Help getting my 8-week-old to sleep on his own!

Samie - posted on 06/18/2009

my daughter is nw 8eeks she wud neva settle mre than an hour on her own in a cot/ mosesbasket she ended up in bed with me feedin every 30mins 1 hour i am nw gvin her formular at nyt call atimal orr something she nw sleeps 5 hours at least wich is good i feed her yself until 10 then she gus dwn and be4 i used formular she wud be up at 2 then wudnt settle probley agen nw she gus bac dwn after a bottle xx

Amber - posted on 06/18/2009

Brianna,

My son went through a stage just like you are describing. He would seem so sound asleep and the minute I layed him down he would wake up within minutes. I too returned to work and felt like a zombie I was so tired. One thing that helped me was I got a super soft blanket and slept with it so it had my sent and then I tightly tucked it around the mattress so it was like a fitted sheet. I still do this and my son is 5 months he just sleeps more soundly. He does love the softness. I too could not do the cry out method, but to each their own. I did however read that babies that are left to cry do cry and whine more when they are older and are less secure. I do believe this because my nephew was left to cry it out and he whines constantly and is so needy at 5 years old. My son has never been left to cry and he rarely cries and never whines. He is secure, but I think Sarah is entitle to raise her baby the way she wants she is the mom.

Chelsea - posted on 06/18/2009

I would highly suggest buying the book The No Cry Sleep Solution to help you with this approach. Good luck and I'm so glad that you have decided to take this loving approach to night time parenting it will pay off in the end.

Brianna - posted on 06/18/2009

Thanks for the advice, Chelsea. I think I’ll try that ‘gradual method’ tonight. I have also heard of the ‘cry it out approach.’ My mother used it on us & I even helped her use it on my nephew when I was 14. It was heartbreaking for me....I cannot imagine doing that with my own son! 8 weeks is just way too young for that. I believe that if a baby is crying it’s for a reason, since that is, of course, the only way he/she can communicate. My pediatrician agrees, however, that at a certain age I should teach him to calm himself down & crying it out may help. She recommended 6 months as the starting age for this, though. I think my baby (& my heart) can handle the approach you suggested much better. Wish me Luck :)

Vicky - posted on 06/18/2009

Quoting Chelsea:

Quoting sarah:

This may sound mean, but let him cry when you lay him down. It works. Babies need to get use to "putting themselves to sleep". I was having the same problem, and the first few times I let him cry, I'm not going to lie, it was heartbreaking. But after a while the time period of him crying was getting shorter and shorter. Now, he is 10 weeks old (I started at 6 weeks) and when its "bedtime" I feed him, burp him, and lay him down in his crib while he is still awake. He goes right to sleep now... with mo more tears =] and sleeps about 8 hours! Yay!

The reason that it was "heartbreaking" as you stated, to allow you infant to cry is because infants cries are designed by nature to get our attention so we can assist them.  You were going against your instincts as a human and a mother.  There is a very good reason why infants should not be left to cry ESPECIALLY not at six weeks of age.  Even those that recommend sleeping training say that the earliest to do it is 6 months of age.  The reason he stopped crying all those nights was because he gave up on you and was so exhausted that he basically passed out.  This has been proven to cause emotional damage and attachment issues in infants that later effects them in life. 

 

There are other human and effective ways to teach your infant to fall asleep alone which I agree is what is most likely needed in this situation.  There is a very gradual approach that starts with a solid bedtime routine and ends with the parent sitting by the infants side while maintaining some sort of contact until the infant is asleep.  Gradually over weeks the parent stops the contact but sits by the side.  Then slowly moves farther from the child's side over the course of a few nights until they are sitting by the door.  They then move and sit outside the door and finally the child is comfortable and able to fall asleep alone.  This is a long process but did you become a parent for convenience or do the right thing by your child?  The Cry-It-Out method is inhuman and IS NOT THE CORRECT METHOD TO SOLVE SLEEP PROBLEMS.  

