HELP! Getting Slack for still breastfeeding...

Natalie - posted on 04/24/2010

I'm glad you're staying strong. My daughter is 10 months and I've had a comment about "you're still feeding, that's good" which is positive... I fed my first child until she was almost 14 months when she decided to wean. I think you're right, nurse as long as it's right for the both of you.

Just think it's "Better to do right by you and your baby then listen to the opinion of critics".... Congrats on doing the best you possibly can for your 1 year old. x

Natalie - posted on 12/30/2009

You poor thing... don't listen to them... a nice way to say something might be... "Oh well, I'm just doing what the clinic nurse tells me to do, they seem to think the baby will still benefit from breast milk so who am I to stop it, I don't know more than them about the health of children!" ... "Do you?" (you could leave those last 2 words out for them to realise themselves...

I bf my first child until 14 months... I stopped because I was losing too much weight and needed the extra protein for myself. Good luck to you!

Morgan - posted on 12/09/2009

I would just tell them politely that it's your decision. It's not hurting your or your baby. I plan on stopping feeding when the teeth hurt or when my daughter turns one. Don't let people give you crap or make you feel bad, there is nothing wrong with breast feeding past a year old!

Anna Marie - posted on 12/08/2009

When people ask if we've weaned (ds is almost 3), I say - "He's started". They don't need to know where we are on that road. I also say "This works for us." That way it's not critical of their choices, but hopefully lets them know that this is OUR choice. Good luck :)

Charndra - posted on 12/08/2009

LOL, 1 year old, that's a baby!
They are just jealous that you have it so easy! By calling you 'slack' they are saying that the alternative - weaning - is harder, so you are doing the easier thing, which also happens to be soooooo healthy and beneficial for your little girl.

Breaking from the bottle at one is because it causes tooth decay at a rate 20 times higher, nothing to do with breastfeeding, remember nursing is the normal thing to do.

Laugh at them. Ask them questions back, and continue to say "Why?" to each response - they'll soon - very soon - run out of responses that make ANY sense - after all, they are commenting out of their own issues, pre-conceived notions about what is normal, when following your baby - as you are doing, is the normal thing.

I am feeding my 16 month old, and will until he is 3-4.

My older son IS in Kindy, and he has some milk at night and in the morning too - no-one knows, really (actually they do but don't care or think it is great) and he is so rarely ever ill, when all his weaned friends are constantly getting sick it seems.

Booju kids recover that much faster, and get sick less often. If I'm slack for that, I'm glad!

Cheers,
Charndra

http://www.tribalbaby.org

Shela - posted on 12/08/2009

Quoting Nqobile:

Don't defend yourself to anyone. My girl turned 1 yesterday and the idea of weaning hadn't even crossed my mind. I plan to breastfeed her till she's 2. If anyone gives me a funny look, I'll tell them "4 more years to go".

You are too funny! I am going to use that one!  I nursed my daughter until 14 months. And I am hoping to burse my son 2 years, he is 3 months now! I enjoy so much my time with just that child!  It is a great bonding time!  It is short lived anyways as they grow so fast!  I'm so glad God gave me this opportunity to BF!

Greta - posted on 12/08/2009

My eldest daughter is now 20 yrs old and I nursed her until she was 2! The only reason I stopped was when I became pg with her baby sissy & my milk dried up until around the due date! It is natures way! I nursed my youngest until she loss the need for the breast and Barney along with her passy was more important! Tell them it's whats best for you and your child for now! then smile! they must understand the bond that is being build right now between you and you child! so be happy mother nature will wing your baby off the breast or you will be ready to do something else! It's your choice! blessing coming your way!

Zsuzsa - posted on 12/08/2009

why be nice while they're SO rude to you?! Tell them to mind their own beeswax! I would have been very happy if my supply lasted that long.

Jody - posted on 12/07/2009

My son is only 8 months and i am already getting pressure to quit! I don't understand WHY it matters to anyone else!!! So i ask them...why does it matter to you? how does it affect you? ...Because its absolutely the best thing for my baby! And though my baby drinks bottles all day (while i work) he craves the mommy - even if he just had a bottle he wants the skin to skin - even if its just for attention.



