How does this make you feel?
MOST HELPFUL POSTS
Nicole - posted on 01/14/2010
I so sympathise with you, I do get sick of BFeeding mums who say how easy it was or is for them to BF their child, most of them will never tell you if they had hiccups at the start like cracked nipples or mastitis and many of them have had healthy on time babies, I know BFing your child is the best but it's not always possible. You can say things like - visit a lactation consultant or visit your paediatrician or try this or try that, eat this eat that, but to a mum who has tried everything and anything to do what comes naturally to most is disheartening and is does make you feel like a failure. And saying bottle feeding is just giving in to pressure to get her child to gain weight is not right. Doctors and Paeds are there to help your baby grow and be healthy, they are not the enemy and for most their paed is their only lifeline to the 'outside world'.
I remember with my first child I tried to breast feed for almost 8 weeks, he was tongue tied and wouldn't latch correctly and I would cry every time he fed because more leaked out the sides than he swallowed, and I got to the point where I was a mess he was hungry all the time.
I had this very wise friend come around for a visit and she saw the absolute mess I had become she said to me "why haven't you put him on the bottle yet?' and I replied 'I should be able to do this everyone else can'. She looked me straight in the eye and said 'Do you want a happy well fed baby or one that feels your anxiety every time he comes near your boobs? And you can't have a happy healthy baby without a happy healthy mum'. And I can guarantee it ladies they do feel your anxiety. Because I look back now and I can see now why he never slept, why he would be relaxed in anyone else's arms but mine and why he would scream until he was blue in the face during every feed.
I congratulate you mums who can breastfeed and do it well, but you must understand the feelings that us mums who can't breastfeed have. And you need to stop telling us that we were miss informed or that we didn't try hard enough because I can guarantee that the majority of us did everything possible we could to make it work.
Celena - posted on 01/15/2010
I do think there is alot of conflicting information and less-than-honesty about breastfeeding out there. For me, it was not a difficult thing but it still hurt at first even when he was latched on correctly- in direct conflict with what the LC told me. I am a little disturbed by her focus on her own body but I think that she does make a point about "the dark side of breastfeeding". I think that in trying to make breastfeeding sound great and get more women to consider it that we've also sort of done a disservice and painted an unrealistic picture for alot of mothers. These same mothers then get discouraged because they must be doing something wrong since it's not all roses and sunshine. We need to be honest and frank about breastfeeding, the good and the not so good so that everyone can go into it with as much knowledge as possible. It takes a village to raise a child, and I think that includes teaching the mom to breastfeed. This is not something that necessarily happens instinctively without any snags.
Laura - posted on 01/14/2010
to all those people saying bf comes naturally-- plain and simple it doesn't. it is a learned talent. I had the benefit of coming from a family that never fed into the formula craze. So it came a lot easier. Generations of experience there. There is an art to it that has been lost over the last few decades.
to address the tongue tied problem. That should have been fixed by the pediatrician. one quick snip and a lot of breastfeeding happiness will ensue. As a dental hygienist we are taught that a tongue tied person only needs a snip if they have speech problems. but obviously if it causes eating problems it needs to be repaired sooner ie. before speech, it only takes a couple days to heal. Any pediatrician that refuses and says give a bottle needs to go take some continuing education courses. Maybe we as breastfeeding mothers should start bringing leaflets to our Doctors instead of waiting for them to take the initiative. Who knows you might save the next patient a lot of grief.
Lara - posted on 01/17/2010
After reading this poor frazzled mom's post, I agree that she should fire her pediatrician. But I also agree with her that BFing isn't always the rosy picture it can be painted out to be. My first one latche don like a champ, but managed to crack my nipple within a week. Talk about pain! We soldiered on it did get better. But there were still the inconveniences of nursing in the back seats of cars, covering up in public, trying to nurse when your milk hadn't replenished from teh last feeding, leaking milk all over the place in your sleep, and pumping in the stall at your work. It can be difficult and disheartening at times!
But i wouldn't give it up for the world. I felt horrible when my milk supply decreased due to work stress and had to put her on formula. Not horrible 'cause she was on formula, but 'cause we had lost that nursing moment bond.
