i really don't like breastfeeding anymore (not a bonding expirience)

Brie - posted on 05/15/2012 ( 66 moms have responded )

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I've been breastfeeding my 12 week old son ever since birth and i have never enjoyed it. It's never 'felt good' nor have i gotten that bonding experience that so many women talk about. It doesn't hurt at all, buts more of an "ugh...when is he going to be done??"

I've pretty much starved myself by trying to figure out whats causing his gas and colic and why he's being fussy while nursing and nothing seems to have improved and i'm eating the most bland foods possible.

The poor guy always seems so miserable and gassy after nursing and is constantly crying and spitting up. I don't ever get any sleep because the longest stretch he sleeps is 2-3 hours at night. Then he's up every hour on the hour for the rest of the night and takes little, 20-30 min naps during the day about 4 times.

I'm exhausted. All he does is eat and cry and eat eat eat and never sleep. His doctor recommended us giving him a 2 ounce bottle of gentle-ease formula at night to see if it helped his gas and helped him to sleep and it did! He was so much happier and slept better.

I always thought breastmilk was easier on babies tummies?? But he seems to do worse on it!

While he nurses, he snorts and flails his arms, pounding and clawing at my breast the WHOLE time (not just when my milk lets down) It happens pretty much all day long except for those rare moments he is calm and tucks in nicely to nurse.

Why doesn't it feel good? I feel like there is something wrong with me that I don't feel like I'm bonding with my son. I really want it to be a positive experience but its just getting worse. :(

any ideas? To get him to sleep we've tried warm baths, swaddling, rocking, swinging....co-sleeping is NOT an option. I've tried every position known to man while nursing to try and calm him down and keep him from beating on me but nothing seems to work.

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Margarita - posted on 05/22/2012

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Hi Brie,

Do you know for a fact that you have overactive letdown? If not, I have to agree with Krista that the problem may be too little instead of too much (especially if giving formula helps). You mentioned all the foods you've eliminated to see if baby was allergic, but have you put them back in? If not, by all means do so. Eliminating them hasn't helped baby, and you need your nutrition if you're gonna be making milk! I also agree that it's not always a magical moment. I can't remember where I read that you shouldn't watch television because you need to be looking at your baby, blah, blah, blah. Nonsense, at this age babies can sense when you're upset, happy, sad, etc., but their vision isn't even that great yet. Take a nap (use a nursing pillow or nurse in bed with a rail if you're concerned about dropping him) read, watch some junkie TV (eventually you'll have to be careful about what you watch around him, but for now he can't tell the difference as long as you don't have lots of yelling or gunshots), read your e-mail, etc. One thing I tried to do at every nursing (unless I wasn't hungry, but I always was) is to eat and to drink lots of water. I remember I used to keep trail mix and similar snacks in a bedside drawer so I could eat while I nursed without having to run downstairs (we spent a lot of time upstairs early on because she had a high bilirubin count and the window to our bedroom got the most sunlight). Do you have someone to help out? Being able to just pass them baby to do the diapering and swaddling and tucking them in bed and just lying right back down can help as you need your strength to make milk too! I know you're not interested in bed sharing, but you can nurse lying down. Again, this is the time when a partner can come in handy to take baby once the eating is done.

Back to the OALD, have you considered pumping and bottle feeding? Doesn't sound like the munchkin has a problem with nipple confusion and a) you could pass one of those feedings to someone else so you can sleep and b) if you only pump long enough to relieve pressure, rather than until emptying a breast, you will decrease your milk supply which might help? A proper lactation expert would know better about the latter part.

Last but not least, don't feel the least bit guilty if you decide to throw in the towel and go to formula. You can decide how long you want to try and what you are willing to do, but even thought breast is in fact "best," sometimes "good enough" is not such a bad thing. Again, you have mentioned trying a formula that he liked and that seemed to work, so that's what I go to (unless it's an arm and a leg, then you have a whole slew of new problems). You didn't just wake up one morning and decide you didn't feel like it anymore, you didn't try for five minutes at the hospital and decide it wasn't for you, you have been at this for 12 weeks and jumped through a number of

Margarita - posted on 05/22/2012

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Hhhm not sure why it posted before I had a chance to finish, must have accidentally pushed the button or something from some of my own sleep deprivation. Anywhoo, as I was saying, you have genuinely tried to make this work. If you can make it work with the new advice, more power to you. I would never discourage anyone from nursing (did it for 20 months myself, though by the end it was just once per night). But if it's truly making you miserable, and your baby is not happy (heck, he may just be reacting to the fact that he senses that you're unhappy), I'd say no amount of custom-made antibodies will make up for that. Just keep in mind two things 1) formula will not be a magic bullet that will fix everything and 2) there will be plenty of other things to deprive you of sleep, but at least you can pass a feeding or two on to someone else (hopefully).

