i hate the crying it out method!

Casey - posted on 12/23/2009 ( 14 moms have responded )




It is not logical or very compassionate to let a newborn baby cry themselves to sleep. A newborn is all about instinct. She cries because she is hungry, tired, needs a diaper change, in pain or simply because she needs to be held close. Babies need more than just food and hygiene. They need to be cuddled and loved with a "hands on" approach. A newborn simply isn't made to be able to soothe herself. That's what a mother is for. Babies need cuddling and warmth to feel loved and secure. It's really unfair to let a baby cry himself to sleep. They learn how to trust their parents by their parent's willingness to help them when they need it, why do people do this. i am just wondering what part of a mothers brain tells her this is ok? i have heard so many moms" baby just cries and i know hes tired" "he or she has thrown up from crying for son long??" why is this ok to a mother? im so lost and feel so bad for these children . and if they use the excuse they need to just cry cause they are tired and there is nothing wrong with them,,,thats a crock of bull seriously you should not have had a kid if you werent gonna be patient and nerturing to them they are babies.. some moms expect too much

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Monika - posted on 12/26/2009




We were always told there is no such thing as spoiling a newborn, my daughter was miserable for the first three months of her life, she cried often and had colic issues, it was horrible but we never tried to let her cry herself to sleep . She now is almost 5 months old and she does not cry herself to sleep, if she is crying I tend to her need and nurture her and when she calms down a little (doesn't take long) she will go to sleep.

There are many people out there that should not be mom's, those people are always giving advice, one bad mom told me "You have not failed as a mom unless your child dies..." umm okay... you keep telling yourself that...

Nurture, love, calm, coddle, make your baby feel secure. I believe there is no such thing as too many kisses in a day...

Oh and yes my daughter will cry when she is overtired, I try and see if she is going to calm down to sleep and if she doesn't calm in her swing with lullaby music on, I take her out give her some comfort and cuddles, usually she will calm down and I can put her in her swing and try it all over again and she will fall asleep in seconds.

Every baby cries but I never will leave my baby to cry and not tend to her


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Casey - posted on 12/26/2009




you were deff right about the some women just shouldnt be moms. with that said this convo is over

[deleted account]

Quoting Melissa:

i've done the cry it out method with both my daughters and it was a quick success...but one thing that no one has mentioned here is that you do not do the method until the baby is over 4 months old!

You may want to duck now. ;)


I never did it earlier than 9 months (and then only on rare occasion and mostly modified), but I was still basically called an uncaring child abuser.  I took obvious offense to that. :(

Melissa - posted on 12/26/2009




i've done the cry it out method with both my daughters and it was a quick success...but one thing that no one has mentioned here is that you do not do the method until the baby is over 4 months old!

Casey - posted on 12/26/2009




yeah its redicilous on this site how if one mom doesnt agree they go off all crazy. if you want to start a petty argument do it somewhere else knowone made you comment. and it is abuse.cuddle and nurse your baby dont make them cry!

Nicole - posted on 12/26/2009




I totally agree with you. I was told that the baby needs to just 'cry it out' because if you hold them all of the time, then you will spoil them and they will always want to be held and never put down. I've also heard that it 'helps strengthen the lungs'. Though now that I am pregnant myself and am going to have my own little adorable bundle of joy, I just know that this is wrong. I won't be able to stand hearing her cry while I just sit there (I wouldn't be able to concentrate on anything else) I'd end up crying too if I couldn't get to her! There's no way my baby is going to lay there crying her heart out. She cries, I will comfort. Period. I don't care what anyone else says, even my doctor if they don't agree!

Hannah - posted on 12/24/2009




I think you soon get to recognise your babys different sounding cries - the ones that say 'I need you now!!' 'I am distressed' or the ones that say 'I'm tired and cranky and need you to leave me alone so i can go to sleep!'.

Being left to 'cry it out' is different to when you know you can safely leave your baby even though they are crying, and that they will be asleep in a few minutes, but this comes from being attentive to your baby and listening to their needs, not just shutting the door on their crying.

But having said that, if you are exhauisted, you know your baby is fed, clean etc and you just need to be able to eat, have a quick bath, or take a moment, then sometimes it has to be done in the early days! This isn't the same as using it as a technique for 'training' your baby.

