my son is 9mo. and will not fall asleep by himself what do i do?

Jennifer - posted on 08/13/2009

Have you read the book No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley? It has some GREAT, gentle tips on getting your child to sleep on his/her own at night.

Honestly at 9 months, he may still need the comfort of the breast at night. And especially when they are teething, the frequently sucking motion of breastfeeding is very comforting for them and feels good at relieving some of the pain of teething. I would wait until he's done getting his tooth before you let him cry more at night. He is probably crying because he just needs comfort and he doesn't feel good. I know it's hard and you are exhausted, I've totally been there!!! Sometimes I just have to tell myself, "It's not about me anymore, it's about my boy and what he needs right now, and if that means sacrificing my sleep for a while, that ok. He's only little once."

Nichelle - posted on 08/13/2009

i don't believe in the "cry it out" approach. i believe children should never be left crying for more than 5 minutes. when my daughter (who is 6 months) has a hard time falling asleep i wait 5 minutes in between, then go in there and pick her up and calm her down, then put her back down. i rub her head and say, "it's ok, hunny" or something like that. sometimes that's all it takes, and sometimes it takes a few times. try doing that!! your son will love ya for it!

Olivia - posted on 08/13/2009

I am sorry I think 10 minutes is too short. but that is just me... I did originally try 10 minutes but found that I was going back too often... So I just waited to see how long he would cry (Not abuse, he was fed, safe and changed) the longest he went crying was like 18 minutes then he stopped and started talking to himself or a toy or whatever... then another 10 minutes later he was sleep (I could hear the snores) But you must do what you feel is best.

I also think giving a pacifier at night ONLY would be helpful. let him have it for a while and then after a few weeks he might just give it up on his own. What I did was Paci at night only for like 8-10months and then at 10 months I tried to put him to sleep without the paci each night. If he got too restless then I would come back after the 30 min and give it to him... most of the time he would go to sleep without it. (just my experience)

Olivia - posted on 08/13/2009

Hello.

I really do sympathize with you.

My mother told me never to let the kids sleep in your bed ever until they are old enough to understand the difference. I did not take her advice. (What does she know anyway LOL) so I had to get my kid out of my bed too.

What did I do? Well first, I continued the pacifier until his first B-day. Second. I just dealt with a lot of crying and noise until he finally exhausted himself and fell asleep. I think that 1 week was the time that it took for my first son. Now at 26 months (really from that time 7months on) I will put him in his room and close the door. He rolls over on his own. He is sleep within minutes. (I have even experienced him going upstairs and going to bed on his own without me even asking)



I just had twins and because of the complexities of having an infant and a toddler (let alone 2 infants LOL) I knew that I could not get the bed sharing started.

I never gave them an opportunity. If I fell asleep while breastfeeding whenever I woke up... I transported them to their own cribs. Now they go to sleep on their own and sleep through the night (10pm til 8am) at 5 1/2 months.



The trick for all you new moms is NEVER get started. It is a bad habit and a bear to break.



For you my dear... I suggest setting a time limit (30-45 mins) of absolutely NO NO NO contact with your son when you are trying to put him to sleep.

1-Put him in the room in his bed... walk away. No cuddling no laughing... straight business.

2-If in 30-45 minutes he is still making a racket. Go in the room, calm him down (I would pick up for a short time or rub his hair and say soothing things, this step should take a minute or two.

3-put him back in the crib and walk away. (time limit starts again)

4-keep this up till his is sleep



GOOD LUCK

Eirini - posted on 08/13/2009

yes I did I am going back to school soon and I need my sleep when he was in the bed with me he would wake up almost every hour and have to nurse to sleep and I agree with letting him cry no longer than 10 min.. i also cut him off of his paci because the same thing he would wake up and need it to go back to sleep...

Terri - posted on 08/13/2009

Hi, I was going through the same thing with my 9 month old. But she won I could not deal with all of the cring, she refused to go to sleep without nursing. She never took a pacifier or a bottle so neither of those worked, I talked with my doctor and my lactating nurse and they both asked me why I would try to change her routine at 9 months? SO I stopped for now. They both told me to wait a little longer until she could understand nite nite without the breast. I hope this helps and good luck. Let me know how you end up breaking him of the bad habit!

Brandi - posted on 08/13/2009

Did you do all of this at the same time? If so it may be a little stressful for him. Try sitting in a chair next to the crib and nursing him to get him relaxed. When he's calm and/or asleep transfer him to his crib. He will likely cry for a little bit, but if he's tired he will go to sleep. I have the 10 minute rule; if she's still crying in 10 minutes I'll go soothe her. She's 11 months and I've only had to go back in to soothe her once.