Dont touch my breasts!

Christine - posted on 01/27/2010 ( 71 moms have responded )

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Do any other BF moms out there have a problem with their partners touching their breasts?? I have a HUGE issue with it - I keep telling my hubby that they belong to our daughter until she stops BF - and I think its starting to get to bother him (our girl is almost 7mos now and I plan to BF until at least 1 year) Is this normal???

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Becky - posted on 01/28/2010

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I think the most important thing is open and honest communication between you and hubby. We have struggled through the same issues. I also keep a bra on because of leakage. I find that when I communicate to him...in a nice, intimate way, that he is able to receive what I am saying. But, I have found that it is not beneficial to either of us if I just say a flat out 'No'. So, we work through what is comfortable for both of us. Sometimes we would open the flap of the nursing bra, and then if I started leaking, I would just replace the pad and bra, and we would move on to other things.
Be honest about the sensitivity as well, which parts are too sensitive to touch, which parts are safe. It seems that if hubby knows that you want to please him, he will be more willing to be sensitive to your needs. I don't think he wants to make you uncomfortable, he is just wanting to enjoy the current size and shape (my hubby sure does). :) Work with him...don't make it into a battle or pit him against the baby. Resentment could unwillingly grow between him and the little one.

Rebecca - posted on 02/19/2010

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In response to Andrea's comment:

I also requested that he refrain from touching me while I was nursing our daughter in bed. I didn't want to combine nursing with the gently prods of my husband.


I am so glad to hear another mother mention this!! This drove me batty. I can handle the sharing of the breasts, physically and mentally, because they're being utilized in different ways at different times. But when I'm nursing (especially lying down!) and my husband tries to get touchy-feely, it just weirds me out to no end. Even if I'm sitting up and nursing, still after a year, it's a little weird when he kisses me. It's like my brain doesn't know what to do, getting these signals from two different sources. Very strange sensation!

Kim - posted on 02/16/2010

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I don't, although I understand. You should remember that your breasts are a part of your sexuality, even if you are breast feeding. To say any part of your body is off limits to your husband for a year or two is probably very hurtful to your husband, and may even cause a bit of a rift between the two of you romantically. Without even being sensual, I think I would get very flustered if my husband didn't let me touch, say, his shoulder, or any other part of him, for any amount of time. Why? Because we became one the day we married and that is just as important as your child.
Now, don't get me wrong, I've warned my husband that I may leak, and I always let him know when I am very full. He is appreciative of that and respects my feelings about certain things, but to say they are "off limits" is probably a bit much.

...in my opinion of course.

Lise - posted on 01/30/2010

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... Don't they belong to you? My husband doesn't touch mine (wish he would!), but I feel like they're mine.

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Linnea - posted on 02/14/2012

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I think I must be completely out of the norm here...I was EXTREMELY aroused at the thought of my husband fondling/touching my breasts when I was breast feeding. This goes back 8 years or so, but I remember FEELING such intense arousal (not necessarily DURING bf'ing itself; just at that point in my life). This is actually still a giant turn-on for me, so maybe it has to do with it always being a point of pleasure for me pre-bf'ing.

Jessie - posted on 02/19/2010

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Yes. He understands that my breast belong to our son (7 months old) until we are done nursing. I told him he can have 'his' breasts back by Christmas time. He is allowed to lightly touch them on occassion but that's about it. I find it very irritating to even go without my nursing bra let alone be fondled. My man gets jealous now and then and he will tell the baby the rest of mommy is his, it's funny but harmless

Rebecca - posted on 02/19/2010

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Do you feel physically uncomfortable when your husband touches or stimulates your breasts? Or is it more of a mental thing?

There were times, especially in the early months, when I felt "touched out" from constantly being with my son, nursing him 8+ times a day, not to mention being incredibly sleep deprived and feeling isolated, frustrated, and overwhelmed by motherhood, and the last thing I wanted was my husband touching my breasts. It just felt like a crude come-on when being intimate was pretty far down my list of priorities. I also wasn't sure how I would feel about the dichotomy of my breasts being tools to nourish my son as well as being erogenous zones during intimacy with my husband. However, as our sex life started to return to normal (a new normal, that is!), I adjusted to the idea of my husband touching my breasts in a sexual way. But then again, I enjoyed that before my son was born, so maybe it was easier for me to make that transition? Of course, there have been a few "spray" incidents, but my husband and I have taken that in stride. Especially in the early months, I tried to make sure my breasts were empty before my husband and I were intimate -- usually after my son's 10 PM feeding. So much for spontaneity, but it made me a lot more comfortable (physically and mentally).