I watched my sister suffer thru a large (although highly acidic) milk production, but a child with such GURD that she couldn't keep anything down. My sister eliminated all caffine, milk products, and heavy spice from her diet to no avail. After two months of this, she quit fighting her daughter and the gastric system at feeding time and found a formula her daughter could keep down.
No woman should ever be made to feel bad about their nursing experience. If you want to try, but for certain reasons it doesn't work out, congratulate yourself for trying and for giving your child what you could.
I have breastfed both my kids. I had trouble getting it going with the first, but never felt like I tortured myself. I was really glad that I persevered and it has been an amazingly positive part of my relationship with both my precious children. I now teach antenatal breastfeeding classes for pregnant women, and support them after baby is born. Breastfeeding comes naturally for many women and babies, but there are also families who struggle for any number of reasons. Having good information before baby is born, and support from people who understand breastfeeding and are experienced in dealing with breastfeeding issues is so important for women who come across challenges.
Natalie - posted on 01/17/2010
Why didn't this woman seek out some support from La Leche or an AP parenting group in her area I wonder? I dislike the negative vibe right off the bat -- the rest is just sort of par for the course. I've battled mastitis, plugs, thrush and overactive letdown with my daughter -- we both got through all of those things with determination, and our relationship is amazing -- I mostly contribute that to breastfeeding. She's 17 months old and still going strong. It's so sad to hear moms tap out because they faced a challenge. What do you think parenting is all about? If it was supposed to be a fashion runway cake walk they wouldn't call it parenting. Negative spin can be applied to even the most ideal situation and can turn people off from being the best parents they can be -- just terrible.
Amber - posted on 01/17/2010
if you're more worried about looking "hot and skinny" than your baby being given the best you can give, you seriously need to reconsider your choice to become a mother...plain and simple. it makes me sick that anyone would be so worried about how they look that they would consider giving their baby less-than-optimal nutrition. when you become a mother, your own selfish desires need to be put on the back burner most of the time, and feeding time is definitely one of those times!
Eva-Lotta - posted on 01/16/2010
I am a little confused after having read the whole thing.. Don't really get if she for or against breast feeding...
I have a little girl who is now 3 months old (she was 7 weeks premature) and she started breastfeeding on the second day. I felt so incredibly lucky as she seemed to know exactly where to go and what to do. Because she was premmie, she was in hospital for two weeks and was being fed by tube and over the two weeks we were slowly increasing the number of breastfeeds each day. It was really hard to sit at home and express milk to take with me to the hospital and only being allowed a limited time with my little girl (even though there was absolutely nothing wrong with her). I feel so very lucky that I am having such a good experience with breastfeeding.
I have friends who have recently had babies who tried so hard to breastfeed for about 3 weeks but her milk didn't come in and her boy didn't latch and every single time it was time for his feed it was a battle. Extremely stressful for the baby and she was in tears. So for the benefit of both her and her baby they started bottle feeding which is working really well for them and in fact it means that daddy get more involved to as he can do some of the feeds...
There is no right or wrong, breastfeeding works for some, some need a little work to make it work and for others it doesn't work... Don't feel like a failure if it doesn't work - there are sooo many other ways to bond with your baby; have lots of cuddle time, play time, baths etc...
As to getting back in shape; eat well (a healthy and balanced menu) and fgo for a walk with the pram every day, join an exercise group near you especially for mums (if there is one). If there isn't one, start one! I am saying this because I am a personal trainer and as of 1st Feb I am starting a mothers group in my area (Castle Hill, Sydney). We will meet in the park, bringing bubs along and do exercise for an hour. it is only for new mums so all exercise is taylored for this purpose and will suit all... Some people will never go back to their prebaby body (not completely) but the important thing is getting out, leading a healthy lifestyle.
There is soo much advice readily available on the internet, via your local community centre etc that there is no excuse really... You just have to take the time and to look up the question you have got and then decide what might work best for you, I believe it is a bit of trial and error to eventually find the best solution for YOU.
