Fiance doesn't want me breastfeeding!! What to do?!?!

Kristy - posted on 01/19/2010 ( 184 moms have responded )

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The story goes a little something like this.
He didn't let his ex-wife breastfeed. Fine and good, I guess, because she was a push over. (and I dont mean that in a hateful way... Me and her are actually friends now). She didn't breastfeed their son because he didn't want her to.
I'm more upfront with what I want and am going to do. I have already informed my finace that I WILL be breastfeeding.... And he's kinda accepted that fact.
However, he does not want me ACTUALLY breastfeeding. He wants me to pump and feed thru a bottle. He has no reasoning behind this besides that he doesn't want the baby to grow up and be... quite literally... a "titty baby." He doesn't want her growing up with an unbreakable attachment to me. Or something like that.
I feel like, I will be doing what I want, with the breastfeeding... and that's GREAT. And I feel like I should be more considerate because I AM breastfeeding when he doesnt want it at all. I feel like the "right" thing to do would be compromise... I've mentioned ACTUALLY breastfeeding for the first 3 (or so) months and then weining over to formula (i know i know... i hate it.) But he says that he's okay with me using breast milk for as long as I want (or can) as long as its not baby-to-breast breastfeeding...
Where would you go with this? I mean, would you insist on ACTUALLY breastfeeding the whole time, would you compromise (and if so then how)... just let me know what you'd do...??
Thank yall!!

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Audrey - posted on 01/19/2010

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I've seriously thought about this and honestly, his thinking (as his fiance) would strongly concern me. I find that what he is saying is so illogical that I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around it.



Truthfully, do I think you should compromise? HELLS NO. This is breastfeeding! BREAST-FEEDING. BREAST-feeding. Get it? It's what your boobs were invented to do. And nothing nothing nothing soothes a baby like being put to breast. Not to mention that for you, baby at breast is the best thing for stimulating your supply. This is your body and your child. You mention the compromise of moving to formula at 3 months. Why on earth would you choose to give your child substandard nutrition if you are able to provide the very best that nature can offer? Your breast milk changes as your child ages and its nutritional content changes to match your growing child's needs. Nothing manufactured can ever match that.



Where would I go with this? In my mind, he firstly doesn't decide on this matter whatsoever. YOU are the one carrying the baby. YOU are the one going to be getting up in the middle of the night five times with feedings. Can you imagine having to bottle feed your child AND THEN PUMP for the next feed? It's ludicrous! All because of his silly notion.You'd never get any sleep. Seriously. And I guarantee you that if you give in to his lunacy, you'll regret it. You'll regret missing out on that time with your child.



I just don't think that you should EVER have to compromise on offering your child the very best.

Marabeth - posted on 01/19/2010

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p.s. what would he do if you told him not to touch your breasts ever again because you didn't want him to turn in to a 'titty man?' it's ridiculous. she has more of a right to your breasts than he does.

Sara - posted on 01/20/2010

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Having an over bearing husband myself I can empathize with your situation. I am a breastfeeding mom of twins and my hubby was completely uncomfortable with it. He was grossed out, worried about biting, public opinion and display. I have made comprimising but would not sacrifice my boys health for his mis understanding of a totaly natural process and his insecurities. I comprimise and will try my best to feed them before we go and time it so when I am with him I am as discrete as possible. He even runs around the house like a mda man shutting all the shades in the house when I am covered! LOL But when he is not around I am not as discerning!

I would seriously consider dicussing the benifits both health, financial, and Phsyical as he gets a better view for a few months! LOL If he really expects you to meet him half way and pump instead of breast feeding take him to register for items so he is aware of the cost of the essentials...You will need a hospital grade pump to the tuen of $300+, Storage bags, bottles nipples, and I would remind him that he will be meeting you half way and be washing bottles, sterilizing, etc etc. Men understand #'s my husband does not understand unless i show him in his terms $$

This is all assuming you give birth to a baby that will take a bottle, is not allergic to formula, and that your milk can be stored after pumping (mine has too much enzyme and spoils) And even if you do breastfed what if your child will not nurse under a cover etc.

It sounds like me that he might be a little attached to the tit, and is worried that he will be seccond fiddle. Assure him that he will still have a special place in your heart and the baby only has them on loan :)

Whatever you do please think it out, once you loose your supply, you are stuck with formula and might regret your decison. I know many that have.

For 4 months I pumped, breastfed and topped off with formula...I did everything i could to get rid of formula and that pump....that pump I want to light it on fire, back over it and then drive over it and back over it agaiN!!

