Handling BF criticism & Tips on how to wean when READY....

Courtney - posted on 07/23/2009

I quote WHO policies to those uneducated enough to feel their negative comments are somehow required.
My daughter nursed to sleep from birth. Still does occasionally at 18ms. Her teeth are beautiful.
In my opinion nursing is part of that comfort and security for our bubs. I feel that it will work itself out regarding comforting without feeding, when she is able to understand more. They say children can not 'reason' until around 3yrs of age. Therefore I feel that trying to reason with a child that wants only one thing will just frustrate both mother and child and cause unnecessary distress.
You really need to do what you feel comfortable with. Don't worry about other peoples opinions, they are just that, opinions. You do know your own child and yourself much better. Do what is right for you.

Tricia - posted on 07/22/2009

I really like "The No Cry Nap Solution." The attitude of the book is, if how your baby naps is not a problem for you, it's not a problem. Nurse to sleep, let him sleep in a swing, whatever, because he's only a baby for a little while. That said, it has suggestions for how to get your baby to fall asleep in another way if he's used to one method and it's not working for you anymore.

Paige - posted on 07/22/2009

You've got great recommendations so far. I just wanted to add that you can ignore comments from pretty much everyone but your husband's concerns need to be addressed. I'm not saying he's right or that you should stop because he wants you to, just that you should ask him what his concern is specifically, let him talk and get it out, and then address it. Many husbands feel a lack of intimacy after the child comes and often blame that (rightly or wrongly) on continued nursing. If that is his issue, make efforts to give him what he needs in the intimacy department and he will probably back off on the comments about your nursing. If, however, his problem is just that his mother doesn't like it or something silly like that then just keep doing your thing and he'll get over it.

I don't see anything wrong with nursing to sleep, but if it's something you want to stop doing I had a lot of luck telling my daughter I was going to sing twinkle twinkle 3 times and then no more milk. I'd remind her in between repititions- only 2 more times and no more milk, etc. It actually only took a few days before she'd unlatch herself at the end of 3 repetitions. I made exceptions only if she was ill or teething.

Nicole - posted on 07/22/2009

Oh and cavities in babies nursed to sleep... here is some great info.
http://www.kellymom.com/bf/older-baby/to...

Now my son had MAJOR teeth issues... however I totally think it is because we shared our utensils with him and were giving him 1/4-1/2 apple juice and water. Once we stopped both, he's not had any more teeth troubles and he still nurses and often to sleep. We do make sure to brush, we use a toothpaste that also has Xylitol and we also try to give him a drink of water after he's done nursing.

Nicole - posted on 07/22/2009

I am still nursing my son at 2.5yrs and my daughter at 15w. My daughter nurses and then pops off the breast or breast milk bottle and is still awake and done. I walk out of my room usually and leave her in her swing and w/in mins she's asleep. She's just been this way. My son was totally different. My son can fall asleep on his own at 2.5yrs, but he also still even nurses to sleep and did so for the longest time. He night weaned around 18mo. but was still going to sleep at/by the breast. My thought was oh well, it works and consistency at that point was key. How I finally stopped doing it regularly was a fluke... I got pregnant w/our second and I could only stand to nurse for so long. So I would tell my son, buddy you can only nurse for 5 mins. That's all mommy can handle. Well usually after 5 mins he was still awake. So I said, buddy, time is up, sorry, but we're done now. We can hold hands if you like and he liked that. I guess we actually even did this a little before I was PG when we started to night wean.

As far as family, I tell them the facts... I try to educate... that the AAP says at least 1 yr or longer as long as the relationship between mom and baby is happy, good... and the World Health org says 2 yrs. I tell them how most babies around the world do not wean until 3-4 yrs. when allowed to do so on their own and the youngest most do when allowed to do so on their own is 2.5yrs. I tell them for us, this was the best decision to let my son decide for himself. They cannot deny what a smart, healthy, independent, well adjusted little boy I have so I must be doing something right. And, if they don't like it, well we won't come around then. Which of course they don't want.

Here are some helpful links that will hopefully help educate you more, if you don't know these already, and help you to be more confident in your choice.

http://www.kathydettwyler.org/dettwyler....
http://www.kathydettwyler.org/detwean.ht...
http://www.kathydettwyler.org/dettoddler...

http://www.kellymom.com/bf/bfextended/eb...
http://www.kellymom.com/bf/bfextended/eb...
http://www.kellymom.com/bf/weaning/how_w...

You are the mom and you do know what is best for YOUR child. Stay strong and congrats on going this long, that is wonderful.

This may help too with some tips:
http://www.drjaygordon.com/development/a...

Tessa - posted on 07/21/2009

Im not sure about the second one because I dont even know that yet!!! But as for the first one, explain to them the benefits of breast feeding for long periods of time and remind them that in many cultures it is perfectly normal to breastfeed for 4-6 years. Also let them know that it is your baby and the final desicion is yours.

