Need suggestions on getting son in crib and sleep through the night

Teresa - posted on 06/29/2009

CIO is the easy way out? Yeah, listening to my daughter scream for 2 hours was easy. Not even close. I'm not a fan of CIO in general, but when I did it I truly felt it was the best option for ALL of our sanities. It worked and 7 years later she still hasn't had any adverse effects. I would never consider it for a young infant (she was 9 months old at the time) and would not continue it if the crying did not dramatically decrease w/in a few nights (first night was 2 hours, second night 30 minutes, third night 5 minutes or less), but I don't see how it is appropriate to be saying parents that choose to do CIO should not have kids. :(

Dana - posted on 06/29/2009

I'm going through the same thing. My sister gave me her old crib and suggested I do the same thing she did, which was crawl right into the crib with him. I have a regular crib and it held her weight and it's holding mine. She's around 145 and I'm 125. Last night I laid in it facing the side and didn't interact with him. In the end I did end up nursing him to sleep but in the crib and then I was able to crawl out. It may seem to exteme for you but I think it's going to work for me. Also, no disrespect to anyone but it isn't recommeded to let them cry it out anymore. I've always heard that they catch on after a few days but I tried it at night only for 20 min to 30 min, for 3 days. Didn't work. I thought I noticed a change in his attitiude and I still feel bad about it. I'm pretty sure that it was Dr. Sears that said over 20 minutes of hard crying is bad and starts to deprive oxygen to parts of the brain.

Sarah - posted on 06/27/2009

My son slept in our bed until he was 71/2 months. He started in a bassinet and at 4 months ended up in our bed. (turned out he has a dairy sensitivity which was causing him a lot of disruption . ) Once he felt better, it was just habit. I didn't actually nurse lying down as I was too unsure about how much he was getting. We knew it was time to move him when he was getting super restless. I then used the baby whisperer book. I tried letting him cry it out. He'd cry for 2 plus hours. I couldn't bear it. The baby whisperer was time consuming but as close to tear free as you can get with a baby!! But he sleeps all night in his own bed and has for months now. Good luck! As for all of the crap going back and forth about crying or not I think people to to get off other people and do what they feel is best for their child. I am so tired of people throwing remarks back and forth at each other. We are all trying our best after all and no one is perfect!

Chelsea - posted on 06/27/2009

Quoting Kelley:

Quoting Sandra:

Don't let you baby cry to sleep. Parenting is a 24 hour job, not just from 8 a.m. to 8 p.m.

 

It does not hurt a baby to cry himself to sleep.  You are still parenting by going in to soothe the child and help them to fall asleep on their own.  If you never let your baby cry then they will never learn and grow as they should.  Babies cry...and it's okay to let them (as long as it doesn't get to the extreme of getting so upset they're vomiting or something like that). 

Kelley,

I would like to see studies that prove this point.  To my knowledge your point has only been disproved many many times.  Infants who are left to cry often develop an insecure attachment, behavioral problems later on and suffer psychological damage.   Basically it's the easy way out for parents.  Did you have children to fit them to your life?  I sincerely hope not we have infants and they change our lives.  That means they also change our sleep.  If you can't handle nighttime parenting in an appropriate loving, nurturing, respectful way than you shouldn't have had children.   

Chelsea - posted on 06/27/2009

Quoting Tee:

You started something! My children range in age from 8 months to 15! There is a 4 year old and a 6 year old in the middle! I've said that to say this, If you can stand the crying continue and he will get the hint. The hard part is it will take time. I learned the hard way, don't put them in the bed with you because then you have to come to the point where you are now! I know how you feel. With my 8 month old, I have not brought him into our bed! I lost a lot of sleep but, I'm not where you are! Sorry!

Tee,

The advice to let an infant cry it out has damaging effects on infants.  It can lead to an insecure attachment, behavior problems later on and physiological damage.  Of course it's your choice to continue this practice but don't give other mothers information that has been proven to cause harm.  We are hard wired to respond to our infants cries for a reason.  That is the only way they can communicate and to shut them down and out only teaches them that they are not important.   

