Night Feedings

Itsamystery - posted on 05/02/2009

you're welcome Eternity (lovely name BTW!). At about the same age as your daughter (or maybe a few months older, I can't remember exactly) we bought a king single mattress (a little more expensive than a single but well worth it for the extra space) and put it on the floor in our bedroom. I started using this as my son's bed, both for naps and for sleeping at night. When he would wake for a feed in the night I would move from my bed down to his bed and feed him. If he fell asleep before I did I would move back but if not I'd wake up there in the morning. It worked really well for us, because he had his own space, we had our space back (though we missed him!!) and we still had all the benefits of co-sleeping (not losing any sleep over night feeds & being able to respond quickly). As he got older and was sleeping longer between feeds he was sleeping most of the night on his own. So that was the transition from co-sleeping. I think it worked well because we did it at a good age.

The transition from sleeping without boob took a bit more effort. We started about a month ago over the long weekend. I recruited my hubby to help - up until then he had lost hardly a wink of sleep because of co-sleeping, so he could hardly refuse!! So daddy responded to all night wakings for the first five nights. He would hold our son and cuddle him and explain that he could have milk in the morning but not now. I slept in the spare room. The first night he cried for a good hour and it took about 1.5 hours to get him back to sleep. The second night he cried for about 40 mins and it took a good hour to get him to sleep. The third night he cried for about 15 mins and it took half an hour to get him back to sleep. The fourth night he slept through. Fifth night I took over and he knew I had what he wanted so it was difficult to get him back to sleep. 6th night was quicker, about 40 mins. By the 7th night he wasn't crying anymore, just learning how to get back to sleep without the boob. Took about another 5 nights for him to learn how to do this, mastering it quicker and quicker each time, until he was only waking for 5 minutes or not waking at all. Now he if he wakes, he stirs, rolls over and settles back down to sleep. So all up it took a week of hard work and another week of not so hard work. We're just about to move the mattress to his own room, so I'll let you know how it goes I'm not anticipating any problems though because he loves his room, and his bed.

We have another on the way and I might try night weaning a little earlier with the next one depending on his/her comprehension skills (I think being able to understand really helps a little one cope with night weaning). Our arrangement with our son was so easy that there wasn't a lot of imperative to get him sleeping through the night in a hurry, so I just kept things as they were for a long time... we could have done it earlier if I'd been concerned with making it happen quicker. I enjoyed all the snuggling and I also knew once he was night weaned that would be over too, so maybe I was being selfish, haha!!

Anyway, sorry for the long post. Hope that gives you some ideas you can use and helps ease your mind that your daughter will eventually sleep through, in her own bed, and in the mean time you can feel free to enjoy the snuggle time.

Eternity - posted on 05/02/2009

Thanks for this post Kate, it made me feel a lot better. My daughter is 11 months old and still waking up 2 to 3 times a night. She sleeps with me because I find it easier and she hates her cot! I sometimes worry about how I will get her to sleep in her own bed and get her to go to sleep without the boob. How did you make the transition with your little one?

Itsamystery - posted on 05/02/2009

Here's a good link to a discussion of the pro's and con's of Ferber and other sleep training methods, which makes reference to a number of studies on infant sleep: http://www.parentingscience.com/Ferber-m...

www.askdrsears.com has good infant sleep advice and so does http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth/books/0...

Olivia - posted on 05/02/2009

Does she nurse well at night or does she fall right back to sleep. My lo will wake more often if he doesn't finish nursing so I have to keep him awake to finish. He has only
been waking once a night so this seems to be working.

Itsamystery - posted on 05/02/2009

I think if you're considering putting yourself and you child through the cry it out ordeal it's worth hearing both sides of people's experiences with this method beforehand.

Here's a link to a discussion between parents who tried the Ferber (cry it out) method, and regretted doing so because: they felt that it caused emotional damage to their child, observed their child become afraid of being left alone/afraid of going to bed/becoming more clingy, and/or they felt like it damaged their child's trust in them: http://au.answers.yahoo.com/question/ind... . Personally I can share that my sister in law used it with her son and he does not have a happy disposition (whether that's just his nature or from being ferberised we'll never know), but he hardly smiles and doesn't laugh at all. At 2.5 years old he still isn't sleeping well either despite their sticking with it for several months and referberising him after every disruption... so it didn't work for them long term. On the other hand my son at 2 sleeps 10 hours every night with no disruptions even though we co-slept and breastfed up until about a month ago. When we compare notes my sister in law has lost many, many more hours sleep.

