How do I break my baby of sleeoing in the bed with me?
MOST HELPFUL POSTS
Katie - posted on 04/09/2010
My son started sleeping in his own bed as soon as he started sleeping through the night. It was rough for a few nights but as long as they know that you are there it doesn't last long. Just remember if you think you should comfort your baby then do it just don't give in and put them back in your bed. When my son would cry I would wait a few minutes and then go in pick him up to snuggle a minute and tell him it was bed time put him back down and rub his back until he was calm and leave again. The next time he would cry I would go in and pick him up hug him ad tell him to go to sleep put him down and tuck him in and leave again. If he did it again I would pick him up and hug him and put him back down by then he would just go to sleep. If you stick to it it should only take a few days and when you put your baby to bed she should just fall right to sleep. I think self soothing is good for a child to learn but if it doesn't feel right then you can't make your self do. So you really just have to do what works for you and what anyone else says doesn't matter. You will find the right thing to do when you two both are ready for it!
April - posted on 04/05/2010
i am not intending to judge here but 30 minutes is a long time to let your child cry...i wouldn't be comfortable with that. my feeling has always been...if it's hard to hear your baby cry like that...then that's your gut telling you to use another method. again...not trying to judge...this is JUST purely my personal opinion! just wanted to add my two cents in.
Kristina - posted on 04/08/2010
all i can say is just start putting them in their crib. I thought it was going to be really hard to break my son of the co sleeping habit. But luckily for me the first night I put him in his crib he slept through the entire night.
I have a six month old son and we co-sleep. I have traveled to many different parts of the world as a military child in my youth and have seen extensively how different cultures deal with their children. Many women in the East breastfeed and co-sleep well into the toddler years because it is simply something they do. Women in African villages co-sleep their children and breastfeed. In these more primitive cultures as we'd like to call them here in the west -- these things are as natural as breathing. Nature intended for mother's to keep their children close because it meant the children had a higher chance of survival. We see a rise in the interest that the government has taken toward breastfeeding and how hospitals will now either receive or have taken away certain accreditations if they do or do not promote breastfeeding. Everyone has often heard the term breast is best, but they assume that only goes so far.
I am a firm believer that parents will do what they think is best for their children. I am of the school of thought that says nature will direct me. I love having my child close. And I do have my DH on board with co-sleeping him. He also naps in his cribs and starts off his nights in his crib which is right beside our bed. My DH and I have plenty of intimate/private time. Sex is important to couples. Especially couples who have gone through the experience of pregnancy and childbirth.
I often admire how native women can do it all -- without modern conveniences of cars, electricity and running water. I imagine that if you asked them why their children aren't quartered off in some other room, they might think it cruel. Our beliefs are based deeply in our culture. To western women, children need to sleep in their own beds, for eight to ten hours every night or more. To me, I can't help but want him close. His older sister sleeps on her own unless she has a nightmare. She was also co-slept by her mother. Eventually they desire their own space and will move on.
Trust your instincts. You'll get it figured out. You've gotten this far, haven't you?
Brandy - posted on 04/08/2010
I was also against co-sleeping until i had my first. He just slept better next to me and I breastfeed, sleep is more important than getting up and going to get him (not that I would neglect him). I was also concerned about my husband rolling on him (he would occasional take an Ambian CR) so I went to Walmart and bought one of those under bed storage totes, I cushioned it with towels and blankets and put him in it. It looked almost identical to what he was in in the hospital. I had priced some of the actual co sleepers and the used ones where $30. They also had soft sides that did seem like they wouldn't protect the baby. When my husband and I wanted our adult time we would just put him in his bassinet or the crib. Now that my son is 21 months we have a toddler bed for him, It is right next to our bed so he can climb in bed with us if he wants. He still falls asleep in our bed but then we move him into his bed. We also have wooden steps that is next to our bed so he can come and go when he pleases (like the ones they use for pets) and he can get on his bed. I was concerned at first and then I did some research and started thinking, 100 yrs ago most people couldn't afford more than a 1 room house so they all slept in the same room. The hole idea of having your child sleep alone is relatively new. I will admit that my friends who use formula and have there babies sleep in there own rooms do sleep throughout the night but that just didn't seem right for my son. They don't call it mothers intuition for just any reason. My husband and I also love our snuggle time with our son. We discovered in our pre-marriage counseling (5yrs ago) that our primary love language is physical touch. If you don't know what that means then you can look it up on line. I do agree though that it has to be a mutual agreement and that there is a time to wean them of it (school age sounds good). I say this now but I haven't came to that time yet. I also have memories of curling up between my parents after a bad dream or a bad thunderstorm.
