How do I help my boyfriend for comfortable about the idea breast feeding?

Lori - posted on 06/07/2012

YAY! That's so great Barb!

Barb - posted on 06/07/2012

He is actually coming around a lot he knows I am leaking now and is very curious about and warmed up about me breast feeding our son! I am very happy and he's not scared of me leaking on him anymore I am not sure what changed, but now it's curiousity instead of fear. :-)

Brie - posted on 05/16/2012

My husband is super supportive of breastfeeding...so much so to the point that I feel guilty about wanting to stop due to reasons of my son being to miserable and gassy from breastmilk.

Talk to your man about the benefits of breastfeeding- from the health benefits to financial. Tell your man that there is a big possibility that you won't get your period for months (unless you're one of the unlucky ones, like me, that got one 7 weeks post partum) Let him know that your boobs won't sag from breastfeeding (HUGE myth), and that there are so many ways to bond with his child that don't involve feeding....from engaging his child in tummy time, burping after a feeding, giving him/her a bath....you could also get a pump and let your man give your little one a bottle every once in a while if he wants to feed him.

Something tells me he is just uneducated about breastfeeding and possibly feels like he is going to be "left out" on the bonding part of his child.

Good luck!

PJM79 - posted on 05/10/2012

Maybe you could talk to him and find out 'why' he is freaked out - I think to some men the brest loose their sexual appeal after they see their babies being breastfed, it could also be that he is not sure about breast feeding in public - I come from a culture where brest feeding of infants in the norm and expected but still breast feeding in public is not considered good manners and you are encoraged to do it in private... maybe you talk to your boy friend and see why what is exactly uncomforable with.. if he is uncomfotable maybe do not overly expose him to it - do not force him to be there while you BF, but you do not need to hide it form it either.. just give him the freedom to look away or go to another room when you BF, but try to get him involved with other things (maybe get him to burp the baby after you BF) maybe he will come around after a while.. just don't force the issue - remember 6 months of BF means a LOT of feedings - so he is sure to see it a lot!

Charlotte - posted on 05/10/2012

I know a woman who is still breastfeeding her daughter at a year and her husband won't have sex with her. On the other hand my boyfriend helped me learn to latch and is supportive of breastfeeding and would like me to keep it up for as long as i can tolerate it. Sex the first time was a little awkward because he wasn't sure if my breasts were off limits. Maybe that's his issue? it's okay to be a little uncomfortable. I'm sorry he doesn't understand how GREAT it is to breastfeed. I hope that he comes around. Maybe if you are able to explain to him that your breasts CAN play both parts, the natural BEST way to feed your child, and the fun sexual side. It takes time. I hope that he comes around. If he's willing to deal with it for the first six months i'm sure that he won't stop you from continuing to breastfeed from that point on. From then on it will just be a natural thing. Good luck. and congrats on your pregnancy.

Ronda - posted on 05/06/2012

Keep on, that's what I say, and when the baby is born he may change. My husband was not very supportive and even told me to quit at first. Baby is now a year old and my husband is so happy I kept going and even said he was proud of me, and that he is sorry he asked me to quit. ~hug~

Beth - posted on 05/02/2012

Honestly, the baby's health should be far more important to him than feeling a little uncomfortable. Maybe find a third party to talk to him, like a lactation consultant. I don't know why, but sometimes when someone else tells a man something besides his partner, he tends to be more open to hearing it. I hope you persist and don't give in!

Barb - posted on 04/30/2012

No he hasn't been around people who have breast feed other then his sister inlaw, but she will go and do it in a different room then us cause she knows how uncomfortable him and his other brother are. He feels comfortable feeding from a bottle at night. I will make him go to the bathroom and my daughter, baby and I can hang in the other room lol. I am sure he will be supportive and get over this he is already an amazing dad to my daughter and doing thing I never thought he would ever ever do so I think he will be ok. Thank you ladies!