Marabeth - posted on 01/19/2010

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i would leave him, live with my mother if i had to. marriage is dependent on the occasional compromise. if he can't understand that the person who carried her for nine months, gave birth to her and shoots milk from her nipples for that baby to survive and flourish knows how to best feed her child then he completely fails to understand what it means to compromise. another thing you should think about now is that the first 2 weeks - 5 months can be difficult for a nursing mother. she needs only positive people who are supportive of breastfeeding or at least her decision to breastfeed.. if he 'lets' (eyeroll) you breastfeed and you encounter troubles a week in it will be much more difficult to continue your nursing relationship with such a negative influence around. even people who are open to breastfeeding think people who attach their babies to their breast 16 hours a day (this can easily happen the whole first month or two..) are weird not to mention what your husband would think..

[deleted account]

Oh, I would absolutely insist! I've gotta say, I'm pretty ticked off at your man. He needs to stop being so selfish! You are doing the absolute best thing by wanting to BF your baby. And BFing isn't just good for baby, it's good for mom too. Being a new mom can be stressful and draining, to say the least. But when you and your baby sit down together and that tiny little miracle nuzzles into your breast and starts to suck, all your worries disappear. BFing releases endorphins to both you and your baby. Also, BFing reduces the risk of getting a couple different kinds of cancer (including breast cancer).
Maybe it will put things into perspective for your guy if you figure out what a year of formula costs in total.
And does he have any idea how much pumping in order to feed your baby vs. actually BFing will suck for you?! Pumping requires way more work! And it's also more difficult to keep up your supply when you're pumping. And then there's cleaning bottles, storing milk, thawing milk, and blah blah blah. Pumping is no fun. Why do all that extra work if you don't have to? And for what?! Because your man wants you to for some ridiculous reason that I don't even know/understand!
Also, what the heck is a "titty baby"? That term sounds so derogative. You and your baby are going to have an unbreakable bond no matter what!
Please please please BF! You want to and so you damn well should! And that's all that I've got to say about that:)

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184 Comments

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Karla - posted on 01/23/2010

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Even though pumping is great and more practical for some moms breastfeeding is a wonderful bonding experience and I believe there is no reason for not nursing your baby, after all thats what they were made for. Breastfeeding has many health benifits as well as emotional benefits. You should do what you feel is best in the end but I think your fiance needs to do a little more research on breastfeeding and as difficult as it may be you need to do what is best for your baby. If he is actually going to force you not to breastfeed I would look carefully at your relationship with him because that is not right. I hope I have not offended you saying that. Good luck!

[deleted account]

Sounds like he is a bit insecure maybe...breast milk is the BEST thing for your child no formula can replace its health benefits. If you want to compromise with him I sagest you just pump as long as you want then when baby ready for more solid foods then stop as if you were doing straight breast to baby feeding. Hope that helps :)

Michele - posted on 01/23/2010

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Go with your gut and do what is best for you and your baby. Your hubby could be a bit jealous and it is natural for him to become a bit competitive for attention. I have been breastfeeding my son for almost two years and when he catches a cold, it does not last long. For that matter, when I become sick, I heal much faster. It is bonding as well. My husband has been trying to get me to wean him but it takes partnership from both parents because it can be difficult and being in the same room, the baby smells your scent and wants to feed. Basically "do you"!

Rachel - posted on 01/23/2010

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Well you seem like you have a backbone. Don't let your husband talk you out of doing whats best for your baby. Theres is nothing like the bonding experience you'll have with your baby. Tell your husband there are babies breastfed all the time and they are absolutely fine. Also, tell him he thinking about his own wants and not the baby's needs. Men are engineered differently, and don't understand half the things we do. Were maternal an they are paternal.I talk this way because my husband tried to be like yours. In my case I just brought up it would save money not having to buy formula. That helped my argument a lot. Men don't like to spend if they don't have to. It's just all around the best thing to do.

Melanie - posted on 01/23/2010

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do what makes you feel better and is best for your child me and my kids are close i breast fed them all but their is a bond that is different from his dad. my youngest is so attached he always says my mom and wont let his dad around we laugh it off and i even tell him go with dad he says 'NO I WANT CHICHI" SO I TELL HIM TO BREAST FEED TO GET CLOSER LOL i enjoyed the closness and time spent its different but the milk is good either way i think its jealousy

Patty - posted on 01/23/2010

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also, maybe once he witnesses the miracle of breastfeeding himself he will "get it"... Maybe, he's actually afraid you're gonna whip them out at the dinner table and feed away in front of the company... that was the issue my dh's family had but once they knew I was going into another room to pump and was BY NO MEANS EVER going to do it in there view, they were better about it..

