Feeling isolated because of children and lifestyle

Kristie - posted on 01/27/2010

Haha. Not laughing at you, just the fact that it seems all women who have friends with or without kids just don't get what it is like with you, no matter what. I have friends that have no kids that tell me how to raise them and others who have kids that have no time to get together but want to keep int ouch, except I am the one doing the calling. I gave up on that. I decided if I had to be the one to make the calls, it wasn't worth my time. True friends will make the time to be with you, kids or not and they will not expect you to adjust your lifestyle to fit theirs. Your life is with your kids and husband. Your true friends understand this and have no problem getting together at your place or theirs, kids in tow. My husband and I go to church and we sometimes join their gatherings, like being the host family to others for a dinner get together or we sign up to get together for bowling night with the adults. The church at times will set up babysitting for a few hours. They call it date night so mom and dad can get out of the house. I have an 18 yr old a 9 yr old and a 6 mo old. I utilize my 18 yr old so my husband and I can have time to ourselves. Sometimes its just to go in the bedroom to talk and yes, sometimes we need to have a little fun! You don't mention how old your kids are, but if one is old enough, maybe you could trust him/her just a little, even if for only an hour to get out of the house to shop or get a hair cut. My husband and I have a little routine, and believe me, it took some serious arguments to get him to understand I need time to myself to do my own thing and that it is not always about him and his schedule or things he needs to get done. He gets up in the early mornings with our son to feed him, change him and spend time with him so I can sleep in or at the very least, get some alone time. I tell him ahead of time if i have to go to the dr's or if I want to go to the casino to play bingo and he puts the time in his calendar so he knows it's his time with the baby. I make sure dinner is done most of the time by 5:30 like he wants and I give him his time during the day on the weekends to get projects done. We share shopping most of the time because we try to limit the number of trips to the stores that are all in the same area to save on gas. I stay at home and he works. Sometimes it is lonely but then I find things to do around the house and my mind is focused on finishing that instead of the loneliness. I wish there were a group of moms who had kids near my kids ages and who did not mind getting together at my home or theirs. personally, i enjoy hosting but I am finding out that even though women want to get together, they have a hard time making the first move and they are leary of others with children bceause they don't know the person. Breast feeding doesn't matter. It is your choice and anyone who has an issue with it, well, personally I have been known to tell them what I really think. If people really understood something, that the breast was not intended for guys pleasures, it was intended to nourish life, maybe they would have a better frame of mind when it came to breast feeding. People need to get their heads out of the back ends about breast feeding. It does not prevent you from doing anything. You can still breast feed and socialize. It's your friends who need to adjust their schedules to fit you and your family. Ever wonder why people are quick to say it is your fault? I just laugh when they try with me. I do not consider choosing to have a family a fault; however, many of my friends do. They have told me they feel that kids do nothing but hinder and tie you down and cost money and yada yada yada. Ok. They have their opinion but I live the life with kids and I know better. You don't feel that way when you have kids, not in the same sense or attitude. Yes they irritate you and frustrate you but you would never blame them for your friends inability to not socialize with you, would you? No. So look to groups or church or your husband to give you time to yourself. if you can get out once in a while to do something you like, you won't feel so isolated. If you can find a hobby you like to do at home, you won't feel as isolated. Right now my husband and I are looking into ways i can work from home simply because I fell the need to contribute monetary, not just by raising our kids. I really wonder how many of the moms on this site actually get together for play dates or just to hang out.

Brittany - posted on 01/27/2010

I know how u feel my husband works a lot and my car was in an accident (no one was hurt only my husband was in it) so i dont have a car right now. And in my close circle of friends do not have children. And my mother and sisters are two states away. Im a mother of 3 my oldest is 8 years my middle child is 4 years and my youngest is 6 months i breast feed and feel like all i do is sit in my house and feed children like im a cow or something. Sometimes its really frustrating not to have adult conversation and im so bored but other days I love it i think every one struggles with something and im happy this is the biggest thing in my life im dealing with. I sit and think how good i really do have it and i feel better. and u know what it will be nicer out soon (for me i dont know where u live) and i will be able to do bike rides and parks. It will only get better and ur children will get older. Dont change for any one and ur no the only one! Hope it helped Brittany

Terri - posted on 01/27/2010

Thanks Princess. Yes me time would be good right about now. Not that I dont love the kids but I would love them a lot more if I could get away from them every now and then lol! I think thats wat other people take forgranted and that is having time away from them. My friends have family network so they get their kids babysat all the time. I dont have that luxury. Me and my husband only just went out to tea a couple of months ago for the first time in 6 years by ourselves!!! That's how often we get out lol! But we make do with wat we have. :)

Princess - posted on 01/27/2010

I UNDERSTAND HOW U FEEL... I AM A MOTHER OF 3 IN THE AGES OF 7 YRS OLD, 3 YRS OLD & 7 MONTHS.... ALL I DO IS GO 2 WORK COME & TAKE CARE OF THE KIDS. I DNT WORK ON THE WEEKENDS & STILL DNT DO ANYTHINNG.... GUESS THATS JUS THE LIFE OF A MOTHER..... THATS WAT I TELL MYSELF SOMETIMES I DNT EVEN SEE OUTSIDE ON THE WEEKENDS... I JUS BE IN THE HOUSE WITH THE KIDS...... SOMETIMES I WISH I CAN JUS GET SOME ME TIME... MAYB 1 DAY I WILL

Terri - posted on 01/27/2010

Yes my oldest is autistic and even though my husband is very supportive we dont go to a lot of places because there always tends to be a scene. My boys always fight like cat and dog when they are out so it makes it difficult. I do go to playgroup but not many other mothers have as many children as I do and get togethers are always hard trying to manage the 4 kids.

My friends are all busy socialising and going out and I have been told its my fault and they just dont seem to understand how tiring it is to raise 4 kids, have a shift worker for a husband and have a special needs child. I do my best to try and fit in but because Im a stay at home mum at the moment (Im on maternity leave for 2 years) I dont have a lot of social contact so when I talk to my friends it tends to be about the children. And apparently thats all I talk about. Which I can understand would get annoying but they are practically my life at the moment. I dont go out to really discuss anything else and my life at the moment revolves around the baby.

I try and explain this to them but it comes back on me that I chose to do these things (which I did) and I just cant seem to get my point across. I just wish they could see that things will be different in a years time when I go back to work and I will not be so tied to the house.

But thanks for the feedback guys, I just wanted someone to vent to who might understand how I feel. And unfortunately Michelle Im nowhere near QLD, Im in SA but thanks for the kind offer mate! :)

Shelley - posted on 01/27/2010

hi i have 2 children and i know in the beguining i felt a little isolated as none of my friends some unable to have children which made things a little uncomfortable. My husband worked really long hours apart from my mum i felt really alone and then i started going to a local playgroup and have found a great group of friends who are really supportive maybe try to gain some friends in a similar situation to you. invite people to your place for morning tea seeing as you can't drive i live in qld Australia if you live close send me a message and your welcome to join our playgroup

Lauren - posted on 01/27/2010

I know how you feel! All my friends and family are 4 hours away. I'm a SAHM with a 4 month old and we have 4 other children. I can barely get anything done because my son is a high needs baby. I breastfeed also. My husband doesn't help out a lot because he's doing his own thing.



I know one day all the kids will be out and I'll have time to myself, but for my sanity now, I wish I had more time to do more things. I wish there was a group of women that I could go out with, but I just don't have that. The wives of my husband's co-workers are all in their own world so it's difficult. I don't really have any advice for you, but I wanted to let you know that you are not alone!