Take care, and good luck with whatever you decide.

Aleks - posted on 05/20/2012

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"have a hard time eating especially in cases with moms having very large breasts"

That is sooooooo wrong... please DO NOT state that babies will have a hard time eating if a woman has large breasts. This is simply NOT TRUE. There will ever be such a case if the baby is premature and/or has tongue tie... and in these circumstances it still doesn't matter if breasts are large or not. There are plenty of *very large breasted* women out there that have successfully breastfed their children!!!! ( I was a size G-H cup when my milk came in! I successfully breastfed a 6lb newborn, no issue.) Its not the size of the breast that matter! Its all about the nipple!!!! Sounds like the comment came from someone who has very little experience with breastfeeding.

I needed to clear this up for any mother out there that may read this and think that if she is having any problems with breastfeeding her child it is because of the size of her breasts.
Sheesh.....

Breanna - posted on 06/28/2012

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It wasnt a bonding experience for me either. I never found it as "romantic" as so many others made it seem. I bond with my baby when Im playing with him, snuggling him, calming him down, etc... Breast feeding just was practical and very mechanical for me. Im in the process of trying to dry up right now. we made it just about 5 months. I didnt realize how much breast milk can change from feeding to feeding and that i can potentially cause more gas than straight formula. my baby was very gassy too. we used gripe water alot and it really helped, but in the end, (for several reasons having nothing to do with my baby) i've decided to go the formula route. if you really dont like it and want to stop, dont feel guilty. the best thing for baby is a happy mommy. you have to take care of you first in order to take care of your baby. although everyone says something different, i think formula fed babies tend to sleep better and longer. my baby has been on formula since sunday afternoon of this week and he's sleeping so much better and longer now at night. he still cat naps during the day, we're still trying to fix that. breast feeding is great and so healthy for baby, but we are lucky that we live in a time where formula is made very well and isnt bad for your baby. do what's best for YOU, no matter what anyone else says. good luck!

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Lindsey - posted on 06/28/2012

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I'm so sorry to hear that you are so discouraged. I hope what I am about to suggest brings you some level of encouragment! I've perused a few of the responses and I agree that it could be milk protein. It could also be gluten. If you are starving yourself trying to figure out what is affecting him, it's likely that your milk supply isn't good (at the very least, it may not be fatty enough). Try increasing that using some Mother's Milk tincture, Marshmallow tincture, etc. as well as making sure he's nursing every 2-3 hours and completely draining the breast. IIntroduce foods into your diet that are high in protein (lots of chicken, fish, etc.) and don't forgo the greens! They are likely not the problem. Each time you nurse, you are burning LOTS of calories (like 1000) and so you need to make sure you have that many to burn! The frustration and fatigue and exhaustion will ikely improve as your milk supply improves in quality. As it improves, he will begin sleeping in longer stretches too. Around 3-4 mos., try dairy - babies can often process the pproteins then. If he starts spitting up again or having a change in bowels, or acting like he's in pain, forgo the dairy again. I can speak from experience (I am nursing twins - one nurses and the oother I have to pump for and bottle feed due to a cleft palate) that nursing is SO much easier in the long wrong. I know it doesn't seem like it now. Also, do you have a friend or family member whho could come hold him for an hour or two so you can take a much needed nap. Sleep really affects my milk supply. If you can get some rest, your whole outlook on life and breastfeeding mayy change! Hang in there. Don't give up! You can do it!

Karen - posted on 06/25/2012

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I'm sorry you are not having a good experience. It sounds like a couple of things. First, PPD, Depression does not always mean crying and having zip energy, sometimes it is simply not feeling connected to your baby at all. Talk to your doctor about it ASAP! Second, it sounds like Acid Reflux. My son had it Bad. Dairy in your diet makes it a LOT worse. No milk, Ice cream, Yogurt, cheese etc. My son needed Prevacid, after a week he was like a brand new baby, but I still couldn't eat dairy. Thirdly, it could be you have too forceful of a flow of milk, not just a forceful let down. Be reassured that you can Stop breast feeding ANY time you feel you need to. Do NOT let Anyone make you feel like a "bad mom" for stopping! Breastfeeding is not for everyone, that is Why there is formula. On the other hand, Pumping may be an option for you. With pumping, your baby is still getting your milk, but not actively breastfeeding. However, you still cannot have dairy if you choose that route. Good Luck!!!!