Also co-sleeping is not a negative thing and shouldn't be looked at that way.  it is the most natural way to parent an infant who NEED close contact even at night.  Newborns who co-sleep have been shown to be healthier with better blood sugar levels and lower levels or cortisol (the stress hormone).  This is the same for older infants.  Parenting is a 24/7 job.  We don't have infants to make them fit our lives we have infants and they change our lives.     

Melissa - posted on 06/27/2009

i had nap problems with my daughter and tried the book "the no-cry nap solution". in less than a week she is now taking two naps a day in her crib at 1.5-2 hrs per nap. i never had a problem sleeping through the night, but there is a night sleep book called "the no-cry sleep solution". good luck and hope this helps :)

Amy - posted on 06/25/2009

thank you to all who answered. I have a lot to think about, and try. I also appreciate the support.

Kelley - posted on 06/25/2009

Quoting Sandra:

Don't let you baby cry to sleep. Parenting is a 24 hour job, not just from 8 a.m. to 8 p.m.

 

It does not hurt a baby to cry himself to sleep.  You are still parenting by going in to soothe the child and help them to fall asleep on their own.  If you never let your baby cry then they will never learn and grow as they should.  Babies cry...and it's okay to let them (as long as it doesn't get to the extreme of getting so upset they're vomiting or something like that). 

Kelley - posted on 06/25/2009

I've been lucky that both my kids (my son is now 4.5 and my daughter is 4 months) both never had this problem. We also never let them sleep with us in bed...other than a few hours here and there first thing in the morning. Try a sound spa...My daughter LOVES the ocean sound on her's. Just relaxes her.



Unfortunately you might need to just deal with a week or so of crying himself to sleep both at naps and at night time, but eventually Garrett will start to fall asleep quickly and quietly on his own. When he cries, just try your best (I know it's easier said than done) to NOT pick him up and bring him in bed with you. At 10 1/2 months he probably fully understands that if he cries he gets to sleep in your bed.



Also, try to start a good bedtime routine. Do the same thing nightly and make sure it's things that are calm, relaxing...like reading books together. It might even work to start by letting Garrett fall asleep while you're holding him and then you lay him in his crib. If he wakes up, go in and give him his pacifier (if he takes one) or his blanket or whatever soothes him. When you go in the first few times let him know it's okay and goodnight. :) Any time after that just go in and cover him up or whatever without talking to him. After a few nights, start putting him in his crib while he's very drowsy but not completely out yet. You'll eventually work up to putting him in his crib while he's tired, but awake, and he'll get himself to sleep.



I know I threw a lot out there! Sorry! Probably sounds like rambling! These little things, though (sound spa, items to soothe like a pacifier or stuffed bear, getting a nighttime routine, etc.) really worked for my husband and I - especially with our daughter! Good luck!

Sandra - posted on 06/25/2009

Don't let you baby cry to sleep. Parenting is a 24 hour job, not just from 8 a.m. to 8 p.m. CIO causes many proven physical and psychological changes that harm baby. It's never ever necessary to neglect him like that - it just teaches him that no one cares, it's not teaching him to self soothe. http://geriatricmama.wordpress.com/ap-ci...



Maybe start baby out at night in his own bed, and allow him to come in when he wakes first. Eventually he may start sleeping through in there. I personally believe in self-weaning, meaning they all decide when they're ready to go. What a loving and wonderful thing you're doing, sharing your bed. Babies were never meant to sleep separate from us, especially in the first year of their exciting life in this world. Good luck.

Tee - posted on 06/25/2009

By the way, tried that toddler bed next to my bed with the first! She still would get into bed with us! This went on until she was about 5! She 15 now! This is definately not my first rodeo!

