No family support on breastfeeding and parenting in general

Brandy - posted on 07/30/2009

If its making you that worried that they wouldnt respect you enough and do something you dont want them to do i would choose to stay home! Good luck and god bless! Your daughter is adorable!!

Aislynn - posted on 07/30/2009

Get help outside your family. I understand you want your family to have a part in your child's life, however, they don't seem to support the values that you would want to instill in your child. Like, disregarding your wishes and going behind your back to do what *they* prefer.

Britni - posted on 07/30/2009

Hi amanda.. I know how you feel... My mother doesnt support any thing that my husband or I do with our two boys. With our oldest when he doesnt listen we put him in his room for time out... She thinks that is soo wrong... and when she calls I have to talk in a seperate room or ignore her calls because if i dont she throws a huge fit about him being in time out. She also doesnt follow anything we say. I live 2 hours away from her and Im glad for that. I cant stand when she comes here... she drives me crazy... We cant even let our kids go to her house or my aunts house.. they rock him to sleep or they let him sleep in there bed with them ( NOT OK!) and then he comes home so cranky because he hasnt slept. I dont trust any of my family they have there own oppinions on how things are supposed to go and if you try to tell them otherwise they get really upset and try to argue. If I were you I wouldnt let them watch your baby. Its less stress for you and if you dont put your foot down its only going to get worse.

Gina - posted on 07/30/2009

I believe you should follow your heart. Your family needs to respect your decision. If you need support for breastfeeding I would go to the local WIC office.

Arijana - posted on 07/30/2009

Think it through, dont go to work unless u really have to. its hard to make rules especially with family and lets face it they wont always listen, but this is your child your prescious little one, they had their chance to do it their way now they have to respect your ways. otherwise seek other help to watch your child if they dont get the hint or offended after that , they never will. you and your child are what is important.

Kayla - posted on 07/29/2009

You do need to follow your gut i think. I wont leave my daughter even at two with anyone who isnt open to the way im raising her and things i want her to do and not do/ ways i want her to do things and not. Because i know that if I or in your case if YOU want her to only have breast milk right now theres no way you can guarantee she will unless YOU are in controll and giving it to her. I personally would wait untill you find someone you feel safe with watching her who also shares or is atleast open to your "rules" so to speak...

Sonia - posted on 07/29/2009

This is a tough one, especially if you have to work. In my opinion, there are certain issues where I do not budge on child care. Breastfeeding was one, discipline was another (we use gentle discipline), certain foods (no choking foods before 2-3, etc). I have mellowed on junk food a little. My in laws love to give candy and goodies. Since the kids aren't over there very often, I let it go (though I still wouldn't let my mother in law give lollipops to my kids when they were under 2).



If I felt any of my "don't budge" issues would be violated, I'd have a serious talk w/ my family or I wouldn't leave my kids w/ them. I'd rather leave them w/ someone I trust or find a way to stay w/ them myself.



Sadly, our parents and in laws often feel that their way was best or at least just fine. So many grandparents have little real respect for their childrens' parenting practices. They need to learn to respect their granchildrens' parents as parents and adults in their own right. Certainly our parents wouldn't have wanted to be harassed and disrespected when their children were little.



Striking a kind but firm attitude can go a long way. It's better to confront the issue right away. Certainly it can be done w/ kindness and even humor as long as the grandparents are respectful. It's really helpful to let them know that your parenting choices are IN NO WAY a condemnation of their choices (even if they are LOL). Let them know you know they did the best they could in their time and your kids will probably have different ideas when they have kids. Try to always stress the idea that you are making choices for yourself and your family that you think are best and that you respect the choices they made when you were growing up. It's amazing how many grandparents have so much ego tied up in our parenting choices. LOL. Still, better to show kindness and mercy rather than automatically shut them down. Know what I mean?



