Fiance doesn't want me breastfeeding!! What to do?!?!

Kristy - posted on 01/19/2010 ( 184 moms have responded )

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The story goes a little something like this.
He didn't let his ex-wife breastfeed. Fine and good, I guess, because she was a push over. (and I dont mean that in a hateful way... Me and her are actually friends now). She didn't breastfeed their son because he didn't want her to.
I'm more upfront with what I want and am going to do. I have already informed my finace that I WILL be breastfeeding.... And he's kinda accepted that fact.
However, he does not want me ACTUALLY breastfeeding. He wants me to pump and feed thru a bottle. He has no reasoning behind this besides that he doesn't want the baby to grow up and be... quite literally... a "titty baby." He doesn't want her growing up with an unbreakable attachment to me. Or something like that.
I feel like, I will be doing what I want, with the breastfeeding... and that's GREAT. And I feel like I should be more considerate because I AM breastfeeding when he doesnt want it at all. I feel like the "right" thing to do would be compromise... I've mentioned ACTUALLY breastfeeding for the first 3 (or so) months and then weining over to formula (i know i know... i hate it.) But he says that he's okay with me using breast milk for as long as I want (or can) as long as its not baby-to-breast breastfeeding...
Where would you go with this? I mean, would you insist on ACTUALLY breastfeeding the whole time, would you compromise (and if so then how)... just let me know what you'd do...??
Thank yall!!

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Nicole - posted on 01/21/2010

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Kick him in the dick, and breastfeed for as long as you want the way you want. Anytime he tries to protest, squirt him with your milk.

Zandra - posted on 01/21/2010

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that is harsh! i have breastfed all my girls and they are all daddy's girls. the bond is great but they are independent really early and love daddy. maybe he doesn't want you to do it in public? you could pump before you have to go somewhere. and if he wants that bond too let him feed her a bottle once a day.
good luck!

Mitzi - posted on 01/21/2010

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It's only natural that we breastfeed. If you feel like having that bond with your baby I think you should do it for as long as you want. Go with your instincts to make yourself and your baby happy.

Roxanne - posted on 01/21/2010

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just a thought but sometime it's harder to get your milk supply to stay and be sufficant enough for the baby if you only pump.

Meri - posted on 01/21/2010

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Wow, Yeah don't leave the guy for being a little needy or worried that maybe the baby will get all the attention...lol So here is what I did, cause I love my man (husband) but also want the best for my child. I did nurse my daughters but I also pumped once a day at a certain hr...and gave him the opportunity to be involved with feedings. The concern if you'll have milk if you just pumped...would be one since you do need the stimulation of the baby nursing, it's like are body is talking to itself. LOL Anyhow I would talk to your guy and let him know that he is your love and not too worry that he'll have time with your boobs too!! LOL Also my girls are daddy's girls and they are pretty tough little babes...I also didn't nurse for a year but only nursed for 7months...which was perfect cause I was worried that it would be hard to get them off the boob. It worked out great..they are great, healthy an happy. I say find a balance for you booth do the research on what it will do for your milk supply if you only pump...then decided how long you want to nurse...weather you do boob and baby, I don't think it will determine if your child will be attached to only you. Although I must say that it kinda is only you and baby for about three months just because they only cuddle/poop/cry/eat and sleep. So let dad know that he can get involved by doing some feedings/changing/ and cuddling/sleeping during this time. Good luck hope all works out for the best in your home.

Audrey - posted on 01/21/2010

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I wanted to add something too about bonding. My girl (14 months) is VERY much a boobie-girl. She kisses them every day and nurses about 6 times a day still but to this day, she cries every morning when DH goes to work. They have an incredible relationship because from Day 1, he took on all baths, all diaper changes and cuddled her as much as he could. Your fiance will get out of his relationship with his daughter as much as he puts in. It's as simple as that. Only he can take responsibility for that.

Sabrina - posted on 01/21/2010

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maybe deep down he's afraid you'll bond with your child more then he will & he hats the idea of his child wanting you over him?

