do i leave her to cry?

Carla - posted on 01/30/2009 ( 17 moms have responded )

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Ava used to sleep really well until 5 weeks ago. now she wakes up every 2-3 hours, someimes more frequently and she will not go back to sleep unless she has the option of being fed. i'm sure it's a comfort thing because alot of the time she doesn't even feed, she just wants to be close to me.

Everyone else i've asked just say leave her to cry and she'll get used to it but i only will do this as a last resort. does anyone have any tips?

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Cynthia - posted on 02/01/2009

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When my son wakes in the night (he's near five months old now) he's usually hungry.he doesn't wake every night so a quick feed and he's back to bed and same with me. He falls back to sleep faster if I change diaper & feed versus just leaving him to cry.



I can relate to the distant relationship one of the other mothers mentioned. With my first now 2.5 years old I tried to let him cry it out and it really doesn't help anybody, well maybe milk production. So I say feed. The only thing that could happen is they could grow.

[deleted account]

Hmm...sounds like a growth spurt.



 





In the first six months, babies go through growth spurts approximately every couple of weeks. They are cued to eat more frequently because they're growing more. Rigid scheduling often doesn't take these growth spurts into account, and you run the risk of baby being undernourished (both nutritionally and emotionally) during times of increased need for food and holding.



Dr. Sears



 



 



 





 



 



I've heard some say the baby isn't hungry so just let them cry. How do they really know ? No one else can tell if I'm hungry or not lol !



 





The baby loses confidence in his own hunger cues and his need to be held, and mom loses trust in her ability to accurately read baby's need for food and comfort. The result is a lose/lose situation in which the scheduled pair drift apart. In my pediatric practice, this is the most common reason babies are referred to us for failure to thrive. 



 



Dr. Sears




 





 



Here's the article...http://www.parenting-guide.net/content/v...



 



It can be really hard without a lot of sleep and taking care of a new babe. Try to nap when she naps and take time for yourself when you can. I find co-sleeping to be a great way for my son and I to get sleep...plus it's nice to wake up to his smiling face every morning :D 



 



 

Krystal - posted on 01/30/2009

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there certainly are lots of strong opinions on here. everyone thinks that what they do is what is best for all. Just remember that every child is different and that whether or not you sleep with your child in bed, or supplement with formula, or let them cry it out at bedtime ... the old saying that i always remind myself and tell to new Mommies is "Mother knows best". and YOU are Mommy! you know what is best from day one even if you don't know how.



with that said, we all need advice and hints and tips on our children. try what you seem is right for your child and maybe tweak some of the ones that seem a little wrong for you. Eventually you will find something that works for you.



i, personally, wouldn't suggest the cry it out quite yet. perhaps a growth spurt is the reason. it's frustrating when they back track on sleep but more than likely she'll get back on track. i nursed my daughter during the night (about every 3 hours) until she was 10 1/2 months old. i let her cry it out for 3 nights and now she is in bed at 8 pm and up at 8 am.



good luck! it'll get better!

Penny - posted on 01/30/2009

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Babies do go through a change round about this time.

She may need the extra milk.

If you are sure that she does'nt need a feed get somebody else to settle her, so that she does'nt smell your milk.

Ciara - posted on 01/30/2009

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I let me son cry it out a few times, but I knew he was ready and I needed my sleep because I worked full time and my husband was on a deployment.  We never really co-slept and due to his Autism (dxd much later at age 2.5) he rejected the breast and was formula fed from about 5 months old (my job didn't allow enough time to pump for a full-days supply).  However, he never slept through the night until he was almost 7 months old.  On the nights that he did cry it out, I went and took a shower (he stayed in my room until he slept through the night) and he was usually done by the time I got done.  However, I knew in my gut that it was the right thing to do at the time, especially after checking for the usual culprits, like a dirty diaper or fever.  His teething really got in the way of his sleep, too. 



Now that I don't work, my daughter still co-sleeps with us (13 months) and still breastfeeds.  She has never been able to sleep for more than a few hours on her own, but she also has underlying medical issues (anemia and reflux) that are finally being addressed that kept her from a good night's sleep.  I don't think she's ready yet, but she will be soon, especially since I finally have the docs on my side. 



My long-winded point is that you, as her mom, go with your gut.  All children are different and have different needs.  If you think that she shouldn't have to cry it out, then don't, but know that you will be sacrificing your own sleep.  If you think its worth it, go ahead.  If you want to let her soothe herself, make sure she has items to help, like a lovey that smells like you, a crib music toy that she can control herself, etc.  None of this happens overnight, but if any situation is causing too much stress for both of you, then it's up to you to change it.

Faith - posted on 01/30/2009

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Sleeping with your baby is not dangerous as I said, unless you are smoking, drinking, or taking sleep altering drugs. I realize it's a personal preference, I was just relating my experience with both methods and why I changed from one to the other. I do expect to transition my daughter to her own bed when she's too big, but I truely believe we were not meant to sleep alone so I would love to work out some kind of arrangement that would please us both.



But naturally I think you should do your own research and come to your own conclusions about what's best for you.



Not sure how "Sleeping with our husbands is where wives belong", though, that sounds kind of archaic and sexist if you ask me!!

Heather - posted on 01/30/2009

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i can not imagine ever keeping the baby in bed with me, i agree with courtney on that one. i mean, when she was a couple weeks old, sometimes i would fall asleep with her on my chest, but i would never choose to let her sleep next to me in bed as i am a very 'active sleeper' i don't stay still and would constantly fear rolling over on her. but, to each her own and i don't judge people for sleeping with their child, it just does not work for our family. also, every noise she would make woke me up, so the sooner i got her in her nursery, the better. she loves her crib and i think that is partly because i started her in there so soon. (around 8 weeks old) and i would also like to add that i have breastfed her 100% so far (8months) and she hasn't had ANY formula, nor do i plan on giving her any. so it is possible for breastfeeding moms to have their child in another room. i think the babies sleep better in another room too. 