Amy - posted on 01/16/2010
well, first of all, i didn't like how she made it sound like thrush was the baby's fault and the baby did this to her. from what i've studied thrush is yeast from the MOTHER passed to the baby. so it was probably momma not eating well that contributed to the thrush. and skipping meals -- what you eat is what baby eats. taking care of you IS taking care of baby too. I need to remind myself of that every morning that i just want to get laundry put away instead of eat. but i eat and the laundry sits because what i eat goes to my little one. i think women need to put less stock in doctors and talk to other women who have nursed. my doctor has told me numerous times that since my son is past 6 months i should switch to formula. yeah, i don't listen to him. i listen to my mom who nursed babies until 18 months old. granted, i had TONS of issues with my daughter and was so uneducated, had no internet, and only four books at the library on nursing. i thought my doc knew all and when he told me i couldn't relactate after being dried up with my daughter [was in NICU and they bottlefed her without even asking me or finding out if i had breastmilk. another long frustrating story]. wish someone would have told me it was possible!!
with my son - i HAVE this awesome "fantasy" breastfeeding experience. I never had cracked nipples, never bled, it was never sore/painful to nurse. i had inverted nipples and had to use a Latch Assist. the LC at the hospital with him knew NOTHING. swore to me that i had to only football hold him because my nipple shape and didn't even suggest a latch assist. but i though, eh, come on, little guy, forget her, we can do this. and we did. as far as breastfeeding not convenient. HA!! because it's so convenient to carry around a million bottles, constantly have powder formula for travel when there's no fridge access, or the cans and an opener, plus burp rags since they spit up more, plus bottled water since you shouldn't use tap with the powdered formula -and the ever so fun finding a bottle of spoiled formula in the car that wreaks.....please. all i take is a blanket, diapers/wipes and an extra outfit for my son. that's it. no giant bag anymore like with my daughter. he cries less at nite than my daughter [formula fed] did since i could just feed him without mixing anything. he has less digestive troubles, is less colicky. we save oodles of money by me feeding him. as far as hating to sit in bathrooms when in public...., pump and take a ready to eat bottle. simple solution. breastmilk is good for a MUCH longer time than formula - which has to be dumped after an hour because formula is only good that long. explain to me how a bottle is convenient again?
as far as hot and skinny. please. momma's, you need to get out of the vanity stage. your baby is more important than you. would she really sacrifice her health and her baby's to look "hot" ? aren't you married? who do you have to look spectacular for? your husband should love you no matter what. i'm sure he can realize you have had a baby. my husband may not be buff and hot all his life - doesn't mean i'll love him less. and being pre-baby weight 4 months later - totally unrealistic.
Celena - posted on 01/16/2010
Elise- you should NEVER feel guilty for the difficult decisions you made. It is admirable that you tried so hard and in the end, your girlfriends are right- if it is making you crazy and you feel at a loss it is completely okay to give your baby formula. Every mother has to do what they feel is right for them and their baby!
Angela- I commend you for your perserverance! I think that your message of try try again is a really important one but it should also be understood that if a mother decides to use formula for a little while or the rest of her baby's needs that that is just fine too!
Also, my sister had to use formula for her baby girl to get her weight up but then she switched back to exclusive breastfeeding. Once you go to formula it doesn't have to be the end of breastfeeding!!!
Sarah - posted on 01/16/2010
I'm just glad i don't know this woman I would have slapped her and told her to get over herself. Granted breastfeeding doesn't work for all. However trying to loose weight was a very stupid thing to do and may have caused the problems that she encoutered. I have tried breast feeding with both my children. My son lasted for 2 months but we had to switch him because he was impossible to hold while he was feeding, his legs would be half way across the room while his head was latched on. I think that this problem was of my own making because I had been so stressed and he caught this and got stressed himself. With my daughter I was determined that I would feed her for longer and at 12months she is still feeding, I am 6 months pregnant as well and I intend to bf this child too. I won't say this has always been easy with my daughter but we have got through all of it somehow and she is such a happy child too.
This woman seems a little irrational. And yes, she had a lot of faulty information, but there are so many resources available for breastfeeding, especially in this age of the internet, that I don't feel super sorry for her. Thrush sucks, cracked nipples are painful, and breastfeeding isn't easy, but you work your way through it and learn from the experience. As for all that about the weight loss, get over yourself and let nature take it's course. If your husband doesn't like your body, it's half his fault anyway ;)
Angela - posted on 01/15/2010
It is extremely infuriating. She should have switched doctors or even took it upon herself to get educated on the issue of breastfeeding. Just because a doc says something doesn't mean he is right...right?