Rochele - posted on 04/08/2010
i use to put a watch and nursing pad or i item of my clothing in the cot, so that they kinder still thought i was there the watch was for my heart beat n the cloth / pad was for my smell i would nurse my girls to sleep and put them down after about ten minutes asleep the first few night about very ten minutes i was in there rocking her back but she got it in the end after about two weeks, then i took the watch out and the cloths she sleeps great now in her cot
Beck - posted on 04/07/2010
I thought this may help, its a post I wrote, we were in the same boat.
I am writing this because I have posted similar responses to several posts of Mums who have bubs of various ages having trouble sleeping. I thought I would put it all in one spot and if you were having troubles maybe something I say would help.
My son was an angel child, he would sleep and eat happily for those first few months. I fed him to sleep all of the time and in the end we were co sleeping, one because I loves snuggling with my bub and two because it was SOOO Hard to lug my legs out of bed for yet ANOTHER night time feed!
By 5 and a half months we were OVER it, I was cranky cos I wasn't getting enough sleep, we were worried about my husbands health cos he needs sleep due to risk of seizures and we NEEDED to FIT our gorgous boy!! Corey was still in our bed waking every 45mins-hour and to get him back to sleep quickly I would feed him, over and over and over! This would mean during the afternoon we would flop into bed together and sleep all arvo.
I knew there was a sleep school in a near by town but I knew they did controlled crying at at 6mths I couldn't do it! BUT I knew that if nothing else worked we would HAVE to do it. I went out and brought several 'no cry sleep solution' books. The one that changed our life was DREAM BABY GUIDE by Shayne Rowling. An Austrlian author. It is 700+pages long and uses a lot of tecniques within the whole 24hrs to lead to healthy sleep patterns. I dont believe tht controlled crying is the only way!!!! and wanted to do what ever I could to help his sleep without it. My husband took three days off work and we planned nothing so we could tag team for three days if thats what it took. We started using the routines from the book and within 2 days we had a complete different bub! My husband even thought about going back to work cos we had him sorted with no tears!
I will tell you a few things from the book that may help you but obviously to get the full effect you would need to buy the book. Now I am not saying we have a 'perfect' sleeping bub all of the time, teething still effects his sleep from now and then BUT we have come a huge way and taught him many skills.
My bub is a low sleep requirement baby, meaning they only need 8-14hrs sleep in 24hrs. We do the following and it works a treat!! plus its getting better and better!! The book goes into lots about sleep requirments and the different nap times for different ages but if you are just after info re sleep routines this would help.
Corey, now 12mths, wakes usually around 7am (sometimes he sleeps in however I wake him by 7.30 to keep the day on track) he has a bfeed then breakfast (cereal and fruit)
9.30 milk (bfeed) and fruit for morning tea
11.20 lunch - meat, vegies, carb (rice / pasta / potato) then desert (yoghurt)
12noon bed time (usually sleeps 2-2.5hrs!!)
2.30 milk (bfeed) and arvo tea (cheese on toast / avacardo and ham on crackers, piklets etc)
5.20 tea (vegies and carb)
6pm Nudie time (clothes off play)
6.15 bath time
6.30 out of bath
6.35 milk (bfeed)
6.45 story time
6.55 into cot
Its the sleep time routine that makes the difference, my Mum and sister in law can also follow this and we do the same where ever we are so Corey always knows what is expected.
We also do the nappy change, story then bedtime routine at 11.45 before lunch time sleep.
Cuddle on couch whilst reading - household calm, whilst reading we say before, during and after we say "nearly time for nigh, nigh" "nearly time to find teddy" etc
We say good night to anyone at home - kiss
then into bed room
We lay bub in our arms and rock him whilst we sing twinkle, twinkle, (often now he wants to get into his cot cos he knows he is tired and ready for sleep) then lay him in his cot with his teddy (loves his bedtime ted)
We tuck him in tight - shoving a towel rolled up down either side to keep him in firm. Corey starts on his side. We dont have to tuck him as tight now that he sleeps so well.