Joanna - posted on 06/22/2012

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I am going through the same thing you are with a colicky baby. It also sounds like he may be experiencing reflux, which I found was because of MY diet. I had to eliminate dairy products and he has gotten better. Colic symptoms decrease after three months, so know that things get better. I want to encourage you to stick with it. The benefits I am providing my baby is what I think about that has kept me going when I was tired and crying. Sometimes you just need to put baby down and have a few minutes to yourself while they cry. I know it feels like it will never end and you just want to cry, but stay strong. You can do this!! I also wanted to recommend colic calm. It really did help! I know what you are going through and I can tell you it does get better!!!! This too shall pass.

Jacqueline - posted on 06/22/2012

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Babies can sense the frustration. And there are hormones your body is giving out. He may just feel uncomfortable nursing because your so un wanting to do it. There're special hormones that help the bonding experience and as long as your eating healthy what you eat should bother him. Some babies are just colicky and it just happens. Talk to your bf consultant and see if he's even getting enough. Or maybe your first initial let down is strong. Try a warm towel on his belly after eating to help the digestive system. It worked with my son.

My son used to claw and grab my breast, he was having trouble nursing. And lightly massaging my breast while he was nursing helped. I say don't give up. There area lot nutrient in breast milk that won't be in formula and formula wont stop his colic. When he is sick there are even hormones in your milk to help him get better faster. I always said breast is best, I've been nursing for a good 3 years. I'm pregnant now with my third and I have sore nipples but breast is always best. Unless you can't produce. But you can. 12 weeks plus and strong.

Elizabeth - posted on 06/18/2012

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If it is not working for you then it is not working for you. Plenty of babies are fine on formula, and there are other ways of bonding. Dont grow to resent him, it wont do either of you any good. Go to formula and you will learn to enjoy your child better instead of feeling strapped to him all the time. ♥

Lydia - posted on 06/15/2012

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I am not sure if anybody has mentioned this before (don't have time to read all the responses) but you might have a strong let-down and he might have trouble dealing with the fast flow of milk (that could cause all his snoring and pounding and wild arm action.) If you think that this could be a factor (besides the diet you already adjusted) you could ask you BF consultant about it and see if there is anything you can do to help this. Just a thought.

For sleep issues, I recommend the 90 Minute Baby Sleep Program by Polly Moore. It's based on the observation of a natural rhythm, which basically means that your baby will be tired after 90 minutes of being awake during the day. But if the baby is overstimulated or overtired it is harder for her to go to sleep. Usually the more rest the baby gets throughout the day, the longer stretches she will sleep during the night also. The more overstimulated the baby is the harder it is to go to sleep. I didn't use the method from the book (I only heard about it way later, but I totally agree with it) I see how it works with some of my friends kids and I have it mind for baby no.2 who is on the way). Plus my daughter was like that at 2 months age she was up max. for 90 minutes at a time, took good naps, and slept 8 hours through the night. She slept about 16-18 hours a day at this age, often I could just put her down when she was showing first signs of tiredness and she go to sleep by herself in her basinet. Of course teething can cause more frequent night waking (which we deal with still sometimes... onto our last 4 molars now!)

Jaime - posted on 06/12/2012

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I would have the baby evaluated for GERD. It's treatable. It would greatly improve your experience feeding your baby. My little one had GERD. Medication was like a night and day difference. Good luck.

(medication is a valid option, IMO- GERD is often caused by an overproduction of stomach acid that gets into the esophagus because of an immature flange)

Kirstin - posted on 06/08/2012

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My Daughter was Breast milk intolerant. I never enjoyed breastfeeding either and I think it was that ,y daughter was the same way. Gassy, Fussy, restless... Then the Dr told me it was my milk and there was nothing I could do but to put her on a gentle ease formula... It was a HUGE change. She started smiling, laughing, SLEEPING!... If its not enjoyable for you and not seeming right for him there is NOTHING wrong with going to a formula. I recommend Enfamil Gentle ease (The purple can)

Brie - posted on 06/08/2012

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Okay I have an update for everyone!