I would like to tell my story:
My little Nola was a baby that didn't want to leave me... she was 10days late and on the night before my induction was scheduled she decided to grace us with her birth :) Right away after she was born she didn't get a latch. I kept trying and because this was my first baby...what I thought was a latch wasn't. My birthing plan was with a midwife thank goodness because she visited me at home every day for the first three weeks of Nola's life. At day two Nola had lost too much weight so she sent me into the hospital to get her sugar levels checked. She also insisted that I was almost too calm for the situation I was in. My motto was stay calm and happy so my baby is calm and happy (to this day she is the epitome of happy babies). Anyways at this point because she wasn't latching she insisted that I had to supplement with formula and I kept refusing. She said it was best for my baby... I asked her if I could just give her expressed breast milk and she said that would be ideal but my milk wouldn't be fully in yet and would cause problem for pumping as much as I needed. I gave in and let my baby girl have 1 oz of formula but after that 1 oz I went without sleep to pump for my baby girl her food was implemented by a tube finger feeding. She was on a strict regiment of 1 1/2 hour feedings from the beginning of one feeding to the next. At the beginning of every feeding I would attempt to get her latched and when she got extremely frustrated I would give her 1-2oz by finger feeding. Believe it or not I did this non stop with 1 1/2 hour feedings while letting her go max 3 hours at night for three weeks. By this time she was finally starting to gain her weight back so I decided to try a nipple shield. Everyone warned me against it but I was desperate...the disinfecting bottles and pumps and tubes with the lack of sleep and doing this ON MY OWN by the way (My ex left me while I was 4months prego)... was driving me crazy... To my surprise with some work I got her to latch through the nipple shield. One week after using the shield...while I was preparing for a feeding Nola was lying on my chest... she wiggled her way over to my breast and latched on without the shield all on her own... Since that day she has latched perfectly... I am the happiest momma ever and that is because I persevered where most people would quit. I want every momma to know that it is possible no matter what the situation... Oh and I forgot to throw in that I came down with Mastitis at week three with a temp of 102 and that didn't throw me off my path either!
I do understand that every situation is different but with the right support system and knowledge behind you... anything can be accomplished!
Elise - posted on 01/15/2010
I understand what you are all saying about her being a bit too focused on her body and stuff but I found that we both had very similar experiences with breastfeeding as a result of misinformed doctors and midwives! Breastfeeding for me was an absolute nightmare and I eventually gave up and switched to formula when my son was six weeks old. He wouldn't latch on properly, lost a fair bit of weight as a result and I had to stay in hospital with him for six days after he was born as he refused to feed and the nurses would not let me try formula. I spent hours expressing as I had little milk and he never seemed to put on weight even afterwards when I was giving him EBM every two hours and became increasingly jaundiced. Things continued to go downhill until I finally had a good talk about this with some of my friends who had children who told me that the only way I was going to know that he was getting what he needed and give me piece of mind minus the thrush, painful nipples and nipple shields etc was to try formula. He began to gain weight straight away and is now a very healthy seven month old. What I have learnt from this is that there is nothing wrogn with breastfeeding at all, it just did not work for me with my son. I will perservere and try to breastfeed any future children I may have, but I don't think that things would have got much better whilst breastfeeding. I still feel a little guilty, but I feel that it was for the best in my sons case. This poor woman does sound very frazzled and definately needs to change doctors and perhaps seek help. But I can totally relate to her with all the BF problems she has had. I just hope that it hasn't put her off breastfeeding in the future!
Erin - posted on 01/15/2010
She sure contradicted herself a lot. I can see how her breastfeeding experience was anything but easy, but for me, it is very relaxing and convenient. I just loved how I could wake up, put my son on my boob, and relax instead of waking up, measuring water to formula, coming back to the bedroom and feeding the child more upright(dur to more chances of ear infections with a bottle). Agh. Now that seems like much more work to me. I do think that breastfeeding takes a lot of determination and can be exhausting at the beginning when the baby eats very often but it gets so much easier. Yea for breastfeeding!!!
Shelley - posted on 01/15/2010
it makes me feel so sad there are so many problems in this scenario i'd really like to encourage all women to stop feeling guilty and to join playgroups and support groups in your area because the best advise comes from those who are dealing with the same sorts of situations.