Patty - posted on 01/23/2010

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If you decided that you are breastfeeding than take it from me... PUMPING SUCKS! Literally! I could not get my DD to latch and because I did not have a very supportive husband I decided to go with formula once DD was born... 5 weeks into her being born, I decided I wanted to take a gander at breastfeeding so I had to start from scratch and pump every other hour for almost a month before I would get enough at each pumping session to get a bottle (ya, 1 bottle) If you are able to breastfeed I suggest you do... Pumping is very very very difficult! I literally carried my pump everywhere because without the baby your body gets all messed up about pumping and it only gets you a small amount... Let me just tell you it is EXTREMELY difficult to stick to pumping for months (I did exclusive pumping for a little over 9 months and then I could not take it any more so I slowly weened) without a good support at home you'll likely just give up... I stuck too it only because I wanted to prove to certain people that I was going to do it because I WANTED TO do it!!! LOL Do what you think is best for yourself, your baby and your fiance... it is nothing to argue over... after all, formula isn't that bad... most of us were raised on it in some form!!!

Martha - posted on 01/23/2010

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another thought is this...i had a really great pump and i couldnt pump...some people have this happen to them....i would pump and get little to nothing...my son was born at 7 13 and at four months he was 20.5lbs...exclusively breast fed...so obviously i had enough milk, but babies mouths are the best pumps...its such a great experience...i would just try to explain it with maybe pro / cons as well of some common sense reasoning....good luck to you and him and little one to be!

Chrystal - posted on 01/23/2010

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It's a beautiful bond for the baby and mother to physically breastfeed if she is able. The baby will have an unbreakable bond with you no matter what you do. I vote breastfeed... besides it's more your decision than his anyways.

Tara - posted on 01/23/2010

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That is absolutely ridiculous and selfish on his part, I'm sorry. When it comes to this, you have a right to feed your baby the best nutrition he/she can receive. That bond is something you WANT to have your baby. Don't let him get in the way of this. I know from experience, it's an amazing feeling.

Emily - posted on 01/23/2010

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I would without a doubt breastfeed!!! I would baby to breastfeed as well.. There is nothing like the bond you have with your baby when you do this.It is so speacil!!

It is worth it. I am a mother of two children I breastfeed both. One is 13 and one 4

They r wonderful, they were always well hardly ever sick. If you really want to and belive it is the best thing for your baby, your fiance will adjust he will see you r happy with your choice and come around...

[deleted account]

well if you breastfeed for the first 12 months there is not much of an attachment going to happen as long as they have used a bottle before. None of my children have ever had a problem with stopping the breast. it is definitley the best even compared to a bottle. No offense but your husband is quiet selfcentered and not to concerned for what is best for his own child. that's totally selfish. I couldn't imagine my husband saying that. He was totally supportive of it. and he would have had a lot to adjust to if he felt otherwise. because i do what I want no matter what. especially when it comes to the best thing for my child. I would breastfeed my child reguardless of what he says because the right thing to do is breastfeed your child. that's why our breast produce milk. and so on... i could go on forever. breastfeeding is just so easy compared to bottle feeding...

[deleted account]

I'll be honest - that is one of the strangest things I've ever heard! I can't imagine why your fiance would care what you do - and I have a hard time understanding why he'd try to keep you from doing something that's beneficial for your baby. Sounds like he might have some deep-seated issues.



At any rate, your child isn't something you need to "compromise" about. Do what's best for her. Do not let him pressure you - and that includes letting your baby latch onto your breast! If that's what's right for you and your baby, then he'll just have to learn to deal with it. With baby around, he's going to have to take a back seat for a while, even when it comes to your body.

Sunny - posted on 01/23/2010

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Personally I have breastfed my first baby for 15months and breastfeeding my second baby who is 5 months. I would not change it for the world. The longer you breastfeed the healthier your baby. Breastfeeding is so conveniant in so many ways. its always ready, in the middle of the night you dont have to be totally awake to feed your baby its ready you can lay in bed with your baby and cuddle and feed. When your away from home its ready. My husband is glad that I breastfeed because its best for baby. When he watches the baby he thinks that a formula bottle would be easier to make, rather then warming water to put the milk in to warm up but I am still pumping away to give baby all I can when I am working. I would insist on breastfeeding on the breast as long as you can and feel comfortable with it. Have you asked the Doctor or Midwife about all the benifits? Oh yeah its much much cheaper.