Sarah - posted on 04/30/2012

May be you could try finding out where one of the local support groups are and asking a Councillor from the group to speak to you both about this. He may listen to them. Way to go on wanting too breastfeed though. So many moms these days seem to opt for the easy option as they see it of making bottles. Having done both I would choose breast all the way. Ask him if he will do formula feeds in the middle of the night as well!!!! Good luck. xx

Sabrina - posted on 04/29/2012

Has your boyfriend been around many friends or family members that nurse their children? Most of the men that I know that are uncomfortable haven't been around it much, or they've been around those extreme cases of 5 and 6 year olds that still nurse and are freaked out by it.

With our first child, my husband was more skiddish than anything else, but it just turned out that he was really uncomfortable with the women who walk around in public and feed their babies without covering anything up. It also didn't help that his mother is avidly against nursing for some reason, so that was ingrained in him too. After some time, he got used to it. Due to my lack of coordination, I mostly nursed in the car before we went in somewhere rather than try to balance all that when in a store or a restaurant. That helped a lot. He's still freaked out by me pumping, even after having 3 kids.

I really suggest trying when you have the baby, and if it makes him too uncomfortable, just go in the bedroom or some thing to feed the baby. Try to work out a solution with him, and he might get used to the idea. It sounds like he's at least willing to compromise.

Adrian - posted on 04/27/2012

I don't think there is much you can do about it. Just wait until baby is born and just do it. He will come around. My husband was/is that way. He got used to it. He still gets embarrassed at times. We just recently had our 2nd child together and we went to church on Easter. Our baby got hungry so I started pulling my nursing cover out and he asked me if I was really going to do "that" there? I nearly clobbered him. Fortunately my MIL was there and jumped on him for me.

Janice - posted on 04/27/2012

I'm sorry you are not feeling well supported. I think you should just acknowledge his feelings and then explain that while you you understand his discomfort, breastfeeding is your choice. Even if he is uncomfortable he needs to just keep him mouth closed if has nothing helpful to say.

My husband was okay with me breastfeeding our first but certainly had some reservations. Then when she was born the switch just flipped (for both of us) and he quickly became a big breastfeeding supporter. He had one acquaintance tell him that breastfeeding was equal to molestation and he was even able to with stand that criticism.



I agree with the others in that you should accept the 6 months he is "okaying" and then just see how it goes from there. Before my daughter was born neither of us though I would breastfeed past six months but it became so easy and normal to past a year.



And we both were worried about intimacy but it has been fine. Now with baby #2 he will joke with our son that he has to share (the boob not the milk) :)



Good luck and even if you cant get support from your BF you can always count on the moms here on COM ;)

Katie - posted on 04/26/2012

I hate you don't have much support! My husband is wonderful about me nursing! Don't let his silly, selfish, childish opinions keep you from doing it. It really is the best thing for your baby so you just need to remember that!

Mariana - posted on 04/24/2012

I think he will be ok with it once he sees the baby and see's how natural it is. First of all you should be thinking here about your baby's health first, so even if he doesn't feel comfortable you should do it till he gets used to the idea. My husband never said anything about it because I never gave a choice I said, I will breast feed because its cheaper, healthier and I will be back to my size in no time. And all of that is very true. I have a 4 week old baby boy now, I cant breastfeed him, I pump and bottle feed him, but its still my milk. Good luck!

Lori - posted on 04/24/2012

Becoming a Dad is a HUGE deal. And if he's a good man, and plans on taking care of his family, he probably is freaked out a bit. Just tell him you know he's going to be a great Daddy, and you and he will figure it out together. :)



Like Celeste said though... you may just have to wait until the baby is here for him to "get it"

Barb - posted on 04/24/2012

He's just never been around women who have breastfeed our friends had all pretty much bottle fed from the start.I asked for people to give me idea call to call my bf ignorant.Your advice wasn't helpful he has manned up he is her and taking care of us unlike my ex who never tired so if he's is a little freak out by I understand. I think he's just overall freaked out to be a dad from the start.

