I am miserable in sex after birth

Hanim - posted on 04/19/2009 ( 24 moms have responded )

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I had no desire, I lost my creativity, to some extend i'm like a miserable cow who had no bloody interest in sex! damn...

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Nicole - posted on 04/21/2009

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Quoting Chelsea:

Buy the KY yours and mine lubricant. It has saved my sex life after my baby.



I totally agree with Chelsea... LUBE, LUBE, LUBE!!!  It seems like a silly thing, and such a minor one, but I'm a big believer in it now! the first couple of times after the birth of our daughter  (9 weeks ago) was really painful for me, but after someone gave me the advice to use a ton of lubricants, sex is less painful and more enjoyable. By all means, its not the SAME as it was a year ago, and my desire is s-l-o-w-l-y getting back to "normal" levels, but it is a million times better than without it.



if lube isn't you're "thing" try sex in the shower. it also does the trick!

Jackie - posted on 04/20/2009

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I think the key is to keep talking to your partner. Most men will be very understanding since we all know that men aren't "capiable" of it 100% of the time. This actually could be a great step in talking about all those issues. Men don't normally want to talk about ED and never want to admit that they may fear it might happen to them one day. My husband is very understand and knows that my hormones aren't right and may never be 100%. But with my issues we were able to talk about ED and I know he is much more comfortable and knows if there is ever an issue .. it won't really be an issue. It has actually brought us closer on a different level. And I know myself i feel much more secure in our relationship knowing its not sole based on sex all the time.

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Chelsea - posted on 04/21/2009

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Buy the KY yours and mine lubricant. It has saved my sex life after my baby.

Lisa - posted on 04/21/2009

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sex is very rare in our house i went from breast feeding one baby to breast feeding the next lol. i feel sorry for my hubby but i am sooo tired and stressed by the end of the day (I have 4 kids 3 of which under 3 and a heart condition) so i just want to rest when they r all in bed but my hubby is very understanding we still kiss and cuddle and we talk about it so he knows what is going on.

Elsa - posted on 04/20/2009

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I think the min wait time is til your 6 week post-partum appointment, after that you are safe to go as you can be sure all your insides are healed. With both kids I remember it hurting the first few times. With the second I didn't wait til my 6 week, as I felt I was ready before then. I remember that you are supposed to use lots of lubrication to help, and that basically you just have to do it to get your body used to the sensation again. I know people who waited and waited, and they still had to go through the same thing, so I don't think time makes a HUGE difference. The first 2 x's I had to make an effort to do it as I knew we both needed the intimacy, and that I couldn't run away cause I was scared. The worst that could happen is having to stop, but each time got better and better. The libido came back, but I don't think it would have if I hadn't made a consious effort to work sex into my "schedule". When baby is born, it's easy to make your whole world about baby, but you have to show your hubby that he's your world too.



There are always going to be days when you don't feel like it, and at first you may have to make yourself do the deed, but the more you do it, the more you want it. It does help to have a hubby who does not ask it of you, but makes you feel beautiful even when you are still swollen. Make the effort even if just to get back into the swing of things. If the pain does not get better, talk to your doctor about it.

Jocelyn - posted on 04/20/2009

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i take an herbal supplement, maca root, which i started because it's a "superfood" and full of vitamins and helps with energy and stuff. and a side effect i noticed was increased libido. i didn't know this in the begining but when it's marketed to men it is for increasing their libido :P maybe something to think about. i feel a lot better on it.

Samantha - posted on 04/20/2009

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I feel the same as everyone else. I used to love sex, my boyfriend and I had it all the time. Since I got pregnant and after having my daughter, I'm just not interested. I thought there was something wrong with me! Part of it is that I just don't have any libido, and I think part is fearfulness b/c I don't want to have another baby anytime soon. I was on the pill so I don't feel confident with birth control. I just don't want to be a college student with multiple children to raise!

Revel - posted on 04/20/2009

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I AM IN THE SAME BOAT AS ALL OF YOU! i DONT MIND AT ALL. I FEEL LIKE I COULD GO THE REST OF MY LIFE WITHOUT. I HAVE TO DESIRE LET A LONE IM NEVER NEDDING IT LIKE THE OTHER HALF ;) HE GETS SO MAD B/C HE SAID THE ONYL TIME YOU WANT TO HAVE SEX IS WHEN YOU WANT TO GET PREGNANT. WHEN I WAS PREGANT WITH OUR DAUGHTER 4 YEARS AGO NOTHING CHANGED WHILE I WAS PREGANANT STILL WANTED IT AND DID IT ALL THE TIME. THEN AFTER SHE WAS BORN IT WAS OFF AND ON. I STILL HAD A DESIRE BUT NOT AS OFTEN. AND THEN WHEN I WAS PRGANAT WITH MY SON WHO IS NOW 2 I DIDNT EVEN WANT HIM TO COME WITHIN 5 FEET OF ME!!! HE WAS BORN AND I WAS STILL THE SAME. WHEN HE WAS 1 YEAR OLD I GOT PREGANT WITH MY THIRD AND SAME AS THE LAST :( NOW I HAVE THREE KIDS, 4, 2, AND 3 1/2 MONTHS AND I DO NOT CARE ABOUT SEX AT ALL. I WISH I DID THOUGH!!!! I THINK I MIGHT TALK TO MY DOCTOR AND SEE WHAT I CAN DO B/C YEA, IF I COULD GO FOREVER WITH OUT IT I WILL. BUT MY HUBBY HOLE DIFFERERNT SROTY HES GOING CRAZY!!!! ANYTHING HELP FOR YOU SO FAR?

