Fiance doesn't want me breastfeeding!! What to do?!?!

Kristy - posted on 01/19/2010 ( 184 moms have responded )

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The story goes a little something like this.
He didn't let his ex-wife breastfeed. Fine and good, I guess, because she was a push over. (and I dont mean that in a hateful way... Me and her are actually friends now). She didn't breastfeed their son because he didn't want her to.
I'm more upfront with what I want and am going to do. I have already informed my finace that I WILL be breastfeeding.... And he's kinda accepted that fact.
However, he does not want me ACTUALLY breastfeeding. He wants me to pump and feed thru a bottle. He has no reasoning behind this besides that he doesn't want the baby to grow up and be... quite literally... a "titty baby." He doesn't want her growing up with an unbreakable attachment to me. Or something like that.
I feel like, I will be doing what I want, with the breastfeeding... and that's GREAT. And I feel like I should be more considerate because I AM breastfeeding when he doesnt want it at all. I feel like the "right" thing to do would be compromise... I've mentioned ACTUALLY breastfeeding for the first 3 (or so) months and then weining over to formula (i know i know... i hate it.) But he says that he's okay with me using breast milk for as long as I want (or can) as long as its not baby-to-breast breastfeeding...
Where would you go with this? I mean, would you insist on ACTUALLY breastfeeding the whole time, would you compromise (and if so then how)... just let me know what you'd do...??
Thank yall!!

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Stephanie - posted on 01/22/2010

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Well I guess I am gonna put my two sense in because I think it is a little silly that is the only reason he doesnt want you to BF is because he has some idea about a 'titty baby'.......give me a break. Seriously it sure does show how immature and uneducated he is about BF. I would make an appointment with a pediatrician and take you hubby and have him talk about this 'titty baby' diagnosis.

Where does he get this 'idea'? That is what I would wonder.....

BF is the best thing for a baby. It is a proven medical fact! Did his mother BF him? It wont last forever and cherishing the moments you have to bond with your baby is so important. Not that formula or bottle feeding are any less but bottle feed babies can become 'nipple babies' right lol *note sarcasm pls*

Any who, in the end you need to do the best for you and your family. To me it sounds like you hubby needs a little education.

Phillippa - posted on 01/22/2010

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i think he needs to understnd the benifits rather than the selfish side but i did both if anything give him the bottle and take baby to bed she will be daddys little girl in no time xx

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My 1 yr old breastfeeds and she isn't only attached to me. She seems to love being with us both equally except when it is time to sleep and then she wants Dada. I would tell him that I am going to breastfeed with breasts this much of the time and I will pump this many times so you can share the bonding and feedings, sounds.

Laura - posted on 01/22/2010

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breasts are made for breast feeding, and you should go ahead and breast feed your baby. Not only is it the best ready made food with all the right nutrition, its always ready and always the right tempature, it also has all the antibodies etc your child needs to grow healthy. Your fiance has some serious hang ups that he needs to deal with and get educated about. Not only is breast feeding best physically for your child, its best emotionally too. Your breast feeding WILL create a natural beautiful bond for you and your child. It isnt just FOOD....it is sooo much more....his ridiculous and childish views would be huge red flag to me in so many ways.....in the end...do what is the best for your child...BREASTFEED!

Amanda - posted on 01/22/2010

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Look I am no expert I only have 2 kids. i tried the pumping to feed crap with my little boy and I dried up completely in 2 months I pump 2 times a day on days that I have 2 work now with my little girl so that my husband can feed her while I am gone. BUT I would recommend not doing formula unless absolutely nessesary. Have you ever looked at the ingredients its pretty much all man made. And lets be honest what does a MAN really know about feeding a newborn? I think that breast milk is far more superior and it can only be woman made and thats always a nice thought. Just my personal opinion....but seriously he is just your fiance and from the sound of things it sounds like he may be a little on the controling side. I would stand my ground and watch for those kind of behaviors I hope that everything works out for you. And just for the record there is nothing wrong wit h titty babies I am always proud to say that both of my kids are titty babies, and just because they are doesn't mean that they dont love their daddy...both of them cry and whine over him all day long lol

Monica - posted on 01/22/2010

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Kristy,



First off its your body, and your baby, and you have a RIGHT to feed and care for your child to the best of your ability. If you feel that breastfeeding is it, then no one EVEN THE LAW can stop you. There are laws in place to protect that right.



