Feeling guilty if I wean

Lise - posted on 01/18/2011

Just one other note: once my daughter turned 1, no more worries about supply. If she gets milk, great. If she nurses and doesn't get milk, okay. At this point I really just go with the flow (literally).

You've done an amazing job, and the fact that you care so much shows a lot about you as a mom. Whatever you decide to do, take it slowly so you can change your mind if you want - but know you're doing great.

Jennifer - posted on 01/18/2011

If you feel guilty now, think how guilty you might feel later! Sometimes all you need to do is stick it out through an unenthusiastic period and then you will be happy later that you didn't quit. If you still want to wean in 2 months, then I think you should. You have a right to be happy, too. I would suggest that you wean as slowly as you feel okay with, dropping one feeding at a time, as gradually as possible. That is one kind of compromise between your feelings and his. Stress can lower milk supply, it sounds like you have your share of stress! Also have you talked to La Leche league? They might have more suggestions to increase milk supply. You have done a lot of work to take good care of him. Kudos!

Elizabeth - posted on 01/18/2011

I weaned my son at 14months and i found this age amazing there was no fuss, i just decicded i was going to do it and stopped, He never tried to get down my top but i think ths was because i weaned him earlier into only nighttime feeding which 100% helped, So if anyone is struggling that would be my advice to you just get them down to one feed rather than letting them feed on off all day then take it all away from them.

Laura Zoey - posted on 01/18/2011

Biologically speaking, natural weaning age for humans is between 2.5-7 years. Earlier weaning is mostly caused by something or someone else influencing the child off of their natural instincts.
It's quite common in modern countries to see babies weaning earlier then 'normal' but our cultures don't really help along the natural duration of breastfeeding.

Tiffany - posted on 01/18/2011

i was told that by a year, most babies generally wein themselves. Our first son was BF until a year, and i am still BFing our second (11 months) but he is getting to the point where he doesnt really care anymore.

Jessica - posted on 01/16/2011

An experienced mother once told me:
'Don't let anybody 'should' on you'.
You 'should' keep breastfeeding? Nope. You 'should' wean? Nope. Ignore them all, only you know what is best for you and your babe.
I agree with never quitting on a bad day - we had trouble for the first three months, and I'm so glad now we didn't quit then! I have found breastfeeding my toddler to be really useful, when she's sick or overtired or it's hot or whatever... but what works for us might not work for everyone. You don't have to actually set a date to stop - maybe just see how you feel when you get to his first birthday, and take each day as it comes. The most important thing is that both you and baby are happy. If you're not happy, don't feel guilty about changing something.

Tiffany - posted on 01/15/2011

i just recently weened my 19 month old son. I really wanted it to be his decision so I was hoping he would just start to show a lack of interest.... My daughter weened herself at around 16 months... Ethan was showing no signs of wanting to stop... lol



I am 3 months pregnant with twins and hoping that we will be able to exclusively breastfeed like with my first 2, and i didn't want Ethan to feel like he was squeezed out or something... so i made the decision to ween him myself. We sing songs and sometimes he lets me rock him to sleep. He asked for the "boo boo" a few times .. a lot less than i thought he would. He must have been more ready to stop than i thought. It took less than 3 days... he hasn't asked for it or pulled down my shirt since.... He still insists on putting his hands in my arm pit though much to my chagrin- ugh! its his comfort thing ... i did feel guilty too, and ofcourse really emotional but hey that's kind of normal for me right now anyway...



the important thing is you have you and your baby's best interests at the heart of the matter. Try not to be pressured by outside influence and just do what YOU think is right. You're the one living with this decision. You'll make the right one :) Good luck and God bless!

Callie - posted on 01/14/2011

You've done a great job making this far. It sounds like you've had quite the difficult time. I wouldn't feel guilty about weaning if that's what you want to do. I agree that baby led weaning is the easiest (it's what I plan on doing). BUT there are other ways to wean that aren't stressful on baby. Like a pp said 'don't offer, don't refuse' is a great stress free/low stress way to wean. Although if your son is really attached to nursing it could take awhile before he is completely weaned. I also agree with the others that nursing after 1 is different (daughter is 14 months). My daughter knows how to sign for milk and requests it about 5ish times a day (although some are more snacks than meals). She really loves her milk. Just do what feels right for you and your baby. My husband hasn't even brought up the idea of weaning. Maybe I've talked his ear off about BF to the point that he's on board with extended BFing (started researching when I was pregnant). I guess my husband doesn't mind sharing with our daugher LOL.

