I tried to feed.  I seriously cried and got a little freaked out and ended up giving formula at one feed.  The entire time I was doing it, it just felt wrong and against everything I had read so I only gave it to her that one time.  When my doctor came the next morning, I asked him if I needed to supplement and he said no that my daughter's jaundice would clear up once my milk came in and it totally did.  With my son, he wanted to eat constantly and just was not happy with the colostrum so I was only getting about a half hour break in between most feeds.  The nurses wanted me to supplement for him because he was eating too much!  I think the fact that he was crying so much was bugging them and they figured that if he ate some formula, he would sleep and then stop crying.  I stuck to my guns though and refused every single time.  Even though I faced a lot of negativity from my own family, I had such a wonderful experience that I'm considering becoming a lactation consultant.  I just want to help as many women as I can because I feel like there is still so much misinformation and negativity out there about breastfeeding.

Heather - posted on 01/16/2009

That is sad when even doctors can't support you.  I too had a rough start with my son.  He was tongue tied and couldn't latch on properly.  At his two-day appointment, I told the doctor this and he said to wait and see and that he didn't want to have his tongue clipped.  After that, I started to formula feed at night because he was nursing literally every 15-20 minutes!  When he was a month old, we finally got under his tongue clipped and life has been 10 times easier!  He wont even take a breastmilk bottle now.  Looking back, I wish I had the forcefullness to insist on the procedure because it was affecting his well-being.  Now,  when I have time, I attend a bf support group and I wish I could carry one of the lactation consultants around with me!  They are so wonderful, I wish they could be around when my friends and family tell me to quit. 

Kaylea - posted on 01/16/2009

I breastfed Matthew (nearly 2) for only 2-3 months as i didn't have the support, he was 10lb 7oz born and i had an emergancy c-section, the midwife on the post ward kept telling me that he was so big that i wouldn't be able to feed him compleatly myself and she told me he had to have formular as well or we couldn't go home. so me not knowing much about breastfeeding just went along with her. i am the oldest of 4 and my mum bottle fed us so that was just the norm in my family so i had no one to ask for advice. I regret mix feeding and stopping early with him as he cought every cold and got so many ear infections. This time i am determind to just breastfeed Ryan (7weeks) i have done so far and i want to carry on but i still dont feel the support is there, i had my 6 week check and i said that i was saw and i had pain deep in my breasts and i didn't know why, my doctor said that he didn't know much about breastfeeding so he couldn't help. I have spoke to my health visitor but she dont have kids and dont know nothing either, she just said that it must be that he is not latching on properly but when she saw me feeding him she said that it was right and couldn't explain the pain. i just feel that there is no support, even from the pro's!

Shavaune - posted on 01/16/2009

When your ready to quit you will know. I have 4 kids and breastfed them all till they were at least 1. This has always appalled my mother and various other people I know. I refuse to even discuss it with her anymore. She STILL always asks "are you still breastfeeding" and I say "YUP" and change the subject. It's your baby and you get to do what you want. Don't let other people pressure you into doing something that your not ready to do. They grow up so fast and you should enjoy their babyhood as long as you can!!

Lynette - posted on 01/16/2009

i hear you i have no support around me also. they (my family) keep telling me his under weight and that im not feeding him enough, yet his doctor says he is fine. also they looked down on me wen they asked how long i was going to be feeding him for i told them for as long as he want and they were appaled with my decition. just ignore them and stick to your guns thats wat im doing and with every comment i get more detemined to annoy them, not to mention my son wont even take breastmilk from a bottle at the moment so i need to feed him.

Zara - posted on 01/16/2009

i didnt get much support in the early days but i had ppl telling me that i wont last n i should give up! my daughter is now 14 months old and although ive reduced my feeds to bedtime only (she gets too distracted in the daytime) im still going strong! everytime you think maybe you should quit, just look at your son and you'll see the good your doing him, keep smiling! x

Shanyn - posted on 01/16/2009

I hear you mama! My husband was never breastfed, his mother gave him only formula and then switched him at 6 months to 2% milk. My mom only breastfed me until 6 months. So for me, who is completely committed to child-led weaning (my son weaned at 22 months and my daughter at 31 months), it was hard for me to have to continually defend my choice to breastfeed. I didn't find a good group of friends who had made similar choices as me when it came to breastfeeding until my son was almost weaned! I had an easier time of it with my daughter.. Hang in there! Trust yourself and know that this time with a nursling goes by so very fast. Enjoy it while you have it and stick your guns! :)