Priyanka - posted on 01/21/2010

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He may be embarrassed by the concept. maybe you should try to get your doc talk to him about the benefits of breast feeding. Some of the new covers, don't show any body part in public and the whole process is very discreet.
Secondly, bonding with the baby and making the baby feel secure is a huge plus point. You need a healthy bonded baby (not that bottle fed ones aren't) but while you can still feed via breastfeeding (and you want to), you should consider educating him and getting rid of his silly notions.
Talk to him about benefits to baby, and forget silly uppity society norms of formula is best.
Educate, educate and be cool.

Sabrina - posted on 01/21/2010

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personally, i believe that breastfeeding is between the mother and her child, and sorry to say but nobody else (including daddy) should have any say! i agree with Ruth, there's gotta be a REAL reason why he doesnt want you to do it! I think you should get info from your doc on pors & cons of breastfeeding & have him read them. also, i went to a breastfeeding class that our hospital put on, you should see if theres one in your area that the TWO of you could go to. but in the end, i do think its your decision, how you want to feed your child & when you want to do it. If you want to breastfeed for 13 months thats between you & your child, no-one else! i dont know if this will help or not, i kind of feel like im just rambling! (my bestfriends mom wasn't allowed to breastfeed her girls, who are 23&22, & she REALLY regrets it now. she hates that she let him dictate something that was so important!)

I hope you figure something out!!

Lindsay - posted on 01/21/2010

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in my opinion this is one of the things he really has no say in .... your body, your decision !

Jessie - posted on 01/21/2010

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My advice here is to do what is best for your baby. If your fiance doesnt support you choosing a healthier path for your baby then he is not worthy to be in the picture. I absolutely loved breastfeeding. It is a wonderful experience. My fiance supported and encouraged me to breastfeed as long as possible. Listen to your heart and remember your little baby doesnt have a voice and deserves the best shot at life..and you are the one that can provide that. If you are going to do baby to breast at all why sto after 3 months? Its the BEST way to bond with the baby. Its most beneficial to breastfeed for atleast 6 months. He may not want you to do it because it "interferes" with intimacy. Good luck and I hope you make the right decision.

Crystal - posted on 01/21/2010

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Realistically, expressing milk is not as easy or convenient as some think. the pump doesn't stimulate your milk supply like your baby at the breast does. And I agree with the other women who are concerned about his thinking. It really is so illogical for him to have a problem with it. I would let him know how important it was to me and for the baby and our relationship to BREASTfeed and that I needed some support. I'd also have to get to the bottom of this issue. There is no healthy or logical reason for your fiance and the father of your child to have any issues with that.

I also think all of these comments about leaving your fiance are a little silly. It's definitely a big issue but not one to end your relationship over. Good relationships take work and compromise (though this isn't an issue I would necessarily compromise over) and you can't just run away when you have a disagreement.

Theresa - posted on 01/21/2010

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the baby will get more milk out than a pump ever will for starters. your child will always have a bond with you no matter what you feed her. and if you have to compromise try leaving the room he is in and only feeding in the babies room, but at night it may become more difficult. my children slept with me when they fed at night. either on the couch or in the bed. they do grow out of it. one more thing you can use goats milk to feed if you don't want to use formula

Ashley - posted on 01/21/2010

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I'd breastfeed from the breast no matter what he thought... pumping isn't easy, and not everyone can pump enough milk to satisfy their baby, it just doesn't come out as well as the baby can get it out.

Candice - posted on 01/21/2010

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My reason for leaving is,no one should ever try to make a mom give a lesser form of care to a baby. Breast is the ONLY was to feed an infant. The idea is to bf anyway and if he just won't get over, say bye-bye and be done. Sure both parents made the baby but he won't be the one using his body to give the baby the best food out there will he?He's probably jealous and wants to be the "provider". But anyhou there are so many issues to deal with here,it could take until the little one is an adult to work through your dude's mommy issues. Meanwhile,nurse that baby!

