i really don't like breastfeeding anymore (not a bonding expirience)

Brie - posted on 05/15/2012 ( 66 moms have responded )

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I've been breastfeeding my 12 week old son ever since birth and i have never enjoyed it. It's never 'felt good' nor have i gotten that bonding experience that so many women talk about. It doesn't hurt at all, buts more of an "ugh...when is he going to be done??"

I've pretty much starved myself by trying to figure out whats causing his gas and colic and why he's being fussy while nursing and nothing seems to have improved and i'm eating the most bland foods possible.

The poor guy always seems so miserable and gassy after nursing and is constantly crying and spitting up. I don't ever get any sleep because the longest stretch he sleeps is 2-3 hours at night. Then he's up every hour on the hour for the rest of the night and takes little, 20-30 min naps during the day about 4 times.

I'm exhausted. All he does is eat and cry and eat eat eat and never sleep. His doctor recommended us giving him a 2 ounce bottle of gentle-ease formula at night to see if it helped his gas and helped him to sleep and it did! He was so much happier and slept better.

I always thought breastmilk was easier on babies tummies?? But he seems to do worse on it!

While he nurses, he snorts and flails his arms, pounding and clawing at my breast the WHOLE time (not just when my milk lets down) It happens pretty much all day long except for those rare moments he is calm and tucks in nicely to nurse.

Why doesn't it feel good? I feel like there is something wrong with me that I don't feel like I'm bonding with my son. I really want it to be a positive experience but its just getting worse. :(

any ideas? To get him to sleep we've tried warm baths, swaddling, rocking, swinging....co-sleeping is NOT an option. I've tried every position known to man while nursing to try and calm him down and keep him from beating on me but nothing seems to work.

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Alicia - posted on 05/17/2012

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I didn't have a chance to look all through the previous replies but is there a chance that your baby may be allergic to milk protein? I had to stop eating any milk products till my daughter was 6 months old and it made a world of difference. Also if you totally want to stop breastfeeding have you considered just pumping and bottle feeding? Hang in there!

Jennifer - posted on 05/17/2012

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I've seen some really helpful answers here! Another thought, the first three to four months are especially tough because you're still learning about one another and you haven't really settled into a routine. Once you hit your stride it really does become more of a habit, or simply feeding your child. I think the bonding really comes with a routine, and bonding doesn't have to be goo goo eyes and such - just enjoying time spent together. whatever you decide, you obviously want what's best for your little one, and that is whats important! Best of luck!

Brie - posted on 05/16/2012

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yeah i've tried both Mommy's Bliss Gripe Water and infant gas relief drops (store brand Mylicon)

Gripe water is good for his hiccups and seems to soothe his tummy a little bit but the gas drops have little effect on him

Amanda - posted on 05/16/2012

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Have you tried Gripe Water? It worked wonders with my son when he had gas or hiccups

Sarah - posted on 05/16/2012

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you might want to look into gripe water too. It is a natural supplement, fennel and (ginger? I believe). Safe for any age, but it helps soothe their little tummies... Of course it is okay to formula feed. I breastfed my daughter for 2 yrs, but that was what made me (and therefore her) happy and healthy :) If you are miserable, baby will be too. there is nothing wrong with doing whatever you need to do so your family is peaceful and happy. Good luck with whatever you choose!

Pat11368 - posted on 05/16/2012

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Hey Brie, trust that I know how frustrating this is. I had to go through process of elimination with my daughter. weather you decide to continue breastfeeding or switch to formula a is really up to you. 1 thing I do recommend you trying before to give up is Happi Tummi for your baby. Google ut and u will find the website. I wish you and your baby all the best.

Melissa - posted on 05/16/2012

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I am a lactation consultant and if you would like to speak with me personally send me your phone number if you want or find a lactation consultant or Le Leche League leader in your area.

Brie - posted on 05/16/2012

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Thanks for all the great replies and ideas, ladies! It is encouraging to see that even some of you say that it is perfectly okay to try formula.

What I think I might do is what my lactation consultant from WIC suggested and that is to straight breastfeed with no supplementing for a few days and record how often he nurses for how long and his attitude and the length that he sleeps and then do the same with formula.

All i want is a happy baby. It breaks my heart when he is crying so hard that he is actually crying tears and his voice is hoarse from screaming and nothing dad or I do helps. (happened today, poor little guy had a bad bellyache) Even when we gave him a warm bath, which is his FAVORITE thing in the world and he is crying the whole time, no matter what we do. Won't nurse, won't take a pacifier. If its my breastmilk that is causing it, then I feel like it would be better for my little man to get formula.

I will let you all know how it goes. If anyone else has other ideas, i appreciate it.
Thanks SO much! ♥

Michelle - posted on 05/16/2012

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Just wanted to add that there are plenty of ways to bond, I totally agree with Aleksandra. I've been bf'ing for near 2 1/2 years now (youngest is 9mo) and I have spent plenty of time *not* gazing lovingly. I nap a lot, whether I want to or not, I read a book, surf the net. A friend even worked out how to knit. Often it's just keeping yourself amused (and enjoying the feet-up time if you get it) until their tummy is full. And there's not a thing wrong with that. My children certainly know they are loved.