We then rub his back and legs and say
"sshh, sshh, sshh, sshh time to sleep"
" sshh, sshh, sshh, sshh mummy and daddy love you"
"sshh, sshh, sshh, sshh nigh, nigh"
we repeat this twice, then stop rubbing and walk out. Corey now never needs re settleing but at first if he did put up a fight we would go in, after a couple of minutes only - shut the door behind us so there is no confusion that he is getting up then repeat the sshh, shh..... and out. It only ever took going in twice maybe three times (usually if he was over tired). We never have to go in twice now.
When he wakes and has had a decent sleep (if he ever wakes under and hour we do the sshh, sshh to get him back off for at least 1hr 20mins though usually he goes solid for the 2hrs 2.5hrs) we walk in and say "good sleeping bubba" happy and bright and get him up. This way he knows the difference between when you are expecting him to go back off and when he can hop up.
If he wakes during the night we go in (maybe give him a sip of water), re plug the dummy, re tuck him in and do the sshh, sshh - we are in and out in under 1 min and he always (except when teething and needs a shot of panadol) settles in one go.
He seems to know now when he needs more sleep and that he needs to go back off. He can now resettle himself too which he could never do, occasionally he will yell out once then go back off. We now wait, he will yell out, we wait, he may yell once or twice more and go back off. We were rushing in and therfore always helping him back to sleep. Now we wait only a minute or two and he goes back off. Anymore than that and we go in. Some people wait longer.
We must make sure he doesn't sleep when we are out in the pram or car before 12noon otherwise it can muck it up (occasionally its fine we have learnt to addapt) but we try to hold him out til 12 so he has one good sleep.
We dont follow the routine completly (there is more to it in the book) anymore, we still use many of the day time communication cues etc There is way to much to go into here!! I would recomend that you buy the book (hehehe I am earning no commision I just LOVE it as does a friend and many more people I would say!)
Good luck everyone, its so hard. You try and do the right thing by your bub but sometimes it leads to 'not helping them'. Corey was such a restless sleeper, I actually thought something was WRONG with him!! It was just that he didn't know 'how' to self settle or re settle between sleep cycles.
P.S I never thought Corey would cut all his night feeds (at 6mths) as like you he was still feeding several times a night in our bed just to get him back to sleep. He did in one night! of course I was up still pumping cos I had been used to feeding but that only lasted a few nights. I kept up at dream feed for another month but I dont think he necessarily needed it. After 6mths unless there is a medical condition bubs DONT need feeds over night! (no matter what people tell you... I know I am leaving my self open to 'different opinions on this one!!) I am sure Corey would still take a feed some nights if I offered it but he doesn't want it, when he has been unsettled due to teething some times I have tried of offer it and he isn't interested! :-( ... a dummy or a sip of water does the same job. The first few nights if he did wake his Dad would go in, after that he has been happy to take water from me. Its all about creating sleep associations and the same environment so when they go to sleep its the same when they wake up so they can think 'ok, all the same, goodo, off to sleep again!" This is why its important to be out of the room when they go to sleep, cos of course if you have them back in their cot you are not there when they wake between sleep cycles. We were expecting to HAVE to use controlled crying with Corey at 6mths but never had to using this above routine (and many more hints from the book) - like having a heater in his room set at 21degrees in winter, using a sleeping bag etc and lots of other day time communication things. This is just a wrap up for you... would love to think it works for you like it does us.... fingers crossed for you!!!
Email me for more info if you would like
Sorry, I could go on all day!!
WOW, THIS WOULD HAVE TO BE ONE OF THE BIGGEST POSTS EVER!!
I hope someone gets something from this to help them and their bub get a good night sleep. Don't expect too much though, bubs still need us and it very rare for any bub to sleep 12hrs straight! But for us, we were just dying for 4 hours sleep straight! Now, we hear no peep from Corey from 7pm til 5.30 (when Hubby is up getting ready for work) then he goes back off til 7-7.30am!!! ahhhh Bliss!!!