The only reason i see that people stop formula at one year is because its expensive and bottles aren't really necessary as many 1yrs can drink from cup. I personally think this is a cheap way to go for parents...really, the 2nd best you can give them and quit as soon as possible? I can hardly believe it.



Keep on keepin on, girl, and don't let the non-believers discourage you!!!

Stina - posted on 12/06/2009

Option #1: Ignore: My dd is 7 months old and a few months ago, my little brother made the comment that I need to wean her. We had been talking about going rock climbing and I am pretty tethered to her considering she absolutely wont' take a bottle and isn't keen about the sippy cup either. I ignored the comment- as if it hadn't been made. He's a 21 yo 'kid'. I've nursed three babies and he knows I nursed the first two till 10 months, and a year.

Option #2: Educate. When a friend and I were talking about my baby, the subject of how long I'd be nursing came up. "I think that if the kid can ask for it, it's time to wean." she said.
"Actually, a lot of cultures nurse thier children into the toddler/preschool years untill the child self weans. Our country is getting back to what is normal with babies nursing past a year after formula being 'the thing' to use for such a long time. I plan to nurse my baby till she weans herself, or till she's 3- then, if she's not slowing down, I may think about weaning her."

Option #3: Prepare.
Because people will make comments as my baby gets older and I continue to nurse her, I prepare my friends and family by talking about my plans to nurse past a year or two or even three since if she gets to her third birthday nursing, I'll think about weaning her. That implies that she could possibly still be nursing at 3 years and a month of age.

I don't know if it will work. Talk to me in 6 months when my 7 mo has passed the 1 year mark.

Ultimately, ignore. If you are tired of defending the way you nourish your child, stop. Change the subject. If you are on the phone, maybe let things get suddenly silent. Or pretend your connection is breaking up. When I meet people who express opposition to my nursing, I avoid the topic with them in the future. My BF child is currently 7 mo so not many people have anything to say against me yet.

Whatever you do- keep it up. You are doing a wonderful thing for your baby.

Carmen - posted on 12/06/2009

I got slack from my mother in law about breast feeding when my baby was FIRST BORN!! i think its unfair. i mean if you can get away from the negativity its better because of our circumstances we have to live with our in-laws and i think from getting so much slack my breasts just gave out and i stopped making breastmilk. i hate it because my daughter was barely 3 months when i stopped producing..i would recommend staying away from the negative and be happy you still have that bonding experience with your little one! happy nursing!!

Jessica - posted on 12/06/2009

I have the opposite issue. I had hoped to be able to at least breastfeed my son till he turned one, if not longer. At about 7 months he had absolutlely no interest in nursing, he would fight and cry and turn his head away and refuse to nurse, nothing I would do would get him to nurse. I ended up just pumping so at least he would still have my milk but now my supply has dried up. I feel so guilty for NOT being able to nurse my son for at least 1 year, so kudos to all of you mothers out there that are still going strong, maybe with my next child I'll be able to nurse longer.

Joynicole - posted on 12/06/2009

I think the nicest way is just to tell them that you're following the medically suggested timetable of providing breastmilk until 2, but frankly, you should just say what you feel and tell them to butt out. You're the mom, that means you're the decision-maker...enjoy this time and follow your instincts.

Lynn - posted on 12/06/2009

You know the answer already. It's not a big deal. It's none of their business how long you breastfeed your baby and you don't have to defend yourself. Tell them exactly that. My daughter is 2 and a half and I'm still breastfeeding. My cut off was 2 years but it's taken her longer to wean and that's ok with me. She's just about fully weaned and only breast feeds for about 5 minutes at night. It's your choice and you're a good mom so don't defend yourself!

Jackie - posted on 12/05/2009

My child is almost 1yo (in 1 week) and I have just stopped BF this week....I work full time and I also get a hard time about it from co-workers. The only reason I stopped now is because we are contemplating trying to get pregnant and I have had fertility issues in the past. I think its great that you are still BF and if I could continue (i.e. if I were younger), I would!

Stephanie - posted on 12/05/2009

Quoting Brenda:

Quoting April:

i'm in the same situation. i am getting slack from both my in laws and my own family. my parents are slowly coming around...but with the in laws...it has reached a level of cruelty. my son isn't even one yet and my father in law called me a pervert and a sicko for still breast feeding.

my advice is to ignore them and keep on doing what you're doing! i am finding out that defending myself is only making it worse. i have also asked this question and someone told me that if i defend myself, it makes it seem like there's something to be wrong about. but if you don't say anything at all...it doesnt create a position of right or wrong.