So I do think it's possible to view your breasts as both belonging to your daughter, and being fun for your husband, but I admit it can be kind of weird at first. It's definitely an adjustment! But isn't that true of everything in motherhood? Always being pulled in so many directions!

Jennifer - posted on 02/17/2010

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lol. I don't know how I'd feel about it, but I'm guessing I'd be ok with it. My husband, however, doesn't want to touch them at all. It totally weirds him out. He doesn't want to get sprayed, and he's not the slightest bit curious about what breastmilk tastes like. lol.

Roxanne - posted on 02/17/2010

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when reading your post, felt as if i wrote it, i am exactly the same, our daughter is also 7 months old and i breastfeed, ive hated when my partner touches them i dont know why, but then my labido has completely gone since being pregnant also so i just linked it with that, so your not alone, men just have 2 be patient and good 4 u for sticking with the breastfeeding, i know how hard it is at the beginning. x

Hope - posted on 02/16/2010

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Yeah totally. My bf doesn't like to touch them, guess he is afraid to get squirted

Michelle - posted on 02/08/2010

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I am only like that when my hubby starts having issues with invading my space . I say they're sore , he apparently hears "grope them more" . Then he whines that I NEVER allow him to touch them . It is not that I never , it is just that he has no boundaries or sense of self control .

Lisa - posted on 02/07/2010

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Its sort of ironic isn't it because now i have these lovely huge breasts that my partner can't stop staring at but I can barely stand to have him touch them. I am super sensitive and produce a tonne of milk so the seccond they are fondled they just start leaking and I do not find that a turn on at all!!
I also get a little weirded out when he wants to kiss my breasts ... i know in my head that its perfectly normal but I feel strange about it. I hope I get over it beacuse its really hard to have a sex life sans boobies!

April - posted on 02/03/2010

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I'm on the fence about it. I definitely don't feel "stimulated" when he plays with my breasts, but it doesn't bother me either . . . But to his credit, he doesn't go crazy with them - it's like he appreciates them as a part of me but doesn't necessarily see them as completely sexual objects anymore.

Tiffany - posted on 02/03/2010

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I have no problem with my husband touching my breasts but sometimes it just annoys me but it was that way even before I was pregnant.

Hayden - posted on 02/03/2010

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I have to put in my 2 cents, that I am surprised at how many of you don't want your husbands touching your breasts at all while you are breastfeeding. I am going on 2 years breastfeeding my daughter, and I would feel extremely weird if my husband didn't touch my breasts!! I have never been much of a "leaker," but even so, I think breasts can serve as feeding devices and also pleasure-giving parts for me and for him.

Rachael - posted on 02/03/2010

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I'm sure that's normal, but I personally don't have a problem with him touching them. My husband still loves them, and it's not like he's stealing my son's milk!

[deleted account]

I have to say early on i was not into having him touch them at all. But now my son is 7 months and it doesnt bother me as much anymore.

Anah - posted on 02/02/2010

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Lol yes they are for your baby... My daughter is 11 months this weekend, and still BF... Absolutely normal... =)

Claudia - posted on 02/02/2010

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i am the exact same way... dont worry about it..

i told my husband they belong to my son too for the time being until i stop breastfeeding too..

Jen - posted on 02/02/2010

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my husband is counting down the days until he no longer has to share my boobies with jorja....

Selia - posted on 02/01/2010

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I actually enjoy it! After confirming he didn't mind the changes like the massive veins, I have come to like it since it is the one time I've had good size to them! Before baby I was barely an A, but now I'm a full B and don't mind flaunting it for him. :)

Angela - posted on 02/01/2010

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It seems like the only time my husband wants to touch mine, is while my daughter's asleep and about to wake up hungry, so that's a definite no. He hasn't been sprayed yet tho so maybe I should let him, that way he'll understand why i'm so reluctant!

Makeda - posted on 02/01/2010

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I am exactly the same way. My husband has a thing for breasts so I always have to remind him not to touch them. I does not arouse me at all and I actually lose any desire when he touches them.