Your fiance has unreasonable, ignorant (and I dont mean that in a mean way, jsut that he apparently doesnt know anything about breastfeeding based on the things that he is saying) Ideas. I think communication, and education (unless he's stubborn as a bull) and reassurance that his fears are unfounded is the place to start.



But from my own prospective, I "breastfed" my daughter for nearly 9 months. But my daughter refussed from birth to suck from the breast. I started pumping before I even left the hospital, and continued for nearly 9 months. Though i'm proud of the fact that I was able to give her breast milk, adn I would do it again if I had to. Pumping everything, is NOT the same as physically breastfeeding your child. There are a lot of hastles, and complications involved, and its a MAJOR commitment. You CANNOT slack off, even one pumping or else it will affect your production in the long run. In addition, pumping - the act of being attached to machine that basically vacumes the milk out of you isnt all that comfortable, and its a hasle to keep the parts & bottles clean. Breast milk is VERY biodegratable, and breaks down easily. If everything isnt cleaned and sterilized properly you can easily spoil your own supply.



I dont know if you work or not, but I did (do) and I feel like I could have given my daughter breast milk longer if it wasnt for issues at work. Not that my employers weren't supportive of my desire to breastfeed, but actually getting the time that I needed on a regular basis (every 3 hrs, EVERY DAY) was very hard.. nearly impossible at times.



Good luck, dont compromise, and communicate.. I'm sure it will work out for you.

Katie - posted on 01/22/2010

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Well it comes down to whats more important to you... Him... or the bond you will get with YOUR baby, one of the best parts of Breastfeeding is the bonding . It helps comfort the baby.. My son actually sleeps so much better when hes on my boob, as long as his face is touching it hes in such a deep sleep.. The skin to skin contact is so beneficial for them.. Bottles are sooo not the same at all.. My son is 7 weeks and has only had the breast and now wont even take a bottle( even tho is has breast milk). This is something that will effect them the rest of their life, even if your fiancee doesn't like it he'll get over it.. You cant take back what you did or didn't do while pregnant or for baby.. Maybe you should find some info that he can read on why its so important for you and baby, emotionally and physically..

Denia - posted on 01/22/2010

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I am studying to be a Lactation Consultant. You need to educate him on the importance of not only breastmilk but the importance of baby to breast. You body produces more milk if baby is nursing from the breast verses pumping. There is also a special bond that mama and baby get from nursing from the breast. Nursed babies are more secure and content. etc etc etc etc etc etc Do what is best for baby!!!!

Baby comes first. I hope he comes around. Good Luck!

Rebecca Lynn - posted on 01/22/2010

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This is the stupidest thing I've heard lmao Breast feed your baby and do what you want it's none of his business.

Nicky - posted on 01/22/2010

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You should definately breastfeed as it sounds like that is what you want & in the end it's you who has to do it, it's your body & your baby too so you have the final say!! besides the bond you will have with your baby by breastfeeding that skin to skin contact cannot be replaced & is 2nd to no other experience.



If it makes your partner feel better express too so he can feed baby & give you a break but definately at least do a combination although solely breast feeding for at least the first 3 months is less confusing for baby but baby will settle into whatever routine you have as long as it's consistant for instance if you do a combination try having the bottle feed at the same times e.g. morning breast, lunch bottle, evening breast just an example to give you an idea, set your own routine as you know what is going to fit in with your lifestyle best. Later on take your lead from what baby wants.



Remember there is no right or wrong just what's best for you, baby & your family!!!



With my first child I breastfeed until my daughter was 10 months old when she decided she wanted to stop, I missed the contact but that is when she didn't want to continue so I took my lead from her.

My 2nd daughter is still breastfeeding at 17 months & until 3 months ago didn't want a bottle, we tried when I went back to work to get her to take a bottle & even thought it was breast milk in the bottle she prefered the breast. As with my 1st I will take my lead from my daughter as to when breastfeeding stops, something that I am already dreading as I will miss the special contact & time that we have together; but it must & has to be her choice & to be honest I like the bond that we have it's something special that we share & the best possible start for her & us as a family as in my experience breastfed babies are happier & more content.