Leslie-Ann - posted on 01/14/2010
Yes BF is best but i unfortunately have to do both. i am a working mum and my daughter stays with her nanny during the day. she drinks her formula but as soon as i get home i put her on the breast. she is not underweight or anything just healthy loving baby. and yes in the beginning the BF was difficult, sore, etc, etc but its not always for everybody. you have to do whats best for baby and not for other people!!
Hannah - posted on 01/14/2010
I think the real issue in this is that she stated that support was what she needed and nowhere in this does she imply support for mothers but rather an "it sucks, give up" attitude in a good portion of the article. Women need empowerment and encouragement, especially when it comes to breastfeeding in these "ignorant" times.
Kat - posted on 01/14/2010
This woman strikes me as an idiot. Some (and only some) of her issues are very real & a load of woman go through these things. It's perspective though isn't it. I think I had a wonderful breast feeding experience with my 1st. I had Mastitis, Thrush twice, cracked nipples, used a nipple shield for the first 3 months due to my massive flat nipples. None of this created a bad experience for me, just lessons learnt. My daughter was constantly on the 5th %, even dropped to the 3rd at one point. So what. She was perfectly healthy. I think for most woman losing baby weight is secondary to trying to be the best Mum you can possibly be. To be honest she lost me on her message because I was too busy being annoyed at her attitude.
Ericka - posted on 01/14/2010
wow i am torn by this, i will admit i am one of the ones who had no problem producing milk and minimal issues with latching with a great supportive pediatrician and lactation consultant. i agree that she should have sought out a new pediatrician, and that he gave her some incorrect info. however, i also feel that she was too worried about herself and appearance. when i first started reading it i thought she was anti bfing because she had such a bad experience with it and she couldnt loose weight like celebrities did. i dont think that i have ever heard someone bash bfing and support it in a continual thought before.
Lindsey - posted on 01/14/2010
I feel very sorry for this lady. She obviously had nobody to give her any correct information. It's sad when the health professionals we depend on aren't informed. I had a bad experience in the hospital with my son. I never saw a lactation consultant and the pediatritian I saw after he was four days old said to start supplementing with formula since he was down to 5 1/2 pounds. I have a nutrition degree so I knew what was best for him and I disregarded her advice. Luckily I was educated but most women trust the doctors who should be the experts on these things. I feel very bad that she had to go through this with no support.
Kristie - posted on 01/14/2010
That poor woman. She sounds very stressed out. My first I tried for 3 weeks. He lost a pound a week and he was only 5 pounds 6ounzes at birth! My doc simply hung in there with me knowing we were both on the same page... what's best for baby. He never had colic and would sleep like crazy. I had him on a 1 1/2 to 2 hour feeding scheduale which seemed to be right on. He would get what he could and after 3 days it hurt so bad i cried at feedings. I had one breast that did better than the other so he fed from that breast longer each feeding untill i realized how much blood he was getting then i fed just from the good breast. After 3 weeks of emotional ups and downs: will there be enough milk this feeding, when is my nipple going to heal, the pumping I did to keep the milk demand up in the breast I took him off of so he wasn't drinking blood (yuk) so hopefully he could breastfeed again in full from both breasts, and biggest of all am I killing (extreme, I know) my baby by starving him. Of course hind sight 20/20. He was fine all along. It was me who was having all the problems. He got the most important of the bfing... colostrum and a little extra. There is enough of what the human body needs in just a few days of breast-feeding to do for the rest of his life. I don't feel guilty at all. It's not something I could foresee and prevent. Thank God he got what he did and being that one breast got significantly larger than the other (which simply dried up) I'd say he got a decent portion. He is now 11 and I can't remember the last time he was sick. He stands 5 1/2 feet tall, wears a size 10 men's shoe and weighs in at a healthy 105. My second was easier to breast feed. She latched w/o so much pain. My breasts both had milk and no bleeding. My good breast had more and was easier to pull milk from. My right breast just didn't cooperate to the extent that my left did. I fed from breast for 6 wks with her. She too is rarely sick. I think just trusting that God and nature hold responsiblity as well as you is big in not being too upset bout the whole thing. I'm also pretty laid back by nature. Now I'm pregnant with our 3rd and planning on bfing. I hope it works for a longer period of time but I'd rather live life with the least amount of stress as possible and am not going to worry about whatever happens. All I ask for is good health and happiness in our new baby girl by any means... breast or bottle or both. Now what would we do to solve these problems if we lived 200 years ago?