Carmen - posted on 01/23/2010

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you are so much nicer than i would have been in the sit. my daughter is breastfed and i couldn't imagine my hubby telling or even suggesting different. i agree with most of the moms in letting him read some of these responses, most guys aren't informed about the benefits of actual BREASTFEEDING, as for the unbreakable attachement to you? my daughter is a daddy's girl, has always been and considering that i feed her from my body and i carried her in my body you would think she would be attached to me. your baby daddy sounds like he really cares for his kids, even if his actions may seem misguided. but i would be firm on this, it's in the best interest of the child, and that's what truly matters isn't it?

Stina - posted on 01/23/2010

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I would not compromise at all on this. When I was pregnant with my first baby, I didn't even ask my husbands opinion- it was simply what I was going to do b/c that is how babies are fed.



So... these are a few things my husband says about guys who don't want the baby breastfed:



1. He doesn't understand what the big deal is.

2. It's the only 'pass' a guy can use in fatherhood. diapers, baths, comfort during teething, dressing, all other baby care, guys are expected to do nowadays. Breastfeeding is the ONLY thing a guy can't do. so....

3. by "letting" mom bf, you don't necessarily have to get out of bed at night for late night feedings. No bottles to heat means it's reasonable to roll over and stay asleep while mom nurses baby.

4. There is the option of an occasional expressed bottle for the bondingexperience, but it's just as easy to bond other ways.



What I say...If my husbands view of why guys should be all for bf, and all the other reasons to bf don't convince your guy to grow up,



Ask if he plans to feed the baby ALL the expressed bottles including the late night ones every 2-3 hours in the beginning b/c if you are going to be pumping, it'll be hard to also feed the baby.



Seriously, "letting" you bf will benefit him.



He needs to grow up. Stand your ground. Don't wean to formula for his sake. There is no such thing as a "titty baby" who is abnormally attached to mommy. It is natural for children to be attached... bottle fed children are attached to thier parents. Do what is best for your baby. Breast is best for at least 1 year.

Kristina - posted on 01/23/2010

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I am sorry but in my opinion it should not be up to him at all on the breastfeeding. Breastfeeding is for the health of his child and he should be more concerned about that. Her immune system will be so much better because you are breastfeeding. AND its not his body its yours. You can tell him that I breastfeed my first daughter for a whole year she never took a bottle, the pump never worked for me, she is more attached to her father and always has been. My younger daughter was only breastfeed for four months because I had no choice but to go back to work after having her and she is more attached to me. So if its the whole bonding thing he is worried about the breastfeeding will not make her mommy's girl. Sure its bonding time, but if he is a good attentive father she will more likely be a daddy's girl. Stay strong and only you should get a say so in what you do with your body.

Leslie - posted on 01/23/2010

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Like I said earlier, I have pumped since day 1. I'll be the first to admit that actually breastfeeding is best, however we all aren't able to do so or choose for whatever reason not to. I'm just giving you some info from my experience with pumping. My daughter has slept through the night since she was about 7 weeks old, of course swaddling her helped with that. I have never pumped in the middle of the night. She takes 3 naps and has never been overly fussy. Now, I pump 4 times a day. The most that I've ever pumped has been 7 times a day. Maybe we are an exception to the rule, however, if you are steadfast in your decision to pump, you can make it work.

Louise - posted on 01/23/2010

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Oh Kirsty, I'm so sorry that your man has given you such a worry at such an exciting time in your lives.

I totally understand your thoughts about wanting to compromise as you are the only person who knows how your relationship works and you want to do the best for everyone involved.

It does sound like your fiancee needs a little more advice and information himself as I would imagine his opinion on breastfeeding comes from quite an ilinformed position. Firstly he needs to understand the statistics re. breastfeeding and it's ability to help development, the imune system and bonding. It isn't just from the milk either, AS a mother breastfeeds you closely breathe with your baby and you each pass antibodies back and forth to each other as well as through the milk.

Secondly, I've JUST literally finished breastfeeding after 8 months. I was worried that my daughter would fight to keep feeding but actually (and a little sadly) she didn't at all. We've had a wonderful 8 months but she has swapped over VERY easily to a bottle.

