I feel selfish

Crystal - posted on 02/09/2013

Bottles and pumping frustrated me.......I tried it with my first and she cried. I thought what the hell am I doing.....she wants me and why should I deny her that when I an right here. I learned when I was tired to bf and and then hand off to others. Each to their own but do what is right for u and don't let other make u feel bad. For whatever choice u make.

Jennifer - posted on 04/17/2009

I was so relieved when my son refused the bottle.

If they want to feed the baby tell them they need to wait until she's sipping from a cup. Until then they can sit on the couch with you while you feed her. My husband and I used to cuddle up and watch movies together for feedings when the bubby was newish. It was sweet.

As for allowing them opportunities to bond, baths, diaper changes and play time are great times to bond with children.

Laura - posted on 04/17/2009

I have a very hard time pumping and honestly prefer not to. Breastfeeding is a mother/child bond that is truly healthy for both mommy and baby. There are endorphins secreted while breastfeeing that are only at their optimal level when actually breastfeeding, not pumping. As someone else stated, there are plenty of ways for your mother and your husband to bond with your daughter.

Ashley - posted on 04/17/2009

It seems like a lot of mommas have given the bottle because they need a break, but CoreyAnn is saying that this is only those outside of her breastfeeding dyad in need of the bottle. CoreyAnn, you might eventually like the idea of a break, but if you never do that is ok too! Breastfeeding itself can be a break from life.. It's the best excuse to just stop, relax, take a breather, and for what better reason - to nourish your child! We need this as mothers, but I feel that it is lost because some breastfeeding is lost... instead, we leave the feeding to do something else, and miss out on well-needed momma time!

I personally found life harder once Owen started taking an occasional bottle, because i felt like I should be doing more than I already was since someone else could take over the feedings if I had a lot on my to-do list. I learned from that, and kept our exclusivity with the next two children!! The grass is always greener, right? lol You just do what your mothering instinct tells you to do. It really is that simple.

Jessica - posted on 04/17/2009

I agree that you are the one who has to make the decision- if you don't want her to bottle feed, then don't bottle feed. That being said, for me with my daughter, my hubby and I hadn't been married even a year, and we were still adjusting to being married when she came!!! It was a stressful time all around, and honestly, in order to be the best mom possible, I needed to have a break sometimes...even if it meant dinner with my friends or sending my daughter to Granny's house for the night, and having some alone time with my hubby. So pumping and giving a bottle can be a GREAT solution to that sometimes...and you may not be at that point, but that's not to say it won't happen! You may wake up one day and decide you want a break, and you won't be able to take one, because your kiddo won't take a bottle! :) It's completely up to you and HAS to be your decision. It's great to bond with your baby, and I am SO looking forward to the breastfeeding lasting longer this time around...I'm due with my second daughter in May...but at the same time, once she has the breastfeeding down pat, I will most likely introduce a bottle so that Daddy can take the occasional midnight feeding, and so that I can go on a nice date with him and not have to juggle around the nursing schedule sometimes, too!!! :)

Ashley - posted on 04/17/2009

ps - my three children were all exclusively breastfed, and two of them still are BF... but when daddy gets home they want nothing to do with me!! they are all well-adjusted, happy, and bonded with those who love them.

Ashley - posted on 04/17/2009

It's not selfish, you're just a mother and you know that there are thousands of ways for your family members to bond with your baby. Feeding him/her is truly your forte and I believe that you are right to protect that if that it what you feel to do. That's not to say that for someone else, the break is welcome!! I just don't think that nature has made a mistake, and I believe that your baby needs are right, and that your needs are right - they play an evolutionary role.

Emily - posted on 04/17/2009

I think that it isn't being 'selfish' it is a natural mothering instinct. there is a biological reason only mothers breastfeed (well, they say 25 percent of all men can induce lactation.) As she grows you will feel more comfortable sharing the feedings even if they are spoon feedings!

Erinn - posted on 04/17/2009

I totally understand how you feel!! I've been that same way with both of my children! I nursed my son for about a year and a half and it absolutely KILLED me when I had to stop, its a special time for mommy to bond with her baby and its hard to let go of that, but at that point my son had teeth and was biting me so I HAD to stop! Now with my daughter its the same way. But at the same time, i'm going through sooo much sleep deprivation right now that i'd give anything to have my daughter take a bottle here and there!! My husband is a night owl and it would be sooo awesome if he could take over some of the feeding so I can get some extra sleep!! But I know how that feels, I feel the same way as you and don't feel bad about it, a lot of us nursing mommies feel the same way :)

Krystal - posted on 04/07/2009

i think i'm a little taken aback by the - 'you'll pay for it later, when she won't want anyone but you, and you'll be too exhausted to do anything about it' comment. i'm all for bonding with Daddy but there are other things that he can do to do that. my son who is 2 1/2 has only been given a bath by me maybe 10 times or so. it's what Daddy does with him. and same goes for my daughter, who i nursed for 14 months, and is now 20 months - i think i've given her about 5 baths. I do NOT feel that i was being punished by nursing my children. i felt that i was lucky being able to do so and didn't feel selfish at all by wanting my children with me. i actually felt selfish when i had to stop nursing my son before i wanted to. i wore my daughter in a sling until 13 months old (she's a little peanut) because i was that 'possessive' of her.

now - my kids are perfectly socialized and love going to "Poppa ows". yes, i want to be super mommy and at times feel overwhelmed by it - but i also recognize when i need a break (which was tough to notice in the beginning) and hand the kids over to Daddy for even just 10 minutes.

regardless - don't feel selfish for wanting to nourish your child. nursing creates an amazing bond.

good luck.