Pamela - posted on 01/14/2011

i didn't plan on nursing past a year but when we got to around that age both my son and I were just not ready. The immunity boost from breastmilk is what helped sway my husband. We were getting ready to go into flu season and it was just a bad time to wean. We kept going and I'm glad we did because it's a really nice tool to have in your mommy belt in case little one gets sick. Once you get past a year and your baby is eating plenty of other things and perhaps drinking milk in a cup, nursing can become the supplement.

Malkara L. - posted on 01/13/2011

Oh, I ment to also add, don't feel bad for weaning! When the time is right, you will know it!

Malkara L. - posted on 01/13/2011

First, it is great to hear you BF!!!!!! I am a BIG suporter for it.
If you feel you no longer want to BF, that is fine, you have done your son a great favor in life. Think of all the babies who have NEVER even SEEN their mommies "goodies".
I agree, it does get easier and less demanding when they turn a year. I was once like you, a year then I am done. But when that year came around "I" was not ready..... OK, nor was my son!! hahaha!!!
Compromise with your husband, say, OK, you get our son ready for bed -diaper, p.j.'s, book- he rocks him for a few minutes then you take your son and Nurse him. Same with day time, have him do something -that's just him and his son- Take him out on an outing to the park or to watch airplanes, maybe take him to his favorite store, (ie. hunting store, computer store or even to the book store!) But just him, not with you..... make HIM feel like HE can have something that is JUST he and his son. (I did this with my husband and it helped him get over the "one year plan")
My son is 2 1/2 years and no longer BFeeds but LOVES hanging out with "just" dad.

Jamie - posted on 01/13/2011

I totally envy you for muscling through the tough times BF you little guy. Mine was a struggle right from the word go and although I wanted to BF until a year we only made it 8 months :( I had alot of trouble with my supply from about 6 months and before that he just never really was intrested even as an infant. In the end I was nursing every hour and a half and then he would go on screaming hungry and come off screaming for more. I had been taking a Rx (althought I'm not sure what it was called at this time) to increase my supply and at first it helped but then he was starting to go back to the screaming routine and I was having to up the dossage because it just kept dropping. I was so stressed out all the time and then we noticed that his weight had not been gaining the way that it should. We (as a family, my husband, myself and my baby; because I believe that BF is a family effort) decided that it was best to switch him to formula and since then he has been so much happier and gaining weight like he should have been. I felt guilty at the time, I wanted sooooooo badly to nurse until a year, but with everything going on it was just so tough all of us (my husband, 3 year old, and baby). My guilt still pangs me every once and a while, but for us we did what was best for us at the time, and it worked out just fine. Well now that I have run out of wind (sorry about my long story) what it comes down to is I believe that you should do what you feel is best for you and your baby. You have done a great job thus far by most peoples standard. Go with your heart and you wont be disapointed with the out come. Good luck!!!

Melanie - posted on 01/13/2011

Hi Leslie, first of all...don't feel guilty at all!! You have done a great job and if you feel ready by a year to quit, that's really ok. Your son can have whole milk and will be just fine...and no, you won't traumatize him by deciding for him :) I nursed my first dtr until 1 yr..I started weaning around 9 months by taking out a feeding at a time so by the time she was 1, we only had one feeding left to drop and she was ok with it. Currently, my second dtr is almost 10 months and I'm starting to do the same thing...she does great with whole milk from a sippy cup so I'll slowly take away feedings and see how she does....the main ones seem to be early morning and right before bed so those are last to go. You've worked really hard to do the best for your son and you can feel good about it and let him try something new!! Good luck!

Laura Zoey - posted on 01/13/2011

I think that dads tend to realize how important it is to both mom and baby to continue, and how can they not accept it! They just want what's best for their family, so most dads turn around their thinking and realize that it's important not to stop before both are ready!