Plent of others here have given great advice on more practical ways to help :-)

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That sounds like over supply and overactive letdown. See Celeste's first link. I think it will really help you. Only you know what's best. Formula does not guarantee that your baby will be less fussy, gassy, spitty or sleep better. It can make some of those issues worse and you have to add the expense of formula and the extra work of preparing it and cleaning and sterilizing bottles. Eat what you want and try to relax. If you're eating a bland diet and he's still fussy it's probably just his personality and restricting your diet is stressing you out. I know that's easier said then done. Enlist in the help of family and friends if you can and take a nice bath or nap just for you. Good luck with your decision and do what feels right for you and your little one.

Heather - posted on 05/16/2012

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I would stop nursing him and put him on formula. I could type forever about what might be your problem. But I don't have the time right now. I would just stop nursing him altogether.

Ruth - posted on 05/16/2012

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The one thing that children are great at is picking up on Mommy's tension. You don't like or enjoy breast feeding and he knows it. Better to give him a good milk substitute formula than have both of you tense and unhappy from the experience. I didn't like breast feeding because every time baby cried, the Mississippi River ran out of my breasts and saturated my clothes,, towels, breast pads and everything else. I did not like it one bit. It wasn't just a few drops it was really pouring out. Don't feel bad about making both you and your baby happier. Do what is right for both of you to be happy. By the way, I started feeding my babies rice baby cereal when they were three months old. It stays in their tummies longer than milk so they don't wake as often to be fed. Talk to your pediatrician about it.

Ruth - posted on 05/16/2012

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The one thing that children are great at is picking up on Mommy's tension. You don't like or enjoy breast feeding and he knows it. Better to give him a good milk substitute formula than have both of you tense and unhappy from the experience. I didn't like breast feeding because every time baby cried, the Mississippi River ran out of my breasts and saturated my clothes,, towels, breast pads and everything else. I did not like it one bit. It wasn't just a few drops it was really pouring out. Don't feel bad about making both you and your baby happier. Do what is right for both of you to be happy. By the way, I started feeding my babies rice baby cereal when they were three months old. It stays in their tummies longer than milk so they don't wake as often to be fed. Talk to your pediatrician about it.

Aleks - posted on 05/16/2012

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The above lady covered some ground regarding your baby's fussiness (although it definitively sounds like he may have reflux - which may be caused by food sensitivities, as you mention his gasiness, and just in case you may be unaware, some things take several weeks to leave your system so you may not see true results in your baby until this happens). I also would like to add that sometimes a baby can be "out of alignment" due to birth, so may be a visit to an oseopath or chiropractor may be something to investigate or think about trying.



I want to tackle the "bonding" experience. Look to be honest, breastfeeding isn't all gushing over the baby with gooey eyes and feelings of love. Yes, it happens sometimes. Some people are more like this than others. But generally its just is feeding ones baby. I cerainly did not feel all this joy and love when feeding my newborn - not all of the time (tbh, I was more likely to be falling asleep with my eyes closed, having a hard time keeping them open, than lovingly looking into my newborns eyes..lol)

It cerainly won't feel all "bonding" when you are stressed, hungry and feeling sleep deprived. But that is the nature of having a newborn, unfortunatelly. When my daughter experienced gasiness, warm baths and a warm bottle next to her in the bassinet helped her (my daughters fussiness, colic, spit ups and gas, including mucusy poos with bits of blood were all related to dairy and soy intollerances)



Quick question, how are his poos?

Is he getting frequent or bad nappy rashes?

These things can also give clues as to what may be bothering your baby.



Also, have you tried white noise???? May be that will help? You know, static on a radio, hair-dryer, vacume cleaner, etc (I have heard that this works wonders on some babies)

Celeste - posted on 05/15/2012

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How long did you block feed? It can take awhile for it to take effect.

Have you had him tested for reflux? One of my twins was like your baby-He had a combination of reflux and I had OALD that didn't help matters.

Have you tried a sling?

Here's an article about fussy babies, and it also has other resources within the article as well
http://kellymom.com/parenting/parenting-...

I'm sorry both you and him are so miserable. I wish I had a magic answer for you.

Brie - posted on 05/15/2012

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yeah i've tried block feeding on the side that i knew was always much fuller than the other and it seems to have helped with OALD. But he is fussy on both sides.

and i've honestly tried everything to figure out what is making him so miserable. i drink only water, eat plain chicken and rice for dinner. eat fruit and granola bars for breakfast. i'm constantly exhausted and have a headache from lack of sleep and food. cut out dairy, though i don't think he has issues with cows milk protein because he never has issues when he get formula.
i've switched to soy, then rice milk, then almond milk. i don't smoke, don't drink caffiene. Don't eat those strong tasting foods like onions, or "gassy foods" like brocolli

I'm desperate for a good nights sleep, tasty food, boobs that don't ache and have scratch marks all over them, and nipples that aren't constantly bruised and bitten. :(

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