i need advice from a real breast feeding mommy

Amanda - posted on 01/10/2011 ( 7 moms have responded )

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im breast feeding my 4 month old and she refuses to sleep in her crib she will sleep in her swing or in my bed with us but not her crib i dont understand why but i dont want her in our bed any more how do i continue to nurse her and get her in her own bed the only way she sleeps in my bed is if i nurse her and she can roll over and nurse for a minute then sleep for a while then she can do this all over again SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME B$ MY MARRIAGE ENDS OVER THIS

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Emily - posted on 01/10/2011

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I'm confused.. how would your marriage end due to co-sleeping? This is a very short period of time of your child's life.. you and your husband have a lifetime of having the bed to yourselves.. not to mention the fact that intimacy does not have to be limited to the bedroom!

But anyway.. your baby wants to be close to you because that's where she feels safest. She will not need or want to sleep near you forever.. just keep that in mind. I don't have any ideas on how to get her out of your bed as we're a co-sleeping family, but just try to keep things in perspective. She is still so young and tiny. Over time she will sleep more soundly and longer stretches, and it'll be easier to transition her to another sleep space if you desire. Try to enjoy this time as much as you can.. it doesn't last forever.

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Becky - posted on 01/10/2011

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I currently co-sleep but have recently moved my son's crib up against my side of the bed so that if I want to sleep on my stomach or sprawl out for a little while at night, I can move my 9 month old into his crib, but have him still close to mommy. What I've found, is when I put him in the crib without the blanket that was on him when he fell asleep (because he attributes blankets to sleep-time now) he wakes up, if I put it under where he'll be laying, he doesn't really. Maybe he just wants the warmth and the smells to stay the same.

Stefie - posted on 01/10/2011

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I had a similar problem with both my daughters (now 71/2 mo and 2 1/2 years). Now they are both sleeping through the night in their own beds. There were a couple of things we tried that really helped.
When they were little we kept them swaddled or in a sleep sack. That seemed to help with the closeness issue. Also, we used an Amby bed. It was a hammock bassinet. It is now recalled, but there are similar things on the market. It helped sooth them.
Next, when they got too old for the Amby bed, we read a book called sleepy planet. It is about sleep training. 4 months is the youngest you can start this. I know that it helps my marriage and stress level! I would really look into sleep training. I know that sleep training is not for everyone, but it really helped us.
Our current situation for our baby (7 1/2 mo) is
- change diaper and clothes
- Daddy and sister give a kiss good night
- Mommy rocks while nursing and singing a lullaby
- Mommy lays down baby when she is sleepy but not asleep
---- The first week or two had 1-2 hours of crying, now not a tear!
Good luck.
I hope you and your baby can find a good solution for your sleep

Amanda - posted on 01/10/2011

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my 4 month old wakes as soon as she even touches her crib thats how bad this is is she too young for the cry it out method i dont know if i can actually do that with her i cry when she cries

Megan - posted on 01/10/2011

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both of mine slept in the bed with me the first couple months but it was my fault they got use to it i had to just keep getting up putting them back in there beds after they ate and not let in was a couple tiring nights lots of crying but worth it in the long run for me .

Sarah - posted on 01/10/2011

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i personally chose not to let my son sleep in my bed, however, in the early months it was extremely challenging - that walking on egg shells feeling- to put him down and have him stay asleep - you hold your breath and cringe at every creak in the floor - for 2 1/2 to 3 months he was in a bassinet in our room, of course in those first few months they nurse several times through the night even, --- but now you have a 4 month old on your hands, my personal opinion is to decide what works for you and your husband and make baby learn to cooperate - for me, because i would not let my son in my bed - i will add, at night - i did sometimes and still do sometimes nap with him (he's 15 months now and still nursing and i am ready to stop and he is not, lol, hence why i am here, reading what other people have to say)....anyway, sorry, tangent---for me, what i have always done, is i nurse him in a rocking chair near his crib and when he falls asleep i put him down, and yes, sometimes i think he's fully asleep and try to put him down and he cries and i pick him back up, let him keep nursing and then try again - some nights it took 3-4 tries, which might have spanned a good 2-3 hours of time, but eventually at 3 am or whatever time he was in his crib and i crawled into bed and crashed and got a few good solid hours of sleep.
babies learn to adapt - it is just so hard on us hearing them cry - you might consider trying to let her cry a while, some babies actually NEED to cry, maybe 10-20 minutes every night but then they are out for the night - but it gets to that 10-15 minute point and the mommies cave and scoop them up, but if we just would have tried they might have learned to just fall asleep...
well i know this is long, i wish you all the luck in the world and hope you will find success in getting your baby to her crib.
sorry, because i know this is long, but one more thing, i recently had a friend asking about this type of thing on facebook - and one person commented that her child would not sleep in a crib from birth, but she chose to just go ahead and put her in a toddler bed - i'm not entirely sure how she did it, if she used a bed rail, i imagine, and i'm not sure when the baby started moving, crawling, etc, if she just kept the door closed, or if she used a baby gate- but hey, it may be something to look into

just keep in mind everyone does things differently, there's no right or wrong way, but if you and your husband need your alone time (which i totally understand and agree, that is why i was not down with the baby in the bed thing), then together you need to decide what method is best for your family
this keeps getting longer and longer - also maybe look into a co-sleeper, the bassinet has a side that comes off and hooks up next to your bed..
ok i'm really done....good luck!!!!!

Minnie - posted on 01/10/2011

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Those early months can be tiring. Would nursing her down in a full-size mattress on the floor work? You could lie there until she falls asleep, gently unlatch her and roll away and go back to your bed. Once she becomes mobile you would just need to really baby-proof the room.

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