How to Wean Nighttime Nurser

Claire - posted on 12/13/2009

I have a 14 mo old daughter who does the all night feeding routine and some nights are worse than others with how often she wakes up, like when she's teething etc. She's not all that into nursing during the day any more, but she just associates boob with sleep (she's my first and I didn't realize what a strong attachment I was creating by letting her fall asleep while nursing almost every time). It's to the point that no one else can put her to sleep without screaming and flailing happening. And when my husband tries to comfort her during the night the same thing happens. If she doesn't get boob, she flails around and cries until she wakes herself all the way up. I've given in to this because it's just so much easier to give it to her and go back to sleep myself (we co-sleep.) I sometimes try to get her to sleep without the nursing and sometimes it works, but it hasn't managed to cut down on how often she wakes up and expects to nurse to get back to sleep. I'm also trying to figure out if I'm going to have to let her cry it out and move to the crib while weaning. I'd rather not, but it does make for a really early bedtime for me if she won't spend long asleep on her own!

April - posted on 12/12/2009

you just described my son to a t! he gets up at those exact times every night and will turn 12 months next week!! i am sooooo tired but I am going to stick it out until he at least reaches an age where natural weaning would occur.



i just can't stand the idea of lying to him saying i can't nurse him when there's nothing actually wrong with my boobs. It would break my heart. It seems like a lot more stress too. I think letting him decide will just be easier on you...my advice is to give it a few more months and then see if he is still nursing that much. good luck!! follow your heart and gut!!

Amy - posted on 12/12/2009

My husband gets up at night if our son wakes up, otherwise it's difficult for him to settle down. When my husband goes in to soothe him he goes right back to sleep. They are physically capable of sleeping through the night (my 7 month old goes 12 hrs.), your baby has just gotten used to that routine. It will no doubt take some work, but it is definitely possible (and probably more healthy for all of you)! If you're married, try to get your husband involved and see if he'll go back to sleep for him. You can do it with a little persistence :) Good luck!

Shelene - posted on 12/12/2009

I would like to know the answer to that as well. I have a 7 1/2 mo old and it has been a long 7 1/2 months. He wakes exactly like yours does. And I can't do the cry it out thing either so I'm not quite sure what to do. I need a full nights sleep so bad!!!

Jamie - posted on 12/12/2009

I say you are right on about not letting him cry. I weaned my VERY stubborn son at 13 months without letting him cry. I was pregnant, sore, and kept the day time feedings, but just needed sleep at night. I read The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantly and found it to be a lifesaver. She has tips on her website too. Basically, what I did, is start by letting him nurse, but de-latching him when it because nursing to sleep/comfort (you know, those tickly little non-nutritive sucks). If he wigged, I'd give it back, count to 10 or 15, and do it again. It took a few weeks, but he started nursing, then rolling over to sleep. After that, I told him that nee-nees (his word) are too tired at night and need sleep. I told him no more milk at night. When he would wake up and ask for it, I'd just say nee-nees were sleeping and would be there in the morning. He'd cry, I'd cuddle with him and rock him, he'd fall asleep, and eventually, he just stopped waking at night all together, or if he did, he'd just snuggle close and go back to bed.

Elizabeth - posted on 12/12/2009

I wouldn't, unless you feel comfortable with the idea...

Erin - posted on 12/12/2009

My daughter is now 18 months, and I just eliminated her nighttime feedings about 2 months ago. She was already down to just once or twice near morning, but with walking and teething she was beginning to wake earlier and earlier and wanted to nurse as long as we were in bed. I began refusing to nurse her until we were up for the 7 o'clock alarm - out of bed and on the couch after a diaper change. It took a solid week of waking at 5ish and consoling her without nursing until she'd go back to sleep for awhile, and another week of her staying in bed (we cosleep) but waking calmly before she learned to sleep until the alarm again. Just stick to your guns and be prepared to have more frequent nursings during the day to make up for the adjustment. Your son is only 12 months old, and most children won't naturally wean themselves until anywhere between 18 months and 3 years of age. I wouldn't recommend using cry it out either, but I'm a huge supporter of Dr Sears and attachment parenting!