Helen - posted on 02/01/2010

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For me it's not that I don't want my hubby to, they are soooo sensitive it irritates me, not sure whether that's my frustration or maybe I subconciously think that they belong to my daughter at the moment. I also had a few struggles with the BF in the early days and don't want anything else getting in the way now I have it sorted. Plus they are uncomfortable and in a bra 24-7. I am sure that it will be fine once I stop the BF, you are normal I think!

Lindsay - posted on 02/01/2010

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No problem with it here. However, after he touches them, if he touches nipples, I tend to leak so we try to ovoid them for now.

Melanie - posted on 02/01/2010

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lol. Couldn't help but laugh when I read this! I am exactly the same. I had two issues. Firstly I found it really uncomfortable emotionly and secondly practically it was a real turn off to leak milk! We got through it though. My hubby has been far more understanding second time round, probably cause he knows that things will go back to normal once i stop bfing.

Nikki - posted on 01/31/2010

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that's a normal feeling. i'm still BFing my 20 month old daughter (in the morning and at bedtime) and to be honest, i don't like my breasts to be touched at all. i've asked other BF moms if your breasts ever become sexual objects again (in your own eyes). the answer i always receive is that, yes, when your breasts aren't 'working boobs' anymore.

Melissa - posted on 01/31/2010

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im ok with it i guess- kinda do it for him, or more like put up with it. after having 2 babies back to back the sexual attention is too nice and needed to shy awasy from. but i honestly cant stop thinking about it being strange when in a sexual situation, lol. i just think like wow, are u looking for a mouthful of breastmilk? lol but im also super sensitive now too so that puts a damper on things as well.

Courtney - posted on 01/31/2010

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i feel that way - and i actually don't like to be touched at all by hubby while i'm in the middle BFing...it's weird and i wish i didn't feel that way, but it isn't getting better with time.

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I completely feel this way. I feel uncomfortable with my hubby touching them. Because I'm nursing and plan on nursing for a while it's hard for me to switch from the maternal, nursing and bonding that I have with my daughter to the more intimate side that my hubby misses. I can't switch roles like that, I can't have that sexual image of my breasts in my mind when I'm nursing my daughter, to me it's creepy. I like nursing and I think i will miss it when my daughter and I are done that stage, but until then my breasts are out of commission; which can be a good thing because it can help to teach men to look for other areas on a woman's body that are also sensual.

Ally - posted on 01/30/2010

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same here girl!!!! my baby girl is 7months and i plan to bf til a year!!! i say the same thing!!! it just hurts when he touchs them !!!!! dont worry he live!!!!

Priti - posted on 01/30/2010

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feel better after reading the posts...
i feel the same way n my husband is pretty upset abt it all..
i guess, its just a temporary phase, more so the motherly feeling is high, like my hubby calls it ;)

Leila - posted on 01/30/2010

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I don't have a problem with my husband touching mine. I know he loves them just as much, and I'm not going to deny him his favorite part of my body. We're both counting down the days til he can have them all to himself again! They're too sensitive right now, and I hate it. I love breastfeeding, but I can't wait to stop and not have to worry about leaking all over the place, especially when we're making love.

Kristin - posted on 01/30/2010

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OMG I totally feel the same way and I thought I was crazy (glad to see other women feel the same way). It's just a complete turnoff when my husband goes near them. I mean they are for my daughter now, not him.

Elizabeth - posted on 01/30/2010

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I've breastfed two daughters, and husbands do have a hard time with the hands-off rule!! I try to be understanding. It has to be hard for them to see us go from their partner and lover to a 24/7 "all about baby" person. They've been so cautious for 9 months to be gentle only to find out we still expect to censor their access to our bodies.
Try to explain the discomfort and why you feel this way. Offering to do "something else" he'd like to do and offering some "inspiring" ideas might also help.
I've seen too many women become completely rigid toward their husbands after childbirth, and shut themselves off sexually partially or completely. I am not saying that is the case, I hope not.
I hope you'll open up to him about how you feel, and be willing to work with him on other things to pacify his needs.
Good luck, it's really tough for a while to find that balance between wife and mother. It is totally do-able though!