Adrian - posted on 01/21/2010

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Considering that my daughter is 19 months now, and I am just starting to wean her from the breast(which by the way has been a nightmare) I would say that you should ask your fiancee why he would not want the best for his child. Breastfeeding is not only the ONLY way that women had to feed their babies for centuries it is also the healthiest for her. Plus it has some positive effects on the female body. It can lower your chance of getting breast cancer as well as uterin cancer by something like 40%! You should also mention to him that you WILL breastfeed AND pump so that he too may have to opportunity to bond with her. My child would not take a bottle because we started her on it too late and therefore my man is only NOW starting to form a bond with her. His issue may just be the simple fact that he feels your "titties" are HIS, and he doesn't want to have to watch his infant sucking on something that gave him pleasure before. My man had to cope with this also... he said it made him feel weird to watch me breastfeeding... he got over it! I take it that you are going to stay at home, so breastfeed when he is not there, and then pump and when the baby gets up at night you tell him there is a bottle waiting in the fridge and if he opposes this idea then he has no right to tell you that you cannot breastfeed because you will be the one doing all the work and he will be the one getting all the sleep...and trust me, this idea KILLS a relationship!

Kenyetta - posted on 01/21/2010

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Tell him that its saving you guys a lot of money. How about this you breastfeed the baby and pump the milk for him so he can help you with the feeding. I do that with my child and so her father can help me while I get some rest. We had to compromise and that was the answer. I'm breastfeeding my child for a year. He shouldn't be upset about you breastfeeding unless he was titty man lol. By the time your child gets to soild food he/she wouldn't be wanting breast milk.

Lara - posted on 01/21/2010

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It sounds like your Fiance has some underlaying issues about breasts. I would suggest talking with him about why he is so uncomfrtable with the notion of BFing. There are many good articles and texts on SO's and their issues with breasts post-partum. It might do some good to have him read them. But get to the root of his issue.

If that doesn't work, show him the $$ figures (ie cost to rent/purchase pump, cost of formula per week/month, etc).

You two are going to have to come together as a team on this. My husband was (thankfully) supportive of BFing, but wanted me to always go in another room to nurse or to be covered up with a stadium sized blanket. Hah! By the time we hit the 6 week mark, he was all for me whipping it out in public.

To help foster the bonding between father and child (and to possibly alay his fears of a "titty baby"), do express some milk for a night-time feeding, or for when you would like to get out of the house. Allowing your husband to handle a feeding or two does help. My husband and I made it a team effort.. I would BF, he would soothe and burp baby immediately following. We each had a comforting role for our children when they nursed.

It sounds to me that your fiance if more uninformed and nervous/scared than anything. Sit down and discuss. You might be surprised!

[deleted account]

Firstly, your fiance needs some counselling. Breastfeeding is how we feed our babies - it's normal and natural. Why does he have these issues? And how does the word, "LET" even come into a relationship???

Secondly, when you are dead tired and your baby is crying - you will not have the time to pump out milk, to then feed from a bottle. Newborns eat every 2.5-3 hours, and it takes them about 30 mins to finish a meal. If you add time to pump, bottle etc, you won't have time to SLEEP!

Marriage and relationships are important. However, now that you have a baby, you have become a mother. Your primary responsibility is to your child- to ensure the wellbeing and health of your baby.

If you fiance won't "let" you breastfeed, what other things will he not "let" you do. I would seriously reconsider spending your life with someone like this. Is he the appropriate role model for your child? Consider your responsibilities, and consider the choices you have to make in the best interest of your baby.

Good luck!

Christa - posted on 01/21/2010

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How old is your fiance? He seems to be a bit uninformed on the whole breastfeeding concept. I think he could use a good book or two about breastfeeding and its benefits. And then maybe a book on selflessness as well.

Kyle - posted on 01/21/2010

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I can't believe people are actually suggesting you LEAVE him over this. Those type of people are the reasons divorce rates are so high, geez.

I would just remind him how much formula costs, that stuff is like $25 a can and more. and if he is the type of dad that kinda puts all the responsibility on you most of the time then i would make sure he knows that if you breastfeed he will not have to get up with the baby in the middle of the night because, well, his breasts just don't work like yours do!! and as for the pumping thing, that just seems to be alot more unnecessary work. and i'm not positive but i am pretty sure you don't build your supply like needed when pumping. so you may not be able to give her all she needs for long. good luck
but i would NOT reccomend leaving him for a difference in opinion.