That is just horrible.  I can't believe anyone would be that cruel and mean to their own daughter in law.  There's something called respect.  I'd just tell him, hey its doctor recommended and walk on.  Like the others said, many people take doctor's words like they are the truth beyond all else.

Well I am one of the lucky ones that does have a great support system. All of my In-laws have breastfed at some point. And my parents support my choice to breastfeed as long as I can as well.

Quoting:  my son isn't even one yet and my father in law called me a pervert and a sicko for still breast feeding. 
 

Maybe the next time he makes a comment like that you should turn and tell him that, he is thinking that your a perv and sicko for still breastfeeding then ask him if he thinks of breastfeeding as a sexual thing. Last I learned those nipples were made for babies not for sexual objects

Ramona - posted on 12/05/2009

My baby is 9.5 months old. I exclusively breastfeed and up to now when I told people that I breastfed I was told how wonderful it was and how good it is for the baby. But it's funny how quickly that changes. Now when I tell people they are like "still?" Doesn't he have teeth. Who cares what people think... Only we know how wonderful the experience really is.

Rachel - posted on 12/05/2009

Hi i am currently breastfeeding my twin boys they are 10 months old and i intend to continue as long as they desire it i enjoy being able to b/f them considering lots of people told me i couldnt b/f twins i wouldnt have enuf milk etc. I also b/f my other 2 boys 1 til he was about 9 months but he sorta only had feeds to go to bed and ate lots of other food my other son was 15 months when i weaned him during the day only feeding him at nite then about a month later weaned him fully. You keep going til u are ready to stop. I dont understand why people are so upity about b/f thats what breasts are there for its the most natural thing not to mention the best food for baby.

Thea - posted on 12/05/2009

I would tell the other people that it is really none of their concern. I am still breast feeding my daughter and she is 16 months old. I am trying to wean her now and we are feeding much less than we used to but I do not see how anyone else can tell you what is right for you and your child.

Violet - posted on 12/05/2009

Hey girl, breastfeed as long as your baby wants to it's good for the both of you. I say that from experience I breastfeed my oldest daughter until she was 13 months so keep up the good job as being a mother to your child.

Michelle - posted on 12/05/2009

Don't listen to people. My son self weaned at 1 (which was okay because I was pregnant anyway). If he had wanted to, I would have let him keep going. People bugged me about that. I have friends that give me grief about breastfeeding my daughter for so long and she's only 9 months. I noticed that most if not all the friends that give me grief about it either have no kids or have formula babies. I've never had a breastfeeding mom say 2 words to me about it. Which kind of gave me a hint that the people that do didn't really understand breastfeeding. I'm sure they all mean well but they need to mind their own business about things they don't get. For the most part just ignore them. You can tell them that you'll do it when your daughter is ready (and she's not). If they pursue further you can politely tell them to worry about their own kids and not yours.

Katrina - posted on 12/05/2009

Don't let people bother you, I got slack about my oldest daughter too, I breastfed her until she was 16 months, but some women breastfeed until their child is 2. So don't listen to criticism, just take it like a grain of salt.

Dawn - posted on 12/05/2009

Tell them to go forth and annoy others - it's none of their business!

dxx

Misty - posted on 12/05/2009

I am getting that from some people as well but I dont soley breast feed but it a great comfort for her at night if she gets up she wont take a bottle to go back to sleep she has to breast feed. Pretty much I would just remind them how you feel. The wonderful thing about being a mom is ITS YOUR CALL no one elses. You give her the breast until you feel she is ready to move on. The statistics show that the longer a baby is breast fed the healthy and more secure they are. Throw that out there. Also for every month you breast feed it reduces your risk of developing breast cancer later in life.

ELIZABETH - posted on 12/04/2009

I nursed my son until he was two! My friends also breast feed and have nursed until two and are planning to continue until around that time. You are right to make clear to those venting thier opinions to back off and respect you b/c it is a personal choice.