I personally (through much research on infant development and attachment) believe that CIO harms your baby's self esteem by teaching him that he's not worthy of your response, it discourages him from communicating his needs to you (which is why eventually they give up crying - they've given up communicating), it interferes with his attachment and trust in you, and it introduces stress pathways into his brain at a time when his brain is doing some of the most important developing it will ever do.

If it's traumatic for you to listen to his cries, imagine how hard it is for him when he doesn't understand why you're not responding.

I don't mean to start an argument, I just think it's worth hearing both sides and a myriad of experiences and results before doing something like CIO so you can make an informed choice.

Rebecca Lynn - posted on 05/01/2009

My now 4yr old son started sleeping through the night around 6 weeks and my 3.5 month old Ashley has been since 2 months.

Sunny - posted on 05/01/2009

I just read in a book that if they wake on the clock it's a bad habit, but if there is no schedule to her wakings, she is probably going thru a growth spurt and hungry.

Allison - posted on 05/01/2009

Quoting Kemmily:

Oh and one last thing... sleeping through the night will happen but can still be disrupted once in a while when she's teething.. My son did that last month for a couple weeks, woke up after only a few hours of sleeping. Just try to comfort by holding her and doing some of the things I mentioned and go back to sleep. Teething is always hard for the baby and mommy! Hang in there.

That's why I don't recommend the cry-it-out method or the Ferber approach. It's one thing to let a baby cry for a few days to learn to go to sleep, but it's another thing if you have to repeat the process every time baby gets sick, or is teething, or after a vacation, or a growth spurt, or a developmental milestone.  That's a lot of crying - too much for me.

Suzanne - posted on 05/01/2009

Thanks for posting this question! My daughter is 8 1/2 months old and wakes 1-2 times nightly to nurse. I thought she was getting to old as well but after reading responese below I guess not.

Amber - posted on 05/01/2009

I had the same thing happen. My baby slept with me unti he was 7 months old. When he turned around 9 months, I just had to ween him from those night feedings. By then he was eating solids also, but not alot. He stopped waking up in the night around 9 and a half months old. I think it was more habit and comfort for him, since he pretty much always slept with me anyways.

Allison - posted on 05/01/2009

I think if she's able to go back to sleep by nursing, to keep doing it. There's nothing wrong with nursing for comfort or nursing back to sleep. Eventually, when she is developmentally ready, she will sleep all night and not need to nurse back to sleep. Keep in mind that teething, developmental milestones (like crawling and walking), growth spurts (which often occur at 9 months), and illnesses will increase the need to nurse and disrupt sleep.

I honestly believe that supporting sleep for the first 2 years of life is beneficial for healthy lifelong sleep habits and is really only a short amount of time in the grand scheme of things (in both your life and your child's life).

Rebecca - posted on 05/01/2009

As has already been said it is completely normal for a 9 month old to still wake at night my son still wakes at night and he is 13 mths all my lo's waked at night till a couple wks after they were weaned which was 14mths, 12mths and 26mths so far.

i think going cold turkey would be stressful for you both so not something i would reccomend.

Itsamystery - posted on 05/01/2009

It's quite normal for a 9 month old to wake often, especially because they start moving around, burning up extra calories, and finding all these interesting thing to do other than nursing. Is she crawling and less interested in nursing during the day? If so, cluster feeding her at night (feeding every hour or so in the evening hours before bed) might help her get through longer stretches at night.



There's also teething pain which is common at this age that can stop your lil one from getting into a nice deep sleep, so every time she stirs she's looking for breast. When there's no pattern to her waking it might be more likely to be driven by teething pain than habit (meaning that it might be the teething pain that's waking her, not habit that's waking her, her habit of needing to nurse to get back to sleep is normal). If she is teething, nursing actually helps relieve the pain too. If that's what's happening, co-sleeping might be worth trying.. she can get her pain relief and you can get your sleep. I loved co-sleeping; once I tried it I could never go back to the getting up out of bed routine.



I think you can break an older baby out of the habit of breastfeeding through the night but at 9 months of there are lots of genuine reasons why she's still waking (even though some experts claim that babies are physiologically ready to go 10 hours without nursing, babies are whole humans with many needs, not just a blood sugar system) so I wouldn't try it just yet.. I think it would be traumatic for you both.



You're doing a great job. Night nursing became much easier for me when I learned that it's totally normal and I discovered co-sleeping. Hope that helps.