I dont want to share!

Amy - posted on 01/09/2010 ( 113 moms have responded )

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Ok, now there are going to be some opions against this but I need to hear that I'm not a bad person for what I did in the situation I was in. My son was 4 months old and me and my fiance went out of town to do some shopping. Well, his sister lives close to where we were and we went over there because my baby was hungry and I wanted to be comfortable and be able to get him out of the carseat for a while. We went over there and while we were there his sister wanted one of the computers we bought that day because it was on sale. Well, the sale was only that day so my fiance offered to go get her the computer because she was unable to drive at the time and had a newborn. I wanted to go with him so I asked if she would watch my baby while we went and would be back within the hour so she said yes, and there was also another adult there, her mom who also said it would be ok. We leave and when I got back she was holding my son and had just finished breastfeeding him. My stomache sank when I found out and I left almost immediately. This is my sons aunt and my future sister-in-law. I didn't say anything to her because I was a little in shock but when I got home I wrote her a letter telling her she had ruined breastfeeding for me because that was something special I alone shared with my son. I was only gone for one hour and had fed him right before I left so I now he wasn't hungry. She said he was crying unconsolably and did what she knew to do. I'm still currently breastfeeding because I wasn't going to take it from my baby just because someone else made a mistake. Now I knew his sister was the kind of person that might try something like that but I knew she would come to me and ask me before doing something like that without my permission. But she didn't and it hurt so bad. I don't know why but I felt violated and jealous and so mad. I'm not ever taking my baby back over to her house again and I just can't seem to get over it. She still talks to my fiance also. He seemed to have forgot about it and moved on but I just can't believe he is just ok with it now. What would you do if someone that was babysitting your child for an hour breastfed your baby while you were gone without asking you first. Even though the answer for me would have been kinda obvious. Am I a terrible person for never letting her see him again, atleast if I know about it.

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Sherwood - posted on 01/11/2010

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I'm loving this conversation because its such a complex issue with so many different factors, and feelings- thank you for posting Amy. I'm sorry in advance for this super long post- I think I might have been working-out some of my own issues here :p

I would be taken-back to walk into the house where my child was being watched and find the caregiver nursing her, and as others have noted my first concern would be for my child's health- as far as "is this person exposing her to potential harm" (namely hepatitis- I don't think someone with HIV would even think about it- I HOPE!) I think your thoughts are really centered around yourself, I believe you said that you were still Bfing even though she did this to you: "I'm still currently breastfeeding because I wasn't going to take it from my baby just because someone else made a mistake." This is really emotionally charged, it makes me feel like you feel like she molested or damaged him or something. I totally understand your feelings and I sympathize with you in that situation, but you are so upset that you are contemplating making a major fracture permanently in the family because of it- that's just getting carried away- especially if you REALLY did like her before this incident. Maybe you could spend a little time thinking about why you are really upset, she was intimate (in a very meaningful way) with your son and didn't even run it past you first? Maybe you are actually upset about something else she's done and this is a perfect reason to extradite her from your family. Maybe it's the nursing, it was very hard for me for nearly the first three months and I would feel kind of like all my efforts were getting shit-on by someone who just stepped-in and did it for me or something- maybe I would feel insulted by that. I don't know, but I think that this issue could be resolved if you have the courage to examine your feelings and express the reasons why her actions were hurtful to you to her.

This sounds like a case of different situational reality around the appropriateness of this action between the two of you (and your mother in law who's guilty by association for also not calling you). I am a very sensitive person and I definitely take things personally too often- I have to remind myself out loud that "it's really not about me" more then I would like to have to! I am also a very private person and was not raised in a very physically loving or open family- making intimate interactions that much more meaningful to me than they are others, but many people are raised in very open and physically immodest environments; making something like breastfeeding as inconsequential as a hug or a little kiss on the forehead. I really, really don't think she was trying to do this to hurt you, she was inconsiderate of how her actions would be received by you- maybe she was selfish and thought that having an older, hungrier baby nurse might increase her supply for her little one, and at the very worst maybe she was even trying to push your buttons a bit if she knows you are easily bothered by such things.

