I really hope someone can help me! My 9 month old is still waking up every 2 hours at night. I do nurse and have been giving her formula before betime to fill her up..but that hasn't helped. When she wakes up she isn't hungry...she just is up. As soon as we pick her up, she falls asleep. Should I let her cry it out? HELP!

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[deleted account]

Every baby is different. Feed solids. Off your plate, a banana, carbs or other natural solids. Cereals are great.

Let the baby sleep with you if you can sleep and see if this helps them sleep through he night. I have had a baby that slept better with my night gown. One that sleep better in her own bed, one that had to 'cry it out', it really depends on your baby and you.

Try a couple of options and see what works. Babies keep changing and their needs change too. We just have to adjust and decide what we are able and willing to do.

Do not ask a pediatrician. They do not raise babies daily, a mother does, and a mother knows far far far more than a ped ever could unless that ped threw out the book and was a mother too.

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Doreen - posted on 01/22/2009

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Thanks everyone! I read all of your comments. I have had her cry it out for 3 nights now and it's working. The longest she cries is 20 min and then she puts her binky back in her mouth and goes to sleep. I placed 5 binkys in her crib...so she would be able to find one easily. I just started to put her in her crib when she is awake and she goes to sleep!! I couldn't believe it! I was so nervous to have her "cry it out" but I guess that is what it took. She still wakes up every 3 hours, but I don't go in her room. I nurse her around 4-4:30 am because she has a very distictive " I'm hungry" cry. THANKS EVERYONE!!!!

Helen - posted on 01/21/2009

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Hi my son is now 20 months. From the age of four months i did a bedtime routine i would bath him, get him ready for bed, look at a book with him and then feed him but making sure he didnt fall asleep at the breast. When he woke a few hours for a feed i would feed him and put him straight back to bed. After a few days he was going to sleep alone at 7:00pm every night and he still does it now. Teething and illnesses can change routine and when he got older this is when i tried leaving him to cry. I tried both ways and to be honest leaving him to cry it out was more effective and only took a few days. It is the hardest thing you will ever do and you will probably feel really upset doing it but once it works you will feel so relieved. Good luck.

Emily - posted on 01/21/2009

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Quoting Zara:



Quoting Andrea:




Quoting Zara:





is she in her own room?my daughter slept through the night we moved house and she got her own room. i also do the control crying it took 2 weeks to establish but it was worth it in the end.













What is the control crying?? My son does the same thing and he is 9 1/2mths old. 









you put the baby to bed and leave the room " its bedtime now, go to sleep"  you then check on the baby every 5 mins then 10mins up until either baby goes to sleep or it reachs 45mins. its hard work but i found it was well worth it. i think this technique has a different name in the states but im in the UK.





In North America it's called the Ferber Method after Richard Ferber - I'd suggest reading his book before trying it so that you are well informed before you begin.  He has a lot of information about baby sleep patterns that is helpful in understanding the developmental process - it may not be for you but it's worth becoming informed.  It has worked well for us - we're still nursing once or twice a night at 6 1/2 months but the whole process of going to bed and settling down after each feeding is MUCH better.  It used to be a prolonged battle and now he's able to settle himself after his last feed with no crying at all!

Zara - posted on 01/21/2009

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Quoting Andrea:



Quoting Zara:




is she in her own room?my daughter slept through the night we moved house and she got her own room. i also do the control crying it took 2 weeks to establish but it was worth it in the end.










What is the control crying?? My son does the same thing and he is 9 1/2mths old. 





you put the baby to bed and leave the room " its bedtime now, go to sleep"  you then check on the baby every 5 mins then 10mins up until either baby goes to sleep or it reachs 45mins. its hard work but i found it was well worth it. i think this technique has a different name in the states but im in the UK.

Michelle - posted on 01/20/2009

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My 8 month old was up every 2-3 hours also and we finally came to the point where we couldn't handle the sleep deprivation any more. I had tried everything but letting him cry it out because I didn't agree with it. My 2.5 year old had sleep issuses also and we never had here cry it out but she still doesn't sleep through the night. All this to say that I pulled out the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child (I only read the part about my child's age) and began to wrap my brain around maybe letting him cry. He's an attached secure baby and they say at this age it's only "protest" crying at bedtime. His crying needs are always met during the day. We did it and were prepared for the worst, BUT the longest he's ever cried was 15 minutes. I could handle that. Now he just wakes 2 times to feed and soon I'm going to push him back to once. The fact was that he didn't have any skill to put himself back to sleep because I always rushed in to nurse him back down. He learned so quickly and I'm much more rested.