Tiffany - posted on 04/07/2010
My son slept in his bassinet for the first month and a half, until one morning I woke up to him sideways in his bassinet. It scared me a bit. I really didn't want to get him used to sleeping in my bed, but my room is to small for his crib and I'm not comfortable with him sleeping down the hall from me in his own room. My fiance sleeps on the couch occasionally so my son and I have more room in the bed. I absolutely hate sleeping separate from him, but my son will not sleep ANYWHERE else! I feel guilty for even WANTING to take him out of his comfort zone.
Sarah - posted on 04/07/2010
Thank you all for your hepl, Lily has spent two nights in her crib and it has been harder for me then her I think. When she wakes up early morning I pick her up feed her in our bed and let her finish out the morning with me in my bed. Its a big adjustment but when my sailor comes home, I sure it will pay off. Thanks again!!
Manda - posted on 04/07/2010
My son is 6 months old and sleeps with me. It was easy to let him sleep with me when he was breastfeeding but now that hes been weaned for about 2 weeks Ive been thinking about letting him sleep in his crib. I'm glad to see there are so many other moms who co sleep.
We co-slept with our oldest who's 7 never planned it, just happened. We had a co-sleeper attatchment and when she got too big for that, we'd put her down in her crib in her room and when she woke up, she slept the rest of the night with us. When she started trying to climb out of her crib at about 18 mos. we went straight to a twin size bed. She loved the novelty of it. When she would wake up, though she came and got in the bed with us- but now that I think about it, that's when she self-weaned. She still sleeps in the bed with me about half the time, or in her sleeping bag in the floor. Never struck me as weird b/c I did the same thing with my parents too. But she always napped in her crib during the day once she outgrew the co-sleeper so she was used to it.
DD#2 is still co-sleeping at 16 mos & nurses thru the night. Naps in the crib in her room. Occasionally I put her down for the night in the crib, but I really hate having to get all the way out of the bed, walk in there and lift her out and carry her back to my room. My sleep is more important to me than keeping her in her own room.
Misty - posted on 04/07/2010
My son is 10 1/2 months old and we are going through the same thing. Baby sleeps with me and my husband has been sleeping on an air mattress in the nursery because of his snoring and he's also afraid of rolling over on the baby. This is our 2nd child. Our first one was bottlefed and we had no problems getting him to sleep in his own bed. It is a different story this time around with our little one being breastfed. I tried the CIO method earlier today with his nap. I put him in his crib and he kept standing up and crying. After 30 min of going in to soothe him every 5 min I gave in and put him on the air mattress with me in his room. He went right to sleep. Hopefully this will be a smooth transition. I agree with Kylie. I don't think you should put a child right into their crib by themselves; especially when they have been used to snuggling up to mom most of their life. The smoother the transition the better but either way there will be crying and fussing involved. Good luck to you! I hope both of our little ones will soon be sleeping comfortably in their own beds. :)
Amy - posted on 04/07/2010
Make her room super fun to be in... Murals fun books, comfy colors on the walls, make it place she loves to be in.. or even fun posters and big carpets where she can play that way she can get used to her room... I assume like alot of us your posting this because your tired of baby in your bed... I was I am a very closed person my baby co-slept with us for 3 months and then on Valnetines Day night she left the room... It was AWESOME ;)! Anyway good luck all of these above things seems like great ideas.. Another thing my sister said was be fair to the baby... because you are in and out of your room sometimes the baby doesn't get great sleep... Amelia our little girl sleeps super good in her room... it was mostly hard for me... she did great! But it was hard because I wanted to watch her all the time.. also my sister in law prays over her little ones every night...
Lynn - posted on 04/07/2010
My son co-slept with me until he was 9 months old. It was easy as he was a brestfed baby and I could get a good nights sleep as I didnt have to get up to feed him during the night. I loved it but my husband spent most nights on the sofa as he was worried about rolling on him.
It took alot of hard work to have him sleep in his own bed. I decided to kill 2 birds with 1 stone and move him into his own room at the same time. I fed him and rocked him to sleep then placed him in his cot. He would wake up as soon as I did this so I would pick him up and rock him back to sleep put him down etc. Eventually he would remain asleep when I put him down. When he woke during the night I would go through this routine again.
After about 3-4 days he eventually stayed asleep when I put him down.