Other things to consider are that she is family, if anyone else was to have to nurse him she's probably one of the better options, I would have loved to have someone else who was healthy and who I had a close personal relationship and a previous agreement that they could nurse my daughter (because I was so, so, so against formula when she was that little) who could have watched her because I was never very good at pumping and getting out at all was a big ordeal. Finally, you are still postpartum, your bond with your son is still in it's infancy and that's a tough time; she is also very postpartum and may not have been thinking clearly when she did what she did- what I'm saying is; this whole situation is absolutely loaded with hormones- the substance of irrational thinking, please don't make any permanent decisions without spending some time to think through exactly what is going on in your head. I truly wish you the best and I hope you can find forgiveness in your heart so that your sweet little babies can grow up together!

[deleted account]

For those of you that don't have a problem w/ it... How would YOU feel if you left your baby w/ someone and they gave him/her a binky or a formula bottle because that's how THEY would console their own child? Fact is this woman crossed a line that was NOT her's to cross. She did something w/ another woman's child that she did not have permission to do. That should be the only issue here.



Do you have a cellphone? Did she ever try and call you and say 'hey, your baby's freaking out what should I do?' It was just ONE hour....Sorry, I'm still ticked for you.

Meredith - posted on 01/14/2010

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I can see why you are upset. It is a very unique bond to breastfeed your child. However, remember that historically the job of breastfeeding a baby was often delegated to nursemaids or others. Even until the 1970's some mothers would nurse each others babies and not think twice about it. If the baby was hungry someone needed to feed him or her. I think the whole discovery of HIV and hepatitis viruses made people afraid to share breastfeeding. That is a valid concern and I would not let someone else breastfeed my baby because of that. I still breastfeed my 20 month old and it is a wonderful experience and I would be jealous if she had that bond with someone else. But remember that your baby and you do not share a special bond only because of breastfeeding. You carried him for 9 months, you care for him day in and day out and you breastfeed him. All of these experiences combined create a bond that is unique. I don't know your sister-in-law so I don't know what her motivation was. Maybe she truly didn't know what else to do to calm your baby down so she did what she knew would help him feel better. In some way it seems to be sign that she is a very generous person who truly loves you and your baby since she offered him her breastmillk which is made for her own child. I would have a hard time doing that.

Molly - posted on 01/13/2010

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If your child needed to breastfeed, and she breastfed him, you should be GRATEFUL that he got the attention he needed when you were not there to give it to him. Not only are you overreacting about the actual situation, but the fact that you are no longer having anything to do with this woman is awful. Think about how she feels... she thought she was helping you and your child, and you completely cut her out of your life. I think you seriously need to evaluate your priorities.

Fiona - posted on 01/13/2010

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Im kinda in two minds here....

as a breastfeeding mother i totally understand your anger, I would be too if someone did it without asking. I also remember how hormonal i was at 4 months, and i would have been so angry.

HOWEVER ... I do empathize with her. In a way i feel kinda bad for her.

You left her alone with your child, albeit for just an hour, without any kind of food for him. If you had left a bottle of expressed milk or formula, then she wouldn't have been put in this situation in the first place. As a breastfeeding mother, I guess she doesn't have formula around, or she would have given your child that first.

Also how do you know your son was crying because he was hungry? Breastfeeding is used for hunger, but also for pain, stress, discomfort, fear and to relax. Perhaps this was exactly what HE needed at the time - he probably missed you and freaked out.

I should add, that the WHO actually recommends human milk from another mother, OVER formula, so what she did isn't going to hurt him in any way, plus back in the day shared nursing was very common amongst sisters, aunts and in laws. (Not that Im saying its right to do it without your permission though.)

Im sure she will never, ever do this again, but i think letting her not see him is only going to cause trouble for everyone. You don't want to fall out with all of your inlaws over one incident.

Try to remember she is as new to this mother thing as you are - She has a newborn and probably was finding watching more than one kid at a time stressful, even with her moms help.

Try to forget it and move forward, all this anger and stress isn't good for you or your family. But I totally relate to your problem and how you are feeling.

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Coralyn - posted on 01/19/2010

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oh heck no. no one breastfeeds my baby but me. that was crossing a line on her part. babies cry. you were only gone for an hour. you already fed your baby. you baby wasnt starving. she didnt ask first. I believe you're totally in the right. I would feel exactly the same way.