Emily - posted on 01/12/2011

Firstly, don't pressure yourself into feeling you have to make a decision about this right now. It's totally okay to feel one day like you'd want to wean, and the next day like you want to keep going. The cool thing about breastfeeding is that either way, your body will respond and make the amount of milk that your baby is nursing. Your body will continue making milk for awhile after you wean, so even if you decide one day you're done, and the next day you go back to it, the milk will still be there.

Also, I agree with the others about nursing after age 1 being easier and more relaxed. Solids take over more and breastfeeding becomes supplemental, but still an important part of the diet. Even if you're only nursing once a day, you're still giving your baby fabulous nutrition and antibodies.

Just give your husband some time. And if you have to, lay the smack down. :) just kidding.. My husband was much like yours. When our first child was approaching age 1, I realized that neither of us was ready to wean. My husband one day made a comment about how I'd be finished nursing soon, and I told him nope, that's not how it's going to be. He protested, but in the end it's my body and he has no control over what I do with it. ;) He got used to it, and over time realized that I had made the right decision to continue. I ended up nursing my first until age 3.5, so I guess I changed my hubby's mind ;)

Lise - posted on 01/12/2011

As long as you're nursing 4 times a day, your baby doesn't need any more milk (that's on the kellymom site, too). We just stuck with nursing and didn't give cow's milk; she drinks water at dinner, daycare, and throughout the day.



We tried cow's milk at 14 mo only to find out she's allergic! So she's just on mommy's milk and water. She nurses before most meals, but rarely during.



I like that I'm still nursing because it offers some benefits that I wouldn't otherwise have - it's such an amazing comforting tool, she gets my immunities (and more of them! your milk after 1 has MORE immunities than before 1, and more calories I believe), and during times of teething and sickness she won't eat solids but does nurse.



I told my husband that 2 years is my minimum unless he can find peer reviewed research that says there is a downside. He'll never find it. ;)

Laura Zoey - posted on 01/12/2011

I just told my husband that the American academy of family physicians says "a child weaned before two years is at increased risk of illness" and I told him that longer I breastfeed him the less risk I'm at for breast cancer.
Also I told him that the world wide average weaning age is 4 years.
So with those simple facts my husband decided that I was right to continue and now it's just as important to him as it is to me that Eric breastfeed as long as possible!
Oh also I told him that children do not have a completely mature immune system until around 6-7 years, so the longer I give him my immunities through my milk the healthier Eric will be!
He said it "looked weird" for a while, but health matters more then weirdness so we have now gotten used to the "look" of a toddler breastfeeding, cuz after all it's only normal!

Celeste - posted on 01/12/2011

I showed him the benefits of nursing past 1 but he was always supportive. It just seemed natural to him for me to keep going.

Leslie - posted on 01/12/2011

One more thing, I'm not sure how my husband will feel about me nursing past a year. He has been super supportive of me BFing but it's kind of counter culture to nurse longer than 1 year. He has asked me my plan and I just keep saying at a 1yr. I'll start to wean. I just haven't indicated to him that it might take a while. I told him I didn't know what that would look like. So for those of you who nurse toddlers, what do your spouses think? How did you explain it to them? Please be positive, I've seen some posts on here that are husband bashing and I'm not asking for that. I want what's best for all of us as a family.

Celeste - posted on 01/12/2011

Oh yeah, I think nursing after one is easier in some ways because you're not their main source of nutrition. And as long as you're nursing 3x's a day, you don't even have to give cow's milk. The nice thing about nursing past 1, is that there are no right or wrong ways to do it.

As far as weight, it's pretty normal for babies to plateau at that age. My twin boys plateaued at that age and then picked up weight gain at around 18 months or so.

Leslie - posted on 01/12/2011

Lise, I hadn't really thought about that nursing after 1 doesn't have to mean nursing every meal and being the main source of nutrition. So did you introduce whole cows milk. How does this work, would you just give him milk in a cup and then if he wanted to nurse as well let him/her? I will check out that Kellymom link. I love her site.

Sarh - posted on 01/11/2011

I think you have done a great job for breastfeeding to a year! Most moms don't make it that long! A yr is best... right? And if you nurse till then you have done what is best.
I as well am only nursing until my bubby is a yr. I originally planned on only doing so for 6ms, but as it got closer to 6ms I was not ready and neither was he. He is now 7ms and we are still breastfeeding. I doubt I will be able to go past a yr, it just sort of weirds me out (it's my personal view).