Andrea - posted on 01/20/2009

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Quoting Zara:



is she in her own room?my daughter slept through the night we moved house and she got her own room. i also do the control crying it took 2 weeks to establish but it was worth it in the end.






What is the control crying?? My son does the same thing and he is 9 1/2mths old. 

Julie - posted on 01/20/2009

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I also have a 9 month old and my son was still waking once or twice a night. A few weeks ago I started the "tough love" as I call it and it is working.  If your daughter wakes up every 2 hours start with telling yourself ok dont respond to her cries until after 4 hours goes by, then after 3 or 4 days make it 6 hours then a few more days and make it 8 hours.  I know it is hard cause you can't really get sleep while your baby is crying but from one mom who has just went through getting my son to sleep at least 8 hours without me going in there.  It started the first night he cried on and off for and hour and a half, next night maybe an hour then maybe 20 minutes.  Last night he slept from 8pm to 7am without waking once.  I would always feed him around the 8 hour mark cause I knew he was hungry, I would feed him and he would go to sleep for another couple of hours.  I hope this helps. 

Kelly - posted on 01/20/2009

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My son was the same way and what really helps is a white noise machine. The silence seems to wake him up! Also instead of letting her cry it out you can just lay her back down in her crib and hold her in position, so she can't get up, and pat her but or rub her back what ever she finds more soothing. Then after a couple days when she is use to the routine you can slowly reduce holding her in place, patting the butt or rubbing her back. Eventually she'll start to let you put her down while you stand there until she's asleep. Then she'll just do it on her own because it's a normal routine! It only took us about a week and a half for our son to get use to it but every child is different! This worked for me because I couldn't handle him screaming and crying for and hour or two! Hope this is helpful! Best of luck :)

[deleted account]

Doreen, don't let her cry it out, ALONE! By being nursing mothers, we have somewhat created this sleep habit. It is hard to put a baby to sleep awake when you nurse. They always seem to fall asleep at the breast. Your daughter doesn't understand and if you leave her to cry it out alone, she might think that you abandoned her (and after all these months of nursing her, you would never want her to think that!) I had the exact same problem at about the exact same age. I read several books before taking "action" and felt most comfortable with "The No Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley. There IS crying involved but it worked like a charm....when your baby wakes at night, do not take her out of the crib. Keep laying her back down (every time she stands up). Stay crib side with her until she falls asleep. She may scream and cry for a couple nights but it will get less and less. You will feel terrible and may have a sore back from bending over for so long but at least you did not leave her alone to deal with it. It is worth it. My son is now 18 months old and sleeping well in his crib!! Good luck & just make the decision to do it!!

[deleted account]

Please don't let her cry it out. Try the no cry sleep solution or an even better book is The Baby Sleep Book by Dr. Sears. My child woke up every hour or two until a few weeks ago. I tried to let him cry it out when he was younger because of the pressure that other parents whose children were "sleeping through the night" put on me. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone who has a child that hasn't reached the stage of stranger awareness yet (8-10 months). I think it is a little easier for a child who is attached to their parents to understand that their parents will be there for them when they need them. But a young baby cries because he/she really needs something from his/her parent and a parent should respect that cry. Putting more work into your child now means happy well-balanced children later in life.

If you really are going to cry it out I hope it works for you and your family. But this is what we did. At ten months my son actually showed interest in being left to fall asleep on his own and not to sleep in our bed anymore so I tried a smoother version of cry it out. I still did our normal night time routine, then I held him and sang to him in his room for at least a few songs, then when he was good and tired I put him in his crib and told him goodbye and goodnight and left him to cry for no longer than fifteen minutes. If his crying gets worse within those fifteen minutes I know he either needs me to put him to sleep or he isn't tired yet and he just wanted some mommy time so I take him out and try again later. He still wakes up a couple times in the night but always puts himself back to sleep unless he needs something from me (diaper change, bottle, blankie...).

I did try the cry it out when he was about four months old, but once again I really believe that is too young. It really back fired on us. Instead of eventually falling asleep my smart little boy's cry would just get louder and harsher no matter how long we went. It was horrible. Also the next time he would see his bed he would start to cry. It made him fear sleep and be super clingy. Children are complex and every one is different. But I really believe the more you pay attention to what they need and give it to them the better off they will be.