I hope you settle on what feels comfortable & right for you & don't feel pressured into making a decision that you are not happy with, bear in mind that this decision could affect your bond with your baby if you make a decision You are Not happy with baby will sense it.



Good Luck & all the best.

Nicky.

Christina - posted on 01/22/2010

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Actually breastfeeding is one of the most natural things in the world also one of the healthiest. My daughter (Jalynn) is now 14 months and she was totally breastfed. When she was in the hospital doctors tried to get me to rotate btwn formula and breastmilk b/c she had a low birthweight, Jalynn didn't want anything to do with the formula and I wasn't going to force it on her. She knew what she wanted and that happended to be breastmilk. When she was 3 weeks old we went on a 6 hour trip and I pumped, she drank that but after that trip she refused to drink from a bottle. I have had to actually feed her ever since. Even at daycare she wouldn't take a bottle and I tried all types, they have a bottle that looks like a breast but she wouldn't take that. I personally thing that it would be wonderful if you could breastfeed. As previously stated it's one of the most natural things in the world and your bond with the baby will be GREAT! GOOD LUCK!

Hannah - posted on 01/22/2010

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what you do with your child is your decision. you have to think first of what is best for them...not to satisfy those around you. tell him that you are not his ex wife and you will do things the way you feel best. if he persists, tell him that he will do all the feeding by himself. that should changed his mind after a little while.

Alicia - posted on 01/22/2010

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One more thing!

My husband LOVES that I breastfeed. He gets to be even lazier!! He only feeds her a bottle of breastmilk when I ask for a break like having him put her to bed or something. It's really a good deal for him, otherwise, if he could feed her - your bet you sweet a$$ he would be lol

Good luck! Stand strong for your baby! Breastfeed!

Alicia - posted on 01/22/2010

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He seems selfish :( If that is his motive, he doesn't want to baby's mouth on your breast because he feels entitled to it... screw that! Breastfeeding is what you were made to do.. literally! If he is being selfish - remind him that those boobies wouldn't be there if they weren't made to nurture your young in the first place!



I ultimately think there is an underlying reason he doesn't support it. Maybe through talking and confiding in you, you could figure out what his deal is. He shoudl really want his children to be as healthy as possible and you for that matter!

Jennifer - posted on 01/22/2010

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Wow! Are you sure you want to marry this guy? It sounds like he has a real problem with you bonding with your baby, and probably some hangups of his own regarding attachment issues to his own parents. Please do breastfeed your precious girl - it is the most rewarding part of babyhood and once that time is gone, you can't get it back.

Amber - posted on 01/22/2010

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i think it crazy that he even trys to tell you what to do. i think you should take him to see a breastfeeding specialist. Have him watch a movie or read a book on it. maybe he dont understand what all good comes from it. i have four children i breastfeed three of them but my fourth wouldn't take it, it hurt me to have to give him formula but i had to. you should tell him that health wise its so much better my other three dont ever get sick but my son gets sick a lot. good luck on what you do.

Shahida - posted on 01/22/2010

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If you only pump, your supply won't thrive the way it would if you were baby to breast. So if you would like to continue for a few month you should breastfeed. I think your husband is being selfish. This is a great way for you and baby to bond.

Jessie - posted on 01/22/2010

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I would have to say that you have to do what you think is best for your baby BUT I breastfed for the first month then decided to pump and feed thru a bottle. I didn't breastfeed for 4 days (just pumped) and I started to lose my milk. I had to restart breastfeeding immediately and take fenugreek just to regain enough milk for him to have enough. So just be aware that without the actual baby feeding your body may not make enough milk thats needed!!

Gillian - posted on 01/22/2010

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"p.s. what would he do if you told him not to touch your breasts ever again because you didn't want him to turn in to a 'titty man?' it's ridiculous. she has more of a right to your breasts than he does."



BINGO! Leave him, get out now.His ex is his ex for a reason and you should NOT marry this man.