Kiara - posted on 01/21/2010

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My husband (Well, now soon-to-be-ex-husband) "let" me, but I believe it was mainly because it cost so much less. My baby wouldn't latch for the first 3 weeks, so I had to pump for every feeding. Let me tell you how much that sucks late at night! Baby is screaming, and wants her milk NOW, not when you're done pumping. Going from that to rolling over and popping my breast in her mouth..... So much nicer! She is now almost 17 months old, still nursing, FROM THE TAP. Honestly, these are your breasts, and your decision. If he has such a problem with it, do what some of the other women have suggested and remind him of the cost and discomfort for your baby. Also, the baby builds up their sucking reflex from the breast, not so much from the bottle. Granted, any breastmilk, from the tap or the bottle, is still better than no breastmilk. I'd highly recommend not switching to formula. Your baby may also reject the formula if they like the breastmilk (like mine did-I used formula twice as an experiment, but she refused it). Also, it does help your supply a lot more than pumping. I'm actually proud to say my baby is a booby baby. That's one thing I have with her that no one else does-which may be one of his issues also. My main point-As a mother, you'll know what's best for your baby, and for yourself. He hasn't carried that child. You have. It's your milk, and your decision.

Amy - posted on 01/21/2010

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The bond you create with your child from day one is worth anything in the world. They cant choose, they have no voice, they have a mother for that. She is to protect, love, care for them. Maybe education will help him, maybe seeing that little one in the arms of the woman he loves will do it. Lets say you give in and you dont, what are you missing? What are you taking from the child who has no choice? What is he taking from you, and why would he ask a mother not to form an unbreakable bond with her child? Is he just that selfish? A father should want his child loved in such away. Of course its easier to shove a bottle in babies mouth, and allow hubby to have his way, but is it better, is it something you can look back on and feel good about.

Elsa - posted on 01/21/2010

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If you're going to do then just do it... Tough luck for him.. he can just deal with it. Breast is best.

Ashley - posted on 01/21/2010

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quite honestly i would tell him to F-off. there is no proof that just because you breastfeed your child will be overly attached to you. is he afraid that she will love you more than him? if this is the case, he needs to work out the problems in his head and leave breastfeeding out of it. it is the most healthy way for a baby to be fed and the easiest too. i couldnt imagine my husband trying to tell me that. i would probably divorce him. lol. i believe it is your decision on how you should feed your baby. and his reasoning behind his ideas are ludicrous anyway. good luck and dont let him bully you out of what is best for your baby! congratulations too!

Holly - posted on 01/21/2010

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There are a few things here to address....His feeings, your desires, the babys' needs etc. It sounds like he has never seen or isn't familiar with the bond that a breastfeeding infant has with his mother; mainly the actual ACT of a mom feeding, growing, and nurturing her child. This very thing alone may change his mind once your child is born and perhaps if you are lucky it will be become a non-issue. My husband was always supportive, and as other mothers have mentioned a HUGE help in the learning process. It's not easy at first, and my husband would help with the latch etc. He was in awe of the act itself, how I had all the goods to grow our child and what a beautiful and natural thing it was. Pumping is very necessary for most moms at some point in the nursing relationship, but as soon as you start pumping more than you nurse directly, your milk supply will suffer. THe more you pump, the more it suffers because there is nothing that can express milk the way a baby can. Frankly his comment sounds a bit immature and/or a Freud type of psychoanlaysis...If it's the bond he's worried about, babies bond with both parents...and always differently. Does a baby run to their daddy when they're injured? perhaps, but mostly no. The moms are the nurturers and the daddies play a different role. This child will have what he/she needs from both parents and that has nothing to do with breastfeeding. When a baby cries, there is nothing like nursing to calm them. When they're hungry, you are the banquet hall....and you shouldn't have to use a mechanical device to extract it when you have the vehicle right there on your body to give milk to your child. As you have probably noticed, this is a very sensitive and passionate topic for people as mom's that never breastfeed or choose not to never really grasp the full concept of what it's like. These moms that do know what it's like, can never imagine a growing baby without the breast. And once all is said and done, perhaps your fiancee has some weird unresolved issues that would be impossible to figure out through an email, but if you explain to him the reasons behind your decisions, as your fiancee and the person that has chosen to love and respect you especially in these types of decisions, perhaps he will see the light. He needs to do some research. Absolutely make him read on his own the reasons behind why the breast and not a bottle if it's not necessary and have him put himself in your shoes. He's the mom, and he has a decision to make. What would he do after reading how difficult it can be to get the best FREE food available if you are solely using bottles. With men, you have to make them see things your way and that includes drawing them pictures. Let him know you can't do this without his help and support and that will be his most important job...not changing diapers, not rocking to sleep, but supporting the decision to give your baby the best thing that nature has to offer.