Rachel

Selina - posted on 01/20/2009

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I have a 7 month old who does the same thing shes waking up every couple hours,and she will only go to sleep if i have in my arms and rocking her, shes also hungry every couple hours at bedtime.I myself dont know what else to do but i hope everything gets better for you soon :)

Elizabeth - posted on 01/20/2009

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how does she fall asleep first at night? it seems to me u need to let her cry it out as she now feels she needs you at night to go back to sleep. put in a good, strict routine and stick to it rigidly.  x

Hannah - posted on 01/19/2009

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hello. heres what i do.

a last feed before bedtime and then instead of playtime swap it for a soothing bath and then i give him a little massage with a bedtime lotion and then i wrap him in a muslin cloth and we have a little cuddle time and rock him untill hes sleepy and then i put him down. if he wont relax for the cuddles and is squirmy i give him a pacifier/dummy. i also sing or hum a tune. seems to work and its a good routine to get into so they know its night time.

also what i've heard is that they have about a 40 minute period of light sleep. they then wake subconciously before dropping into a deep sleep. if they sleep right beside you in a bassinette you can be there to sooth them into that deep sleep instead of them waking up by putting a hand next to their face or stroking their forehead between the eyes.

one last thing - i dont reckon letting them cry it out is the answer at that age. i believe babies cry for a reason - too hot, too cold, hungry, over tired, need a cuddle, get a fright, dirty nappy etc... its just a process of elimination to soothe them.

good luck

hannah

Kayleigh - posted on 01/19/2009

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Thanks for the tip about the "No-Cry Sleep Solution" book. My son is also up every 2 hours during the night and I just don't think the crying it out solution would have worked for us. I am definatly going to get that book.

Emily - posted on 01/19/2009

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I cannot believe no one has mentioned it yet... by far my favorite book on baby sleep habits is the "No-Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley. She has wonderful, gentle suggestions on helping kids fall asleep and stay asleep on their own, without resorting to crying it out. She has helped all my kids become better sleepers. Unfortunately, I didn't find her until my first was 18 months and my second was 6 months, so we had to undo a lot of damage and it took a bit longer. But, our third was sleeping 14 hours straight (with one feeding after the first 5 hours) at only 2 months. We've had setbacks with teething, illness and developmental milestones... but that baby is now 12 months and still our best sleeper. I really wish I'd found Pantley's book when my first was little.

Doreen - posted on 01/19/2009

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THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH!!!!! Tonight is the first night I am going to have her cry it out. I'm going to probably cry more than she will, but I know it is the only way for her to learn to calm herself. Thanks again everyone!

Brittany - posted on 01/19/2009

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Yes please let her cry.... I have a 2 yr old and 3 month old who both sleep through the night my best advice is put her to bed drowsy and let her cry for 5-10mins check on her and soothe her but don't pick her back up....then leave the room and let her cry again....she'll be fine I know it's hard and you feel like a terrible mom for letting her cry but if you ever want sanity you have to let her cry. It'll be hard for a few days but she'll caught on and eventully sleep throught the night. The best book I can suggest that helped me get my kids on a schedule is Babywise. It's great and has wonderful advice to get your kids sleeping through the night. Hope that helps alittle!

[deleted account]

No, don't let her cry it out.  Both my sons went through this at exactly that age.  They went from sleeping through the night to being up constantly.  We'd hold them and love them and rock them and lay them in bed with us.  It worked very well.

[deleted account]

Not sweet cereal by the way...oatmeal, cream of wheat even baby cereals work better than the sweet stuff.

Erica - posted on 01/19/2009

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My pediatrician told me that at 6 months, "sleeping through the night" is a five - six hour block. :( Not much, but just developmentally what they *should* be doing. I know some babies sleep much more, but I guess I just can't fault those who don't. Babies by nature aren't meant to be terribly independent. They rely on us to meet every need, even emotional ones!
Check out this lady, I just found her, but she goes into this kind of stuff:
http://www.kellymom.com/parenting/sleep/...

[deleted account]

Have you tried just having her sleep with you? My little one wakes up too but he goes right back to sleep when he realizes mom and dad are right there with him.

[deleted account]

i'm going through the SAME exact situation with my 6month old! i will feed her cereal and then breastfeed her right before bed. i put her to bed and she either drifts right off or cries a little. then later when she wakes up and cries, i just go into her room, give her a kiss, tell her i love her and let her cry herself back to sleep. i go in every 10 mins. to let her know i'm still around, but she always falls back asleep within 20 mins.  if she's really frantic and upset i will pick her up, but won't allow her to fall back asleep in my arms. it's hard to let her cry, but if you pick her up every time, she won't learn to fall back asleep on her own, and you won't get any sleep either! i hope this helps!

Erica - posted on 01/18/2009

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Many babies who never "cry it out" sleep 12 hours a night and nap, too. Glad it worked for you, though!

