Need Moral Support...Husband/family not helping

Amy - posted on 01/06/2010 ( 5 moms have responded )

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My daughter is only 1week and 3days old. I have been breast feeding since about 20min after birth. We have had issues with her weight and feeding because of her Jaundice (which is finally under control) But her weight has not gone up as much as the doc wanted. The doc is def pro breast, so I'm getting some support there, but my husband is tired of me spending all my time with a baby attached to my boob, when I sould be spending time with my 3yr old too. So he keeps asking me "how long are you going to keep this up before you switch to formula"
The thing that hurts is he makes me feel guilty for spending "ALL" my time with baby and not with her older brother. I keep trying to remind him that since she is a little behind on her weight, it's going to take just a little longer to get the hang of it than it took with our son. Now I have problems with her not emptying the breast and have had to pump after a feeding to give to her in a bottle, just so she gets the hind milk and sleeps.
Does anybody have any ideas on how to get her to feed better?

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5 Comments

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Anneke - posted on 01/06/2010

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it isnt always going to be like this it does get better, your husband should be happy his baby is being fed right and well looked after. I do remember at the start of breastfeeding I felt like a cow being milked all the time, my other half didnt care about that whatever was best for baby. Keep at it is you can, babies are very hungary at the start and can feed up to 20 times a day.
I have been breastfeeding 11 months now. And with your eldest maybe as someone sugested read to him, so something where you can feed and interact with your other child as he may feel left out.

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Wow, I'm sorry to hear that he's making you feel guilty. You just had a baby and your baby needs you. He needs to help you with the older one until you get into the swing of things. I'm sure you've already tried talking to him, but make sure he knows how important breastfeeding is to you and how hurtful his comments are. Be careful with the bottle because she's still pretty young and could begin to prefer the bottle over your breast. You could keep offering the same breast until she completely empties it then switch to the other side. You will both get the hang of it pretty soon. I like Megan's ideas of reading to your oldest while you nurse.

Megan - posted on 01/06/2010

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First off, congratulations on your little girl! But I'm so sorry to hear that your husband isn't supporting you in breastfeeding! If your daughter is having trouble eating, have you tried contacting a lactation consultant or switching how you hold her? My friend's daughter had a lot of trouble eating at first and they discovered that football holding her in the beginning made her more comfortable.
Also, I agree with Imani that you can still engage your older child while focusing on your new one (who needs that constant TLC right now!!). Just keep a basket of toys nearby or read him a story while you nurse. And if hubby still protests that your son is ignored, encourage him to use the time your nursing to do some "male" bonding!

Breanne - posted on 01/06/2010

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I am sorry to hear that. I would wish your husband be more supportive. You giving your underweight daughter the breast is the best thing for her tiny body. Try to nurse your daughter and maybe do a puzzle with your son to, or get him to sit with you and read him and the baby a story. Get him to draw pictures for the baby and really try to include them both. She's still really young, she'll pick it up better with a little more time.

Imani - posted on 01/06/2010

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I feel very bad for u that your husband and his family do not support u. my midwife told me that it is better to pump the fore milk which is a little lighter and give it to the child if she still wants more even after feeding and to let her first get the hind milk. your little girl just gets a little tired because of the extra work her liver has to clear the jaundice. my son had it too and my mil took some time before it started to flow. Pumping helps and a lot of patience.

I wish u all the best. do not despair, with your older child, engage him also during activities with the baby. that works always no matter how small they may be.that way u avoid building jealousy between them and spend some time with both of them.

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