 

 

I would agree hun, even the people who advocate this def do not recommend cry it out until 6 months, there has also been research done to say it could contribute to SIDS as baby can overgeat from all the crying. I personally would never let my LO cry it out  as i think its quite cruel and i physically can't do it, if he crys he needs a cuddle or some comfort and am currently doin the no cry sleep solution which is working well. Its not a quick fix but its etter than lettin bubs cry and feel lonely in my opinion. Hope you get sorted xxx

Vicky - posted on 06/18/2009

Quoting Chelsea:

Quoting sarah:

This may sound mean, but let him cry when you lay him down. It works. Babies need to get use to "putting themselves to sleep". I was having the same problem, and the first few times I let him cry, I'm not going to lie, it was heartbreaking. But after a while the time period of him crying was getting shorter and shorter. Now, he is 10 weeks old (I started at 6 weeks) and when its "bedtime" I feed him, burp him, and lay him down in his crib while he is still awake. He goes right to sleep now... with mo more tears =] and sleeps about 8 hours! Yay!

The reason that it was "heartbreaking" as you stated, to allow you infant to cry is because infants cries are designed by nature to get our attention so we can assist them.  You were going against your instincts as a human and a mother.  There is a very good reason why infants should not be left to cry ESPECIALLY not at six weeks of age.  Even those that recommend sleeping training say that the earliest to do it is 6 months of age.  The reason he stopped crying all those nights was because he gave up on you and was so exhausted that he basically passed out.  This has been proven to cause emotional damage and attachment issues in infants that later effects them in life. 

 

There are other human and effective ways to teach your infant to fall asleep alone which I agree is what is most likely needed in this situation.  There is a very gradual approach that starts with a solid bedtime routine and ends with the parent sitting by the infants side while maintaining some sort of contact until the infant is asleep.  Gradually over weeks the parent stops the contact but sits by the side.  Then slowly moves farther from the child's side over the course of a few nights until they are sitting by the door.  They then move and sit outside the door and finally the child is comfortable and able to fall asleep alone.  This is a long process but did you become a parent for convenience or do the right thing by your child?  The Cry-It-Out method is inhuman and IS NOT THE CORRECT METHOD TO SOLVE SLEEP PROBLEMS.  

 

 

I would agree hun, even the people who advocate this def do not recommend cry it out until 6 months, there has also been research done to say it could contribute to SIDS as baby can overgeat from all the crying. I personally would never let my LO cry it out  as i think its quite cruel and i physically can't do it, if he crys he needs a cuddle or some comfort and am currently doin the no cry sleep solution which is working well. Its not a quick fix but its etter than lettin bubs cry and feel lonely in my opinion. Hope you get sorted xxx

Guggie - posted on 06/17/2009

Brianna, the 8 week mark is a big growth spurt for the majority of babies. Milk digests in 90 minutes. So if your baby is waking through the night, he could be very hungry and need more milk so that he can get through his growth spurt.

KRISTINA - posted on 06/17/2009

Hi Brianna, I think BF moms have it a little tougher when it comes to sleep because the baby is just that much closer to the mom. It's hard to BF the baby right before bedtime and then put them in the crib....they are so warm and cozy while BF and then we expect them to go to the lonely crib! I tried with my 2 yr old and gave in to cosleeping. I know you said you aren't comfortable with that though. My newest daughter. will be 5 months this weekend, started off doing pretty well in the pack n play...I just BF her when she woke and back to bed and most nights she did fine with it right next to my bed. If she cried I would just put my hand on her chest and shhhh her. I would only let her cry for 15-20 min in this manner....my long term goal is at 6 months to start the Ferber method, have you reaf this book? my babys doctor said he believes this works, 25 yrs of proof, but he said not to begin it until 6 mos of age. So for now I do part of the night in her pack n play and if she won't settle she comes to bed with me. I also would try the swing at night just so YOU can sleep! We have done this too and I say if they like something use it....for now until your baby is a little older. You are not alone though, hang in there!!

Sarah - posted on 06/17/2009

You make it seam that your way is the only right way. I also have information, and books that say the "cry-out method" is perfectly fine method. You have your opinions, like I said before, and I have mine. You don't have to agree with me. Like I said before, you could express your opinions a little more respectfully and not make people who you don't agree with seam like monsters. We're all moms here trying to help each other out. I'm done with this argument and with you.