Lindsey - posted on 01/18/2009

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yes! Let her work it out herself and put herself back to sleep. That is the only way we got our oldest to sleep through the night too cause he was waking up and wasn't hungry either. Go get some sleep Momma and know that she's okay. BTW, because we let our son cry it out, he sleeps 12 hours at night and is a wonderful napper too.

Daryl - posted on 01/18/2009

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i'd try letting her be for 5-10 minutes to see if she'll go back to sleep. my daughter does the same thing and unless she's crying really hard I wait to see if she'll settle herself back down.

Sharon - posted on 01/16/2009

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My oldest now 21 months slept with us a handful of times as a newborn. He did fine in his bassinet until about 3 months and when I went back to work, we got him in his crib. He actually loved it. Well, he got sick and ended up in the hospital and on month 3 of 7 I decided to request a bed so I can sleep with him (I wasn't nursing, I was exclusively pumping). I did it more for comfort and security for him, he was only 4 months going through the toughest time in his life. Needless to say, once we got home, after 3+ months sleeping with me, he got used to it. We let him sleep with us for another 6 months (I was then about 5 months pregnant) in our bed and he was still waking up in the middle of the night but not to feed, I think just to see if we were there and for security. I knew I had to get him out of our bed and sleeping through the night before baby #2 came. I will be the first to say I was 100% against the whole CIO because my son was very very sick and I just couldn't fathom doing that to him.



Transitioning my son out of our bed was one of the easiest thing, I was very lucky. What I did was get him really tired, bring him to bed with me and once he started to doze off, I'd take him to his crib. Then I just started taking him straight to his crib and waiting untl he fell asleep to leave. The hardest was putting him down and leaving before he fell asleep. That did take some time. He would wake up in the middle of the night to just look for his binkie so what I did was put a lot in his crib so he could just feel for it. I eventually did the CIO and seriously after day 3, he stopped and was sleeping through the night, however still struggling with his naptime and I don't know why. Five months later, he sleeps from 9p-9a sraight and takes a 3+ hour nap for me during the day.



Now with my 8 week old, I co sleep because I nurse. I think that's so easy for me and it's right for us. Every baby is different, their needs are different and so I've experienced the baby sleeping in their own crib and co sleeping. I enjoy them both. My point is if you are afraid they won't get out of your bed, they will. There is a lot of controversy about CIO, as against as I was, I ended up doing it and couldn't be happier. Good luck!

Erica - posted on 01/16/2009

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Probably nobody is going to like this as a solution, judging from the thread thus far...but if it's something you're comfortable with, there's always cosleeping. My older daughter was not a good sleeper as a baby. She woke up at night, never to feed, just wanted to hang out. She would stay up 3 hours sometimes. I remember days she woke up at 2 and stayed awake all the way until 5, when I had to get up to go to work. So I developed the habit of letting her sleep with me. I tried lots of stuff to change that though, because I felt like she "should" be in a crib, putting my shirt in and everything, and tried the crying it out thing, it was terrible and so wrong for my child at that age. I still feel awful for that. She was too young to have any concept of what was going on or why she was being abandoned. She would not calm down and would cry to the point of vomiting. She was 7 or 8 months and she could already stand in the crib and she would let go to fall backwards and hit her head over and over. Finally we got to the point where she would cry herself to sleep while I put my arm through the bars for her to hold. It did not get better after 2 weeks and finally I realized it was just ridiculous.

What worked for me was cosleeping. I had to survive, you see, and her dad works nights so it's just her and me 5/7 of the time. Also I was working full time. With me, she slept straight through about 99% of the time. I could get up after she was asleep, too. As she got to about a year, I would let her fall asleep with me and then put her in bed, or stay with her until she fell asleep once she had a toddler bed.

And finally, at a little over 2 1/2, I still had to stay with her to fall asleep and it started seeming unecessary, so I explained to her that she was going to fall asleep after her story and a good cuddle. She cried like crazy for a couple days, but was old enough to talk, express herself, and we could communicate about what was going to happen. Now, she lays down and falls asleep all on her own in her room after routine, between 7:30 and 8, and sleeps until 7:30 or 8:00 am.

With my new little baby, I was cautious at first because she was a preemie, but after her original due date, I began letting her cosleep in small increments. Now she just sleeps with me and she already sleeps great at 14 weeks. Not having the guilt about it and not trying to conform to what I think she "should" do is so much nicer. We both get lots more shuteye.