Momof1 - posted on 01/21/2010

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Without me even reading any responses from other moms, I just want to say this. Do not compromise. If you can breastfeed and if you want to, you should try to do it as long as you can. Go for the year. And you have to do breast to baby. Pumping will get milk out, but it will not release the hormones your body needs to produce enough milk. Also with pumping, you will usually only get the foremilk and babies need the hindmilk.

Kirsty - posted on 01/21/2010

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No I wouldnt compromise, tell him to get a grip! From what u have said, it seems like your husband doesnt want you to form a bond that he will be jealous of! I have breastfed for almost a year and my husband supports me, however there were moments where he felt like he could do nothing for baby but i explained that asbaby got older and less dependent on me he could do more, and he does and is close with our son. IF YOU want to breastfeed which is fantastic, then u should and shouldnt compromise particularly if your husband has no reason behind his attitude. Its your body, and your giving your baby the best start! good on you! x

Nicole - posted on 01/21/2010

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i think the "titty baby" comment is rediculous, it sounds like maybe there is another reason. And i think u might regret not actually breastfeeding. I never wanted to breastfeed but did it anyway and i think the bond it creates with the bub is a great feeling. And what's wrong with her having an unbreakable attachment to you? i could wish for nothing more than to have that with my bub.

Michelle - posted on 01/21/2010

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Honestly I'd breast feed and let him get over it. If he's worried about not getting to bond with his child then you can pump one or two bottles a day and he can do some feedings. He can spend time with the baby. To me personally, that's a ridiculous request and not something he gets to decide.

Nicole - posted on 01/20/2010

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sorry I keep popping back here but this thread is ingrained in my head because it is such a foreign and disturbing problem for me. All hail Dr.Sears!!!! Also Dr. Jack Newman is amazing. And even though we are merely in cyberspace, know that there are tons of people, myself among them that will support your breastfeeding efforts.

Kaitlyn - posted on 01/20/2010

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Hi Kristy,
I was just curious. How much of a "breast man" is he himself? Cause he could be concerned about "if they change" and the fact that usually they are sorta off limits while your bfing, just cause they can be sore or can start leaking if they get messed with.
Also I'm not sure why he's worried about your daughter having a bond with you? I mean can he point out all the people who were breastfeed as infants? Are they different somehow that offends him? You are going to be the primary caregiver there should be some extra attachment! Unless he's not planning on you being the around and doesn't want her to be attached to you for that reason? (sorry I know that might be a little offensive, and I'm sorry) Anyway, at first you will be the single most important thing to your daughter, but each month that goes by your girl will start to explore the world around her, and you spouse will be able to become apart of that. And like people said by like 6 month as she starts to get more mobile etc, she'll start wanting to do it all all by herself. Besides if he's worried about she being independant, studies show that bf babies are more confidence and indepenant as adult that those who don't:

Dr. William Sears, who wrote The Baby Book, states:

We have studied the long-term effects on thousands of children who had timely weanings and have observed that these children are more independent, gravitate to people more than things, are easier to discipline, experience less anger, radiate trust...[after] studying the long-term effects of long-term breastfeeding, the most secure... and happy children we have seen are those who have not been weaned before their time.
http://www.llli.org/NB/NBSepOct07p196.ht...
That's from Le Leche League and Dr. Sears! So there's got to be truth to it!
Anyway I'm looking forward to hearing from you and I hope you are able to get through to your spouse about how important and wonderful bfing is for your daughter!

Alaysha - posted on 01/20/2010

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i would NOT compromise. thats not his choice. besides, the breastfeeding bond with your child is like no other. its amazing and i dont see why you should have to give it up because he has some insecurities about the baby not wanting him as much as she will want you.