Casey - posted on 12/24/2009




yes you do have some good points. however i do think there are some moms who dont care if the baby cries. no they are not sitting outside of them room going i like it when they cry. however they dont care.

Melissa - posted on 12/23/2009




I agree with you that the cry it out method is not the best choice, however, I would not critisize a mother who choses to use it. My daughter is 11 weeks and we co-sleep because I am not comfortable letting her cry, but when you said "if they use the excuse they need to just cry cause they are tired and there is nothing wrong with them,,,thats a crock of bull " I have to disagree with you because some nights when she is overstimulated / hasn't slept enough during the day etc. she does cry simply because she's tired (mind you much of this crying takes place as I hold her / rock her etc) but non the less that is the reason.

I don't think there is any mother out there that sits outside her babys nursery while they cry and thinks wow this is lovely, I can't get enough of hearing my child scream. Mothers don't let their babys cry it out to hurt them, they do it because they feel that is the best choice for their situation, and as a mother, they have the right to make that choice.

Telling someone " you should not have had a kid if you werent gonna be patient and nerturing to them" because they are letting their child cry is unfair becasue regardless of your opinion on the cry it out method, every mother makes her decision based on her own feelings, child, situation and needs.

If you don't like the cry it out method, don't use it, but I know several wonderful mothers who have chosen to use it, and that doesn't make them any less nurturing or patient than yourself, just different.

Mitzi - posted on 12/23/2009




I agree with you Casey. I think this method of letting a baby cry it out is insane but to some degree. I just had a baby two months ago and honestly I cannot go past two minutes without picking her up if she is crying. Usually she falls asleep but if she is still up and crying from the depths of her soul it is only right that i pick her up. Even Dogs that give birth are very attentive to their crying puppies and are so in tuned with them that they don't ever leave their side. Then why should we let our little babies cry to deal with it themselves. If by the crying method people think that they will eventually learn and get it that no one will come to comfort them then I say if your baby is crying uncontrollably and you have already tried to narrow down all the possibilities then pick them up till they calm down, place them down again and do this repeatedly and eventually they will get it that you will pick them up just to place them back down again. Therefore what's the sense of crying....hmmmm? lets think about this.

[deleted account]

I use the cry it out, but I think it's one of those things that if left in vague detail, it can be a disaster. When my child is warm, fed, dry, comfy and does not want to be held, then everytime I have "given up" and laid them down, they fuss for a couple minutes afterward and then, boom, they're out. It is possible that they could simply not know what it is they want. And sometimes when they get themselves all riled up, it takes a little excersise to let out some steam. I know I've cried for no reason when I was a child and an adult. It happens.

But I think it's important that the right info is given, including ALL methods of comfort and trouble shooting, which is left out of the conversation when discussing "cry it out", at least in my expeience. I don't think a mom should skip right to it before checking the things I mention above. Some kids want to be cuddled with, some want to be left the heck alone. My son was a loner, he's 10 years old now and we're totally tight. And my daughter, 13 months is the cuddler but she has her alone moments.

I think another important factor is that "cry it out" is advice, not fact, so a mom who is at her wits end should have access to any and all techniques from other experienced moms, but she should use her common sense and her personal instinct with her child to figure out what works for that particular child and not treat it like it's the 'law' because she was told to do or not to do something, which is how a lot of moms interpret simple suggestions.

EVERY child is different, after all, even when they come from the same belly

Finally, it is important to realize that while "giving in" to an INFANT is a necessity to that infant, those same moms that do so should know the appropriate time to ween that behavior. Not allowing a child (not baby) to learn to comfort themselves is just as devastating to their developement as adults.

The EXTREME "differences of opinion" on this front are what separate those parents who can't stand to see their kids lose from the parents who teach their kids to be resiliant.

Kacy - posted on 12/23/2009




If your instincts tell you to "pick that baby up" you should listen. Some "professionals" will tell you it OK to do this, but a baby is hardwired to need you. In the dim dark days (and still in some places), a baby who wasn't held all the time died or was eaten by something, so it's programed into them. They will become more confident and secure as they get older. If you don't all you are 'teaching' is that you can't won't help them.

Sounds like you are on the right track.

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