My husband has been a little uncomfortable with me feeding in front of other men, which I wouldn't have a problem with myself, but he explained his concerns and issues with me and we came to an understanding. Therefore, as a compromise I bought a feeding cover which positions so that I could still see my daughter when I was feeding her but no one else could. This meant I could still feed in public but that my husband was at ease - which put us all at ease basically.

So, I understand your wish to consider a compromise.

However, expressing at the best of times is difficult and the later in the day it is the easier it is to feed directly then trying to express first. You are going to be so busy with everything else anyway that this option really is going to put a great strain on you. Doing it directly will be soooo much easier for you.

Would he deal better if you had a feeding cover in front of him or could it perhaps be that he wants to be able to bond just as much as you ? In which case you could suggest he gets to feed by bottle once a day (express in the morning for this though - it's soooo much quicker than later in the day).



Do tell him, from a mother who knows, that feeding will not mean your baby is attached to your breast for the rest of it's life. I initially decided to feed for at least 6 months and then kept going for another 2 as the winter was giving my baby lots of colds and meant she wanted feeding every 2 hours at night (at 7 months old !) so breastfeeding meant we weren't up in the night making hundreds of bottles. I always said I'd give up before my baby was able to start lifting my top and helping herself - it's not for me by that stage - but I simply waited until a time that was right for my baby and myself and by doing so I think it's been easier to make the switch.



I know people are replying to the extreme, which is shocking to you, but I think generally people are just meaning that you need to do what is best for you and your baby and your fiancee shouldn't be the one to dictate your choices. I admire your openess in asking for advice on this forum but I wouldn't compromise your motherly instinct and the wonderful opportunity to bond so closely with your child when your fiancee cannot reasonably articulate his reasons for his opinion. He should also be willing to compromise and perhaps allow you to try and see how you feel once feeding is established and your routine is worked out as to whether expressing is a viable option. You shouldn't have to compromise the wellbeing of your child - you seem to more need to come to an understanding and whilst he can't explain himself you cannot fully understand why he feels the way he does !

Hannah - posted on 01/23/2010

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Yes I would deff ACTUALLY breastfeed the whole time. It is even admitted by formula producers that breast is best and the bond and comfort is so great that it is hard to explain. Babies need comfort and closeness. He is probably jealous that you will get that and he won't or that he will just simply be jealous of the baby. It is not uncommon. He should get over it if you include him. Let him watch. To watch a baby nurse is the sweetest thing ever. They are so comforted by the feel of their mothers skin that once it is seen, how someone could deny their baby that, I don't know. They also have less stomach problems as newborns to eat directly from the breast because they don't get all the air from a bottles hard nipple. Breastfeeding is the soul purpose of woman having breasts!!!!! Humans are the only species that don't do it. That has to say something. He's the one that's weird!!! He should put his baby before himself!!!! And you should put her before all else also. I was breastfeed a a baby and I have no issues with my mother or breasts!!

Kayla - posted on 01/23/2010

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it sounds like he doesnt want to share your boobs with the baby! and there is nothing wrong with pumping but doing it all the time is very time consuming!! tell him to grow up and get over it! it sounds like he needs real breastfeeding facts! my two oldest kids were breastfed and they are very independent kids, as i am sure that my youngest will be eventually!

Kayla - posted on 01/23/2010

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tell him to get over it, why does he have an issue with bfing? i would try to find out why he doesnt want you doing it. all 3 of my kids are(my youngest is 8mths old and still bfing!) its the mean reason GOD gave us breasts!

Heather - posted on 01/23/2010

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Thought you weren't a push over? Compromising is stupid either you BF or you don't. If you want to and you should then do it regardless! What you need to do is educate him find lots of research that support BF there is tons out there and contact the LLL in your area to have a consultation together. Education is key here he may be confused and not understand all the benefits of BF. Good Luck and happy BFing!

Christine - posted on 01/23/2010

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Make the commitment to your baby to breastfeed. There is nothing wrong with giving a bottle once and while when needed, but don't let his opinion influence what you do. He sounds like he is very misinformed on breastfeeding, and needs to be educated. There needs to be a reason he is thinking the way he is.



See if you can set up an appointment with a lactation consultant, other breastfeeding mama's and their partners, etc.



I'm sorry you are going through this. He is wrong. Don't compromise on this. Your baby deserves better.