First off, thanks SO much for all the support and great ideas in my past thread "i really don't like breastfeeding anymore (not a bonding experience)" You all are so awesome and deserve a hug and a cookie! xD

I had eliminated most dairy from my diet but not stuff like cheese and yogurt. I spoke to a dietician who was also a lactation consultant and she gave me a list of foods to avoid. I've been doing this diet for a week and its already helping. He is still getting a little formula but we have switched to the Prosobee (soy formula). He will probably get a little bit of formula from now on, since I find there are some situations in which it is easier to make a bottle (long road trips! I can just make a bottle and sit in the back of the car with him while hubby drives)

And guess what else? The little monster is TEETHING! Yah...i thought it was way to early and even brought him to the doctor because I thought he was sick.
He wouldn't sleep and would cry cry cry and hardly eat and chewed on his hands. My husband and I guessed he might be teething so I bought some teething gel and while i was rubbing it on his gums, i felt a sharp bump...it was an eye tooth coming through! His pediatrician confirmed that he was teething today.

Right now little man seems to be getting used to the pain of teething and has been sleeping for the past 3 hours, which is great because he has missed a lot of sleep the past few days

Christine - posted on 06/08/2012

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I am totally in the same boat. They really PUSHED breastfeeding at the hospital. I have a newborn and 2 teenagers ( 14 & 16 years old) which I breastfed for 2 1/2 months until I couldn't do it anymore. They were both 9lbs. 12oz & 9lbs 8 1/2 oz. I don't remember this much pressure to breastfeed when they were born. I started out breastfeeding only with my newborn this time too. He was doing all the same things you are describing with your son. I was told after several visits to the doctor and just feeling that something was not quite right did my doctor check his poop for a milk protein allergy. He had such a bad (now diagnosed) allergy that my pediatrician switched him straight to the hypoallergenic formula (NUTRAMIGEN) and he is so much better. I am so much better because I am getting sleep and am able to share feeding time with my husband. Remember the old saying... When moms happy, everyone is happy! He will do much better if you are at your best. You have already given him the best part of the milk in the beginning. Here are some other things you can try to help ease his tummy discomfort/sleep....
1. GRIPE WATER ( found at pharmacies~CVS is where I get the generic one)
2. infant gas drops
3. bean sock (dried beans put into an old sock and heated in the microwave~not too hot~ placed on his tummy
4. BOX FAN (white noise which helps with sleep per narcolepsy doctor)
Good luck! Don't let anyone make you feel bad about not wanting to (enjoying) breastfeeding. I think all the pressure they have placed on breastfeeding makes moms feel obligated to doing it or they are "bad" which is NOT TRUE! Happy mom means happy baby! It is not good for your baby if your too stressed to enjoy being mom!

Tia - posted on 06/06/2012

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I disagree with this completely. breastmilk is best for your baby hands down. my son claws at my boob everytime he its. your babies just getting used to his hands. you should keep trying, its really not that bad. having a baby takes patience & time.

Tia - posted on 06/04/2012

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any stress or anything that you feel goes through your milk. so if your frustrated and feeding the babies getting it too. breastfeeding is the best thing to do, so dont give up yet. theres hylands colic tablets maybe try those to loosen up some gas. good luck.

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If it's not working for you and you want to quit, there's no shame in that. In my own opinion, I believe it's most important to breastfeed in the beginning, maybe until the first month? And I would most definitely talk to a lactation doctor. Whatever those are called, it's been a while.

Ferris - posted on 06/01/2012

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I've never liked breastfeeding either. It didn't hurt and it wasn't at all difficult. Latching was no problem with all 3 kids. I just simple didn't like it. It's convenient and easy. I nursed my first 13 months, the second 10 months and I'm presently nursing my 6 month old.
If your baby is doing better with the formula, stop nursing. Don't feel guilty or bad. Just stop.

Heaven - posted on 06/01/2012

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At around three months they have a pretty big growth spurt and need to eat all of the time until it subsides. It is completely normal for them to do this occasionally. They do it because, during growth spurts, they need more milk than your body is supplying. It normally takes anywhere between 3days to 2 weeks for your body to catch up with their needs and when it does they calm back down again. When it's constant and there are never lulls between the spurts of frenzied eating then it's quite likely related to low milk supply and your body not responding properly to the baby's needs.