Jen - posted on 01/22/2010

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OK, I breastfed my little one for 15 months. I worked for 13 of those months, so I am a pro at both the breast and the pump. Well, ok, I'm not a pro, but I am really good at it and know a lot of info. So here goes. Breastfeed your baby, at the breast, everyday. Pumping will work for a while, but your body knows it isn't the baby and will slow down production and even possibly stop all together. Plus it hurts a lot more than the baby does. Breastfeeding was amazing for me and my daughter. She is super healthy, didn't get a single ear infection until 3 weeks after I stopped breastfeeding. Since then she has had to have tubes put in her ears due to the infections. She didn't have the flu or a cold or anything else the whole time I breastfed. Plus it's free!! You pump to give the baby milk when you aren't around or to let someone else share in feeding the baby. Don't let his personal issues with a baby at the breast stop you from doing it. My hubby thought it was gonna be weird until he learned about how good it was for her and me. It will possibly keep your period from returning until you stop, help prevent breast cancer, and help you lose the baby weight faster. Perhaps the only compromise I would make is pumping an extra bottle so he could feed her once a day. But remember, don't put her to a bottle until you have completely established a healthy beastfeeding relationship. Usually about 3 weeks old. For more support and ideas on what to do you can always call your La Leche League headquarters in your area, they are always happy to help with any questions, even the "silly" ones. Good luck with everything you are doing! Breastfeeding was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life (and I had a 10 year multiple-drug addiction I quit on my own)!

Kristen - posted on 01/22/2010

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I agree the leaving him over this one issue is extreme...my husband wasn't a huge fan of me breastfeeding at first, but in the end, he is sosososo pro-breastfeeding. I'm sorry, but that really is just stupid to not want the baby to be a "titty baby". And honestly, breastfeeding may not work out. Its really quite difficult if baby has latching issues or you have supply issues. But I think its best to just step back, say "this isn't up for debate. I will see how this goes and make my decision from there." Breastfeeding is way cheaper than formula feeding anyway. My son breastfed for 12 months and in the end, it was so worth it.

April - posted on 01/22/2010

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I think that your fiance needs to get an education. I have yet to find one single study that shows anything less than great outcomes for babies that breastfeed. Also, a breastfed baby doesn't have issues when he or she grows up. It is a completely natural process and I would tell him that unless he reads up on the process and has some knowledge to back up his paranoia, he doesn't get to make a decision like that. He may also want to consider the fact that breastfeeding is way more convenient than pumping and that it is one less thing for you both to have to stress about from day to day. Also, he may want to deal with what seems to be his insecurities with sharing your boobs. He needs to understand that feeding a child and sharing intimacy with him are completely separate and one doesn't effect the other.

Lynnea - posted on 01/22/2010

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My son was in Neo natal for the first 10 weeks of his life he was born 14 weeks early. The entire time he was in there I had to pump to keep up my milk supply and have some in storage for him to eat when he wasn't on IV fluids. Let me tell you that the difference between pumping and now actually breast feeding is amazing. Pumping was such a hassel. I had to get up every 3 hours pump for 20 minutes or more then clean up everything for the next time. Every time I went anywhere for an extended amount of time I had to cart the pump around with me or I was extremely uncomfortable and my breasts were extremely engorged the entire time because pumping doesn't work as well as putting your baby to your breast and you don't regulate out like you would if it's done naturally. As soon as I started really breast feeding my son it was so much easier. Everything I needed to take care of him was already packed and with me. We didn't have to wash and steralize all those parts and pieces and bottles constantly, and the night feedings have gotten so much better. By the time you really get regulated and your baby has figured out how to eat quicker (1-2 months) nursing your baby will only take about 5-10 min total. Compared to the hour you would be up otherwise there's not even a question of what I would do. Trust me on this from a mom who had to pump you don't want to do that. You'll get so frustrated that you will probably just stop all together and bottle feed to keep him happy which isn't what you want either. You know it's better for the baby and once you start I'm sure your fiance' will realize how convenient it is and how much money you are saving. Just make out a list of the facts: time, money, comfort, convenience, etc. and present it to him if he's logical about it I"m sure he'll understand.

