MIL critized me for BF still

Jessie - posted on 09/27/2010

Well my mother started that kind of shit when my son was 6 months old so don't feel bad. She came up to me once while I was nursing him when he was around 7 months old and said that 'Hale you better get some teeth already and bite your mommy so she will stop giving you that booby' Yeah. She said that. And then when I said teeth wouldnt matter she snickered at me and said 'yeah we'll see what happens when he gets them' by the way he didnt get any teeth until 11 months, and is now 14 months and STILL nursing. She was the one who found his first tooth in his mouth and was elated. I didnt even realize he had it... she was just waiting for me to quit. Sorry. I sent her an email with a link to a website with 101 reasons breastfeeding is better than formula and told her to read it and then keep her damn opinions to herself if she didnt like it we wouldn't be coming to visit her any longer, it worked for several months. She was also excited when he turned one and asked daily for several weeks if he was "still booby feeding" Yup, sorry mother one isn't a magical cut off number. And after we introduced cows milk for meal/snack time and it made him sick as hell (allergic!) it reaffirmed my decision to continue. He gets soy milk for meals and snack and boobs 3 times a day. You keep doing what YOU think is best and ingnore her. Or you can find something to mock her for if you're feeling really naughty, LOL>

Donna - posted on 09/27/2010

i know it probably bothered you but maybe you should just brush it off. most older women are like that. its a generational thing

Carisa - posted on 09/27/2010

My in-laws are weird about breastfeeding too. When my daughter turned one, just never told them I was still breastfeeding. It really is none of their business, and I never do it around them. I'm lucky my husband is so supportive, although for him it's a money thing.

CHANTAL - posted on 09/27/2010

YOU KNOW I BREASTFEED MY DAUGHTER UNTIL SHE WAS A YEAR AND 4 MONTHS I WAS ALWAYS BEING ASKED EVEN BY MY MOTHER WHEN I WAS GOING TO STOP. I BREASTFEED MY OTHER CHILDREN UNTIL ABOUT 6 MONTHS BECAUSE OF HAVING TO GET BACK TO WORK. AND OTHER COMPLICATIONS. FOR HER SINCE I WASA GOING TO BE ABLE TO BE WITH HER I WANTED TO BREASTFEED AS LONG AS I COULD. SOMEHOW I FELT PRESURED TO STOP EVEN BY THE DOCTOR WHICH SHOCKED ME. NO ONE REALLY UNDERSTANDS THE BOND OR THE CONNECTION AND THE FACT THAT THIS IS A NEW DAY AND AGE. I HOPE THAT YOU CONTINUE TO BF AS LONG AS "YOU AND YOUR LIL ONE" LIKE TO. ITS A SPECIAL GIFT AND SOME MOMMIES CAN'T DO IT FOR 1 DAY 1 MONTH, 1 YEAR PLUS IS A BLESSING!!!

Emily - posted on 09/24/2010

Sounds to me like your MIL is jellous. It's such a shame she isn't supportive. Her comments ring so true with comments my MIL says or hints to me. Try not to let her words hurt you. You are doing a great job and you are have the best attitude. Good luck and be strong. Hope you have many happy months and years ;-) of breastfeeding.

Carri - posted on 09/24/2010

Sounds like it's time for your Hubby to stand up for you. I went through this with my family. It's hard, but needs to be done. If you want to tackle it, which is empowering, you could say something like, "Aww, MIL, I'm sorry that you were misinformed by your Dr when you were raising your children. I know that must have been disappointing to you. I'm doing the best I know, just like you did." So sorry that she mocked you! I seriously could come bite ankles for you it makes me so made to hear about other people being treated like that. ((HUGS))

Sharon - posted on 09/23/2010

Go to a La Leche League meeting in your area. It's not just for pregnant and new moms, they will give you support and encouragement and help you feel normal when you are giving your child what she needs. Many moms find it a safe place to "vent" about mils or others that offer negative comments. There are even LLL toddler groups in some areas for moms who are practicing "normal length" breastfeeding which can go on long past 1 year old. I Hope you and LIly have a great nursing relationship that ends on hers and your terms and noone else's.