Kristie - posted on 01/18/2010

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Okay, so I totally support wet nursing,

when all the parties involved have consented.

I personally would be mortified and disgusted (like brushing my baby's gums, disgusted) to find another woman nursing my child. Especially without my permission! I know lots and lots of cuss words and would have used them all if I had been you.

But it is not okay for you to never allow you SIL to ever see your baby again. That would be selfish. I would give it some time before visiting again and I would never leave my baby with her ever again.

Dusty - posted on 01/16/2010

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It seems a little wierd to me. I would better understand it if you were gone for a long time and your son was hungry. I would also feel wierd breastfeeding someone elses baby, unless of course you were gone for a long time and he got hungry. Whatever the case may be, you probably need to have a conversation with her if it still bothers you and try to move on, as hard as it may be. Good luck!

Nicole - posted on 01/16/2010

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OMG! That is shocking and very disturbing! I think the woman needs mental help and I would never let my child near her again and possibly even seek legal advice. I'm so sorry, how horrible.

Stacey - posted on 01/16/2010

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WOW!!! What a terrible situation! She needs to understand that breast milk is a bodily fluid. A day care worker accidentally fed another baby my baby's bottle of my breast milk. I called my gyno and had them send my records to our pediatrician (we shared a ped). They needed to know that I was not HIV positive or had Hep B. I also pulled my child out of that day care. Unfortunately, it is not so black and white for you. His family is your family. In my opinion, you have to forgive her but make it clear to her not to ever do that again. I am sorry you were put into that position. How awkward!

Shelly - posted on 01/16/2010

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There are milk banks in the US where mothers can donate thier breastmilk and it is screened and resold and it is very expensive...

Jaclyn - posted on 01/16/2010

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my stomach sank just reading that! omg ur not a horrible person at all for feelin that way!!! now yes she may have been thinking this is what i should do.. did u leave milk there for him? i knoe u said u fed him but idk sometimes they hungry (i also breastfeed). either eay she should have asked or something idk i would be pissed off also. idk what i would do... i would talk to her about it... i mean eventually i would think you will see her and her child again because its ur fiances sister...

what did her mother say about this...?

Lisa - posted on 01/16/2010

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i don`t blame you in the least sweet, i`ve looked after my friends baby many times and she`s breast fed any cried on many occations but it has never entered my head to feed her myself, i just comfort her and distract her with toys etc till she gets back. no i do not think you went over the top you handled the situation a lot better than i would`ve done,but be strong the fact that she did that will not go away but don`t let her actions come between you and your child it will make you form a srronger bond with your baby good luck xx

Fatima Beatriz - posted on 01/16/2010

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I believe your feelings are a normal raction to the situation, I didn't have this happen to me before, but I probably would feel upset if the person didn't ask me first.

There is only one person I wouldn't feel upset at all, and it's my cousin, and the main reason is because we have a very close relationship as friends and sisters in Christ and she's a very healthy person, but I also know as respectfull she is, she will never do it before asking me first. But forgiving her will be the best thing to do, it's only hurting you the most and I don't think she did it intentionally to hurt you. BF is an amazing thing that God allow women to do, that not only helps the baby in numerous ways rather than formula, but also makes a strong bond between mommy and baby. It's good to read about someone like you that is enjoying and protecting that special and unique bond, when so many women have the same oportunity but they wont do it because they apperance is more important.

I don't know if you pump or not, but I have to since Im a single working mom, so I always leave enough bottles for my baby and I carry an extra one even when I go out w/her in case someone else have to babyset for a little while, like it was your situation.

Hope to read again soon that you forgive her, but also that she understood that she need to ask first and that is a very personal decition, only to be made by the mom of the baby.

Noreen - posted on 01/16/2010

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If it was my husband's sister who did it, I would be ok with it. You can't keep your baby from her. That is her nephew by blood!! It's not so wierd or gross. I can understand that you don't want to share your experience with her, but it was a mistake on her part and I am sure she will never do it again. You can't expect your husband to not talk to her. That is his sister and brothers and sisters get over things more quickly and move on. Do you have any siblings??