Allyson - posted on 01/22/2010

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First suggestion: go and talk to someone together to find out exactly why your fiance has an issue with breastfeeding directly-it could be something deeper that has nothing to do with breastfeeding. I was a mom who wanted to breast feed exclusively and after 10 lactation consultants, bloody nipples and lots of messes over 2 weeks....my daughter could not latch on to my breast properly to get sufficient nutrition. I pumped exclusively for the first 5 months of her life: every 2 hours when at home, bed at 12am, pump at 4 am and stayed awake until 5:30 am pump before work at 7 am. I worked a full 40 hrs/wk and somehow was able to have enough milk (fresh/frozen) to make it through her first year but that was probably because during maternity leave, I did pump EVERY 2hrs religiously. Pumping was exhausting, painful and uncomfortable...I had to eat my dinner while attached and instead of holding my daughter when we got home, I would have to leave her in her carseat with a bottle while I pumped. Against the advice of a lactation consultant, I was luckily able to re-introduce the breast to my daughter and was able to breast feed at home and only needed to pump at work when my baby was 5 1/2 months.

This was exhausting work and if given a choice to have my baby feed directly I would take it for the bonding, health (for mom and baby) and convenience. I would go to visit my sister 2 hours away and we would go shopping: I had to bring the pump, bottles and extra milk with us.

Breastfeeding is natures way as you are aware and you need to decide if you are up for the work of pumping and bottle feeding exclusively and if your fiance is up for you being stressed, tired and crabby...not to mention feeling inadequate because your baby needs you but you need to get the meal out and are stuck on the pump for another 10 minutes (once that stream gets going even if you disconnect you will be dripping all over) Good luck with your decision and Congratulations on your coming arrival.

Sarah - posted on 01/22/2010

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i would drop him like a ton of bricks. if my guy told me what i could and could not do, he would be gone. breastfeeding is beautiful!! both my sons are and were. nothing wrong with it. its more natural then bottles ansd healther and safe. plus its FREE!! Go tell him to pound salt and nurse your child.

Alina - posted on 01/22/2010

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i would not compromise. i was in that situation. my EX was a jerk about it but heres the way i look at it. boobs were meant for feeding babies, not decoration for men to look at. period! my husband now is VERY supportive of me breastfeeding to the point where if i am feeding the baby he will hand feed me. or get me something to drink if i need it. he is wonderful and it makes all the difference. most men only have a problem with it because then the baby is stepping on "their" territory. (even if they wont admit it. my hubby now says that sometimes men talk about it and this is the case, they dont want to see something attached to their boob! im so glad hes not this way) breastfeeding is important to you i can tell, explain to him that you will make more milk if you feed actually from the breast as this stimulates more milk. and if hes a boob guy (which it sounds like he is) let him know that hey, he will get to see them more when you are feeding the baby. try turning it into a perk for him. and ask him for his support. let him know that you need him to help you with this. it makes it so much easier on you and helps you do it longer if you have his support. let him know that he is important to this. that might be part of the problem. some men feel like they are not needed because of breastfeeding but it is just the opposite. try asking him if he will go to a support class with you and learn just how important his role is. (wic sometimes has these, or you can ask your local health department.) good luck and i hope this helps you. i really hope he comes around.

Miranda - posted on 01/21/2010

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I wouldn NOT compromise! Your fiance has no idea what he is talking about! He is inhibiting his own child to produce a bond with you! It makes no sense to me!!! But this is coming from someone who is solely breastfeeding their child (who is 11 months old!!). I still pump and the only time my son gets a bottle is when I am at work and his dad has to feed him while I am gone. You will be attached to that machine "all day" if you go the breast milk in a bottle route!!! I feel that your fiance is being rediculous and should speak to a pediatrician or something!! Good luck!! :)

Phelicia - posted on 01/21/2010

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Okay, I am really all about respecting my husband, however, you have to remember your baby's health. Your baby will not develop a fully functional immune system until the age of 6. For that reason alone, breastfeeding should be a priority. While the first three months are very important in nursing, do not discount the importance of continued nursing.



If you pump and bottle feed you run the risk of drying up, and it is most likely to happen. You are likely aware of that, which is why you don't want to do it. Most men are uncomfortable with nursing because they have over sensualized the female breast. The real function of the breast is to provide nutrients for your baby. The natural bond a baby has with her mother is formed through breast feeding. Most countries still have a supportive overall view of nursing, but it is the sexual nature of our society which has turned people off to the natural wonder of it.