With my first son it was never ending and I always had horrific looking scratches and bruises on my arms and chest. I'm sure plenty of people who saw me thought my husband was an abuser. lol

Roxanne - posted on 06/01/2012

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I think its the age... mine did that at around 3months I was worried he wasnt getting enough milk cause he was soooo frustrated while eating. He also wanted to eat soo frequently. But DR said it was normal? He outgrew it even though I had to go through scratches and bruises on my arms and breast where he clawed and pinched me. Even if you dont feel like your bonding Im sure he does. Babies need that skin to skin touch it literally triggers connections in the brain for needed for development. I feel so sad when I see 1-5 month babies with bottles propped up next to them. They arent getting that touch and smell they need from mom (or dad) THAT is what forms the bond. If you bottlefeed, which is fine, just make sure you hold your baby, at least most of the time, and look into his eyes, talk to him, rub his hair and arms, and belly, and he will get all the benefits that he would normally get from nursing. I know 2 babies personally that are intolerable to breastmilk and now use alimentum. Its not your fault.

Ania - posted on 06/01/2012

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Maybe he has reflux or maybe it is just normal behavior my daughter does the same. As for your diet .... You can eat whatever you want as a breastfeeding mom. Diet restrictions for babies that have no allergies are common myth

Heaven - posted on 05/31/2012

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This was pretty much my story with my first son. We were both horribly miserable with the whole experience. I was careful with my diet and found that his reaction rarely had anything to do with what I ate. He was attached to me every minute of the day flailing, angry and spitting up all the time. The entire time I was breastfeeding him he never slept more than 2 hours at a time at night and each night time feeding spanned anywhere between 40 minute to 2 hours. I got so worn down by it that I started falling asleep while feeding and almost dropped him a few times. There were a few occasions where I'd actually fall asleep and wake up hours later to him still eating. This terrified me because I know that babies can suffocate and die easily in those situations because a family friend actually lost her baby that way. He spent so much time attached to me that he never bonded with a love-y or a binky. His doctor would always treat me like I wasn't doing my job right after he got past 2 months and still wasn't sleeping any more than 2 hours at a time at night. He gained weight just fine so she didn't think it had anything to do with my milk supply and everything to do with something else I must be doing.



My son was so miserable and distressed with the experience that he started weening himself at 4 months and by 6months he wanted nothing to do with breastfeeding no matter how hard I tried to keep him interested. I have to say that it was all much to my relief because I had started sleep walking, during the short bits of time when I managed to get sleep thanks to my mom and a breast pump, and having nightmares about waking up to find him dead.



I was told by a lactation consultant(during one of my frequent visits to try and figure out what I was doing wrong though she always reassured me that I was holding him correctly and doing everything right) that infants often flail, yank and fuss at the breast when it's empty and they're still hungry. I'd always felt that I had milk supply problems because occasionally after what was supposed to be a full both breast feeding I could hear his stomach growl and groan as he continued fighting off sleep in a mad frenzy to keep eating. When I forked out the cash for a Medela pump-in-style to see what was up, 2 months in because money was tight and my insurance wouldn't cover one that actually worked, I found that I was only producing 1 oz on each side every 2 hours despite how well I ate and how often he nursed. This continued through the entire nursing experience and eventually we supplemented formula, then cereals and food. He made the choice when the solid food started that he wanted nothing to do with nursing. As soon as he learned I could cuddle him without a boob in his mouth it was over. I imagine that constantly nursing afforded him enough milk to gain weight but never be satisfied.



Now it's 3 years later and I have a 3 month old who's absolutely thriving on breast milk. I've never heard his belly growl, he's never flailed, he sleeps well when it's quiet even in the day time, he only spits up when he falls asleep while eating and accidentally gets too much, and every time I pump(even after feedings) I get at least 2 oz and 5-6oz if I haven't nursed before hand; both on each side.



Your baby's excessive gas and fussiness could very well be because you aren't producing enough to satisfy him. When he's suckling, not getting enough(or even not getting anything), flailing and fussing he's going to be swallowing a lot of air instead. That's been my experience anyway and the Mylicon drops never helped my son.



It's still early for you in breastfeeding though and your supply might recover. Ultimately whatever you decide will be best for the both of you.



Just keep in mind that you aren't a bad mother for this and consult your baby's doc to get their opinion as well. We live in a wonderful time when formula is not only an option but just as rewarding. If formula turns out to be best then be happy because now you'll have more time to play with your baby and just enjoy his company; and really, so long as they're eating well, that's what it's all about.