Brooke - posted on 01/16/2010

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yeah, that would make me pretty mad for sure. there's just something not right about it, but at the same time, i think she probably feels pretty bad too about the whole thing. i tend to take a while to forgive people too, believe me lol, but i would just say, you've made your point, & she probably has learned a good lesson. you should try to slowly build your relationship back again, otherwise its going to eat up your whole life... anyway, yeah

Michelle - posted on 01/16/2010

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For me that's a boundary that shouldn't be crossed. Other people should not just randomly decide to breastfeed your child. Your breast milk is tailored to your child (it doesn't even taste the same to the next child). So not only is she jeopardizing her milk supply, she's risking your child not taking your breast milk anymore (probably wouldn't happen after just one time but if it happened continually). I know in law relationship can be complicated and you feel like you're walking on egg shells about things, but I would say that this is something important enough to draw the line about. There are plenty of ways to soothe a baby that aren't nursing. You are going to have to find a way to get past this because they're family. But you do not have to leave your child or any future children in this person's care unless you feel comfortable that you can trust them. Don't let it ruin breast feeding for you though. Have a good talk with your sister in law. Let her know that you're hurt and that it's not okay for her to do that. I don't know if I'd cut them out of your sons life for good, just don't let her babysit while you're still breastfeeding unless you feel you can trust her.

Angela - posted on 01/15/2010

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Amy - I am generally a person who can appreciate different sides of an argument. I am typically too indecisive to know how I feel about something right away; drives my husband crazy :-). My son and I had 4 weeks of work and pain (mine, not his) before we were able to get BF'ing down to a science. Never once during that time, or to this day, did I ever think of changing my decision to BF. I read your post, and most of the responses and tried to look at it with an open mind. I just can't. My son is now 17 months old and I still nurse him once a night. He never took a bottle, never took a pacifier and still to this day is not attached to a toy or blanket. There were still ways to calm him besides breastfeeding. I was only able to take 10 weeks off of work but was lucky enough to work from home full time for a while. My husband and I hired a nanny to come in and help out so I could attend to my work. She was sweet and patient and a mother of an 11 month old, and was also still nursing. I was trying very hard to let her work at soothing my son even though I was only upstairs. I knew at some point I would need to be in the office and me coming to her rescue all the time, wasn't doing my son, or her, any favors. One day my son was screaming and screaming and then all of a sudden was quiet. It wasn't a conversation we'd had, had never come up, but I just always had this bad feeling. When I came downstairs, I saw her adjusting her shirt and had my son in the cradle position. My stomach instantly tied up in knots. This was MONTHS ago and reading your post brought back that same sick feeling. I said something in jest a couple days later about it to her non-confrontationally tell her how I felt. She didn't say much of anything, but said she wouldn't nurse my son. When my hours changed and I needed her here earlier, she decided to quit, and we found an amazing nanny that wasn't lactating :) Anyway, my husband and family and friends thought I was crazy to think it, but we kept in touch after she left and she commented once that she figured if my son was upset, she would just nurse him because that's what she does to comfort her son. I have since asked her if she tried to nurse my son and she stopped keeping in contact. I don't know if she really tried, but my instincts tell me she did. I don't know if he took her. All I know is that is something I share with my son and like anything else, I feel I should have been consulted in decisions that affect my son's health. Especially with something as personal as nursing. And especially as easy as it was to contact me. I don't have any words of wisdom to get through it, as it's been a year for me and still brings up negative feelings. But from one mom to another who has had this happen, know that you are entitled to every reaction and feeling you have expressed. It's one thing to talk about it; it's another thing to have it happen to you and know how to react. I'm glad you told your sister in law-to-be about it as family is a delicate element to add to a difficult situation. I would hope your fiance will reinforce your position on the matter and explain to his sister that this is how you are raising your child and maybe leave it as while the thought its appreciated, it is not something you are comfortable with by any means. If she's as great a person as you thought, I'm sure she'll take your feelings to heart and will be upset that she hurt you so much. I'm so sorry for this long post...I do completely understand how emotional this can be. Nursing is a very personal thing and you're entitled to everything you felt. It's your child and even though I still fight leaving my son when not completely necessary, I realize a more healthy approach would be accepting that an hour away after 4 months is an acceptable break for a mom :) Good luck to you and know that you're not the only mom that has dealt with this that has had feelings of anger, hurt, frustration and disappointment.