Chasidy - posted on 09/22/2010

Honey keep on until you and your daughter are ready to stop. I was told until two yrs old really benefits the child. My daughter,Esme, is 18 months old and still bf. I don't plan on stopping until she is two. She is very intelligent and is rarely ever sick. I get the comments, but I tell them what my peditrician told me and that I'm fine with it. Thank you for the concern! Way to go!!

Marry - posted on 09/22/2010

I find that people who didn't BF their kids are the first to throw stones at those that do.

Amy - posted on 09/22/2010

She needs to get educated! Human milk is always good for humans. Cows milk can wait...

Gina - posted on 09/22/2010

Your MIL is a jerk..in my opinion. She raised her children the way she wanted and now it's your turn to raise your child they way you want. I hope your husband is supportive to you. He should be. I agree with a lot of what the other mothers' have said; you can't give your child (cows) milk until they are 12 mos. What is the hurry? My pediatrician always tells me how impressed he is that I'm still nursing and adds that it is helping keep my children as healthy as they are (nursing twins). If you feel you need to respond, a nice comment might be that you have discussed this with your ped. and he is fine and encourages you to nurse as long as you can. End of discussion. Your MIL might see your BF as time she does not have with her grandchild. If that is the case, she should get her ego in check and spend the time you are BF'ing your daughter, in a conversation with you and/or her son.

Kassandra - posted on 09/22/2010

Oh that's so hard! I had a similar experience with my first. Only it was my mother and my MIL stood up for me! My son was about 8 months old and my niece (very innocently actually) asked how long I planned to nurse for. Before I could answer my sister said something like, "Yeah, when they can start asking for it they are too old to have it". To which my mother said something about it being "disgusting" to nurse a talking child. I was flabbergasted as my son was only 8 months old! I honestly had thought about "how long" I was going to nurse him, he was still very much a baby! My MIL stood up for me and said she nursed my father and his brothers until they were three and that immediately shut up the peanut gallery. I proceeded to answer my niece honestly and ignore my mom and sister. He nursed until he was just three, six months after his sister was born and then his sister nursed until just before she turned three while I was in the first trimester with her sister and I'm currently nursing my 18 month old, with no plans to cut her off until we are both ready. No more peeps from the peanut gallery!

Brittany - posted on 09/22/2010

Most of my sisters breastfed until at least one. One of them is still breastfeeding her son who is about 18 months.

If your daughter is still under one how is it weird? They aren't supposed to have cows milk until one, and some pediatricians are saying to keep them off of it until two, or give them half skim half breastmilk/formula.

Luckily for me my MIL is a quiet soul... and if she does find it weird she has kept it to herself. Instead I deal with my SIL... who finds everything that I do with my daughter weird and stupid.

Beth - posted on 09/22/2010

Wow, what ignorance. Ignore her and do what is best for your baby. She probably feels threatened by your mothering skills.

Anisa - posted on 09/22/2010

Actually my MIL is about the only person that constantly questions me about bf, and I dont wanna get upset about it, so after indicating to her at least a million times that I will continue until he is about 2, i have officially given up justifying it her or anyone else who wants to know. Its a privelege and a right of the child. Dont let anyone tell you otherwise.
So a solution to that issue for me is to just ignore, and bring up my child the way I see is best. Trust me, today it would be bf, tomorrow its something else, and you will always be mocked or pushed around. At times, it would be best to ignore, and at other times, it would be to gently respond with how you feel and what will work for both of you, that is for you and your baby. That is whats most important at the end of the day.
And like me, I suppose you just get used to everyone wanting to tell you how to bring up your kid, then they see it dont matter, cos you do it your way anyways, and sometimes they give up, sometimes they perservere, all with good intention, though it can drive you crazy. So I laugh it off most of the time.
Hope this helps.

Tamara - posted on 09/22/2010

My neice is over 2 and still breast feeds at night, and before nap. Who made the rules.....??
God made our bodies produce food for our children. Guess the womans movment changed so much. So sick of the standards people set. Everyone is different!!