Hannah - posted on 01/14/2010
I did not mange to breastfeed my first baby as it was all a bit of a nightmare, I wasn't prepared for any of the pitfalls either, and I became an emotiinal wreck. The relief when I switched to bottle was immense.
But second time round, it wasn't plain sailing, but it eventually clicked into place. So I have to say, both methods have their pros and cons, but to me a happy mum is more important than how you are feeding your baby.
The parenting classes seem rather naive when I look back, they tell you 'if it hurts, just make sure you have got the attachment right'. Taddah! Simple as that. HA! The hours I spent looking a pictures and diagrams and readjusting her position and thinking, ouch!
Nicole - posted on 01/13/2010
Wow... I feel like she stole my rant.... well, a lot of it anyway! LOL!
I think she has a good point. I really wish someone had been honest with me about how hard breastfeeding really can be. Only since my son turned 2 months old can I really say it is easier and more convenient than bottle feeding. I had great support from my midwives... a couple of them spent several 4 hour sessions at my home personally teaching me and cheering me on. It didn't take away the cracked nipples, the dread of feeding, the stabbing pain, the thrush, or the feeling that my body was betraying me and I was a lousy mother etc, etc, etc.
Now I can say I really enjoy breastfeeding, but I think it's important to be really honest about experiences and allow all of us to vent from time to time.
Marlene - posted on 01/13/2010
Wow, that was a lot to take it. I feel bad for her. Sometimes breastfeeding isn't easy at first and there are struggles, but that's part of life. I'm sorry she couldn't find support. I love breastfeeding my babies! It wasn't always easy, but totally worth it!
Deb - posted on 01/13/2010
I think this women is just frazzled. She needed a safe outlet to release her frustrations. Breastfeeding isnt easy for everyone and it sucks that she has had such a struggle with it. I do disagree with her on some points.....breastfeeding is easier, and yes I have breastfed in the car, but never in a bathroom - i just cover up in public.
She defiianately needs to get a new Ped Doc. Her doc is making up problems that don't exist.
Sophie - posted on 01/13/2010
She seems to say shes not against BF but everything else she says contradicts that! Any first time mums that read that and dont get the right support are not going to breastfeed, ok so there are women that will experience those difficulties but they are the minority most women can do it without those problems after the first few weeks f getting use to it. They should have lactation consultants visit schools and do lessons on the TRUTH about breastfeeding actually saying that they should send a few to see some of these doctors that dont seem to have a clue!
Hannah - posted on 01/12/2010
Good for you Lise, :)
& for all the BFing mamas.
I mean there are so many things she obviously doesn't know about. One, BF babies tend to be smaller than the average formula fed baby because it is "the perfect human food" and I wonder why she didn't mention LLL?
Lise - posted on 01/12/2010
It makes me sad. Yes, breastfeeding was hard for us. My LO lost SO MUCH weight and was tongue tied, so she barely got any food. I did the shield, the SNS, pumping, etc., etc., etc. I don't regret it for a day! We're at almost 3 months and I have NO plans to wean or give solids. So much easier for me than bringing a bottle everywhere. Love the bonding. Love being able to hand her off to dad for burping/diaper changes because I've handled the feeding. Love knowing that I can fully support her with just my body.
Michelle - posted on 01/12/2010
my son didn't get back up to birth weight until he was almost 3 months old! not anyone's fault; he was getting enough but for some reason the milk didn't have quite enough fat or something. Anyway, we gave him an ounce of formula with each nursing. What does this ped think they are talking about? Some babies don't gain as fast as others... Hannah, good job at sticking with it.
Jodi - posted on 01/12/2010
Personally, she should have switched pediatricians. A lot of breastfed babies gain weight very slowly, but as long as they're gaining, they're good. It's stories like that from people who just took their misinformed docs advice that make moms not want to breastfeed! Oh well, she did what was best for her children and I do agree there should be a support group for mom's who feel that way about having to use formula, perhaps she should start it.
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