Taryn - posted on 05/28/2012

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well i use to get the bonding experience ....i guess the bonding experience is knowing that your giving your baby the best, and my daughter is 5 almost 6 months i still breast feedher .... im trying to switch it to bottles in the day and boob at night .. but its pretty difficult shes pretty stuck to breasfeeding....and yes im soooooo sick of dropping everything im doing to feed her . its so much easier with a bottle in the day time but at night it is easier to breastfeed

Christina - posted on 05/28/2012

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Hi Brie...there's nothing wrong with you. These little people we bring into the world are unique individuals with different quirks. From my experience, the 12 week mark indicates changes in bub's nutritional needs and sleeping patterns. Both my kids snorted and flailed their way way through many feeds - I always interpreted it as wild enjoyment and enthusiasm! It was not uncommon for them to feed 2 hourly at times (especially at growth spurt times).This behaviour is normal for breast fed babies =)
Breast milk is the best nutrition for human babies - the evidence is clear. However breast feeding can take time to establish effectively. The issue of bonding is somewhat separate to breastfeeding. Consult your midwife/health centre nurse/doctor/OBGYN for some support urgently. If you can stick it out, breast feeding is wonderful and beneficial to both you and bub. If it's too hard, and you and bub are happier with the bottle - so be it.

Michelle - posted on 05/27/2012

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Bottle feeding can be just as rewarding! Just hold him while you do it, I breastfed but would express so that my hubby could feed her and he loved it, I could tell by the look on his face that it was the same as what I got, he'd lye her down in the same position almost as when I breastfed her, apparently they sleep better while on formula as it fills them up more. But thats just what someone told me, My daughter used to be the same with her sleeping, although now (shes 2) she sleeps for 30-1hr and 30 mins during the day and wakes up heaps through the night still.

Kristie - posted on 05/22/2012

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I am not breastfeeding my children, I did when they were born. If you are not comfortable then why not switch to formula. I breastfed all 3 of my kids for about 3 months. They were not getting enough so I switched to formula slowly increasing the bottle to breast ratio. Which it turned out good that I did they were such piggies :) He may have a sensitivity to some property in the breast milk. I Since you know that the gentle ease formula helps why not try that for a few weeks and see if that makes him better

Rena - posted on 05/22/2012

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Brie, someone may have already said this to you, but if not, here goes. Don't be intimidated by the 'breast feeding only proponents' out there. I breast fed my daughter and it was the most natural thing in the world, but that isn't the case for all women. You have already given your babe a great start by breastfeeding for several weeks, and if both of you are happier with him on formula, then that is what you should do. Millions of kids were raised with formula and have managed just fine, and if you are not enjoying breastfeeding (and it sounds like he isn't too enthused about it either) why would you continue to put both of you through that. If you do bottle feed continue to cuddle him close as if you were nursing... he will bond with you, and both of you will likely be happier. Remember if Momma ain't happy, nobodies happy!

Stacey - posted on 05/22/2012

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yep, definitely sounds like a sensitivity. If you can stick it out and figure out what he's sensitive to, I promise, it can be a very relaxing, bonding thing for both you and the baby. Have you tried the elimination diet? You have to eliminate everything besides turkey, pears, rice and like one or two other foods for 2 weeks, and then reintroduce one food at a time until you find the culprit. I did it and figured it out quick. Also, do you drink any caffeine? even a small amount? I figured out that my son had a problem with even the slightest amount of caffeine( we're talking a couple squares of dark chocolate or 1/2 cup of coffee), and dairy. Dairy was the tricky one as I was a new mom and had no clue what to look for. By the time my second came along, I was looking for symptoms, and discovered her dairy sensitivity within 2 days of my milk coming in! How old is he now? Also check out www.kellymom.com. Its the mecca of all things breastfeeding!

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Mel is totally correct....with EVERYTHING she said. I'd add a lot more but i will just get bashed for it so i won't bother...can't be bothered reading 100 replies about how judgmental i am !!!

Sara - posted on 05/21/2012

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So sorry Brie! What a hard place to be..
My son Leo is the same, with the pounding and clawing. I fixed that by wearing a necklace that he could play with while he nursed.. It helped a bit, but not all the time.
Did you cut out dairy from your diet? When I did that Leo stopped spitting up and arching his back. He still (at 14 mnths) doesn't sleep through the night but I have read a lot of research that says that it's normal and natural. Babies are telling us stuff, apparently, with every wail, whine or cry... Up until at least six months they have no concept of manipulating us, so they're really in need of something if they cry. It's pain, hunger, cold/hot, wet, etc.
We also tried a product called Colic Calm. We tried many things but this one really worked. (Warning: it will turn his poop blackish:). You can find it online and see testimonials. I wish we had bought it sooner.
Also, going in a quiet room helped me to enjoy nursing more. The less I saw things I had to do staring at me in the face (piles of laundry, dishes, etc) the more I just settled down and enjoyed the time with my son.. If your son is nursing, even for comfort sometimes, he just needs to be close to you, so if you can do it, try to bear it.
Of course, if it was hurting I'd say stop and figure out another way, but the milk is great for both of you, health wise, so it's worth continuing if you can. Or if you decide to stop breastfeeding then maybe wear your son in a sling for a few hours a day, to get the binding you need that way..