Christa - posted on 01/15/2010

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Breastfeeding is a natural means of nutrition for a mother and a child....if you start feeding another child...it is going to alter your milk supply for YOUR child!! Just as when your child doesn't nurse right it affects YOUR milk supply. You can't go to the store and purchase breastmilk, you can't buy breastmilk on ebay....THERE IS A REASON WHY YOU CAN'T BUY OR SELL BREASTMILK!! There are a gazillon (is that a word) ways to comfort a child without shoving a boob in their mouth. Trust me I know, I have five children....all breastfed until they were at least 13 months old. I will admit....my trust would have been lost as well. In today's world, with cell phones and such.....you should have gotten a call if your baby was SO UPSET that the only way she could calm him was to nurse him. YOU SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN A CALL!!

Erin - posted on 01/15/2010

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I would have been pretty upset and stunned. That is a special bond you share with your baby. I would have just told her that I do not feel comfortable AT ALL with another person breastfeeding my child. She definitely should have called you if the baby was that hungry. Therefore, you could have come home. BUT, you did just feed the baby so it is doubtful the baby was hungry. Especially since lots of times babies get confused as to whether they are hungry, tired, bored, dirty diaper....they just go for the boob. Sorry that has happened to you. I think you need to talk to your sister in law in person and have a "nice" talk about what happened. If she is a good person(you can judge) then she would never do that again. You know what to do best though. You're the mom. So sorry that happened to you though:(

Laura - posted on 01/15/2010

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This very thing happened to my Mom when my little sister was a newborn. This is still a big deal for my Mom, and my sister thinks its horrible as well. It is an infringement on your personal space and you have the right to be bothered by it. I know there are a lot of people who have no boundries, but if you do its ok to feel violated. I know I would and so do my Mom and sister! I don't know about cutting her out of your life, but the feeling is valid.

I also feel that if you are asking someone to watch your child, it is unfair to criticize unless they already knew what you expect them to do.

I have in laws with similar boundries as your SIL, and I am a little more closed off as you seem to be. I haven't had this happen, but I have learned to give very clear (but kind) instructions when they are babysitting and I try to have everthing that my son might need while I'm away ready so there is no confusion. It seems to be working, sometimes things are done that I wanted to do myself or not at all, and I have to suck it up a bit because they are taking care of my little guy free of charge and still love to do it.

Melody - posted on 01/15/2010

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What I meant to say was that I would only let my baby visit ,with me present ,unless I could talk out the situation with my sister- in -law- to -be ...maybe she never saw the problem to begin with? And would never do it again?

Melody - posted on 01/15/2010

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No, you are not wrong for feeling this way. You alone are your sons mother and it is natural to want to be the one to nourish&sooth him.There are many reasons, in this day& age, to also consider the quality of another women`s milk & or her hygiene. Another thing to think about is the woman sick? Maybe she does no even know the answer to this question herself ? Then does she take medicine or drugs that could taint the milk? I remember years ago my friend had an emergency and left her 6 month old daughter with me with the instructions to nurse her since she wouldn`t take a bottle. Well the baby was old enough that she wouldn`t have anything to do with me but scream- thankfully mom was back soon! Later I had to leave my 5 month old son with her but I was going to be back soon and would have never given her instructions to nurse him unless it had been a dire emergency. She also watched my 5year old son and when I got back he said, "Mommy, you know what she did?? She tried to nurse the baby?! Well my baby was also old enough not to have anything to do with her either but was`nt it something that a 5 year old child knew it was not the normal thing for another mom to do? Years & years ago it was a common practice for women to" wet nurse"for each other but then babies would have starved otherwise so not much choice there but lots of babies died too. I was a vegetarian and my friend ate any ole thing soooo thats one big reason I did`nt want her nursing my son. She never told me she attempted to feed him so I guess she kinda knew too. Well it happened to you too but I think you have done the right thing by not making waves with your future family. Just remember the only way your are going to know what ever happens is if you are the only one watching him. When my 1st son was not even 2 yet my own sister bragged she had fed him a hamburger while I was not there how do you think that made me feel when he had never had a bite of meat before? You have to let it go but never trust "them"again!