Tee - posted on 06/25/2009

I never said that babies don't want to be with mom! Especially if they are nursing, mom is All they want! The point I was trying to make is that when you start something like nursing in your bed, they become acustom to that! With both of my boys and my baby girl, I made it a point to go to their rooms and nurse sitting up so they would not get used to sleeping with me and they would be able to sleep alone without the screaming! Been there done that, got the tshirt!

Cheyenne - posted on 06/25/2009

I'm afraid I have to disagree with Tee. All babies want to be close to their mothers, but some more so than others. It is just part of your baby's nature, especially with boys. I have to commend you on breastfeeding, not many moms are making that sacrifice for their children these days.

My daughter (who is 2yrs old now) also slept with us in our bed, on-and-off, depending on what was happening in her little life (like teething!) So I know how frustrating it gets, believe me! What I can definately recommend, as it was the ONLY solution that worked, is to get a little toddler bed that fits right next to your side of the bed. I found that Anabelle actually slept a bit better because she wasnt disturbed by our movements during sleep, but if she did wake up, I could give her my arm to cuddle and whisper reassuringly to her, and she'd go straight back to sleep, feeling safe and knowing that I was right there. It takes two or three nights for them to get used to sleeping in the bed next to you but they take to that much easier because you are right there to reassure them of your presence and LOVE!!

The fact is CHILDREN DONT ALWAYS SLEEP THROUGH till about 3 years old. It is normal! Some people find this insane and will tell you how their kids sleep through every night, but let me tell you, they are the minority! And many times, that result is only achieved by letting the child cry for long periods of time for weeks on end, till the child just gets used to it.

Please do NOT use this method, there are many other things you can try besides the one I just shared with you! A baby does not know you are coming back or understand that you are trying to sleep train him and will think you've abandoned him. It doesnt make sense to want a child to fall asleep after sobbing his heart out for the comfort of his mother. IT IS UNNATURAL.

It sounds like you are doing a brilliant job so far, just keep trusting your instincts and you'll do fine!

Try joining the free La Leche League group in your area, just look them up. It's a breastfeeding (and natural parenting) support group that has helped me tremendously!

Good luck!

Sabrina - posted on 06/25/2009

I went through the same thing. I had our son co-sleep because it was easier during night and early morning breast-feedings with our son. I tried sleep positioners, radios, and all the tricks. I ended up finding out that it was because he wanted to sleep on his tummy. Since your son is 10 1/2 months, he is old enough to not worry about SIDS. So, I would try it (i don't know if it will work for you, but it did for us). He sleeps on him tummy in his crib with lullabye music playing in his room and one of his blankets has my scent on it.

Hope this helps!! Good luck!!

Amber - posted on 06/25/2009

My son is only 5 months and just started sleeping in his own crib. It has been hard. He still ends up in our bed at about 5 a.m. most mornings, but it started out that he would sleep the first few hours and it has just stretched out. Just don't give up. I also slept with a soft blanket and then put that blanket on his crib mattress like a sheet he likes the softness and it has my scent. Good luck and it is a process just take it a little at a time eventually you will get there

Heather - posted on 06/25/2009

You could try baby massage and start at his feet and work your way up to help him relax. Also, try letting him sleep on his side, that really worked for us. You just place a wedge or rolled up blanket behind him. Do you have a a toy that plays music like a glo worm or sea horse? I nurse my 4 mo old until he starts to doze off and then out him to bed. You may also want to try using another temporary form of sleeping unit, like a moses basket or a bassinet in your room but not in your bed. And then gradually he will become accustomed to not sleeping beside you. Baby steps! Check with your Dr. about any other suggestions. Good Luck!

Tee - posted on 06/25/2009

You started something! My children range in age from 8 months to 15! There is a 4 year old and a 6 year old in the middle! I've said that to say this, If you can stand the crying continue and he will get the hint. The hard part is it will take time. I learned the hard way, don't put them in the bed with you because then you have to come to the point where you are now! I know how you feel. With my 8 month old, I have not brought him into our bed! I lost a lot of sleep but, I'm not where you are! Sorry!