I wish you tons of luck, mama!

Carolyn - posted on 05/21/2012

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It sounds just like reflux. Please see your doctor immediately and the medicine may make a huge difference for you!

Mel - posted on 05/21/2012

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It was aimed at the comment about "some babies don't like breast milk" that's the most absurd and uneducated thing I've ever heard. I know ppl have their own reasons for not breast definition but i think if their was less emphasis on breast being a sexual thing we'd see alot more ppl trying to succeed.

Dove - posted on 05/21/2012

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Mel, I think you should've ended your comment at 'Breast milk was designed for babies'. The rest was completely unnecessary here.



Brie, I hope things are getting better for you and your little one!

Dora - posted on 05/21/2012

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Are you eating any dairy products? if so stop right away as he may have a milk protein allergy. My son had it for the first 4 months before we found out. All he did was eat, cry and nursing was extremely difficult. We went to 4 different doctors. By the time we got to the 4th doctor that is when she recommended I stop all dairy for 2 wks and see what happens. Well that did the trick. He may also have reflux. Reflux is extremely painful for a little baby. Trying nursing him sitting up a little and then keep him sitting up or on an incline for 1/2hr to 1hr after the feeding. Also if the formula feeding is helping you, don't feel ashamed to keep doing it. You can keep doing both. It does not make you a bad mom for using formula. But definitely try different things until you pin point the problem. Good luck.

Julie - posted on 05/21/2012

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UGH Mel! Jealous and lazy? There are hundreds of reasons women make the choice between breast and bottle. You don't know them so why judge them? Very harsh!

Mel - posted on 05/20/2012

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ATo add to the large breast issue- please don't say that some babies don't like breast milk. Babies don't know any different! Breast milk was designed for babies. Its not hard to work out which mothers are pro formula and either jealous of breastfeeding mothers or simply too lazy to give their babies what's best for them.

Mel - posted on 05/20/2012

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Has anyone suggested you take him to a chiropractor? My oldest daughter had the worst colic and someone suggested we see a chiro as i had tried absolutely everything else. She was amazing. 3 visits and i had a completely different baby! She used to spend her whole day and might screaming in pain. It was heart breaking.

Tania - posted on 05/20/2012

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Oh...and I agree with the previous post - size of the the breast is not the issue. I also am an H with no problems - I did the dairy issue with two kids through - Tough stuff.

Tania - posted on 05/20/2012

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Have you tried cutting out dairy? I mean in your diet of course. Try cutting it out...if that is the problem, you can see the change in as soon as 3 days. And that means you can eat the other stuff again :) By no dairy I mean no cheese, ice-cream, yogurt, butter, etc. The truth is that nursing is always a little more difficult at the start - but it really gets easy later. But if baby s having a hard time digesting dairy - It can be really difficult on you both. BTW - the ped. can also test his stool for blood in the stool to test for a dairy allergy as well. Good luck!

Kitty - posted on 05/20/2012

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You may just have to switch him to formula some babies don't like breast milk and have a hard time eating especially in cases with moms having very large breasts, however you have to make the ultimate desicion for your son if he is upset all the time and not enjoying your milk and you yourself aren't enjoying the experience then maybe you should just switch him to formula it'll be easier on you and him.
Just remember its not a bad thing to stop breast feeding if it was never a good thing.

Sarah - posted on 05/20/2012

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As with some of the previous posters this might be your little man picking up on your tension. I was also nervous with my first and tense and it showed in his posture. We used to call him the banana baby because his legs were nearly bend double behind him. i have since fed both my other children to 15 months. Also my 2nd child had very bad reflux. We couldn't go anywhere without cloths to mop up once she had a feed.
Do you manage to have any you time? I know that if I don't i feel really stressed and this effects the children in turn. You say you are shattered then having a bit of you time will help. I hope you manage to sort all this out.
As other people have said speak to you local lactation consultant they may have other suggestions.