Hold to your views though and try to discern the "biggies" from the no-big deals. Sometimes grandparents like to do fun stuff that the parents don't usually do. This mostly applies to older kids though. In my opinion, as long as it's not overdone, I generally accept it.

Tegan - posted on 07/29/2009

Sounds like you are letting what they say get to you... Limit the time you spend with them if you have to, and let them know that you will restrict their time with the baby if they will not abide by your decisions. A lot of 50-60 year olds are really grossed out by breast feeding, my mum has grunted her way through me feeding my four, I tell her to enjoy the smart, healthy grandies I have given her!!
If going to work is a necessity, try not to beat yourself up about it, you can affect your milk supply - so, drink lots of water, relax when you can, and take each day at a time, your baby will get used to your milk coming from a bottle, and the late night feeds become a cosy special time for you both. Good luck.x.x.x

Nicky - posted on 07/29/2009

First of all, I commend you for doing what is right for you and your baby despite negativity from those close around you. Breastfeeding is an amazing experience that is not only SUPER healthy for baby but a bonding experience as well. I breastfed all 3 of my children for different amounts of time each, depending on the individual child.

You might try and plan it (if or when possible) to have fed the baby right before you drop them off. That way, baby won't be real hungry during the time you are gone to work. Be FIRM on the fact that Grandma NEEDS to use your breast milk and not supplement with other milk. They can disagree about your choice, but it is YOUR choice and it is your baby. They need to respect your decision even if they don't understand or agree with it. It will all work out. You'll know what to do by that gut feeling inside. Best of luck and will say a little prayer for you today.

Jaime - posted on 07/28/2009

ok this is a tough one since the last couple of generations were taught that breastfeeding was gross and they didn't really know the benefits. it is difficult to change someones mind who is set in there ways. if you can't afford day care or a sitter, then i suggest trickery. buy a bottle of premixed formula, the ready to drink stuff, get the big one so you can take it home with you every day and refill it.fill it with expressed milk. hopefully they will fall for it and give your baby what you provide. it sucks but that maybe easier than arguing. if they were going to slip your baby formula they wouldn't tell you. so don't tell them you are slipping your baby breast milk disguised as formula.

ILHAMANGGAI - posted on 07/28/2009

I understand how you feel. My parents did not support my decision to breast feed my children. They say that my daughter seemed to be hungry all the time. I decided to go back to my own house, hired a maid. I took 6 months leave to take of my daughter and teach my maid what to do with the frozen breast milk. I made the best decision ever. I went to a lactation consultant to find out if I was breastfeeding right as my daughter putting on weight at a slow rate. I was advised to just continue breastfeeding. Now she is well and healthy. Do not give up. It will be the best decision ever. You have to find a way that you can manage the care taker. So in laws and parents are a no no as they think they know the best when actually they might not.

Nicole - posted on 07/28/2009

I agree with Sarah 100%, however I did this very thing. Our mom's knew the "punishment" for a lack of better word, would mean not getting to watch our kids again and it could even put a wedge between us that might not be repairable. They still did it. They were very sly about it... they acted as if they were following our rules around us, but then when they watched our kids alone did as they pleased. My son 2.5yrs old and speaks VERY well told on them, thankfully. The latest "epsiode" was almost 3 months ago. My mom watched them so my husband and I could go out to dinner and a movie, the first time in over 2 years. We then found out what she did and called her on it. Now, because she was caught, she won't talk to me and hasn't been to see her grandchildren in almost 3 months. It sucks!

I wish you so much better luck with your family, but I agree, you have to lay down the law, follow your gut and be prepared for them still to do things their way.

Best wishes!!!!!

Sarah - posted on 07/28/2009

I think that you need to sit down and explain to them that this is your daughter, you gave birth to her, your rules. If they don't like it then they don't need to offer their time to watch her. Tell them that if you can't be comfortable leaving your child with them then you won't. I had this problem with my mother she was determined that my daughter needed formula. I laid down the law and told her my way or no way. She had the chance to make decisions when I was a child and now it's my time. So honey I think you just need to stand up for yourself and put them in their place. You're a mother now and YOU know what's best for your child. Good luck!!