I cannot tell you how empowered I felt by being able to nurse my baby. I was not able to nurse my oldest, and I was so amazed that I could sustain that little child myself! She is very attached to me (and I am very glad of that! Who doesn't want their baby to need them?) She is also strong, independant and by far the healthiest member of the family. She is 14 months old, and has only been sick for 2 days. Once everyone in the house came down with the flu, except for her! I still nurse her, and will stop when either one of us is ready, and not before.



My suggestion, pray, and bring your fiance to a local La Leche League meeting. If he won't go, go yourself, but it would be best to get him there. If it didn't worry you, you wouldn't even ask this question. You may as well place your desire out there, and support your position. Maybe a new perspective on the attitudes which make people uncomfortable will help him change his mind.

Ally - posted on 01/21/2010

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i dont think you should leave him but breastfeeding is so great!!!! Its much better in the middle of the night when your so tried....i really think that heʻll get over it...my man wasnʻt the biggest fan and now we love it!!!

Lorelei - posted on 01/21/2010

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after thinking about it for a bit... you can actually do both. Breastfeed as often as you can, but maybe pump from the side she's not nursing on as often as you can and build up a supply, that way he can share in the feeding experience as well- maybe you can then alternate between who feeds her. I still think the guy needs some therapy though!

Lisa - posted on 01/21/2010

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I'd lose the loser.

seriously, this is your baby and breastfeeding is so easy and you won't end up with a child that is latched on for good. I nursed three children until they were two years old, two of them were boys. They are now 8 and 9 years old and they are perfectly normal boys. My girl is just over two years old now and she sees me nursing our newborn and she's like, oh the baby is nursing, I want to nurse the baby too. but she doesn't have a boob hang up either. I think your man has a serious issue and needs help. and no man tells a woman what to do.

if you are talking about finances, sure, compromise, but not nursing your baby because he has an issue with it? tell him to grow up or get out because you aren't going to let his stupid ideas cause problems with you and your baby.

besides--its harder to pump and feed than it is to just nurse.

ok, sorry, but I was controlled by a man once, then he hit me and I snapped out of it. I am totally against being told what to do. when my husband wants me to do something we talk about it, and when he was getting a little too controling for me, I told him to back off and we worked out a deal. (this was about money--so I got my own bank account and he doesn't get to look at it, it keeps the peace around here--so long as money is going into savings and paying the bills, my money isn't his concern).

Lori - posted on 01/21/2010

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NO compromise, NO way!

And truthfully, if it were me, and I had found out my bf had this opinion *before* I was pregnant, it would definitely be a dealbreaker, because that person would clearly not have the same values as me, and would not be the correct partner for me in raising a child. However, if I were in your situation and already pregnant, then, no, I wouldn't leave and separate the baby from its father. But there would be some long discussions, and I would INSIST that he get educated (or at least close his pie hole) before baby comes so that his negativity doesn't poison what should be a beautiful experience breastfeeding and bonding with your baby.

Justine - posted on 01/21/2010

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ok... i would have to agree that leaving him is a little much. but honestly everyone who had read your title im sure that was their first answer! but on the other hand i kinda get what they are saying. you guys together should do your research. and understand how important it is to breast feed TOGETHER. dont just tell him show him. the other part of it is im sure he doesnt wanna feel left out as a father the first few months. i did breast feed the first year and i will tell you i wouldnt do it any other way. the second i had to find which formula was best for her was such a pain in the butt. she spit up most of it plus she had reflux (50% of babys do) she unfortunitly still has it. but the point is breast milk is easier, cleaner, healthier, safer, and CHEAP! you dont have to run to the grocery store at 10 at night cause your out. the list goes on... from experience of doing both i will ONLY breast feed any other children i have. if you wanna talk some more on the subject with someone who can give you some useful advice IM me on facebook

