Please help! Mother at the end of her rope!

Jennifer - posted on 02/09/2010

Stick with it. I know it is hard right now, but you guys will find a groove and then it will become second nature. Check with your local le leche league, they might be able to help. Different positions and skin to skin were some things that helped my little ones. Hang in there mama!

Amber - posted on 02/09/2010

My little guy fought me off and on for six months! He had latch problems which let to milk supply issues. If he fought nursing I would just not feed him. We would take a break snuggle, read a book or go for a walk and 30 min later I would renurse. I found that when he would usually fight me if he was tired and a short nap (for both of us) would help. He is 9 months old now and things are much better. Also he never wanted to nurse before 3 hrs. How often are you feeding her? Also she can sense your stress so don't get frustrated!

Alanna - posted on 02/08/2010

Don't give up! The first 2-1/2 months are the hardest. It literally took that long before my daughter and I got the nursing down pat. It was so worth it in the end. I just fully weaned her 2-1/2 weeks ago and I still haven't fully dried up believe it or not. She is 15 months old now.
My advice is to call the La Leche League. They want you to be successful with breastfeeding and they are there to help no matter how many times you need to call. Firstly you need to relax. If you are all tense and so focussed on getting this baby to latch on they sense your frustration and get frustrated as well.
I know it feels like the impossible right now but don't fret it can be done. My baby lost over 10% of her body weight right off the get go because she just wasn't getting enough as she was doing exactly what your little one is doing. Also my milk wasn't coming in fast enough. I pumped to get it to come in initially. The nurses and lactation consultants told me to supplement but I think that's a load of crock. It's all about supply and demand. If your baby is hungry feed him/her more often. Yes at times you will feel like that's all you did all day is nurse. You know what? It's only a very short time in your life and it's totally worth it. I did give in at the hospital and gave her formula before we went home because she was getting so fussy and hungry. After that though I never did again despite what the nurses, doctors, and LC told me. My daughter was fine. She wasn't too big, but wasn't malnourished either. Supplementing just screws up your milk supply. I know not everyone shares that opinion but that's what I think.

Megan - posted on 02/08/2010

While calling the LC you might also want to call the Pedi and get your baby a check up to make sure there is no ear infection. It is that time of year and it REALLY makes it hard for the best bf baby to nurse! We have been going through this the past 2 mns with ear infections and RSV making it very hard for my DS of 4mns to nurse as well as usual.

Michelle - posted on 02/08/2010

Hi Leah, the 1st 5 to 6 wks are the hardest. Baby has to learn as well as mum but once you've both found your way it's a breeze. Have you tried skin to skin contact with baby in just a nappy and you stripped from the waist up? Dont wash your skin with any strong smelling soaps etc or appky creams.

All of these worked for me after persisting for a bit and I went on to nurse Adam for 10 months . I'm now expecting again for 9 wks time and I know that at the start it may be challenging but the rewards from the connection are second to none. If you really want to persist with trying then try these tips. They are all from a lactation consultant and they really are wonderful people who will help if thats what you want.

Just as a last tip, check babys mouth. The roof, tongue insides of her cheeks. If there are little white spots she could have oral thrush and because the sucking reflex is stronger than taking a bottle this could cause sharp stabbing pains in her mouth. creams are available to treat this and both you and baby will be treated together. ( she can drink from the breast with the cream on it)

Best of luck with it. You'll do whats best for both of you in the end.

April - posted on 02/08/2010

I agree with the previous posts: get the help of a lactation consultant, and please do that sooner than later.

Have you considered pumping your breastmilk and giving it to your little one with a dropper so that you can continue to provide Mama milk without her becoming dependent on a bottle?

Mama, I know this is hard, but it is possible to make it through. My little one and I just made it through a three and a half month nursing strike! Let me tell you - it was hard - but very rewarding.

However - do not get to the point that this stresses you out too much. You gotta do what you gotta do. It is possible to bring your little one to breast but it also won't help her if you're too stressed - she'll feel that too.

Hugs!

Trese - posted on 02/08/2010

I know what you are going through. My son was in the NICU for 21/2 months and so I was not there with him enough to consistently try o breastfeed. He took the bottle fine. I was determined to keep trying but did not want to upset him. He would take some push me away and scream. I would give in and feed him my expressed milk thru the bottle. I would try once a day. He is now 4 months and will latch until he is content. He just decided one day that he was ok with it. I would try multiple positions and make sure she is comfortable. Don't give up!

Lisa - posted on 02/08/2010

I forgot to mention before that the way I got my daughter to finally take my other breast was to hold her in the football position whenever I offered it to her. It was still difficult but she eventually took it.