Brittany - posted on 09/22/2010

I know exactly where you're coming from......I had expected my MIL to be supportive too but once my daughter hit 6 months her & my FIL started giving me crap for it. Now at 9 & a half months & still going strong they tell my 2 year old son not to be embarassed to bring frineds over & my daughter's still breastfeeding.....when she's 10. They say I have a hang up, that's why I won't stop. She's 9 months old!!!! I get really bothered by their immaturity, I feel I'm doing a great service for my daughter providing her the best nutrition possible.

By continuing breastfeeding, I think you're doing the right thing. No sense in quitting because of others when you'd probably feel guilty later. I don't plan to stop either. Ignorant people are everywhere, it's just a shame we have to deal with them. Hang in there!! :)

Carol - posted on 09/22/2010

Is it her breast that are feeding your baby? If it was, she can say something but since they are yours and they are your 'property' so unless she takes them from you then she needs to keep her mouth shut. Their yours and they're a great source of food for your baby.

Cassandra - posted on 09/22/2010

my mother in law is the same why. i told her these r my kids and i will do with them as i please. there r alot of things i do she doesn't like but u kno what, i don't care. don't listen to anybody do what u want and feel good about it nursing is the best. i nursed my oldest son till he was 16 months(boy she had alot to say but i told her i will nurse till we want to stop), my second son was 14 months and my baby is only 8 n half months. we'll stop when we stop and don't care what anybody says!!!!!!!!!

Sarah-Jayne - posted on 09/22/2010

I know someone who BF her son till he was 2.5. I personally wouldn't. I dunno, I guess I would want them to not rely too much on it for social purposes, but you do what YOU feel is right for your baby. Pull her top up and ask her how she plans to run around with her breasts at her knee's!! =D

Penny - posted on 09/22/2010

The only reason I quit breasting my daughter at 13 almost 14 months was cause I got pregnant and started having very strong contractions. My mothe in law was not happy that I was nursing so long. I think is is cause she quit nursing hers really early cause she had no support system to help her get going. If your mother in law never nursed hen she may be jealous of you.

Kathy - posted on 09/22/2010

I don't get pediatricians who say that breast milk isn't healthy. It's chock full of good stuff for the kids. Although I planned to wean at one, we're still going strong and my son is almost 19 months. When he a a three-day stomach virus this past winter, I was so glad he was still nursing, it was a huge comfort for him when he felt bad and one of the only things he could eat.

Re: pulling up the shirt, it's a possibility. If you don't want that (which I didn't) teach your daughter the sign for milk. Whenever my son pulls on my shirt I ask him if he wants milk and then remind him to sign it.

Kimberly - posted on 09/22/2010

Ignore your MIL or any one else dumb enough to think they have any say in this matter. I nursed until 14 months. My son pretty much self weaned, he totally lost interest. We were trying to get pregnant (through infertility) and they told me I had to wean completely because of our past history/complications with getting pregnant. I felt okay about it, I had hoped to at least make it a year and I did, and he seemed ready to stop.

Erin - posted on 09/22/2010

I'm sorry that you Mother in Law is mocking you. That is just wrong. Nurse her as long as you want! There are some ladies that nurse for three years! Do what ever you and your daughter wants. It is very healthy for her. You are doing the right thing. :)

Lynne - posted on 09/22/2010

I breastfed my older daughter til she was 16 months. She self-weaned but i think it was because i was 3 months pregnant! I am still nursing my 13 month old and plan to until she is ready to self-wean but i did start to drop the pumping sessions. shes not taking as much from the bottle anymore. just prefers to nurse...