Beth - posted on 05/20/2012

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Have you tried eliminating certain things from your diet? I have two friends who had trouble breastfeeding their babies, one gave up coffee (it had too much acid for the baby) and the other gave up dairy (the baby was lactose intolerant) and then they were all fine. It might be worth discussing this with his pediatrician. It took me about 12 weeks to get into the groove of breastfeeding, to where I was comfortable with it and we both knew what we were doing. And I can't say I enjoyed every second of it, it was actually pretty painful for me at first, but I knew what I was doing was important, so I kept at it. By the time my son turned 1 I was actually sad that he was starting to self-wean. And as far as his sleep schedule, that seems pretty standard for a newborn, and it will get better. But, ultimately you have to do what's best for you and your son. Don't let anyone bully you into keeping up the breastfeeding if it truly isn't your scene.

Janice - posted on 05/19/2012

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Colic Calm was what I used. 2.5 years ago it was only sold online but it is 1 version of gripe water. Glad to hear you can buy it in stores now :)

Amie - posted on 05/19/2012

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Don't stop nursing I had a similar problem with both my children. Grip water did not work for use but I found something that did work it is called Colic calm u can find it at CVS pharmacy. As for him beating on you I have to lay on my side in bed and but my daughters legs between my legs so that she doesn't kick me. Also part of his problem may be that mommy is tense while he is eating. I know it is hard to be relaxed while you are in pain but you have to try it does get better.

Janice - posted on 05/18/2012

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Breastfeeding my first was so tough in the beginning! I had a strong let down and she would unlatch and scream often. We finally seemed to be doing better at 6 weeks and then colic set in and she would cry from 8/9pm until 2/3am 5-7 night a week for the next 7 weeks. It was hell! I would definitely try the gripe water. I wish I learned of it sooner but it definitely helped the last 2 weeks of her colic and then just for fussiness after that.

You may want to look into reflux too. Most babies have a touch of reflux but some have it bad and need to be on medication. My friends son was on formula but was like how you described your baby. She tried multiple types of formula before finally getting him on reflux medicine and then he was fine.

Kristi - posted on 05/17/2012

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It might be that your son is trying to increase your supply. That's why they "cluster feed" like every few hours. He is just trying to get your body to produce enough for him. Another thing, makee sure that you are taking in enough calories to produce it... don't starve yourself. If its colic (he fusses the same time everyday, then it should start getting better around 12 weeks.
I had some of the same issues with my 2nd. Didn't know if he had colic or what. Found out it was some of my medication that I was told was safe, still irritated his little tummy. I quit taking it and finally things got better. Good luck! Hope that helps.

Kristi - posted on 05/17/2012

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It might be that your son is tryimng to increase your supply. That's why they "cluster feed" like every few hours. He is just trying to get your body to produce enough for him. Another thing, makee sure that you are taking in enough calories to produce it... don't starve yourself. If its colic (he fusses the same time everyday, then it should start getting better around 12 weeks.
I had some of the same issues with my 2nd. Didn't know if he had colic or what. Found out it was some of my medication that I was told was safe, still irritated his little tummy. I quit taking it and finally things got better. Good luck! Hope that helps.

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Just don't expect the bottle to fix all your problems. It might help tho. Good luck. Dont feel bad. The quality of formulae these days is excellent. He won't be missing out. Just replace the breast feeding with lots of cuddles instead.

Alicia - posted on 05/17/2012

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I didn't have a chance to look all through the previous replies but is there a chance that your baby may be allergic to milk protein? I had to stop eating any milk products till my daughter was 6 months old and it made a world of difference. Also if you totally want to stop breastfeeding have you considered just pumping and bottle feeding? Hang in there!

Jennifer - posted on 05/17/2012

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I've seen some really helpful answers here! Another thought, the first three to four months are especially tough because you're still learning about one another and you haven't really settled into a routine. Once you hit your stride it really does become more of a habit, or simply feeding your child. I think the bonding really comes with a routine, and bonding doesn't have to be goo goo eyes and such - just enjoying time spent together. whatever you decide, you obviously want what's best for your little one, and that is whats important! Best of luck!

Brie - posted on 05/16/2012

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yeah i've tried both Mommy's Bliss Gripe Water and infant gas relief drops (store brand Mylicon)

Gripe water is good for his hiccups and seems to soothe his tummy a little bit but the gas drops have little effect on him

Amanda - posted on 05/16/2012

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Have you tried Gripe Water? It worked wonders with my son when he had gas or hiccups

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