Lise - posted on 01/11/2011

It's really up to you, but keep in mind the ways that breastfeeding changes after 1. The pressure I put on myself before dd turned one was immense - thinking I was the main source of nutrition, worrying about losing my supply, etc. Now that my daughter's past 1 (almost 15 months! yikes!), she gets a good majority of her calories and nutrition from solids. I don't worry about my supply, and we're just taking it a day at a time (I'm planning to let her self-wean). I no longer get engorged if I don't pump, so breastfeeding is SO much easier! If she wants to nurse, she nurses. If she doesn't want to, she doesn't. When teething or sick, she'll nurse a lot and bring in my milk. Quite frequently, she doesn't bring in my milk and nurses for comfort.



I would recommend hitting a year in stride - wait a week or so after, and see what you want to do. If you do want to wean, I recommend checking out this link - http://www.kellymom.com/bf/weaning/weani...



I, personally, like the "don't offer, don't refuse" method of weaning, but that link offers a variety of gentle methods.



Good luck in whatever you choose to do!

Lauren - posted on 01/11/2011

Well, your son will continue to benefit from nursing even into toddlerhood. I understand your mixed feelings, I have felt them myself so many times (my oldest is 3 and still nurses, and my littlest turns 1 in two weeks). What I ask myself is, "What do I need to do to make this mutually desirable?" That is, how can we modify our nursing relationship to preserve it but make us both happy with it. With my older daughter, that meant cutting back drastically on nursing sessions, so we only nursed in the morning, at naptime, and at bedtime. This kept her happy because she still nursed, and I was content with this because it was less nursing time. Are there some boundaries you could set so that your son could continue to nurse if he wanted to, but you would feel good about it, too? Maybe you could drop your pumping session at night, or something like that. Nursing beyond infancy doesn't necessarily mean nursing 5-6 times a day; it doesn't have to be all or nothing if you don't want it to.

Leslie - posted on 01/11/2011

The reason I think my milk was low is b/c my son got really fussy at the breast and his weigh plateaued I got it back up to adequate by increasing the frequency of feeds, pumping after, and taking fenugreek. Now I just take the fenugreek and pump once before bed. He's been gaining steadily. Laura I like that about not stopping on a bad day.

Laura Zoey - posted on 01/11/2011

I always hear moms saying don't wean on a bad day!
So when you decide to wean it shouldn't be because of hardships etc. If you are still mixed feelings then just wait a bit until you are 100% certain that you want to wean.
Better safe then sorry, and when you do feel totally ready to wean him it won't make you guilty anymore, you should be confident in your decision.
So it's all about how you feel. Well and of course how your son feels!
If he still wants to bf, and you are 50-50 then keep going. But if you get completely ready to wean, then go for it nice and slow!
It's a long process to wean anyways, so it's not like it's all going to be over in one week.
Just don't do anything you are not satisfied with.

But I agree with Celeste, if diapers are still regular, then odds are your milk is quite enough for him. I'm sure he
Is eating some amount of solids and probably drinking some liquids in cups as well so he doesn't necessarily need the same amount of your milk as before.
So honestly, don't stress about how much milk you have. If he is happy growing eliminating and developing then your milk is fine!
Our modern societies tend to over think things that are so natural!

Celeste - posted on 01/11/2011

What a huge accomplishment! That's awesome!!

Can you tell me why you think your supply is low? How are diaper counts? If he's getting about 4-5 dipes, your supply is fine!

Stephanie - posted on 01/11/2011

My daughter just turned a year old and I had the same concerns but then I realized that she was starting to listen to the books that I read to her before bed and not trying to flip around, lay down and get ready to feed. She also would go into her crib and talk for a while and then go to sleep without much fuss so I took these as signs that she was getting ready for me to wien her off and we basically just stopped within a week and she has been just fine. She does not try to climb down my shirt anymore which is another big sign that she was ready also. I was amazed at how fast it all came about. I just tryed to find something that she could use as a calming down period (reading instead of bf) and it worked.

I would say just enjoy everyday as it comes and when you are ready things will just work out. It is hard to think that way when your little one is so reliant on the breast but it all works out. Easy to say, hard to picture, I know.

Good luck.