Katharine - posted on 01/15/2010

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I am going to be a new mother and i plan on breastfeeding my child. I would be totally mortified if someone else breastfeed my child. I can understand you being upset about it, it's just not right. it is a total violation of you and child's bond. I would never, ever think about breastfeeding another person's child, no matter who it was. I would never leave my childr there again. It's kind creepy.

[deleted account]

Well where was the grandmother??? Yes, we've heard she was there but for all I know she's a deaf, blind 85 year old woman. Did she have any part in caring for the babies? Maybe she was the one who suggested the SIL nurse the baby. I feel there are some details that need to be filled in.

Wanting one hour to yourself isn't selfish. But wanting that and not really considering the situation of the person who's going to caring for your child is.

[deleted account]

Um... her SIL wasn't alone. Her mom was w/ her. And what is wrong w/ wanting ONE hour w/out your 4 month old baby? How is wanting or needing a little break being selfish? Last I checked mothers were still human. One hour isn't selfish.... not even close.

[deleted account]

Amy, Have you heard back from your SIL? I'd really like to know what her response to your letter is.
Also, I agree with Shelly that you need to take some responsibility here. You were aware she would do "something like this" and yet you just left your baby with her without any specific instructions or more important, no means of feeding your baby! I don't care how long your leaving your baby with someone for, you should always leave food, diapers, and a change of clothes. Simple. And that brings me to another question that I never bothered to ask. Why was it so important that you go with your fiance anyways and why couldn't you have brought your little one with you? I can't help but feel like you were being a little selfish. Like you were wanting to have a little bit of time away from your baby and just have some one on one time with your man. And yet did you think of your poor SIL who was already looking after her newborn?! Sorry if that was a little presumptuous, but it's just what comes to my mind. Please clear things up and tell me what you were thinking. Maybe you should have stayed at your SILs while your man went into town. You and your SIL could have relaxed and bonded over your babies. But we can't change the past. She ABSOLUTELY should have called you...but maybe there are things that you should or shouldn't have done. So don't put all the blame on that poor woman. You're not the only victim here now. You have made her out to be quite the villain and yet I see that she clearly is not a bad person.

Bethany - posted on 01/15/2010

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I can understand how you feel, however, I also hope that you can resolve your feelings with her and raise your children together. A couple of things: you can't expect your fiance to stop talking to his sister, ever. That's his sister. Secondly, maybe this negative experience will encourage you to think more about setting boundaries and rules with future babysitters before it's too late (I agree the BFing issue shouldn't be one of the things you have to discuss with a babysitter, but still!). And lastly, if she did do it out of malice, or to make you jealous, you have every right to put her in her place on that one...just try to be the bigger person in the discussion. Your maturity and focus will help you explain to her how you feel so she can understand clearly how wrong she was.

Shelly - posted on 01/15/2010

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There is a wide variety of opinions on this topic. I personally think breastfeeding someone elses child is disgusting. There are pacifiers, formula and other ways to settle a baby. What would she have done if your baby was not breastfed? Still offer the breast?
Also i am curious that if you had already discussed with your partner that you know she would freely breastfeed your child then why when you left your baby with her did you not make very clear that you did not want her to breastfeed your baby? You said yourself you knew she would do it and yet you didnt tell her not to. From that i take that she makes her values and intentions clear when you havent. Feeding someone elses child does not benefit her in any way so i can only assume she did it to settle your baby and therefore she shows that she cares otherwise she would have let your baby scream. Were you not contactable by phone while you were gone?
The thing with leaving your children with people is that you need to be very aware of how they will care for your child and what they deem appropriate and be very clear with what you want.
You need to take some responsibility for the fact that you were aware she would do it and had even discussed it before the event and still left your child with her without clear instructions not to feed. I dont think barring her from your or your babies life is the right reaction considering the circumstances but i would make very clear you found her behaviour extremely innappropriate and it has made you lose trust with her.
I would be very upset in your situation as well but try and look at it from all sides and she didnt hurt, shake, ignore or mistreat your baby she just tried to offer comfort even if it was in a way that is contraversial.
Let us know how you decide to handle her. Good luck.