Jessica - posted on 04/07/2009

I was exactally the same with my 1st baby. He was MY lil baby and if he started crying while being held by someone else, i took him away immedatly. And if he didnt cry and just fell asleep in their arms i would (secretly) get very jealous. Im not sure why I did it with him, when I had my daughter I was almost opposite. I wish I had some advice for you but I dont =( All I have is the ability to tell you that you are not the only one that feels that way.

Nadiya - posted on 04/07/2009

it is up to you - no one should make you 'share' in this way. They need to use their imagination and find other ways to nurture the baby.

I have bottle fed when I want to, and mainly breastfed my son. He's 6 months now and I am carrying on mainly breast feeding. It is SO worth it, keeping it between you and the baby - whatever the balance between bottle and breast is between the 2 of u, that is the best way. 

Lisa - posted on 04/07/2009

I don't get why people feel they have to express anyway. I exclusively BF my first 3 babies. Admittedly with #3 we attempted bottle feeding, but with formula because I had trouble satisfying her. She hated the bottle. But #4 took to it really well, and again it's only because I wasn't keeping up with her feeding in the evenings. If you want to exclusively BF and your baby is thriving on it, it's really your choice if you don't want to express/bottle feed.
There are other things dad and grandma can do to bond with bub... settle to sleep, bathe, change... Seriously, no-one but me fed my eldest 2 and we had the MIL living with us when #2 was born!

Amy - posted on 04/07/2009

I breastfeed exclusively. When my husband is home from work I give our baby to him after I nurse him so he can burp our little guy. He also likes putting him in the Moby wrap and snuggling with him. He still gets his quality time and totally understands that breastfeeding is best for our baby. You need to take a break and get some time to yourself no matter how brief it is. Your baby will benefit from you being a happy and well rested mom.

Kimberly - posted on 04/06/2009

Your husband and mother can find lots of ways to bond with your baby besides feeding her. I know lots of women who breastfeed exclusively and don't pump. It's completely normal and has lots of benefits, too. You shouldn't be beating yourself up over this at all! If you want others to feed her with a bottle then fine. But if you don't, that's perfectly fine, too. Enjoy!!!!!!!!!!! :D (PS - My husband found many special things that he does with our son that I do not do and that makes them feel very bonded. Like for instance, after I feed Henry my husband puts him in bed, so they get some sleepy snuggly time together. Your husband can find things like this, too.)

Christy - posted on 04/06/2009

Wanting to take care of the baby all by yourself is a normal feeling for most mom's. But think on this, if you allow yourself to have your baby bond with her father and grandmother that is more love for the baby. It isn't that your precious baby girl won't still be bonding with you when you have that special nursing time. It will also allow you the opportunity to do things for yourself- shopping, taking a breather, etc. If you keep going the way you are, you will hit a point when you get run down and if no one else could help you with your baby, you'd have no one else to blame but yourself...your husband and your mother aren't trying to be mean and push bottle feeding on you, they just want to share in the joy of bonding with their daughter/granddaughter. You would be allowing your daughter as well as your husband and mother to share in a very special bond. You would be sharing the love you feel for your daughter. It was very hard for me with my boys, it was as if I timed how long a person was holding my son on some maternal clock and when I felt they had held them long enough I took them back. It took me a while to realize what I was doing, but once I did I tried to be more patient with people and tried to remind myself that these people loved my son and wanted to share their love with him. They became very helpful when the first cold happened and he had bonded with his dad and grandparents so that I could get out of the house for an hour and just unwind and get his meds...Just try and be more understanding to other people motives and trust knowing that they too want nothing but good things for your baby girl! I am sure they are trying to be understanding, because I am sure that they noted you got mad and took your daughter to nurse. Your mom especially understands, but I give kudos to your hubby if he didn't make a huge fuss about you not trusting him to care for your daughter. Children whose fathers are in their lives grow up much better, especially little girls...you can do some research on that...just had to throw that in there...sorry! I wish you the best of luck with your situation and I hope you realize that nearly all moms go through some sort of possessive phase where they don't want anyone else doing for their child, but it does get easier....

Karen - posted on 04/06/2009

It's definitely hard to share the baby. You feel as if you're the mommy and you're the one who should do everything for her. But if you don't give yourself a break, and let her bond with Daddy & Grandma, you'll pay for it later, when she won't want anyone but you, and you'll be to exhausted to do anything about it.