Melissa - posted on 01/23/2010

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ha! ya like im sure your gonna want to pump your boobs a million times a day...no way. why would u do all the extra work when theyre already attached to ur chest. i say do it anyways and maybe just pump so u can bottle feed for company comming over or on outings. but try to keep it baby to boobie for the first few weeks as to not cause nipple confusion, that could ruin ur experiance completly. youre wanting to do whats best for ur baby adn he should too. tell him to look up breastmilk vs formula...enough said. :)

Melissa - posted on 01/23/2010

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ha! ya like im sure your gonna want to pump your boobs a million times a day...no way. why would u do all the extra work when theyre already attached to ur chest. i say do it anyways and maybe just pump so u can bottle feed for company comming over or on outings. but try to keep it baby to boobie for the first few weeks as to not cause nipple confusion, that could ruin ur experiance completly. youre wanting to do whats best for ur baby adn he should too. tell him to look up breastmilk vs formula...enough said. :)

[deleted account]

He's a grown up so its time he grew up. If he cares about your daughter he would want you to breastfeed he would want you to nurture an unbreakable attachment. Sounds to me like hes jealous and does want to share you with your baby. I wouldnt pump unless you need to baby comes first and fiance needs to learn this.

Danielle - posted on 01/23/2010

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They dont become a "titty baby". I breastfeed my son (who is almost 3 months old) but he will also take a bottle. You can still breastfeed and give them a bottle. (Although I have found that my son does not like to take a bottle from me since he knows I will nurse him). I would keep on him about the breastfeeding. It is so much better for them and it is a GREAT bonding experience for you.

Larissa - posted on 01/23/2010

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Wow, what a selfish ass! I am sort of frightened that you chose to reproduce knowing this beforehand and also that you are considering not doing what is undisputably the best thing for your child just because of someone who has some serious manipulative/control freak (or worse!!) issues. Here's the bottom line: you are a mother now. This baby never asked to be created or born. From now on it is you # 1 job to be that baby's advocate first and foremost and make certain that what is right gets done!! This is not a romantic comprimise like what to watch on tv, or where to have dinner out. This is merely a symptom of a HUGE issue and I am scared for you & especially this poor innocent baby. Grow-up and stand up for what is right because he obviously won't. Get professional help if necessary. A man who objects to the breasts being used for the pursose they were created in the manner it was created to be done (baby to breast contact) is a jerk! Part of the benefits of breastfeeding come from the breastfeeding itself, not just the milk. The suckling action is different and uses different parts of the brain and mouth/tongue than just sucking on a plastic nipple, and not to mention the mother/child bonding that can maybe help give your baby the confidence and security to navigate early on. Please be the mother this baby needs (especially in light of the fact that it's father is quite obviously lacking greatly) and stand up for what is right! What is the best for your helpless innocent baby is NO place for comprimise! You would never dream (I hope) of ignoring her half the day instead of all day in the name of comprimise if that's what he wanted, or while pregnant just drinking half the bottle of vodka on Friday night not all because he wants you to....Oh this is so so sad.

Erin - posted on 01/23/2010

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My main concern would be with the fact that he doesn't want you to do what is best for the baby. You are what is best for that baby as is all that dwells inside of you, including your milk.

Elizabeth - posted on 01/23/2010

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I absolutely hate this. My SIL went through this and didnt BF because of this. I think you should stick to your guns about this because BF is very important for a childs development and health. You should explain to him that the use of formula is actually a danger to a child, for example the links between formula use and type 2 juvenile diabetes, ear infections, respiratory infections, cervical cancer, ovarian cancer etc. That the breast is not for nurturing a child nutritiously but sucking an infant does at the breast actually properly develops the jaw and helps prevent speech problems. THere is so much more to BF than people know. Your childs well being is more important than he sad uneducated demands. Men and our society view the breast sexually and sexually only and neglect the importance of it as the nurturing key to life. I am so very sorry you have to go through this, I think that you are an amazing women to want to BF and do what is NORMAL and BEST for your little despite the ignorance of those around you.

Andrea - posted on 01/23/2010

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I'm sorry, you just don't COMPROMISE the health of your baby - period. Pumping breast milk is not the same as breastfeeding. They need the skin-to-skin contact. They sleep better and they are not as fussy. Much happier baby. This really is not a marital decision - this is the decision of the mother, and that's it.

Christina - posted on 01/23/2010

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i have brestfreed all my children and none of then turned out to be "little babys" .......if he want compromise tell him that you will brestfeed in the house and bottle feed outside the house....