Courtney - posted on 01/14/2010

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When I read that I gasped. That was extremely presumptuous of her to think it would be ok. If I walked into a room seeing that with my baby I would be very upset. I dont even know what I would do. Maybe you should talk to her and explain exactly how you feel and try to move forward.

Lynea - posted on 01/14/2010

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That was totally inappropriate. She should have called and talked to you about what you would have liked have happen in that situation. Stick to your guns!

Louise - posted on 01/14/2010

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Besides the thoughtlesness of the SIL re diseases and allergies etc this is not really a breastfeeding issue. It's about the SIL doing something that you didn't give permission for! I personally would be really pissed too! I would have been just as angry if she had of given my son formula!! It's really about a breach of trust. Seriously she does need some help! Who would let a baby cry for an hour without calling it's mother? This was not about the baby starving as he was just fed. I also wanted to say that I don't think you overacted- they are your feelings and it's how u feel that is important not a strangers opinion

Stephanie - posted on 01/14/2010

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O My God!!! I would have totally flipped out, what the hell was she thinking. Of course this would make you feel funny it is your son and totally wrong of her to do this.. How horrible sorry that you have had to deal with this..I would probably never talk to her again in my opinion..I could not forgive her ignorance.

Kristina - posted on 01/14/2010

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Well I agree with you, mostly. But like you said EVERYONE has their own views and opinions. It was totally NOT ok because she did not have your permission, is it really that hard to make a 2 minute phone call? My close friends and family members who are also bfing and I have had this conversation and have all agreed that IF NEED BE we would nurse each others children. But obviously she did not have that talk with you..I would NEVER nurse another woman's child without their permission..I would think any nursing mom would feel the same way because they could put themselves in your shoes. Well that is my OPINION, I hope you get everything sorted out.

YURI - posted on 01/14/2010

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Wow!!! yea that would have been something werid to see some one else breast feed my child. You had the writes to get angry at her for doing so she could of least call you frist to see what you wanted her to do about him crying.

Hristina - posted on 01/14/2010

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I would feel the same, she is totally crazy. How could she do that? I would be furious...

Kate - posted on 01/14/2010

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she was totally out of line to do that to you and your baby. i don't know how i would handle a situation like that!!!! i think i'd freak out!

Darylann - posted on 01/14/2010

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I would be beyond pissed, I agree with you there. BUT I do have to say, if you already knew she was "that kind of person", it probably wasn't the wisest decision on your part to leave your baby with her. Choose people to care for your child wisely!!!

Tara - posted on 01/13/2010

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Oh my gosh!! Never would I want ANYONE to bf my baby! Totaly besides the fact of breastmilk is best (formula is just fine too! My 3 year old is one of the smartest little girls I have seen and she was formula fed from 6 weeks. A bottle of formula wouldn't have hurt the baby!!!) that is a VERY SPECIAL bond that only a mother and baby should share! If god ment for it to be a shared experience he would has made it posible for the father to feed the baby! So all you people trying to make here feel bad should back off! I would have freaked out! I also hold grudges, I know the feeling. Totaly on your side!

[deleted account]

I agree with Jodi. I think that what that woman did in is in no way a sign of mental instability.

Jodi - posted on 01/13/2010

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Susanne, I can't think of any other ways to rephrase my POV so I think I'll settle with agreeing to disagree. I do agree with parts of what you're saying...that she should have asked and should not have done it without permission, I just challenge you to see it from her sister-in-law's POV instead of just assuming she's a basket case in need of help.

[deleted account]

now, i have a similar situation. my sis-n-law's baby is 3 months older than my son. she is exclusively BF and i couldn't keep up with my son's milk demands. one day i went over to her house and we've talked about it and i was wondering if i wasn't making enough for him or my milk was bad, he was once BF for 3 solid hours (we also gave him formula) so, i asked her to BF one time. well, he did the same thing to her, so i knew it wasn't me and i thought that was it. i was okay and prepared for that. so, a few months later, we needed her to watch him for about 2 hours, i left formula just in case we didn't make it back in time. her daughter didn't want to take her milk and she said that she was going to give it to my son--which she always says with food (then offers it then asked me if it's ok)and my son is overweight and we have him on an eating schedule--which she always messes up! it really makes me mad! so, we came to pick him up and she told me she gave him BM, i was upset but i couldn't be too upset, i've asked her to try it once before, but i was upset because i left her instructions. i've never discussed this with her. i am thankful she watched him for me but i'm never going to trust her the way i did before.