Sarah - posted on 02/07/2010

PERSIST! Don't stress it gets better my 7mnth old did the same thing when i 1st had her i asked a public health nurse what 2 do she said if ur milk is coming in 2 fast & the bub pulls off it means u have a fast let down & it makes them feel like they r drowning! she told me 2 let her suck then when u feel it coming pull her off & let it spray into a breast pad then when it stops put her back on the flow will b slower & easier 4 her 2 manage! Beleive me b/feeding is so much less work than bottles i gave up @ 6mnts with my 1st & regreted it so much!!! my 2nd i fed 4, 16mnts sooooo much easier it takes about 3 mnts 2 get sorted &settled! but u do get there. GOOD LUCK!!!!!!

Lisa - posted on 02/07/2010

I had a hard time with my daughter for the first 5 weeks as she would only feed from one side and would scream if I offered her my left breast. It was so frustrating and I can[t count how many times I sat and cried with her but with persistance and some help from the midwife at my local Breastfeeding Clinic we got through it.
Feeding issues along with lack of sleep can make any mother feel like she is loosing it. My advise is to keep at it but take help where it is being offered so you don't get over burdened. Remember that you are a great mother and this too shall pass

Natalie - posted on 02/07/2010

Have you talked to the doc about reflux? You might try visiting an infant chiropractor, too. My daughter fought me to the point that she didn't want me to hold her -- it was awful. Turns out I had oversupply and overactive letdown -- and she had some problems that the chiropractor fixed. It was super rough for a long time, but we got thru it. She's nursing strong at 17 months old. Just keep looking for an answer and you'll get thru it together. I know for me I started getting really stressed out about feeding her so I think she started feeding off the stress, too.

Maybe try nursing her laying down, or in a warm bath -- any quiet, relaxing environment for yourself. If you're laying down the milk flow will be more moderate as well -- maybe try laying her across your chest while you lay on your back? That will help if its a flow problem, too. Good luck!

Amanda - posted on 02/07/2010

I found my wee one did that when she was over tired; and needed settling by her daddy into a 'sleepy' state before i could re-latch her

Elizabeth - posted on 02/07/2010

I am a mom of two girls with one on the way, and I say do what you feel is best!!! YOU are the boss and if you've tried for three whole weeks and you are both still so unhappy, then moving on to formula is fine. There is so much pressure about bottle vs. breast, but ultimately you have to do what you and baby are comfortable with!!

My first daughter had to be weined at 7 months when her teeth started coming in, she loved it. But my second only BF for 4 months, she was over it and on to food that early!

Go for it, and give yourself some peace! It's not worth it if it robbes you both of bonding and peace in the home!

Good luck and hang in there!! You have to do what you know is best so much as a mom, and a lot of the time that means telling someone/negative voices to hush!! You'll get through it, I hope sooner than later!!!

Best wishes!!

Michelle - posted on 02/07/2010

You might want to try pumping & bottle feeding expressed milk. The way I see it is if they get the breast milk from a bottle or a breast, what does it matter? It's still mother's milk.

Meredith - posted on 02/07/2010

If you have not done so already, I would definitely recommend that you see a lactation consultant as soon as possible. There are so many different reasons this could be happening and a good lactation consultant will be able to figure it out and help you and your baby get on with breastfeeding. It took about 4 weeks for my daughter and I to get the hang of it but it has been great for the most part since then.

Crystal - posted on 02/06/2010

oh my gosh, i had the same problem. looking back, i think i was overfeeding (maybe mistaking gas or sleepiness for hunger...). also, my little one had an ear infection. that is something i would definitely think about. if the baby continues to scream and cry and it extends to times other than feeding times, i would call the doctor and just let them check it out. it will get better, though!

Keri - posted on 02/06/2010

Don't beat yourself up. She will be fine. Some babies just aren't interested & if you are stressing baby will too. THAT is good for no one. Try her on the formula. Nothing is worth you & baby not enjoying each other. This is such a precious time for you both. Don't stress my lovely just do what works for both of you. There is nothing wrong with formula. I tried breast feedin & had problems I was sad when it ended but baby was just fine on forula & she is happy & healthy. We both are. The time flies by so quickly before they get independance. Don't spend this time in living hell mama. Good luck

Kyllie - posted on 02/06/2010

Hey, It is really hard. Breastfeeding takes a lot of practise. For u and The bubs. Maybe bottle is best. I couldn't breastfeed my first child. It was hard for him and me so the bottle it was. He slept better and was more content. He was driving me loopy. But even though he was happy, i felt i had failed. So don't you think that! Do what is best for you so you can enjoy motherhood to its best and so will bubs.

Ali - posted on 02/06/2010

I know how you feel, we had a tough time breastfeeding at first,too. Don't quit!!! It the greatest gift you can give your baby. Call the La Leche League, they will offer help (emotional help, too). You CAN get throug this.