Emily - posted on 01/30/2010

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I did with my first child, but this time around I don't. It feels completely different when my husband touches me than when my son is nursing. But he would lose a hand if he tried to touch me WHILE I was nursing our son! lol

Angela - posted on 01/30/2010

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I don;t have a problem with him touching my breasts, but I do find that I get annoyed sometimes when I have had a day were baby has been cluster feeding. I feel like they have been touched ALL day and I just need a break LOL

Andrea - posted on 01/30/2010

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I don't have a problem with my husband touching my breasts as long as it isn't physically uncomfortable for me. Unfortunately for him, I was often tender as we dealt with a long battle against yeast/thrush.
I also requested that he refrain from touching me while I was nursing our daughter in bed. I didn't want to combine nursing with the gently prods of my husband. Being a mom is very important, but so is being a wife and pushing your husband off for long periods of time like that can be emotionally devastating for a man. Not all men can handle such long periods of rejection. I hope you are able to figure out something that works for you both. :)

Megan - posted on 01/30/2010

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My partner isnt allowed near my breasts, It feels wrong for him to be touching them. They are what feeds our sons and not for excitement. He thinks Im being silly but they arnt for him anymore they are for our son!!!

Nicole - posted on 01/30/2010

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I don't have this problem but since you do, I think he should respect your wishes. Your breasts are not his property. Actually, I don't even see it as a problem- it is just the way things happen to be for you. My boyfriend isn't bothered by the milk at all- it makes him happy that I am nourishing our child. He also understands that he is going to get an eyefull of milk here and there- (I gave him a complete education on the chemistry involved in BFing while pregnant) Oxytocin, the hormone that triggers milk letdown is released during sex too. It is irrational to be grossed out by milk. Heh we all drink milk from cow boobies don't we :D ?

Jennifer - posted on 01/29/2010

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Haha. I am the same way; look- but don't touch! I think it takes awhile to start to feel sexy again after all the hormones and physical changes. I am soo exhausted all the time that we pretty much need to schedule in any 'us' time which is sad and I feel a bit bad for my hubby.

Milena - posted on 01/29/2010

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I feel the same way,my daughter is 8 months old now, it just feels different while there lactating. i also have a 5year old son, I fed him for a year, then stopped and that feeling went away.They just don't feel sexy for me while there "useful"

Beth - posted on 01/29/2010

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my biggest problem was --- the entire time i breastfed my breasts leaked constantly -- i had to wear at least a nursing tank at all times -- or there were showers no one wanted ..lol... so its hard to feel sexy or that you want to be touched when you are a fountain

Danielle - posted on 01/29/2010

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i agree mine our out of bounds till my little one no longer requires them, she only 3 months, but think it drives him crazy sometimes blokes dont quite get it

[deleted account]

I have the same "no touch" thing while I am BFing..and then when I weaned my last son they stayed "no touch" for a while after that too...I just wanted and needed my body to myself for a while...then I came back much happier which led to our newest addition! LOL

Jessie - posted on 01/29/2010

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lol i don't mind it a whole lot but when i started nursing it was a huge issue for me, my thing is if he wants to mess with them then he is taking the risk of getting squirted LOL that tends to discourage him

Tiffany - posted on 01/29/2010

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I am the exact same way! AND I have also "given" my breasts solely to my son. I tell my boyfriend that he can have them back when I've stopped nursing because it is just strange to have him play with them now. It's uncomfortable and honestly kinda awkward for me- I don't like thinking of my nipples sexually since my son gets his nourishment from them.

Monika - posted on 01/29/2010

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You know I am in the same boat, I don't like my fiance touching my breast since I started breast feeding, I don't think that they belong to my daughter like you do but I don't find it a turn-on at all, they have almost become very private

Lara - posted on 01/29/2010

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Hubby loves my breast when I'm pregnant and nursing (must be a "big boob" thing for guys), but he doesn't get to touch them 'cause it's so uncomfortable for me. He calls it torture but once I sat him down after our first daughter and explained to him why I was so uncomfortable physically (let down reflex, sore, engorged, etc) and it wasn't just cruel and unusual punishment I was giving him, he was okay with it.

Just talk to him. It's not about your breasts "belonging" to either your child or your husband. They belong to you. And if you are uncomfortable with physical touching of them while you are nursing, just tell him so. But be prepared to answer the follow-up question of "why" with a logical response.

On this same thread, what is with female family members thinking they can touch your breasts while you are nursing? Touch baby's head or feet, just keep your fingers off my boobs! scheeze!

Renee - posted on 01/28/2010

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I guess my husband is the oddball here. I would love him to touch my breasts during intimacy but he is the one who refuses because they are for our daughter's nourishment at the moment.

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