Tricia - posted on 04/20/2009

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It still hurts for me, too, so it's hard to get motivated. To tide my DH over we play "Televangelist in the Airport" and scamper off to the bathroom for regular blowjobs. ;-)

[deleted account]

Quoting Kate:

I think your hormones change a lot when you're breastfeeding and not ovulating. It does make sense that if you're not fertile that there's no need for sex. Plus the lack of sleep and constant demands of a young baby. I lost my desire for ages after our son was born and as soon as I got my period back it was sex city...I was like 'get home NOW buddy!!!!'. So don't worry, it comes back!!


Thank Goodness for that.



I feel so bad not DTD with my hub, but UGH!!! Just to tired to care!



But Hopefully its only for a little while longer cause i used to like sex, really I did!! But now its more of a chore then an enjoyment! Looking forward to when my libido revs back into action :)



To bad our boyfriends/hubbies don't REALLY understand that we are suffering too!!

Jen - posted on 04/20/2009

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I would recommend "taking care" of your man at first, this will keep you in a habit of intimacy. Think of all the things they do for us that they don't feel like doing! It helped my husband to be less grumpy and more willing to help out with the babies, and this in turn helped me to feel more appreciative and romantic towards him. You'll either grow closer together or farther apart, and love is an action that isn't always inspired by feelings or mood. Beyond even a marriage or partnership (whichever you're involved in)true love serves others even when you don't feel like it. It's not about us all the time. I know that's awful to hear as a woman, because we give so much. But we get it back when the sex starts becoming good again! I agree with the advice about lubrication (I've needed it for 3 straight years since the birth of my first, nothing to be ashamed of. Let your husband put it on you, that will help sparks fly) and Jackie Caldwell-Mitchell's post was awesome, yes, this is a great opportunity to have conversations about your sex life! This is the next season of life that is a change for all couples and change is a unique opportunity in life. Just think back to when you first started having sex, it wasn't as great then as it became as you got to know each other better, right? Good luck! Have fun!

Ashleigh - posted on 04/20/2009

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I was like that too when my son was first born, but don't worry it will return! It does hurt, but you have to keep on trying so the pain will go away (sometimes we would have to stop because it hurt, but my husband was very understanding and didn't care). When my son was about 7-8months old I noticed I got my sex drive back. Im pregnant again, and am exhausted and never want it! I don't think men completely understand (not will they ever lol)!

Chona - posted on 04/20/2009

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Your not alone. I try to want sex, but I would rather sleep. I am not interested. I feel so sorry for my husband. He never even pushes the issue either. I know that sex is VERY important in a healthy relationship. I just feel too busy and exhausted.

Shannon - posted on 04/20/2009

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my son is 3 years old and now i have a almost 6wk old boy. i was sex crazy till i had my 3 year old. after i had him mind you all my kids were c-section, i hated it, i dreaded it. it hurt, i was never wet, and i also never lost all his weight, but i was taking birth control and ended up getting pregnat with my newest addition. but i still hate it, and since i had the newest one it even feels funny now!!! any suggestions

Natalie - posted on 04/20/2009

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i don't think it's any surprise that after dealing with a baby emerging from your body and then if your breastfeeding as well, that you feel differently about your body for a while and feel more motherly than sexy!! but i'm sure it comes back (I hope so ha ha )

I just always make sure that i kiss my husband hello every night when he comes in from work, and we have little hugs here and there, so we still feel close and hopefully he knows i still have feelings for him !!

Emily - posted on 04/20/2009

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Almost everyone feels this way. My youngest is 2.5 YEARS old and it just stopped hurting. Of course, when the kids are asleep and I have some time on my hands who the hell wants to have sex????? If your baby is pretty young- breastfeeding actually inhibits natural lubrication so make sure to use some artificial lube for comfort.

Sara - posted on 04/20/2009

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If there is a moment that my 2 year old and my 4 month old are asleep and I am showered, the LAST thing I want to do is have one more person hanging on me!!! It was this way with the first...My hubby knows it will return.....

User - posted on 04/20/2009

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I didn't have any desire for sex after my daughter was born, but a herbalist recommended "Women's X-Action" by Nature's Sunshine - and after just a few days of taking it, I noticed an increase in my interest in sex. Now, it wasn't a "gotta have it right now!" feeling, but it was a "hmmm... sex? that sounds like it might be fun" - which was a HUGE improvement for me - and I was only taking 1/2 the recommended dosage.

Heidi - posted on 04/20/2009

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oh dear God!! i thought i'm the cruelest wife in the whole world. poor hubby....

how to return the excitement???

Michelle - posted on 04/20/2009

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Quoting Kate:

I thought it s only me too. We were trying to get pregnant for a year so sex became kind of like a chore and now when we do have sex it still hurts and is uncomfortable. My daughter is 3 months. When did it stop hurting for you guys???



Thank you for stating this.  I would love to have sex, but it still hurts for me as well.  My poor husband doesn't understand because I had a c-section.

Itsamystery - posted on 04/20/2009

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I think your hormones change a lot when you're breastfeeding and not ovulating. It does make sense that if you're not fertile that there's no need for sex. Plus the lack of sleep and constant demands of a young baby. I lost my desire for ages after our son was born and as soon as I got my period back it was sex city...I was like 'get home NOW buddy!!!!'. So don't worry, it comes back!!

Kate - posted on 04/20/2009

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I thought it s only me too. We were trying to get pregnant for a year so sex became kind of like a chore and now when we do have sex it still hurts and is uncomfortable. My daughter is 3 months. When did it stop hurting for you guys???

Rhianna - posted on 04/20/2009

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I thought it was just me. My poor husband would love sex everyday. I have no desire. I am still young too but it makes no nevermind to me. Maybe sex is overrated?

Chrie - posted on 04/20/2009

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who has time for sex anyway! hahaha! my poor partner is lucky to hav sex once a month... i lov him to death but i juz dont feel lik it....

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