Catherine - posted on 02/06/2010

If angels walk among us, they surely must be lactation consultants. I had a rough few weeks at the beginning with breastfeeding my daughter. I was so tempted to give up. My LC was amazing! It was still a bit difficult for a few more weeks, but our skill and my confidence grew. Of course, those difficult times were soon a distant memory. You will be so glad if you invest the effort in getting through these few weeks, because it will be so much easier to breastfeed your baby for the rest of the months of the first year (and possibly beyond) than dealing with the expense and hassle of bottles and formula. I doubt I need mention all the other benefits of breastfeeding. Please seek out an LC and/or an LLL chapter in your area. You won't regret it. Good luck!

Alison - posted on 02/05/2010

I used to sit down all tense to feed so I learned to sit, sip some water, shoulders down relaxed and say to myself I LOVE AND NUTURE THIS BABY and I LOVE MYSELF I also have any old background noise TV or radio. squeeze out milk after each feed rub on nipple let dry, don't eat any shit just meat and three vege(no beans,cabbage,or peas, herbs or spices just plain old tucker for awhile)whatever you choose to do you are doing a great job ohh and don"t put any chemicals on your skin like soap or perfume

Gabriela - posted on 02/05/2010

uh...no sanity here. you have to gather some illusion of sanity to get by. =0)

Nina - posted on 02/05/2010

i just want to ask everyone... you talk about being sane.. are any of us actually any degree of sane? Have our children left us any little piece of sanity?

Gabriela - posted on 02/05/2010

Lactation consultants are heaven sent. Please see one. Between you and your LC you can determine a game plan. I saw a comment that read that your baby needs you SANE. That is the absolute truth. Figure out a way to enjoy baby. Breastfeeding is best for baby, but you enjoying him/her is far better. I am there with you, I had the same problem. I chose a breast pump and the boob with a nipple shield. Hang in there and do what is best for you and baby.

Christa - posted on 02/05/2010

I know you don't want to hear this...but our children can totally sense our stress and they feed off of it. My first piece of advice to you is.......look into your babies eyes......that little baby grew inside of you for nine months. Without you, that baby could not be here and without your milk supply they can't continue to grow. Take a deep breath, as frustrating and time consuming as it is....it is a display of unconditional love. What a gift you are giving your baby...one that no one else can. Pray for patience, count your blessings.....lay down on your side on your bed and find an environment that will work for both of you. Maybe find a song you enjoy singing and sing it during this time. My last piece of advice......are you trying to feed too often. Let her tell you when she needs fed. Maybe she will stay on longer at a time. It will work out...just let it!!

April - posted on 02/05/2010

First Of all, pat yourself on the back for trying!!!! You're trying to do what is best for your child, and thats your job.. GREAT JOB!!! second of all, have you tried finding a lactation consultant?? Mine was my life saver!!! Your daughter can sense if youre stressed.. you may find this wierd, but I enjoyed relaxing this way a few times.. If you like soaking in a bath.. let your daughter stretch a little between feedings so you know shes good and hungry and go soak, let your partner bring baby in to you and try nursing her while you both are relaxed and hopefully you both can enjoy a bonding time and maybe she will catch on? GOOD LUCK (I'll say a prayer for you!)

Joosoo - posted on 02/05/2010

I know how you feel.

But like many others said it will get easier!

First, relax. I know it's hard but take a deep breath before your start nursing her. And if anybody's around ask him/her to change her diaper before. Take a break in between nursing. Give her plenty of time to burp just hold her over your shoulder or whatever position she prefer, and rub her back.

Second, please talk to an lactation consultant.

Third, check her mouth for thrush.

Fourth, Relax. and take a break.

Fifth, is there a place you can rent a breast pump? Because buying one could be expensive.

Six, hang in there. All the moms are cheering for you. And at the end your little girl will appreciate what you've done.

Seven, don't forget. You and your daughter both are learning how to handle this.

Tanya - posted on 02/05/2010

Have you thought about reflux? Don't give up.. see a LC for help also. Remember to step away when you are frustrated and ask for help.. I know it is hard.

Rachelle - posted on 02/04/2010

Call your closest Leche League, Lactation Consultant at the local hospital or even Public Health...they are there to help you thru these very things and it's free!

Lauren - posted on 02/04/2010

I haven't read the other responses so I don't know if this has already been said, but it WILL get easier, I promise. I used a nipple shield for 8 weeks and even then I wouldn't say we got "good" at breastfeeding until he was about 3 months ols. I know that seems like an eternity, I know how hard it is right now. I was TOTALLY there.

I fought tooth and nail to make our nursing relationship work. It's the hardest thing I ever did. But I can tell you that we came out the other side, and now it's soooo easy and beautiful and perfect. Trust me, the insanity of what you are going through will pay off, I promise.

Hang in there, and call a lactation consultant for any and all questions. I probably talked to 12. Oh, and go to La Leche League meetings, those are great too. Best of luck!!!