I know its tough but I would say you if you are going to have her sleep in her own bed you have to be consistant otherwise you will be sending her mixed messages. As my sister always tells me "It takes a minute to make but a week to break a habit". You will know whether shes ready as you're her Mamma
Elizabeth - posted on 04/06/2010
Here's the solution to your problem. Get you a heart beat pillow, I put one in my sons crib and lay him on it when its bed time and he falls asleep and stays asleep. It's the best thing in the world, babies love the sound of a heart beats and they will think its yours.
Kelli - posted on 04/05/2010
I can definately understand that and your fears relating to it. When I did let my daughter co-sleep, it was usually when dad was at work overnight (he's a cop who used to work graveyard shift) and I had started getting attached to her being there. He didn't like it because he had been to too many calls of parents who did co-sleep and had rolled over or almost suffocated their kids. But I argued that studies show that MOMS generally don't roll over on their kids as a sort of natural protection thing. He didn't want to hear it and over time I started seeing it his way. I woke up more with her in bed with me and tossed and turned more. She did also. So as hard as it was for us, I started putting her in her crib, which was luckily in our room. When we got the new house, she transitioned really easily. I hope my son does the same. Glad to hear that though Carol adn that sucks about the 17 year old. That is ridiculous to me. Sorry if THAT offends. :)
Johnny - posted on 04/05/2010
We moved her out of our bed to the mattress because she was starting to kick in the night. It got rather annoying. We decided to move her back into her room because she just seemed ready for it. She didn't need any extensive rocking or nursing to go to sleep and she wakes rarely at night unless she's sick or teething. She just likes to climb into bed, toss around a bit and go to sleep. So I didn't need to worry about getting up to nurse her or her getting up to play in her own room.
I do have a few fears about co-sleeping for too long, because my best friend's sister was still in bed with her mom at 17 and had never slept away for even one night. Their parent's marriage had long since disintegrated and dad had slept in the basement. Unless both parents are keen to have the child co-sleep, I don't think it is completely advisable. And I do think that for most kids in western culture there is a time, around school age, where it is most appropriate for them to be able to sleep on their own. But for babies and toddlers, as long as both parents are on board, I think co-sleeping is fantastic.
Kelli - posted on 04/05/2010
That's great Carol. What made you decide to make that move finally?
My daughter, now 15months, slept in her crib in our old house (we lived with my husband parents) till she was 11months. Then we bought our house, and she slept in her playpen for the first two weeks, till we got her room all set up. We put her in her own room one night in her crib andn I expected a huge tantrum. But nothing. SHE LOVED IT. I think she just felt like a big girl, in her own room, in her crib and now everytime it is time for bed, she gets really excited when we go down the hall to her bedroom. Now my son, who is 10 weeks, has taken her spot in our bedroom in his pack 'n play crib. His actual crib is in his room. He'll stay with us in our room 'til about 5 months or so. Assuming I can let him go!!! I had worse separation anxiety than my daughter, who had none! I cried the whole night. But all around I'm gald to hear it worked well for you. I just never slept all that great with my daughter. But having said that, I slept better with HER than I have with my son when I have tried to! LOL.
Johnny - posted on 04/05/2010
My daughter slept in her crib for quite sometime, but when she started thrashing about uncontrollably, we moved her into the bed with us. She was much calmer there and we all slept well. Both my husband and I enjoyed sleeping with her very much and it did not get in the way of our intimacy. When she was around 13 months, we decided to transition her out of our bed. I used the mattress on the floor beside our bed and it worked well for us. She was still close by, but not "too close". About a week ago (she's 20 months now) we finally decided to move her back into her own room. She is still sleeping on the floor, but we will be moving her into her toddler bed soon. We still allow her access into our bedroom, so if she wakes she can come and get us. Although she hasn't yet. It has worked well and avoided the need for the endless crying and the resulting stress on her and us.
Kelli - posted on 04/05/2010
The whole point of this forum is to express different opinions without name calling and being nasty in tone and demeanor. I never got nasty with anyone and I am sick of women in these forums who can't listen to a difference of opinion and respond in a more respectful way.
If everyone in these forums felt the exact same way, face it, you would get bored. I have respect for others opinions and never take it to such a nasty level. I am always perfectly nice to other women in here, regardless of their opinion, because that is exactly why I value this group of gals. I love that we all look at things differently and uniquely. I wouldn't want ten friends who are exactly like me. What fun is that? That being said, I also don't want to have to worry about other women slamming me for expresssing my opinion. And yet, here I am defending myself to you Kylie and Jennifer.