Aw - posted on 12/04/2009

my son is two and a half now and i stil breastfeed him .everyone around me is asking when i want to stop ,normally i just tell them ya gonna stop soon or im working on it but stil continue to breastfeed him as usual. i used to try to educate them about the benefits of bfing for as long as possible but has since given up . Just do what feels right. cheers.

Angela - posted on 12/04/2009

Just to add my voice of support. I fed my son until he was 2 years, 3 months and the (self) weaning process was painless for both of us. I live in New Zealand where they run quite high-profile campaigns encouraging BF for at least the first 6 months, so I was lucky to never experience any overtly negative comments. I know plenty of 3 and 4 year olds who still have a bottle of formula before bed and can't see why breastfeeding at that age shouldn't be thought of as just as normal as a bottle. Enjoy the precious breastfeeding moments with your babies I say.

Carla - posted on 12/04/2009

I feel your pain girl!!! I have a friend who constantly gives me grief for continueing to nurse my 13 month old. She is always commenting on how long I nursed my other two children. I see kids with bottles when they are 3 and 4 years old, and I have seen some who have to try to get them to give up the bottles to go to kindergarten, and that is viewed as fine, but you should wean before they turn 12 months, how crazy is that!!! I just try to remember that I am doing what is best for me and my child. I wish I know a nice way to get people to butt out, but I just think its one of those things that people aren't educated on, and until it becomes more commonplace for people to nurse we will just have to endure their ignorance!!

Sarah - posted on 12/04/2009

Just tell them you know someone (me) who is still nursing a (soon-to-be) 6yo who IS in kindergarten, and that there are a lot of people out there who are just like me (I know this thanks to a Yahoo! Group called Extended Breastfeeding).



Or you could ask them why they find it so unusual for an infant to be breastfed -- the legal definition of infant being "one under the age of twenty-one years" (http://legal-dictionary.thefreedictionar...).



Or you could tell them that you are following the doctor's recommendation (Dr. Sears, www.askdrsears.com).



Or just forget about being polite and tell them that it's none of their business and they should just butt out. (I know that's easier said than done!)



Good luck,

Sarah

April - posted on 12/04/2009

Quoting Christi:

That's great that you're still nursing after one year! I'm not really sure what the most tactful answer is to give when people hassle you for still nursing, but it is good to express to them that you feel you're doing what's best for your baby, not just trying to please "society." I do think that support of breatfeeding is growing, but there are still a lot of people who are uneducated about the benefits. (Especially in America).
Some people just enjoy being critical. If it's not breastfeeding, it's your nap schedule or if you're teaching them to say their ABC's by the time they're 2, or if you're keeping their hair trimmed so it's not covering their face....I try to keep my focus on what's really important and best for my kids.

 

 

Christi,



I never thought of that! That is so true. People will find something else to be critical about if it's not BFing!

Toby - posted on 12/04/2009

I nursed my first until he bit me at 11 months.. lol, but I nursed my second child until he was 21 months old (and I was 6 months pregnant with my 3rd!) People would tell me it was 'bad' to nurse that long, or to nurse while pregnant. Both of those statements are NOT TRUE! It does no harm at all to nurse that long, or to nurse while pregnant. Consequently, I nursed my 3rd child until she was 27 months old... she probably would have kept it up, but I was ready to nip it... lol
You should do what is comfortable for YOU... and pay no attention to those who voice their opinions on YOUR routine. In the end it will be you who reaps the benefits from the bonds you are creating with your child!

Andrea - posted on 12/04/2009

I wish breastfeeding didn't make people feel so unconfortable...Its natural I think that our society relys so much on sexuality that it has made breastfeeding feel creepy and gross buts its not! boobs were not made for sexual stimulation they were made to feed our children no matter for how long we choose! plus you can't beat the cost...free:) you other ladies go spend $10 on a bottle of formula to last for a couple days...i'll stick with my breastmilk!

Christi - posted on 12/04/2009

That's great that you're still nursing after one year! I'm not really sure what the most tactful answer is to give when people hassle you for still nursing, but it is good to express to them that you feel you're doing what's best for your baby, not just trying to please "society." I do think that support of breatfeeding is growing, but there are still a lot of people who are uneducated about the benefits. (Especially in America).
Some people just enjoy being critical. If it's not breastfeeding, it's your nap schedule or if you're teaching them to say their ABC's by the time they're 2, or if you're keeping their hair trimmed so it's not covering their face....I try to keep my focus on what's really important and best for my kids.