Mandy - posted on 01/13/2010

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Oh my goodness!!! Why would she think it was ok to breastfeed someone else's child??? That was completely unacceptable! I don't blame you at all and I would've done the exact same thing!!!!

[deleted account]

WOW! I can't believe mom's are supportive of this other woman feeding your baby. NOT OK. You have every right to be upset, ESPECIALLY since she did not ask your permission. It's your child, your say. Ugh, I'm sorry this happened to you. Just remember though that you are your LO's mom and no one can ever take the place of you.

[deleted account]

Jodi it isnt what she did that creeps me out but that she did it without permission behind the mothers back and as the mother has stated shes done stuff like this before. She overstepped the mark, you dont breastfeed a child without the mothers permission its not something anyone in their right mind would do. I think its lovely that in your family you all love each other enough to feed each others children but you have all agreed to it, would you come into my house and feed my baby without asking? This is my opinion and if it offends you im sorry but i stand by what i say.

Krystal - posted on 01/13/2010

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WOW I would be soooo mad. I feel sick thinking about it. You are not a terrible person at all. I wouldve blown up!

Jennifer - posted on 01/13/2010

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Wow. I can't believe that! My mouth dropped open when I read that. I understand completely tho. I would have been mad too. That is a personal thing that you share with your child and that should never be taken away from you. I kinda shared my breastmilk with my sister-in-law because her daughter was about 4 months old and was having surgery (she had a cleft lip) and the drs said that she needed breastmilk to help her heal faster. However, I was pumping mine and my son was taking it in a bottle so my situation is different. I probably would have done like you did and not say anything at the time but she did need to be told that what she did was wrong especially w/o asking you. I don't think that you are terrible at all for not wanting her to see him again. That could be a little hard with family get-togethers and such but I completely understand and don't think you're a bad person at all.

Marlene - posted on 01/13/2010

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I can't believe she did that. Serious boundary issues here. I'm sorry. I'm happy you are still nursing your baby. (((Big Hugs))) to you.

R - posted on 01/13/2010

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I think the issue here is "permission". She didn't ask. If she had, you would have said no. There is nothing wrong with wetnursing in and of itself. You have a right to be offended that she didn't ask, but holding a grudge will not serve you well. She may or maynot have know that it would be offensive to you. Talk to her, let her know that you are uncomfortable with "sharing", and don't leave your baby alone with her.

Jodi - posted on 01/13/2010

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Susanne, I can see where you're coming from, but I think it's a little judgemental and possibly even ignorant to assume this lady (or any other for that matter) needs to seek professional help or that she may be unstable simply for this one action that you personally would not do. In my family, this would be completely acceptable,with or without a phone call, but we all feel the same about it. Is it not possible Amy's sister-in-law comes froma family like mine and just assumed it would be accepted? Yes,she should have called, no one has said she shouldn't have called, but I don't think that makes her a danger to children or mentally unstable.

[deleted account]

To Jodi im pro breastfeeding too and if it was a matter of the child starving to death then I would not hesitate to feed that child but this was not that case. This woman did not ask the mothers permission first and that was an easy thing to have done as the mother had a mobile phone with her. I have no problem with wet nursing if mother and wet nurse are in agreeance and there is a good reason for it. My personal opinion is this woman who so readily fed someone elses child is not someone I would leave any of my children in a room alone with.

Ally - posted on 01/13/2010

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thats crazy!!!! i would be upset too!!! it would be hard for me to face her as well!!!! I would make jokes about it to try to get over it!!! might help...sorry girl

[deleted account]

Since I can't quote....



I've actually been in that position w/ watching an upset baby while I had my son w/ me and wondering how to calm him. I will admit that the thought 'I wonder if nursing him would help?' DID enter my mind. I don't think it's so much of an odd thought to have, but I would never in a million years take that liberty w/ another woman's child w/out their knowledge and approval and it's just not something I would ask either.

Andrea - posted on 01/12/2010

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I would not like another woman to breastfeed my child. Thats all im going to say!

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