 



wow, this circle of moms gets crazy sometimes with the form of opinions...there are just so many ways to deal with your child. just pick whatever works and stick with it =)

Courtney - posted on 01/30/2009

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I disagree with you Faith, you can let your child cry for a few minutes and try other forms of comforting with out having to take the baby out of the crib and nurse him or her. I have 4 children and they all turned out just fine and I let them learn to self comfort and put themselves back to sleep. If we do not let them learn to self comfort we could be sleeping with our children for many years. Instead of sleeping with our husbands where wives belong.

Ava my answer I gave before still stand for me. I know that there are mothers who disagree with me however after 4 kids and this working thus far with them I am going to stick with it. Oh and I do not nor have I ever slept with my nursing baby in bed with me!! very dangerous if you ask me!

Faith - posted on 01/30/2009

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I'm not comfortable with my daughter allowing other things to comfort her. I guess i kind of think, if I wanted say my husband to snuggle with and I could tell him that I wanted that but it all depended on whether he felt like doing it or thought it was best for me...? I'm an adult and I'd be ticked off and kind of hurt if he told me I needed to learn to comfort myself.



I did the independent let them comfort themself thing with my son and I felt like it resulted in a kind of distant, tense relationship with him as a toddler. Not even from his point of view but just when you get in t he pattern of ignoring them crying, it kind of changes your psycology. I think after a while I would feel like he was crying just to make me frustrated. If I would have comforted him, we both would have felt better.



Though I admit I am sleeping with my daughter in bed now and it ain't all roses either, so pick your poison! LOL



ANyways, to answer your question, my daughter went through something like that. I think it lasted a couple months. But I don't even fully wake up to nurse her, I just wake up, pop boob in and in a minute or two we both go back to sleep. For nursing I have to say, sleeping together for me was the way to do it. I couldn't function if I didn't get some sleep at night. Good luck!

Nicole - posted on 01/30/2009

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I nurse too and my daughter is 10 months now. I had the same problem around that time. I've learned from my mom who had 6 kids that you have to let them learn to comfort themselves. When she first started waking up like that I wouldn't let her cry for more than 15 to 20 minutes as much as I didn't like to hear her cry. Eventually she learned to comfort herself back to sleep. She still wakes up in the middle of the night now but is able to put herself back to sleep without me having to comfort her. She's learned to cuddle her blanket.

Courtney - posted on 01/30/2009

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Carla,

I could be that Ava is going through a growth spurt. Babies will do that around 3 months and around 6 months. I would suggest that you try to comfort her with out taking her out of the crib. pat her belly, play soft music, things like that first. she should be able to sleep for 7 hours or more. this may have become a habit to wake up because she knows you will respond and take her out of the crib. She does need to learn to put her self back to sleep. This may take some time to reestablish and it may take some nights of Crying. If you know that she is not sick and should not be hungry, or need to be changed, I would not take her out of the crib. This is very hard. I am having trouble with this as well. My daughter is 6 months old and is sharing a room with her 18 month old brother who is a light sleeper. So when Brittney wakes up I go get her most nights ( I think out of habit for me). I am trying to reestablish the sleeping through the night again. I know she can do it she has done it before. Hope this helps.

[deleted account]

Around 6 months they do go through growth spurts so that might be it. Do you work outside the home? Sometimes they wake up so they can get thier "mommy time". Not the ideal time for mommy though! So if thats it I would try to fit more cuddle time in the day and see if that helps. If I don't hold my guy as much during the day he will wake up more at night. So now I make it a point to hold him more so I can get more sleep!

Emily - posted on 01/30/2009

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I don't know how old your baby is but often they become more aware at 3mos plus and therefore aren't feeding as well during the day and so making up for it at night by feeding more often.  We went through the same thing starting at about 3 1/2 months, getting more frequent until about 6mos and then easing off - now he's sleeping through the night (almost 7mos) without any special tricks - he just all of a sudden started... on his own!



I think just keep meeting her needs and know that this too shall pass - I know it's exhausting but it's temporary!



Our pediatrician suggests not trying any self-soothing techniques until around 6mos - babies just aren't developmentally ready yet!



Good luck!  Check out www.kellymom.com for great bf and parenting info



 

Julianna - posted on 01/30/2009

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It's probably just a stage. Just let her sleep with you and she'll probably sleep better. Then move her back into her bed after she turns 2.

Heather - posted on 01/30/2009

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it may also be a habit for her now. i read somewhere that they get in the habit of waking up to feed, even if they aren't hungry. i tried out that theory on my daughter who would always get up around 2am. i was planning on letting her cry for five minutes, and if it was longer i would go check on her, but she made noise for a minute or two and went back to sleep! then she hasn't woken up since. i may just be lucky on that one...but in the beginning they usually don't cry longer than five-ten minutes unless they need something. but that is just what i had read, and what worked for us. other people have 'no cry' solutions, but i don't know about those. 

Carla - posted on 01/30/2009

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she 21 weeks. i don't know what the change in her has come from, she used to go 7 or 8 hours! It's been 5 weeks she's been waking up really frequently so it's catching up with me now!

Heather - posted on 01/30/2009

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how old is she? my daughter is a good sleeper too, but sometimes they go through a growth spurt and just want to keep eating. that's my guess, and it will pass. 

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