Cindy - posted on 09/22/2010

So I am new on here, but just wanted to give my little two cents. I BF'd my daughter, who is now 23 months, until she was 18 months. She would have went longer, but I felt that was long enough for her. Up until she was 15 months she was still waking up at night to bf and then bf twice a day. At 15 months I cut out the night time feeding and just BF her at lunch until she was 18 months old. It is not any of your MIL's business that you are still BFing your daughter. 12 months is still young and it is still good nutrition for them. With her next comment I would tell her to do a little research into breastfeeding. In 3rd world countries they BF a lot longer than we do here, BFing is still not a common thing to most people and there a lot of people who are uncomfortably about it. My dad gave me a hard time for bfing for so long, but I would put the facts out there to him. It is not something that he was used to seeing so he didn't know the facts. He just did not think it was natural for her to still be bfing after 1, but the fact is bfing is the most natural thing a woman can do for her baby. Good luck with it all and hang in there.

Rebecca - posted on 09/22/2010

WHO recommends until age one and American Pediatric something (AAP? I think) says "at least a year and for as long thereafter as both mother and baby desire"

Elsabie - posted on 09/22/2010

Hi Lucy, that is not true at all! Here are a couple of links to a website.

The article is a bit long, but well worth reading and there are some very useful links on the bottom of it. I love this website, it is really good and very informative. I would print out the bottom one and take it to my ped if I was you. The drmomma website is great and full of information. Hope this helps.

http://www.drmomma.org/2010/09/natural-w...

http://thebabybond.com/NaturalWeaningAge...

Renee - posted on 09/21/2010

Nanette, you should not let ur mil discourage you! You will know when it's time to stop my daughter led the way at 12months NEARLY FULLY WEANED EXCEPT LAST FEED AT NIGHT AND FIRST THING IN THE MORNING., then she got sick after starting daycare but regressed and nursed for nother 2 months then she went onto 50% cows milk and 50% boiled water.

Darcy - posted on 09/21/2010

Ignore her and parent your child with your heart. My mother doesn't "get" bfing either - she didn't do it and can't understand why I would. My mother in law is better, but we've gone a long time with both kids, and she even has her bad moments. I don't regret it with either (28 mos with my son and my 19 mo old still bfeeds). I wouldn't trade it for the world.....

Rebecca - posted on 09/21/2010

You are doing a great job, just as everyone else has said. I nursed my daughter for 3 1/2 years (nursed her while pregnant and also tandem). My son is 15 months and shows no sign of stopping. There is absolutely no reason to quit unless you or your daughter decide that you are done, no one else. I am very happy that I have been nursing for 4 years and 4 months straight :)

Dawn - posted on 09/21/2010

My own mom put me through that along with my husband's family. But ou know what? You are doing the right thing for you and your baby. Eventually she will probably self-wean and that is hard emotionally. My baby girl just stopped nursing a month ago (she's 16 months now) and it was kind of heartbreaking for me because she is a constantly on the move no time for cuddles kind of gal. That time was quiet time for us to bond. So don't let anyone make you feel bad-you enjoy the time that you have BFing her! Also, I started to think with my own mom that she said the things she did because she was jealous that she didn't give BFing a chance. She could see the amazing bond I had with my daughter and I had told her all the benefits and I think she just felt she had made a bad decision. Maybe, your MIL is ignorant to the benefits or she wishes she could have given her children the gift you are giving yours but either way don't let her trample your spirit!! I hope that all of the posts here help you! You have a lot of support! :o)

Nikki - posted on 09/21/2010

don't give up! Do what you feel is right! It's your body and your child! What a wonderful bonding experience!

Colleen - posted on 09/21/2010

My mum asked at 9 months "don't you think you ought to stop doing *that* soon?" when I was breastfeeding my twins. I answered "no". That was that. You have to be strong. People don't need any justification from you as to your choices. I kept going with my twins until they were 28 months...my proudest achievement in my life. Admittedly I didn't feed them in public much because they wanted to go together, and I wasn't comfortable bearing all, so it was quite private later on, but I never hesitated to tell people they were still nursing and how nice it was to have some calm quiet time with my busy boys.

Kate - posted on 09/21/2010

oooh, tell her it's none of her beeswax. really, it's not her place to tell you not to nurse your one year old.

Krista - posted on 09/21/2010

Just tell her you are doing the very best for your daughter and that even the WHO recommends nursing at LEAST until age 1. You go mama. who care what your MIL says.