Kristy - posted on 01/23/2010

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I am glad to hear that you feel strong about breastfeeding, its such a good thing for you and for the baby... Maybe breastfeed for the first 3 months and then pump the rest of the time you want her to have breastmilk... I have read that its good about 6 months getting them used to a bottle or feeding another way besides the breast.. But I would stand by ur feeling of feeding her breastmilk. If it wasnt how babies were suppose to eat then our bodies wouldnt be able to do it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If he ahs concerns maybe he should talk to a professional about it and they can help him see it differently than maybe you could.. Good luck!!!!!!!!!!!

Maggie - posted on 01/23/2010

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p.s if he wants you to purely pump, its not the best for your breasts. When my son was in hospital and was tube fed I had to express and I was always full after, leaking and very very sore. As soon as I could feed him again it was much better. A baby can get more milk out than any of the best machines.

Maggie - posted on 01/23/2010

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I read your question out allowed and got the following response from my hubby " tell her to get a new man" Our son has just turned 6 weeks and right from the start when we were talking to the midwives about feeding options he said that if I can and if I want he'd love me to breastfeed. I've heard about men feeling "left out" I won't say leave him, you have a child on the way so you obviously care about this man (regardless of the issues) So why not breast and bottle. When he is home express so he can feed the child and you breastfeed while he's at work and during the nights when he's asleep.



I wish you all the best. But don't give in.....Your child is innocent and will rely on you, so do what is best for your child even if it upsets him.



As for the "titty baby" Babies have been moved onto bottles at different ages. Your child wont have an issue in a years time changing from breast to bottle or for however long your decide you want to do this.

CAROL - posted on 01/23/2010

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TELL HIM ALL THE POSITIVES TO BREASTFEEDING...THATS UR CHOICE NOT HIS...DNT LET HIM CONTROL U BREASTFEED...IF MY MAN TOLD ME I COULDNT BREASTFEED ID IGNORE HIM CAUSE I KNOW ALL THE BENIFITS

Geralyn - posted on 01/22/2010

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I had a funny thought. What might be more disturbing for him is to see his fiance hooked up to one of those double pumps that wheezes and sounds like you are hooked up to life support. I HATED PUMPING! Maybe do that a few times sitting right next to him on the couch, especially while he's watching football, and see if he doesn't change his mind quickly!

Lorie - posted on 01/22/2010

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I would ask that since he is so vocal about this issue that he wake up and do all the night feedings. Since you will probably be doing the majority of the feeding either way, I say you explain to him that you get to actual breastfeed for the first 3 months. Also, find some articles about the benefits to the baby and remind him you are doing what is best for HER and not him. My fiance was against natural child birth at first (I know, as if) but when I showed him research and really explained WHY I felt it was best, he actually became a fan of home births (until we found out insurance doesn't cover it and it is expensive). But really, unless he plans on doing the feedings he shouldn't be dictating hwo you do it.

Heather - posted on 01/22/2010

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If you can produce the milk to breastfeed your baby then you defiantly should. It is such an amazing experience that you will have with your child that is also the healthiest choice for them as well. My son is 7 weeks old and he's only had my breast milk, however, he is fed both from bottle and breast. Due to him being born around the holidays, I didn't have much of a choice but to pump and feed from a bottle since breast-feeding is a little more time consuming and I prefer to be non-public about it. He doesn't have any problem doing both...he now gets mostly pumped bottles during the day and breast-fed at night. I think this is a perfect choice for us because I will be starting back at work in another week, so it allows him to have all the nourishment of my milk at his sitter and still allows for the bond that breastfeeding provides. I plan on pumping and freezing my milk until he is about a year old.



Bottom line, your child’s health comes first and it’s the natural route to go. It seems like you are already going to be breastfeeding...if you are fortunate enought to produce enough milk to pump and freeze it for the future, then there is nothing wrong with that. But you should stick with the breastfeeding no matter what his opinion is.

Christin - posted on 01/22/2010

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well I didn't want 2 breastfeed but my child had issues at birth and I was only able 2 take her home do 2 breastfeeding her if I hadn't of breastfeed she wouldn't of been able 2 leave the niccu as soon as she did.... I just think that maybe he she rethink or u just do it for the health of ya'lls child breastfeed children are healthier and it has been proven that they are smarter I hope everything works out for u

Kellyn - posted on 01/22/2010

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Compromising with your fiance would mean compromising your baby's health. If he doesn't have a good, solid scientific explanation as to why you shouldn't breastfeed, there's no reason in the world your baby should be the one to suffer.