Misty - posted on 04/23/2012

Your BF is just ignorant. He needs to grow up and be a man!

Michelle - posted on 04/23/2012

My partner was the opposite was supportive but then after a few weeks into breast feeding he suddenly decided it should stop at 6 months (his mother also had a baby a month after we did and this is exactly what she had just told him she was doing and he seems to think that what they do we have to do) So maybe hes receiving influence elsewhere

Misty - posted on 04/23/2012

My husband was very supportive. He helped me get our daughter latched on in the hospital and would sit with me at home and get me anything I needed. He thought it was cool how it worked. I wish I knew what to say to help you. My mom told me not to feed my daughter around my daddy because he would be uncomfortable, I told him I needed to feed her in the hospital and he asked if I wanted him to go. I told him to just look away for a sec and covered. I guess everyone, well almost everyone, was supportive.

Celeste - posted on 04/22/2012

It might be a matter of him actually seeing his own baby breastfed.He may not "get it" until your baby gets here.

Barb - posted on 04/22/2012

Him saying do for 6 months is the most support I've gotten on this. It doesn't matter what I say or what he read I gave him a book to read he read about breast feeding which I didn't ask him to do, but he said he should know. It still makes him sqeemish the idea. I think he's sorta trying to understand. I think it may help when he actually see me breast feeding I hope!

Kimberly - posted on 04/21/2012

Just explain to him this is something you would really like to do and would really like his support in the matter. He might change his mind once he actually sees your baby feeding and growing and beneifitting from breastfeeding. My husband used to think it was great that I nursed our daughter, I did go to the Australian Breastfeeding meetings which were really good, didnt agree with everything but liked alot of the ladies( wasnt going to nurse til they were 4 sort of thing). I nursed til she was 18 months and was happy with this. He has to understand that breasts arent just there as a sexual things and this is actually what they were mean for. Give it a go and hopefully he will come around, even try expressing so he can have a chance to feed the baby every once and a while

Lori - posted on 04/21/2012

I'd start by focusing on the fact that he said to do at least 6 months. That's plenty of time for him to realize how normal and natural it is. I think for many guys it seems weird and uncomfortable when it's someone else's baby being breastfed, but once it's their baby... it's a whole other story.



Shortly after my first one was born I started going to a breastfeeding support group. (similar to La Leche League). My husband commented "you're not going to become one of THOSE women are you? You know, breastfeeding a toddler". I didn't exactly have an answer for him. BUT, when our daughter turned 1 and I was talking about beginning the weaning process he surprised the heck out of me by saying "no one says that just because she had a birthday she can't nurse anymore". I nursed until she was 23 months old.

Dove - posted on 04/21/2012

Well, then that's his problem. If he cares more about using your breasts as toys than for their main purpose to feed and nourish your child, he just needs to suck it up and get over himself.



I know that doesn't help you or your feelings (or his), but honestly, his mind set just ticks me off. My ex is a royal jerk and a mega horn dog, but even HE was fully supportive of me breastfeeding our children for the first year.



If he's said it's ok for the first 6 months then hopefully by that time he will realize how good it is for the baby and get over himself. You are only 21 weeks pregnant right now and shouldn't have to worry about this stressing you out or upsetting you. There is nothing gross about breastfeeding. It's FEEDING a baby!



Good luck!!

Barb - posted on 04/21/2012

We have one already and it's more about what makes him uncomfortable wishing telling how much it would save would work or how good it is for baby, but neither have worked so far. I have a feeling I will end up giving up quick, because he is making me feel like it's gross.He says he will find it hard see them as sexual things after.

Dove - posted on 04/21/2012

Calculate how much it would cost to formula feed and ask him why he would want to spend that much when you can feed your baby for free. Kids are expensive and every little bit saved helps. :)