Caroline - posted on 12/12/2009

I completely understand where you are at! I encourage you to take some steps in the night weaning direction if that's where you are at, although you might want to keep one feeding for a while longer as not to sever that part of your relationship before your son wants.
My daughter (now 23 months) was pretty much on the same schedule with even more frequent wakings when there was teething or some other disruptance. I held on with the night feedings until the summer (18 months)... and looking back, I wish I hadn't. That being said, we still do nurse once in the early morning, and a little before bed if I'm the one putting her down (she can take or leave this though).

I suggest two things - first, try and work towards nursing before bedtime, but not TO sleep. Second, figure out which two of those three night time feeds are hardest on you and drop them. For me it was 12 and 3, some people stay up until midnight, feed and then no more after that. It was tough - I went the approach of "I will hold you and not let you cry alone, but there is no more milky until early morning". Jay Gordon has a similar program that I think seems kind. She got the idea over a period of a few weeks - I'd never lie and say it worked magically in a night or two - but now she sleeps from 8 until 5 AM, gets in bed with me to nurse for a few minutes, and then sleeps again until 6:30 or 7. If I get myself to bed on time, I feel plenty rested. You might want to add a late afternoon feeding to help ease the transition (he'll more certainly drop this once the adjustment's happened).

Good luck and let me know if you have any more questions.

Kelly - posted on 12/12/2009

when i weaned my children i would start by finding a bottle that they would take too this could be easy or expensive i would try the playtex nursers with the laytex nipples first. now what i did to wean was i would pump the breast that the baby wasn't latched onto during the feeding and when the baby is done feeding pump the breast he was on to get the rest of the milk out store the milk in on of thoses my mommy's milk storage bag lanasol makes them and the next time you nurse but him on the breast you pumped and pump the other on and just repeat this process. now when it comes close to the time of the last 2 feedings before bed give him a bottle of breastmilk the first feeding before bed and pump both breast and store the milk now the last feeding before bed go ahead and nurse him and pump like i said when he is finished put him to bed. when he wakes up at 12 for a feeding give him a bottle of breastmilk with 2 tablespoons of the infant rice cereal in it this will thicken it up a little and also make him last longer before he wakes up for his next feeding. when he wakes up at 3 wrap him up in his blanket and give him a pacifier and place him like he is going to nurse and see if this will calm him enough to go back to sleep and not be fed if not then give him a bottle and you can either pump and store the milk or you can skip pumping and make sure you have a towel handy and place the towel to your breast this way when you have your let down cuz you didnt nurse or pump the towel catches the mess eventually if you keep doing this at 3 you will eventually dry and wont need to pump at this time. Then when he wakes up at 5 give him a bottle with rice in it again now your child is 12 months and wont be on formula when you take him off breastmilk so what you can do is start mixing milk in with your breastmilk when you do the bottles for example 6 oz of breastmilk with 2 oz of milk equals 8 oz bottle do this for a few days then go to 4 oz of BM to 4 oz of milk and gradually take the breastmilk out and use more milk and also cut down the number of times you nurse during the day. Make a time table lets say you want to have him weaned in 2 weeks then schedule your nursing and pumping to were you arent doing any at all by the time 2 weeks is over. It normally takes a child 1-2 weeks to take to a change and get us too it will be hard but its worth it. oh make sure you warm up the milk too it has a natural melitone something like that that helps children fall asleep when warmed

Andrea - posted on 12/11/2009

I would have your husband handle the night time wakings & soothe your son back to sleep. Up until about 3 or 4 weeks ago my daughter woke up every 2-3 hours all night long & would only go back to sleep if I nursed her. (She woke up to 6 times a night!) My husband took over the nighttime wakings & the first night I nursed her around 1am & then again at 7am.

Now, she wakes between midnight & 3am to nurse & sometimes again around 5am. Not through the night, but much, much better! And now, when we totally nightwean her we know to just have my husband go in when she wakes.

Keri - posted on 12/11/2009

its hard but the cry it out works and it will take awhile for him to get use to not nursing at night but we did it when my son was 2 months and he goes to sleep every night by his self.

( baby 411, good book )