Just because someone who says cosleeping isn't good for a child, you say they are dumb. However, did it ever occur to you that those people that don't support cosleeping, think you are the dumb ones? No? Exactly. Because that is free will and what makes us different. Same thing with religion. Christians say their way is right, Muslims say their way is right, and atheists say THEIR way is right. Face it, there may not be a RIGHT/WRONG way. Just a difference of opinion.
Why can't everyone express themselves without dragging it to such a slingfest!? I DO respect what all you others think about cosleeping, I JUST CHOOSE TO BELIEVE DIFFERENT.
I hope on SOME level, everyone can understand where I am coming from. Because next time it may be you who is personally attacked and called childish names. Thanks to the rest, for acting like ladies. :)
Kylie - posted on 04/05/2010
its "dumb" to be so judgmental Kelli. I bought a crib for my first child with every intention of using it because i believed the bs i was fed by marketers and the baby good manufactures. But we decided to co-sleep because it meant my whole family slept better and we were all happier as a result.
I transitioned my first at 2 yrs after i weaned her..she did well and there were no tears and still sleeps in her own room happily. We now co sleep with out second and love it.
And my husband and i are very connected and make time for each other.
To the OP the best way to make the transition is slowly..a mattress on the floor where you can nurse and help you child fall asleep and the get up when shes fully asleep is a great way to start. I feel CIO alone in a crib is a horrible, nasty thing to do to a child that has only known the comfort of sleeping next to mum. So don't rush it..children do sleep through in their own beds when they are developmentally ready. good luck anyway!
Kelli - posted on 04/05/2010
I really have to disagree Jennifer and get a little upset by what you said. So basically, because I too believe that this isn't healthy, I also must be dumb. Is that correct?
First of all, why on Earth would you buy a bed for your child if you had no intention of using it? Secondly, don't you think that perhaps your partner and you could use some privacy and intimacy that comes with being alone together like that?
I'm sorry to all who think cosleeping is great, but I like having my alone time with my husband. My daughter did sleep with us occasionally and we never slept as soundly and we didn't have the chance to be intimate with each other. And I think that is so important in a relationship. I think that is why so often couples break up after a child enters the picture; because they no longer make time for each other. In my eyes, my husband and our marriage deserve the privacy and respect of alone time. And my children sleep alone and couldn't be happier.
Jennifer - posted on 04/05/2010
I also don't agree that they grow better in their own beds, that's just some line from some dumb doctor who has no clue. My neighbor's son, who still co-sleeps at 10, is the size of many 12 year olds (and his parents are pretty small so it's not just genetic). And he's in the gifted program at his school! Ds also si tall for his age and he's coslept all along.
Jacquelyn - posted on 04/05/2010
I agree w/Jennifer, I didn't until they were weaned or at least close to weaned, about 2.5 yrs old and then I just gradually did it, we bought a cool bed for them and made it fun :) I don't agree that they grow better when they are in thier own bed, physical contact has been shown to help little ones grow :) if you really need to move them to their own bed then try and make it fun and special but if not enjoy the special time you have with them when they are young :)
Jennifer - posted on 04/05/2010
I never did, LOL. My seven year old still sleeps with me although he doesn't always. Our neighbors still cosleep with their six and ten year olds -- they are from a country where this is very common so they don't even think anything of it. They are in a two bedroom, and they only have one queen bed they all sleep in. Their kids are bright, well adjusted, and growing well. Our country's obsession with sleep and privacy is really crazy.
Kelli - posted on 04/05/2010
You just do it. I had to do it and yes they will cry, but they will also get over it. They need to be sleeping in their own beds. They sleep better and grow better when they are in their own beds, and for that matter, so will you! Good luck. Don't worry, after a few nights of tears, each night gettng less and less, it will stop.
Olivia - posted on 04/05/2010
Hi my name is olivia and my son is now almost 11 months. He slept in my husband and my bed until he was 10 months. I wont lie, it was very difficult to break him and i still sneak him in every now and then. I nurse him and rock to him to sleep then lay him in his crib, he usually wakes up and cries/fusses for about 30 min then goes to sleep. It is hard to hear your baby cry and not soothe him, but stay strong and dont give up. Good luck!
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