Jeanne - posted on 09/21/2010

I have a 25 month old that loves to nurse - when she gets up, after nap time and bedtime. I love it too. There is absolutely nothing wrong with nursing your baby, it is the very best thing for them. I had no idea that I would want to nurse this long, and even longer. Keep it up! I'm sorry that MIL was so nasty to you. Some people just don't understand. I don't think my mom understands but at least she keeps quiet!!! Good luck!

Jessica - posted on 09/21/2010

My MIL sound very similar and one day i had enough and told her she needs to stop being jelous of her grandchild. My Hubby then commented saying to his mum if she wanted any (breast milk) all she had to do was ask as i had plently to share!
So now everytime she goes to comment i just say not enough vitamins in ya coffee i could add some for you if you like. She shuts up very quick and it gives everyone around a good laugh

Mary - posted on 09/21/2010

Of course breast milk is still nutritious for a 19 month old!!! They should also be getting other nutrition if possible, but severely allergic kids are sometimes breastfed exclusively til over 2! And thrive wonderfully on it! Your doctor sounds very ignorant and uninformed Lucy, if you like him, you should get some correct and up to date nursing literature (from LLL your local chapter) and educate him. Tell him you want him to have the info so he does not incorrectly inform anyone else.

As a matter of fact, in some cultures there are remedies for illness made from mother's milk, and are effective even on adults. I seem to remember there being experiments to do with extracting something from breastmilk to treat cancer was it? Or something else... not sure if it worked or what, but there are WONDERFUL properties in mothers milk that do NOT stop at some magical age that people's mother in laws or doctors decide is "old enough" to stop breastfeeding.
My husband was supportive, but at a year old he started making noise about "wanting my breasts back"... I was like, YA RIGHT. Your preference for playing with non milk producing breasts does NOT take precedence over my baby's happiness. Play with them as is, or not at all. Sheesh. The stereotype as breasts as sexual objects and it being "weird" to breastfeed grosses me out SO BAD!!!

Andrea - posted on 09/20/2010

I'm sorry. What I do is tell people to do some research and look at studies....and that I too was once ignorant!! My son is 15 months and we are still going strong. I'm gonna let him decide. If you told me three years ago I would be nursing a child past a year I would have told you you were crazy. I did research and found out the longer the better. So step one tell her to do some research. Step two let her k ow that it is society that has made breasts sex objects which they are not they were made to give our young the best nutrition they can get. (that one normally stops all my critics in their steps) step 3 if she is a Christian tell her to read the bible and she will find you should nurse way past a year. These three steps have changed almost every negative encounter I have had and made them sink in their seats. Good luck!! Congrats for making it this long I know your lo appreciates it. Also don't let anyone tell you when you and your lo should stop. I think your instincts and your child's is good enough:)

Nanette - posted on 09/17/2010

Thank you, I am going to write her a letter.

Judy, Im not sure about it not being nutrious bc I can't see how it wouldn't be. as long as your child is eating other foods and stuff I can't see how its not.

Karen - posted on 09/17/2010

Your doing the best thing for you and your baby. Try not to let it get to you. I'm having the same problems too with my MIL and SIL's, and i've got a 10 month old. So your not alone. I now rattle off BFing benefits to them now (just google breastfeeding benefits and you get tonnes of little tid bits), instead of always defending my choice to BF. Keep it up, its soo wonderful, i think it such a great bonding experience for mother and baby.

Lucy - posted on 09/17/2010

My daughter is 19 months old and still breastfeeding! Every body is saying I must stop, even her pedetrician. I'm not ready to stop, and my baby loves it so much. Her pedetrician says breast milk is no longer nutritious at this at her age. Is it true?

Jeannette - posted on 09/16/2010

My husband thinks that when our son is one, I should stop. (He is 10 months now.) I'm not going to stop at 1, but I may cut down feedings to morning and night. I'm not sure yet. Either way, I'm not going to stop. I think his family thinks I'm weird for still breastfeeding. Sigh.
It totally sucks when nobody supports you. At least you know what you want to do and what works for you.
I'm the only person I know who has breastfed for as long as I have. So my only support as been from my husband. Don't worry about what your MIL says. You know what is best.