Lana - posted on 07/21/2009

I'm a mother of two my daughter who is now three, I breastfeed until she was about 18-19 months of age. At around a 1yr I let her tell me when she wanted "milky" and I stopped offering it to her. This went on until she decided that she didn't need it. Now I have a 15mo old son who is breastfeeding. Since he has started eating yogurt and drinking cow milk he is not that interested in my "milky". In my opinion I think it makes them more secure when they say when to stop. As far as the comments from your peanut gallery, they need to read all statistics on what breast milk can do for your child. (The longer the better) And personally those moments with your son are moments that you will never get back and to me it makes your bond even stronger. As far as nap time/bedtime let your husband put him to sleep. I know you would hate to hear it but a little crying never hurt anyone. My doc says they can cry up to 30 min. before you would need to comfort them. It just takes time. Do you stay home with him?

Tanya - posted on 07/21/2009

I think that between you and your child - you just know when you are done BF. I started nursing my oldest son - until he fell asleep too. So, I don't know!! They both slept with us in bed, and I would nurse him to sleep - and we would both sleep in until about 8 then he would nurse and we would go back to sleep!!
I had my husband ask me when I was going to get him off "the nip". He was 16 months when he was 100% weaned. At that time - it was not regular nursing, just supplemental. But I just had that feeling - I knew I was done.

My second son I nursed until he was 18 months. Same deal too. And the best part - at the well-baby visits, the doctor was blown away that each boy was so healthy and heavy at their ages. Both boys were 16 pounds at 3 months and 30 pounds by age 11 months. Neither one of my sons developed ear infections. Aside from seasonal allergies in my oldest - they have had such clean slates health-wise that their pediatrician could not get over how thin their health records are. It was like they were new patients, not kids that he has seen since day 1!

Just remember - it is YOUR decision - no matter what. Ask yourself why people feel the need to ask you - what is their motivation? Are they maybe uncomfortable with the idea of it? I just told people "we'll see"...

Marissa - posted on 07/21/2009

THANKS SO MUCH, to ALL of you!!! Your comments have been such a great help! Thank you for the support!

Marissa :)

Shilioh - posted on 07/07/2009

Marissa you are the mother and you know the right time to wean! Don't let anyone pressure you because they have issues with it. Tell your hubby he'll get his boobies back soon enough! : ) My mom breastfed my brother and I until we were two and I believe we're more healthy because of it. The longer your breastfeed the more benefits your son will have, stronger bones, better teeth and a very healthy immune system. They grow up too fast, don't rush the sweet things in life. You'll miss the bond, at least I do....But when you do wean a whole new and very exciting bed time routine will emerge!

Dana - posted on 07/07/2009

I nicely tell them that they raised their children the way they thought was best and the way they wanted too. Now it's my turn. As far as putting your son to sleep by nursing him, I have no idea. I'm in the same boat. Every night that I do it I worry about how bad it is for his teeth. He also nurses about every hour or so through out the night. He quit using a pacifier at 4 months old and I'm thinking of trying it again b/c most of the time my nipple is just for comfort not actual nourishment.

Meg - posted on 07/07/2009

My mother in law is often critical, so I just keep my bf facts handy. If MIL says, "Shouldn't your baby be weaned by now?" I say "No, the scientific literature says babies get more long term benefits the longer they bf, and also says they should bf for at least 2 years."

I am sure it is much harder if your hubby is the one making the remarks. Perhaps you should find some good articles about this and print them our for your hubby to read. He should be your staunches defender against other family members!

Teresa - posted on 07/06/2009

The only comment I've ever gotten from family (so far, no comments from strangers) is if I have a plan of when I'm going to wean him. I just say 'no' and that ends the conversation.



Nursing to sleep is not a bad thing. That is how my son (15 months) falls asleep at every nap that we aren't driving for and most of the times that he wakes in the night. He almost never nurses to sleep at bedtime anymore though. I had to 'break' him of that at 9 months when he would nurse and nurse up to and over 5 times in an hour and a half and still not want to fall asleep. It took a few nights and a lot of screaming, but I stayed w/ him, talked to him, rubbed his back, what ever I could do to let him know that I was there for him, but it was time for him to go to sleep. Now he will be awake in his crib 5-30 minutes til he falls asleep, but almost NEVER cries. Usually if he does it's only for a couple of minutes at most.

Carlyn - posted on 07/06/2009

My DD is still nursing at 2.5 yrs, so I've had to deal with my share of "your STILL nursing?" from friends and family. Here's what I say to them: "Extended breastfeeding results in higher IQs in children and reduced rates of breast cancer in moms. So I figure it's a win-win." Yes, both those facts are somewhat open to debate, but it usually serves to quiet my family. Good luck and hang in there! Props for doing what is best for your family!

Minnie - posted on 07/06/2009

I get lots of criticism for how I parent. Listen to them, and then say that you've researched and made your decision and that you're comfortable with it. Tell them not tor worry, you're doing what you think best.



Oh, no that is NOT a bad habit to nurse your son to sleep. Really, he's still a baby, and I don't think it's just a coincidence that nursing sends a little one off to lala land so easily. It's meant to be that way. I will still nurse my daughter to sleep at your son's age if she wants me to. You're not going to have to nurse him to sleep as a teenager, I promise.

Alicia - posted on 07/06/2009

Most of the experts today say to nurse at least two years. This would be UNICEF, WHO, The American Academy of Family Physicians and the Canadian Academy of Pediatricians. Anytime anyone ever gave me a hard time, I would just explain this to them and tell them that I haven't even gotten to the minimum recommendation yet. All else fails, tell them your own pediatrician recommended it. Somehow people seem to trust the "experts" even though the real expert about your baby is you. Good luck.