Amanda - posted on 12/04/2009

My daughter will be 1 in 2 weeks. People are doing the same thing to me. It is very sad when you bring your child to the doctor and instead of asking if you nurse or formula feed they ask "what type of formula do you use?" I just went to my wic appointment and mentioned not knowing how to stop nursing because even though this is my 4th child, I have never had the oppertunity to nurse this long. The woman reassured me that breast feeding is the best thing I can do for my baby. She said she will let me know when she is ready to stop. She also told me that she still nurses her 2 1/2 year old daughter. Don't feel bad for doing a good thing for your child. People who say it is not right are just ignorant!

Traci - posted on 12/04/2009

I would just educate them on how it is not against the law and tell them all the benefits your baby is getting from being breastfed. You don't have to get angry just tell them the facts and stand up for your decision to do it as long as you would like and it's still a free country. I would probably say also that it hurts your feelings or insults you that they would even mention it. I just recently stopped breastfeeding my 1 1/2 year old and I told my mom that I did and she said, "well you should've stopped a long time ago!" I was so shocked and angry and I just told what I felt and she shut up about it. I feel proud about doing it for this long and that my baby has benefited so much from it and you should feel the same way. Do it as long as you want! I'm proud of you for sticking with it!

Zher - posted on 12/04/2009

Don't mind them. My daughter is already 1 year & 2 months old and am still breastfeeding her. Though it's difficult since I'm a working mom, I still choose to continue to breastfeed her (at night) as long as my baby wants to and as long as I have milk. It's one way of keeping a strong bond with your baby especially when you're working (like me).

Ju - posted on 12/04/2009

Way to go Kelly! Don't let others tell you the way to go... I am still nursing my little one who is 15months. Getting a little tired and want to wean him soon coz I am hoping to have another child soon... but each evening after I get home from work, my son runs up to me and we go into the room for our special moment together and I totally forget all the worries I have and really change my mind about weaning...

Nqobile - posted on 12/04/2009

Don't defend yourself to anyone. My girl turned 1 yesterday and the idea of weaning hadn't even crossed my mind. I plan to breastfeed her till she's 2. If anyone gives me a funny look, I'll tell them "4 more years to go".

Claire - posted on 12/03/2009

My fourth child is now 16 months old and I am still feeding him. People tell me he is too old and I should start weaning him but we are both comfortable continuing feeds, including the night feeds. If people ask me I just tell them I am going to wean him soon, or I just ignore them. Continuing to feed my baby just strengthens the bond I have with him.

Heather - posted on 12/03/2009

Absolutly! If you say your pediatrician recomends it, no one will question you. I also used this when bunches of people told me to let my 2 month old 'cry it out'.

Brenda - posted on 12/03/2009

Quoting April:

i'm in the same situation. i am getting slack from both my in laws and my own family. my parents are slowly coming around...but with the in laws...it has reached a level of cruelty. my son isn't even one yet and my father in law called me a pervert and a sicko for still breast feeding.

my advice is to ignore them and keep on doing what you're doing! i am finding out that defending myself is only making it worse. i have also asked this question and someone told me that if i defend myself, it makes it seem like there's something to be wrong about. but if you don't say anything at all...it doesnt create a position of right or wrong.

That is just horrible.  I can't believe anyone would be that cruel and mean to their own daughter in law.  There's something called respect.  I'd just tell him, hey its doctor recommended and walk on.  Like the others said, many people take doctor's words like they are the truth beyond all else.

Brenda - posted on 12/03/2009

I realize how lucky I am with my inlaws. My Mother in law (deceased) didn't BF any of her four boys because my father in law believes she didn't want to do the night feeds (which she didn't do many of). His wife now BF'd three of her four kids to about one and a half when they self weaned, only formula feeding one because her first was colicky and she was young and thought mayber her milk had done it. We went over on T-day and I was going to feed the little guy in the recliner, but took him up for a nap to the bedroom because he was tired, but I could have fed him there with no problem. My husband supports me and woe to anyone who tries to say something to me about it.