Sara - posted on 01/20/2010

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Having an over bearing husband myself I can empathize with your situation. I am a breastfeeding mom of twins and my hubby was completely uncomfortable with it. He was grossed out, worried about biting, public opinion and display. I have made comprimising but would not sacrifice my boys health for his mis understanding of a totaly natural process and his insecurities. I comprimise and will try my best to feed them before we go and time it so when I am with him I am as discrete as possible. He even runs around the house like a mda man shutting all the shades in the house when I am covered! LOL But when he is not around I am not as discerning!

I would seriously consider dicussing the benifits both health, financial, and Phsyical as he gets a better view for a few months! LOL If he really expects you to meet him half way and pump instead of breast feeding take him to register for items so he is aware of the cost of the essentials...You will need a hospital grade pump to the tuen of $300+, Storage bags, bottles nipples, and I would remind him that he will be meeting you half way and be washing bottles, sterilizing, etc etc. Men understand #'s my husband does not understand unless i show him in his terms $$

This is all assuming you give birth to a baby that will take a bottle, is not allergic to formula, and that your milk can be stored after pumping (mine has too much enzyme and spoils) And even if you do breastfed what if your child will not nurse under a cover etc.

It sounds like me that he might be a little attached to the tit, and is worried that he will be seccond fiddle. Assure him that he will still have a special place in your heart and the baby only has them on loan :)

Whatever you do please think it out, once you loose your supply, you are stuck with formula and might regret your decison. I know many that have.

For 4 months I pumped, breastfed and topped off with formula...I did everything i could to get rid of formula and that pump....that pump I want to light it on fire, back over it and then drive over it and back over it agaiN!!

Lindsay - posted on 01/20/2010

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He didn't LET his ex-wife breastfeed!? Nobody LETS me do anything - I am a grown woman and I make my own decisions about what happens in my life with my body and my children.

Where my children are concerned, I do not make silly compromises.

Tracey - posted on 01/20/2010

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I breastfed all three of my children (including twins) and I can't imagine my husband asking me to "compromise" in any way. It is the most natural thing in the world and I would do the same thing over and over again. It is the best thing for them and you are this child's Mommy. You know what is best for him or her. Why would you even think about compromising on this for someone who obviously has some issues. Maybe he needs to get to the root of his problem and why he has such insecurities surrounding this issue. Shouldn't he want what's best too? I can understand him wanting to be able to bond with the baby by taking part in the feedings. I used to pump sometimes in between feedings and freeze the milk. That way if my husband or someone else wanted or needed to feed them I always had a supply on hand. I think if you do compromise and end up feeling guilty or like you missed something, it could really hurt your relationship in the long run.

Jennifer - posted on 01/20/2010

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I breastfed my daughter until she one and she was ready to be weaned. She is not what I would consider a "titty-baby". Of course we have a bond, but breastfeeding didn't keep her from forming a bond with her father as well. I am not sure if that is what concerns your fiance or not, but if so, there is no need for concern. Maybe a better comprise would be to have baby-to-breast feedings for half of your childs feedings and use the bottle for the other half.

Nicole - posted on 01/20/2010

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make him drink a nasty formula bottle- see how he likes that. I'm with Laticia- hook him up to the pump on high!

Laticia - posted on 01/20/2010

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I would tell him to try hooking the pump up to his breast and see how it feels. I had to pump for a couple days after my daughter was born because of the meds they had me on because of eclampsia and let me tell you it was NOOOOO fun. Yes I would insist on breastfeeding, it is best for your baby, all the studies say so. As for formula, does he know how expense that can be and then you may end up with a baby who is allergic to alot of them and the ones that the baby can have would be even more money.

Nicole - posted on 01/20/2010

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I am sooo sorry to read this! No compromise- if he is literate, you need to force him to read and take in the facts. Like my clone candice said, leave him if he can't accept it. My boyfriend is 150% in support of my nursing any time, anywhere! He even broke up with a chick a long time ago because she said the following "if we ever have a baby I won't breastfeed it's gross and I don't want to mess up my tits."