Marcy - posted on 09/15/2010

For every one person who is supportive of your decision to BF it seems like there are 9 others who don't. I nursed my son until he was 4 and I can't even tell you how many times I had to listen to the same thing. You will find that there are lots of mommies on here that have been in your shoes. Chances are if you continue to nurse her she will be running around and she will pull up your shirt. You know what, its awesome. if she says anything to you again just tell her in a nice calm voice "I am not going to have this conversation with you. You make me feel bad and while I know its not intentional (yeah, right) I have enough on my plate right now. Then, get up and walk away.

My MIL was 100% supportive of my BF and so was my hubby. Actually, he wanted me to keep going. My mother and I never saw eye to eye on that and co-sleeping.

Just know that you are not alone and like I tell all mommies on here who are faced with the same problem think of it this way.......As soon as you stop nursing she will find something else to bug you about. Hugs.

Brittany - posted on 09/15/2010

I am glad you're not planning to stop! It's best for your little one! MILs can be hard sometimes. Just know that you're doing what's best for your little one. The mocking is hard. Tell your MIL that you love her, but you believe this is what is best for your little one. Tell her that you don't want her to criticise you in front of your little girl. Tell that you want to keep your relationship with her strong, so you think it's something that would be best not to talk about. If worst comes to worst, have your husband talk to her and tell her that that kind of behavior is unacceptable. That you all have decided this and it's not something that is up for debate.
You're doing great! Mommy knows what is best, so don't let anyone----even family----tell you otherwise.

Teresa - posted on 09/15/2010

Try not to let it get to you (probably much harder done than said). You are doing GREAT!! My son is 2.5 and still very much attached.

Nanette - posted on 09/15/2010

Thank you everyone for the comments. My MIL didn't nurse my husband bc the doctor told her that formula was better. So she only nursed her other 3 kids for a couple of months, before giving them milk. She said to me why can't you just give her milk. I said well why would I give her milk with all those hormones and stuff they put in the milk, while I can just give her milk thats much healthier, not to mention free and more convenient. My mom nursed me my brother and younger sister. My mom said my brother and I both weaned ourselves around 1 year old, and my sister weaned herself when she was 3. my sister is the healthiest now out of all three of us kids... plus shes the smartest too! I am not good with confrontation, so I am going to write my MIL a letter! My MIL and FIL love their other DIL and she is all they ever talk about, so when it came to me bfing Lilly, they said "well Stephanie weaned her kids at 1". I wanted to say so badly... "well im not stephanie, in anyway. Im not as skinny as her, as pretty as her, not as a good cook as her... everything, shes good at everything. all shes all they ever talk about. She might not have bf her babies over a year... but I am! I didn't say any of that bc It just wouldnt come out. lol. Thank you for your support! My husband and my mother support me so at least someone does. Thank you guys! I needed it!

Jodi - posted on 09/15/2010

Lately I have been getting LOTS of comments from the peanut gallery, besides the fact that my daughter is 18 months old, I'm pregnant with twins. I have had to tell people that if they can't be supportive and accept MY decision then they can keep their comments to themselves.
You are doing a GREAT job andsuch a great thing for your daughter! You will never regret breastfeeding your child, no matter how long you do it for! Some people can be really ignorant about breastfeeding and we need to stick together so they can't bring us down.

Celeste - posted on 09/15/2010

You're doing the best for your child. I know it's hard, my mom and sister have mocked me for nursing my kids past a year. I remember one day we were at my cousin's house. There was a toy tea pot and one of my boys was getting the top part and pretending to drink from it. My mom said "Ha ha! That looks like a boob!" and then proceeded to make fun of them for nursing so long and said how gross it was. Yeah, real mature for a 50 year old woman.



I have science and facts to back me up. My mom has ignorance and immaturity. So, there ya go LOL