justine

Katie - posted on 01/21/2010

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So I'm not sure why he has a problem. Breastfeeding is the most natural thing that you could do for you and your baby! I just don't understand how someone would be sooo aganist something so natural.
When you breastfeed you develop this great bond with your child. Oh my, its just great. And the so called "unbreakable attachment" that you are talking about.... Your child will go through fazes of wanting his mommy and daddy. I'm not saying there isn't a special bond created through breastfeeding, but isn't that what they are there for?
There are so many pro's to breastfeeding. For one it's totally free! And it's totally natural. Plus recent studies say that breastfeeding mothers have a less chance to have breast cancer and such... If you are thinking forumla, that is your choice but forumla is NOT natural and a forigen substance to your childs body! Therefore it is harder for them to digest it (unlike breastmilk). And have you heard of any con's to breastfeeding? Cause I know I haven't.
When I first started to breastfeed, my milk supply was crazy so durning the day I would try to pump a couple of bottles, that way if we went out I would have some bottles to take with us out in public, and at home I just fed him. And if you don't use it you can freeze it!
Don't give in!!!! A mother knows what is best for her child!!!! If you feel like you should breastfeed then do it!!

Khiara - posted on 01/21/2010

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Hi Kristy, this is some situation. If I were in your shoes, love or not....respect or not, I would breastfeed my child no matter what my boyfriend, fiance or husband feels or says about it. This is once in a lifetime bond with your child that you will never get again. Of course if you choose not to with this child and choose to with the next that decision is fine however its not the same because each child is different. I'm a young mother and I have found that breastfeeding my daughter is one of the most wonderful experiences with her ever. Once she's ready to be weaned off I know that this experience with her will NEVER happen again. If you do choose to breastfeed her until she's ready and you feel that she is ready to be weaned be proud that you have done so. Know that you will have a memory with her that you will never get back and a bond that will make your relationship with her stronger as she grows. I hope and pray that your fiance can see and understand the importance that is not only for your baby but for you.

Erica - posted on 01/21/2010

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Breastfeeding naturally is so much easier. No bottles to wash or milk to warm! I pump while at work but feeding my babies at the breast the rest of time because it's so much easier and I don't want to pass up the opportunity to cuddle my babies.

He'll get used to it. Just do what you think is right!

Francesca - posted on 01/21/2010

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Pumping,yikes. Its not just about the breastmilk, its the whole experience. And that experience is what babies (and mommies) need. Breastfeeding is hard at first. And being a new parent is hard. Those quiet moments curled up feeding your baby is not only nurturing to her but also to your soul.

My Dh kept offereing me formula when I was having a rough start at breastfeeding. I explained to him that these offers were destroying my confidence and that this was really important to me. And that in a time like this I really needed his support. And he understood. If talking to your fiance is unreasonable, and that he can't understand, then screw it. Do it anyways. If he can't see what is best for you and your baby, you need to stand up and let him know that he needs to grow up and stop being immature.

Krystal - posted on 01/21/2010

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I understand that you want to compromise with you husband but why would you stop giving your baby the best thing for her? By supplementing with formula you are choosing to compromise all the great nutrition that comes with the breastfeeding. If you decide to compromise you should pump and give you baby the expressed breast milk. I thinks that is whats best for all 3. Good luck!

Aundrea - posted on 01/21/2010

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I am thinking his worry is that the baby (child in later years) will be more attached to you by breastfeeding and thus make it impossible somehow for him to have a good relationship with his child. If this is the case, I would start by opening a dialog. Is it because of something in his family maybe that makes him worry this way or maybe something a friend said once? I would attempt first to get to the bottom of this fear. If he just fears it with nothing fueling it, I would suggest a little different compromise which is that you will have HIM bottle feed the baby your breastmilk every other feeding while you breastfeed every other feeding. This way you are both sharing the closeness of feedings and both giving your child breastmilk. I did something similar with my youngest son and him and my husband had a wonderful bond and to this day he prefers him over me LOL Also remind him his relationship with his child isnt based on a breast...it's based on the nurturing that child gets from their parents from birth through adulthood. If your boyfriend loves that chid, the child will love him back breastfed or not. I think you are doing you, your child, and him a dis-service by not actually breastfeeding..and only pumping. First pumping can cause you depression especially if you really want to be breastfeeding and there is a fair chance your milk can dry up because of it....also how will it look later in life if your child asks why you didn't (especially being a daughter which is more likely to have to make this same choice later in life) and you say because her dad wouldn't allow it? Anyway I personally wouldn't compromise how you want your child fed...I would say if there is a compromise it is in you breastfeeding and then finding something for dad to do to give baby and equal attachment to him such as I suggested above or letting him be the one to rock baby to sleep at the night-time feeding etc. I think I would definitly dig more to see where his views are coming from because his fears seem like they have a basis from something and I think finding out from what will be half your battle... :O)