Samara - posted on 01/20/2010

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breastfeeding is the best way and as far as I can see the only way he needs to grow up I think!! but up to you what you do your child. I do express if I have no choice and have to leave her with mum, but breastfeeding really is the way to go!!

Rebecca - posted on 01/20/2010

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I know that you may want to compromise but he really does need to grow up! That is very lame. He must have some reason behind it because if he really loved that baby he would want what is best for her and that is having you breastfeed if you can for aslong as you can. It is so annoying to have to pump and then bottle feed for every damn meal. I did it and it was not fun. It was for medical reason but regardless sounds like he is being selfish and controlling. Stand your ground!

Jennifer - posted on 01/20/2010

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I would not at all compromise on this. Its something that is good for you and baby. My husband didn't want me to go back to work for at least a year when I had our daughter, and I did want to (before we had her... when she came it was a different story), but his reasoning was he wanted our baby to be taken care of by me and not strangers. I listened to him because it was in the best interest of our daughter. Every decision we make is always in her best interest. We discuss the positive and negative effects that something will have on her and we choose the one that is best for her, whether we like it or not. He sounds like he has some self esteem issues and you guys might want to see a counselor that can assure him that even though your daughter will be attached to you and you will have a special bond because you nursed her, she will still love her daddy just as much. My husband work ALL the time and barely spends time with our little girl and she still lights up when he comes home!

Alicia - posted on 01/20/2010

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I am so sorry he's not backing you!! tough, but I'm glad you are sticking to the fact that you don't want to change your mind because he says so!! I breastfeed all 3 of my boys for the first 15 months of their lives... no formula ever, and yes they do have that special attachment to me, but who's to say it wouldn't have been the same if I didn't breastfeed? Babies always form an extra special bond to their mommies!! SO you should ask him if he's going to wake up every 2 hours and heat up a bottle of breastmilk to feed your baby? I don't know what I would have done if I would have had to get out of bed, go downstairs, heat up a bottle and so on (yes our babies slept with us too) when ever they needed to eat I was right there, no moving required!! Mayber there is some underlaying issue here with him? To be honest right after my first son was born I was unsure If I was going to breastfeed... I felt it to be kind of gross! But boy did I change my mind the second he latched on!!

Good luck and I hope you choose to breastfeed.... STRAIGHT FROM THE TAP TOO =)

Amanda - posted on 01/20/2010

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Let me put it to you this way.....My daughter was born 5 weeks early and was too small and not strong enough to breastfeed at first. I would have to get up before she was due to eat, pump and then feed her. I didn't get any sleep. She was eating every 3 hours. I would pump for 20-25 minutes, change her diaper, feed her, cleaning the breast pump and have to start all over again in an hour. It was exhausting.

I think he needs to see someone about his issue with you breastfeeding. God gave you the breast to provide food for your baby.

Lise - posted on 01/20/2010

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I agree with Audrey - figure out what the root of the problem is. And if you choose to compromise, you pump and make HIM clean the bottles and parts, sterilize them, etc.

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Breastfeeding is about what is best for your baby, not what your partner wants. whos needs come first? I know we have to look after our partners but is he really thinking about the needs of the baby? I enjoy breast feeding my baby and see the attachment between us as an advantage. Also I think it just creates alto more work for you, expressing milk, sterilising bottles, re-heating it. Babies keep you busy enough as it is!

Jen - posted on 01/20/2010

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my husband is the main reason i'm still breast feeding our 5 month old daughter. she had trouble latching and he was with me at 3 in the morning supporting me. If your man wont support you make sure you find someone who will, (mother, sister friend)

i really hope for the best with you and don't give in to your mans wish for you to bottle feed. it really sounds like he is jealous of the bond you and the baby will have and fears he might be forgotten.....

Boobie milk rocks

April - posted on 01/20/2010

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well to be blunt...i think you should break up with him. you're not married to him, so get out while you can. he sounds controlling. i'd break up with him if i were you, but that's just me

Diana - posted on 01/20/2010

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Sounds like a jealousy thing to me and that can be a dangerous thing... Breastfeeding from the breast is proven to be the best. Breastmilk when pumped and stored loses some of the very important antibodies. I have breastfed all of my kids and none of them are "titty babies", none of them have an unusual attatchment to me, they love dad just as much...

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