I agree, ignore the ignorant if educating doesn't work. I have to do this for cosleeping. Lots of people try to tell me its dangerous and how my kid will be in the bed with me till he's thirty, and I just use the, "Well, its what works for my family," line and go on about my business.

Nicole - posted on 12/03/2009

Quoting April:

i'm in the same situation. i am getting slack from both my in laws and my own family. my parents are slowly coming around...but with the in laws...it has reached a level of cruelty. my son isn't even one yet and my father in law called me a pervert and a sicko for still breast feeding.

my advice is to ignore them and keep on doing what you're doing! i am finding out that defending myself is only making it worse. i have also asked this question and someone told me that if i defend myself, it makes it seem like there's something to be wrong about. but if you don't say anything at all...it doesnt create a position of right or wrong.

Did your husband defend you?!?  That would create some contention between my husband and I!  Not that he can help what his father does or says, but that is not something that should be said to his son's wife without being at least told not to say things like that to the mother of his child.  I'm sorry, that just offended me and it wasn't even said to me!  My husband would have been p-oed (even if he wasn't supportive of breastfeeding)!!! 

I am so sorry that happened to you and good for you for letting it slide off your back.  You are great!

And Kelly, you just have to ignore ignorance.  lol  I loved the "my pediatrician recommends it" angle!!!  That's brilliant!  Especially since most of the population believes that what doctors say is gold.  As a matter of fact, I am so going to steal it!  And that's a way to educate about the benefits of continued breastfeeding.  Good luck and I hope it gets better and if it doesn't, just ignore them.  You are doing the best you can and that's important.

Jeannette - posted on 12/03/2009

I don't think you have to be nice about it. It is none of their business. I'd have NO problem telling anyone where to stick their comments. You're doing the best thing you can for your child and yourself. That is all you need to be concerned about. Keep up the great work. My daughter is going to be one year old in less than a month. I had originally planned to nurse her to that point but I think I'm going to keep going for awhile if she continues to want it. I know it is best for her health.

Jessica - posted on 12/03/2009

Hey don't let it get you down. My son is 16 months and we are still going strong. I found that if i just laugh it off and change the subject it seems to be ok. I nurse in front of people and never act uncomfortable so it helps put others at ease. Some times there is no way to tell people nicely to butt out just say it. I also just read that women who breast feed have a lower chance of breast cancer. Good luck

Kelly - posted on 12/03/2009

Thanks everyone for all your advice, and most of all, your SUPPORT!!

Pamela - posted on 12/03/2009

Hi, I'm also a breastfeeding mother of my second child who is 6 1/2 months and I plan to breastfeed him for as long as we're both still comfortable with it. I breastfed my daughter till she was 10months and I too got slack from certain people for that. My best advice is to just do what you feel is best and try to ignore them, obviously they aren't being considerate of your feelings if they are acting this way. I would probably do what Stacey said too and ask them a super personal question (which I hope they don't reply too, lol) and then say, "well, this is my life too and its up to me". Good luck with everything and remember to just do what's best for you and your baby and to heck with what everyone else says:))

April - posted on 12/03/2009

i'm in the same situation. i am getting slack from both my in laws and my own family. my parents are slowly coming around...but with the in laws...it has reached a level of cruelty. my son isn't even one yet and my father in law called me a pervert and a sicko for still breast feeding.



my advice is to ignore them and keep on doing what you're doing! i am finding out that defending myself is only making it worse. i have also asked this question and someone told me that if i defend myself, it makes it seem like there's something to be wrong about. but if you don't say anything at all...it doesnt create a position of right or wrong.

Nicole - posted on 12/03/2009

Wow it's funny how people that didn't even nurse are the first ones to say something negative about it! I have a couple of friends who didnt nurse but say I should be formula feeding my baby because he has bad gas. From my research, it could have nothing to do with my milk! I think they are so brainwashed by the formula companies and commercials that they don't know the truth!

Kellyn - posted on 12/03/2009

LOL Props to Stacey Pagano, great idea! But in all seriousness, it is YOUR child. You are the MOTHER. You know what's best. I also don't have a set age for weaning. I'm just going to keep going until my daughter says it's time. If that means 4 years old, so be it. Look up the lady who still nurses her 8 year old! Show that to the people who give you grief!