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Stick to your guns!!!!! If it were me.... I would INSIST that he grow up, and respect the bond between Mother and child. Unfortunately for him, this is a decision for the Mother to make. The father's job is to support this natural bond with baby. Sorry if I sound like a B with an ITCH, but gentlemen with this attitude really bother me!!!!

Dawn - posted on 01/21/2010

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"unbreakable attachment" is that a bad thing??? BF is proven to strenghten the bond with the child, and is the healthiset thing for them. I do not know anyone who be against that...I BF my daughter, who just turned 9. We are close, but not the "oh geesh this kid's gonna be living in my basement in 20yrs" close. I do not know how much of our closeness is bc she was BF, if any, but I do not think being attached to your parent is a bad thing....And the best nutrition possible is definatly not a bad thing!!! I still BF my son and he 14mo. (I didn't plan to BF past 1 yr but my dr showed me the literature on how it is best to BF as long as possible, even to the 2nd yr if you can. I can therefore I do, but that's me). BF is proven best for you baby, and the longer the better. He should be thrilled you are willing to do so, and support you in however YOU decide to do it. I pump some with my son so my husband and daughter can feed him, and when he started solids dad/daughter/whoever fed him. I would not compromise with your fiance. BF as long as possible. Sorry but it sounds as though he is either uneducated on the subject or maybe a bit controlling? Again, sorry. But that is my opinion.

Athena - posted on 01/21/2010

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FIRST id give him all the readinggs on it..and how many god things come from it..!!!!! he shoud be happy u want to!! also thinking...humm maybe he will feel left out becasue nursing is a ....very intimate bonding time ...for baby and mom...and he cant do it? he can do a bottle...but the thing is like someone like me....i cannot..freakin pump..lol i can pump a lot every 6 hrs but they eat every 2 hrs...when born..! so what if u cant pump????? i say ....well ...this sounds like u will compromise a lot in the future...if breast feeding is such a big deal....and its all beneficial in the best way for the baby and hes got issues with it........lol does he know there r so many many many more things to worry about that are NOT positive things..u guys will ahve many times to....compromise....in this case..id call him crazy...and nurse....what ever way YOU want...

Allison - posted on 01/21/2010

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Quite honestly it'd make me strongly question whether or not I wanted to marry such an ignorant, unreasonable man. I don't mean that to be snarky, but this is the most selfish, ridiculous thing I think I've heard.

Breastfeeding is an incredible, special relationship between mother and baby, but in no way creates some weird attachment issue. Breastfeeding is completely natural and...he needs to be reminded it's what breasts are for. Hopefully once he sees you actually do it, he will realize how special it is. One can only hope... Personally I found pumping a huge pain in the butt and on the occasions I did it, was barely able to get anything. A baby is much more efficient at getting the milk out than a machine.

To answer your question, hell no I wouldn't compromise. If my husband said something that asinine to me I'd tell him where he could shove it. I can see pumping here or there so the father can be involved in feeding, but his hang up about it is completely fricking stupid. Sorry.

Kimberlee - posted on 01/21/2010

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I would say that as long as the baby is getting breast milk thats the important thing. I actually pump all the time so that Daddy can participate in the feedings too.. its a little more time consuming and inconvenient, but my son knows that both of his parents can feed him when he is hungry.

Ena - posted on 01/21/2010

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and what the hell is a titty baby anyway??? thats what breasts are for! not for mens enjoyment!

Ena - posted on 01/21/2010

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I agree with the first lady. I think its strange that he has a problem with it.....your child comes first no matter what! Maybe he sees it as weird and that makes him weird...lol

Just feed and hes not worth it if he gives u crap about it.

Cristy - posted on 01/21/2010

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Educate him, give him literature on why breast is best and the importance of it. He'll never change his mind unless he knows the value of breastmilk. I think his big problem is he doesn't want to share what he feels are his boobies.

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