Nicole - posted on 07/28/2009

I have major problems with my mom and MIL in this area... of them not supporting our choices as parents and respecting our wishes when we are gone. We found out the couple times we have let them watch our kids they did not follow our rules, wishes. Therefore our mom's will NEVER be left alone with our kids. As others have said it just is not worth it to us. It would have to be a total emergency for us to consider it ever again. It is sad, really sad, but our children's safety, mental well being and lives are our responsibility and we must ensure they are raised the way we see fit.
I have found if you do not have support in your choices as parents, they will not respect you and WILL do as they see fit.

So I would suggest either finding a 3rd party to watch your child (which I know is SO hard because you don't likely know them at first) that isn't so emotionally involved and since you are paying them will likely do as you ask or go ahead and stay home.

Jessica - posted on 07/28/2009

I would make sure you give them a store of frozen or expressed breastmilk so even if they are going to not hold her off till you can get their to nurse at least she is getting breast milk even if its from a bottle. My mom-in-law is tough with us too my husband told her we wouldn't come over or bring the baby anymore and she stopped. He even picked up the keys to leave once during dinner and she gave up on her ranting. Different problem but maybe laying down the law will help.

Teresa - posted on 07/28/2009

I had to return to work at 7 weeks and breastfeed for 15 months. I was in the military. Not only did I have no support but was harrassed for it! it is the most worth it thing you could ever do. The first sitter I had was a friend of mine and she was supplementing formula (she never breastfed) I moved her to a mom who had. They are the only one's who know the importance and the blood sweat and tears that go into it! Why work? You have all the years after your child is finished breastfeeding to work... I wish I had had the option not to work I wouldn't have gone back!

Stacey - posted on 07/28/2009

How would they supplement your milk? Are they going to buy formula? I would simply tell them your child is to ONLY consume what you bring...milk included. And tell them if they can't respect that and follow your rules then they wont be watching your daughter anymore. How old is your baby? Old enough to drink regular cow's milk12 months or older)? If not tell them that giving an infant cow's milk is illegal (which is should be since she cant digest it and will cause mal nurishment and MANY other health problems)

You are her mother..not them. If they don't respect your decisions then I wouldnt let them watch my child. It's not fair that you have to pay for their ignorance. You should go to work but find some one else to watch yoyr daughter. Good luck to you!

Anna - posted on 07/28/2009

I think that you need to sit down and have a conversation with them about this and what your expectations are, if they are unwilling to follow your rules as a mother and the parent of this child, then maybe you should consider leaving her with someone who will. You can get some information and explain the benefits of nursing so they are well informed and involved in your choice. Knowlegde is power! You definetly need to have an open dialogue regarding your concerns, regarless of whether you are going back to work or not, they are still involved in her life and at some point they will probably be babysitting and you will still want those rules followed. Good luck, I hope everything works out for you!

Kayleigh - posted on 07/28/2009

Lay down the law, Say this is your daughter and these are choices that you have made for her, Let them read the benefits of breast milk, Ask if they will follow your rules, if they wont the best thing to do will be to find someone else to watch your daughter

Gillian - posted on 07/28/2009

All I can say is find sombody else to watch over the child or wait a little longer before going back to work or ya just gonna have to let them be involved and stop moaning if you really 'have' to go back to work!

Lucy - posted on 07/28/2009

I know this may not be an option for you, but i've decided that when i return to work in january my little girl will go to a childminder as i dont trust my family to stick to my rules!

Amy - posted on 07/28/2009

Hi Amanda, you need to follow your gut on this one. I wont leave my baby with her grandparents yet as i dont think they will follow my food rules and i would rather miss out on doing stuff than have all my hard work foiled by someone else. Do what you think is best for your baby and you :)