Kristie - posted on 01/22/2010

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might i also add, YOU carried that baby for nine months and YOU will be the one that is mostly taking care if her. YOU make the call not him...

Kristie - posted on 01/22/2010

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breastfeeding is natural. the fact that he would want to take away your bonding is quite literally disturbing. that is the way mother and child bond best. you only have that small window of time once! it only happens once! and then its gone and they grow up. dont let anyone take that beautiful experience from you. i think he needs to grow up. its rather immature to call a baby that breastfeeds a "titty baby" im sorry. grow up. im sure this is putting a lot of pressure on you but stay strong. he needs to realize that this is the BEST thing you can do for your baby. look up the benefits of breastfeeding that formula feeding does not offer. show him the difference. there is a big difference. breastfed babies are HEALTHIER babies!
do not compromise on this...there is no reason to bottle feed. by baby to breast feeding you will also cut out the baby from getting gas that she doesnt need to get. air that comes from bottles does not come from your breast (as long as you cut out gassy foods). and if you soley pump your milk WILL dry up. no pump can sustain your milk supply like a baby can. im going to back to what i said before, he needs to grow up. this is the only chance you have with your new baby to breastfeed. DO NOT let him take that away from you or you WILL regret it. BREASTFEED!!! you are COMPLETELY right in wanting to. i even asked my husband what he thought. of course he is with you as am i. i breastfed both of my sons and i wouldnt trade it for the world, neither should you. i had to bottle feed after 4-5 months because my milk dried up. i couldnt help it. my body just wouldnt produce it. TRUST ME breast and bottle feeding are COMPLETELY different. if you want to breastfeed do it!

Nora - posted on 01/22/2010

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I would tell him to shove it. My body my choice, he can do what he wants with HIS breasts.

Lolita - posted on 01/22/2010

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Dump the man! JK! But seriously, I believe it's important to have that mother-child bond while breastfeeding. Unfortunately, all men love the boobies whether they were breastfed or not, so there's no way around that. Don't compromise, do what's best for you and your baby. Your fiance will just has to accept it if he loves you both.

Andrea - posted on 01/22/2010

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I'm sorry, didn't have time to read all the responses and you probably heard it all - but ummmmmm, since when does he have a say in the matter? The whole concept of a "titty baby" is rediculous - babies don't have an unbreakable bond because they breastfeed. If he wants to help feed, sure pump one meal a day for him to help - other than that there is NO REASON not to breastfeed for the whole first year if you want to. Does he realize there are actual HEALTH BENIFITS to skin to skin contact? It's how babies thrive!



I'm sorry - you need to reconsider spending the rest of your life with a man who would put anything above his baby's health.

Leslie - posted on 01/22/2010

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I have never actually breastfed my daughter, but she has gotten breastmilk from day 1. She is currently 8.5 mos. I will not pump after she turns 9 mos and will have enough milk to get her through her 1st birthday. So, it is possible to keep your supply up from only pumping. However, I have a husband who does whatever is needed so we can do this. He knows it is important to me. My daughter adores me as well has her dad. We have both bonded with her in our own way.



I suggest you do what you feel is best, but do know it is possible to pump well. If you can actually breastfeed for a couple of months (b/c it sounds like you want to do that) and then pump, so be it. You will do whatever you feel is best for you and your baby. Good luck!

[deleted account]

Ok, so I'm posting for the third time now, I just can't get this conversation out of my head, I keep popping back to read everyone's responses.

I just wanted to share something my husband said last night to one of his friends (I didn't mention this post or anything, so completely unrelated conversation). He said with a sparkle in his eyes: "Watching breastfeeding is the best" I think he meant that he gets to see me get out my boobs all the time now while before that was reserved for "special" times ;-)

He also jokes about him and his son both being "boobie men"

Kristina - posted on 01/22/2010

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I breastfed my son until he was 7 months old. And I loved every second of it. There is a closeness you get when breastfeeding that you dont get when you bottle feed. I didnt put breast milk into a bottle because I felt that bottle feeding would be harder to break than breastfeeding. Its a beautiful thing to have the will power to breastfeed. Id tell him literally to f*ck off. This isnt something that should be compromised over in my opinion. Its your body and your daughter. My son isnt a titty baby at all and neither are any of his cousins who were breastfeed. Sounds to me like your hubby is getting a bit territorial about your body. I know a few guys who've admitted to not likeing the baby breastfeed because that was as they said "their boobs". If I were you I'd do it anyway!

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