Chelsea - posted on 06/17/2009

Quoting sarah:

Wow. "inhumane". My son Has no "emotional damage" or "attachment issues". I love my son very much and would never do anything that I thought would hurt him in any way. I think your response was rude and just plain mean... you are entitled to your opinion, I personally don't care for them... or you. There are ways to disagree a little more respectfully, but you apparently have no manors. I used the same technique with my daughter and NOTHING is physically, emotionally, mentally, or spiritually wrong with her. She is a beautiful, well behaved, well manured girl... unlike you. So i don't know where you got your "proven to cause emotional damage and attachment issues in infants that later effects them in life" crap, but maybe you shouldn't judge other people so quickly when you don't even know their situation, or kids. I feel sorry that your husband has to live with such a mean, ill-manured person.

Sarah,

This information is straight from my college psychology classes and education classes.  This is well tested and trusted knowledge.  If you would like me to site my sources I would be happy to.  You are the person to be making a psychological assessment of your children and saying that you believe that they do not suffer from the cry-it-out method has no basis.  Your situation or anyones situation for that manner do not change the facts about the cry it out method.    

Sarah - posted on 06/17/2009

Wow. "inhumane". My son Has no "emotional damage" or "attachment issues". I love my son very much and would never do anything that I thought would hurt him in any way. I think your response was rude and just plain mean... you are entitled to your opinion, I personally don't care for them... or you. There are ways to disagree a little more respectfully, but you apparently have no manors. I used the same technique with my daughter and NOTHING is physically, emotionally, mentally, or spiritually wrong with her. She is a beautiful, well behaved, well manured girl... unlike you. So i don't know where you got your "proven to cause emotional damage and attachment issues in infants that later effects them in life" crap, but maybe you shouldn't judge other people so quickly when you don't even know their situation, or kids. I feel sorry that your husband has to live with such a mean, ill-manured person.

Chelsea - posted on 06/17/2009

Quoting sarah:

This may sound mean, but let him cry when you lay him down. It works. Babies need to get use to "putting themselves to sleep". I was having the same problem, and the first few times I let him cry, I'm not going to lie, it was heartbreaking. But after a while the time period of him crying was getting shorter and shorter. Now, he is 10 weeks old (I started at 6 weeks) and when its "bedtime" I feed him, burp him, and lay him down in his crib while he is still awake. He goes right to sleep now... with mo more tears =] and sleeps about 8 hours! Yay!

The reason that it was "heartbreaking" as you stated, to allow you infant to cry is because infants cries are designed by nature to get our attention so we can assist them.  You were going against your instincts as a human and a mother.  There is a very good reason why infants should not be left to cry ESPECIALLY not at six weeks of age.  Even those that recommend sleeping training say that the earliest to do it is 6 months of age.  The reason he stopped crying all those nights was because he gave up on you and was so exhausted that he basically passed out.  This has been proven to cause emotional damage and attachment issues in infants that later effects them in life. 

There are other human and effective ways to teach your infant to fall asleep alone which I agree is what is most likely needed in this situation.  There is a very gradual approach that starts with a solid bedtime routine and ends with the parent sitting by the infants side while maintaining some sort of contact until the infant is asleep.  Gradually over weeks the parent stops the contact but sits by the side.  Then slowly moves farther from the child's side over the course of a few nights until they are sitting by the door.  They then move and sit outside the door and finally the child is comfortable and able to fall asleep alone.  This is a long process but did you become a parent for convenience or do the right thing by your child?  The Cry-It-Out method is inhuman and IS NOT THE CORRECT METHOD TO SOLVE SLEEP PROBLEMS.  

Sarah - posted on 06/17/2009

This may sound mean, but let him cry when you lay him down. It works. Babies need to get use to "putting themselves to sleep". I was having the same problem, and the first few times I let him cry, I'm not going to lie, it was heartbreaking. But after a while the time period of him crying was getting shorter and shorter. Now, he is 10 weeks old (I started at 6 weeks) and when its "bedtime" I feed him, burp him, and lay him down in his crib while he is still awake. He goes right to sleep now... with mo more tears =] and sleeps about 8 hours! Yay!