It's not popular in America, but in many cultures infants stay with their mothers at night. Mums are horrified by the idea of leaving your infant (not toddler, not big kid, infant) alone to cry when they are seeking comfort. I know this because I've lived in these countries, not because I read it somewhere. I think each family has to find what is right for them, but I think there are also lots of closet cosleepers out there. And it is a valid option. :)

Sorry for the tirade, good luck with whatever feels right!

Amanda - posted on 01/16/2009

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I breastfed all of my three (still nursing my 11 month old) and there are always the times when they just want to be with you. Nothing wrong with that, but it does get hard on both Mommy and baby when sleep is being missed. I have used a lot of tips from the book mentioned already in this conversation by Mark Weissbluth, called "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child." One suggestion he makes is to try letting your husband go in at night instead of you. Offering a bottle of water and a diaper change, while not stimulating or "playing" with baby, helps the baby to know you aren't available for night time feedings anymore. If she cries, and it's too heartbreaking for you to let her cry for a lengthy period of time, the book suggests your husband going back in every 20 minutes or so to check baby's basic needs until she falls asleep. Although there were times when we just had to let our babies cry until they realized we weren't going back and it was time to sleep. And yes it's tough as can be on the mother's heart. Just remember you have done everything she needs and she needs sleep more than she needs you at that time. Anyway, I think you are right about doing something about all the night wakings. By 9 months, your baby should need only one feeding or none at night.

Zara - posted on 01/16/2009

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is she in her own room?my daughter slept through the night we moved house and she got her own room. i also do the control crying it took 2 weeks to establish but it was worth it in the end.

Doreen - posted on 01/16/2009

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Yeah...she is on solids ( 3 meals and 2 snacks). I nurse her about 4 times during the day and before bedtime. I put her down at 7 and she wakes up at 6:30-7, but is up every 2-3 hours during the night. It was the exact same time, but now it is inconsistant. She has her own room. I guess it sounds like I have to let her cry it out. I'll cry harder than she will..I can tell you that. Thanks for everyones info...I really appreciate it!

Laura - posted on 01/16/2009

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My first question would be how often are you nursing during the day? Is she eating solids? I don't know when you are putting her to bed but sometimes it helps to put them down early. I read several pieces of research that suggest putting your child down between 6-9p.m. helps with sleep. I put my almost eight month old down at 7:00 and he sleeps till 7:00p.m. and doesn't wake up at all. Also, does she wake up at the same time every night? Sometimes it is out of habit. If that is the case you should try letting her cry it out. After 2-3 nights, she should do better. It is hard on you though. If she is in your room, that is probably a big part of the problem too. We don't realize how loud we sleep sometimes and at nine months, she is way more aware than before.

[deleted account]

My first born was bottlefed and at 10 mo we let him cry it out.  It took him two days to figure it out, and then the crying was over and he went to sleep peacefully after that, and began to sleep better at night, just occasionally waking up once a night.  I'm so glad we made that decision.  My second born was breastfed, and also woke up frequently for his first year.  Finally around 10 mo I moved his crib out of our room into his brother's room (who was 2.5 yrs) and that worked, he began just waking up once a night, and it never bothered his brother.  So my advice is to try a few different things to find out what works best for your family...maybe moving her into a different room if she sleeps in the room with you (or moving her to a crib if you co-sleep), or perhaps crying it out.  I wouldn't rely on the formula before bed though.  She should be OK with a good feeding before bed and then just one feeding in the night.  Also, is she walking or about to walk?  Before that major milestone many kids begin sleeping poorly.  If that's the case, it will pass.  Hope that helps.

Mandy - posted on 01/16/2009

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This sounds just like my daughter! what worked for me was just offering water when she woke in the night, she soon decided that it wasn't worth waking up for and after a few days she slept through. Hope this helps

Jessica - posted on 01/16/2009

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Have you ever just let her cry it out?..... some people say that it takes about 2-4 days for them to be able to self soothe, but its not easy.  I personally have never tried it but i know some people that have and they said it worked great, good luck with every thing! Let everyone know if anything works out for you!  Oh and there is a book that my doctor's wife gave me that might help, Healthy sleep habits, happy child, by Mark weissbluth, M.D. Again good luck with everything!

Doreen - posted on 01/16/2009

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Thanks...I"ll try the scent thing and put one of my shirts in her crib. Thanks

Stacey - posted on 01/16/2009

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One suggestion is to take one of the blankets or something that is in your childs sleeping area and take it to bed with you or carry it on you physically for a day or two. She misses your scent more than likely and thats why she falls asleep once you are holding her. Also, there are the position holders (not sure what they are called) to make sure your baby stays in one position instead of rolling over. This helps to prevent SIDS but it also gives the comfort of being held if that is her issue.

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