Alison - posted on 02/04/2010

I echo the responses listed here - get help! It helps SO much to have a lactation consultant that is kind, patient and supportive. My son was 2 months old before he learned to latch properly! If not for our local nursing support center, I would have thrown in the towel.

Whatever you decide - YOU have to live with it. If you decide to continue to breastfeed, do it. If you decide to go sometimes with formula, sometimes with pumped breastmilk, do it. If you decide to go with formula all the time, do it. YOU are the mom, YOU make decisions and YOU shouldn't be made to feel guilty for any of those decisions. Take a deep breath and do what you know in your gut is right for you and your baby.

Stephanie - posted on 02/04/2010

Have you talked to your dr's pediatrician about this?

Leila - posted on 02/04/2010

Hi try the La Leche League they ahve a helpline and sometimes somone in ur area may come to ur home..they are amazing supportive group, could she have tongue tie? if u are in the uk try ASSOCUIATION OF BREATSFEEDING MOTHERS TOO. it could something smal and esily remedied its worth a try ...after all do your best ..

Shaina - posted on 02/04/2010

Hang in there, it is hard the first few weeks! Believe me you are not the only one :) as you can see everyone has their own story.

Mine would be I cought the H1N1 from my 8yr old daughter 3 weeks after having Liam. It got so bad that I ended up in the hospital for 3 days with double pnamonia & then was sent home on Oxygen. I was on Oxygen over a month BUT through ALL the stress I knew that the breastmilk was the BEST for him so for the three days I was in the hospital I pumped and pumped and pumped. My mom made the 30 min trip each day because she knows too, how important the milk is!! Even after getting home it was HARD, all I did was sit in the recliner, rock and feed him. (no energy for anything else)

I am SO HAPPY that I decided to stick it out and still breastfeed him, even though he had to take MANY bottles during this time, I knew he was getting the Best and it wasn't for nothing.

I hope you stick with it OR try the pump and bottle feed for a while. It is so much better for their bodies...

Sheahannah - posted on 02/04/2010

DEAREST Leah please be gentle with your self take a deep breath its ok. The first few weeks and maybe months can be trying remember that your both getting to know each other on an outside level{ meaning outside your womb} i remember thinking this is harder than i ever thought and i just cryed with her and we found our rythmn and you will too lac conslutation 4 for sure is the way to go be patient with each other and its ok please dont give up the rewards are so great and so is taht connection there is no words in any language that can describe the feeling of having a full breast and a baby that you love so much not wanting to nurse its soul ripping youll look back on this even 3 months from now and it will seem like a lifetime ago love and light i am here for you.

Sherry - posted on 02/03/2010

Breastfeeding is obviously the best choice for feeding babies, but they need their Mommies to be happy! She can tell that you are upset and is probably feeling stressed too. As the others on here have said, the first few weeks are though, but you'll get through it! And you know what?...ultimately if you decide to stop bfing, but you are a happier more tuned in mom, thats ok. You can only do your best. Good luck, and get some rest.

Jessica - posted on 02/03/2010

i wouldn't give up, but maybe you should see a consultant. maybe there is something else bothering your baby that has nothing to do with your milk. or you could pump and bottle feed, at least she would still be getting breast milk. keep trying. and give yourself credit for doing the best that you can.

Michelle - posted on 02/03/2010

I have been lucky and not had any problems breastfeeding so far but i always told myself that i wanted to do it but if i couldn't do it for any reason then not to beat myself up about it. I think the more relaxed you are the better. If it is getting to you that much then all the benifits of breastfeeding are being outweighed by the stress and pressure you are putting on yourself. Your little one needs a happy mummy and will do fine on whatever food you give her. Do seek medical advice but remeber not to be too hard on yourself, not all babies can take to the breast (were lucky to have other options these days!) Stay strong and good luck x

Linnea - posted on 02/03/2010

The first 6-8 weeks can be tough, I suggest seeing a lactation consultant for sure!!! (like la leche league) Perhaps your milk flow is too fast for her and it makes her mad? There's possible solutions for most breastfeeding problems if you'll take the time to see a professional who can help you troubleshoot. Just continue to remember the benefits (sooo much cheaper, soooo much better for baby, soooo much better for you with health benefits and weight loss benefits, etc...) when things get tough and hang in there! If you stick with it things will get better if you can determine the problem with the help of a pro! Just don't start to supplement with formula now or it'll decrease your milk supply and it'd be much more of an uphill battle to continue breastfeeding. If you need to do something else, try pumping and giving it to her in a bottle.

Rebecca - posted on 02/03/2010

be careful though when talking to your doctor about breastfeeding, many of them aren't as educated about what is safe when breastfeeding. There is a forum for medical personnel to find out about what is and isn't really safe, and a book by Dr. Thomas Hale (Medications and Mother's milk) Many doctors will err on the side of caution and if they aren't sure say its not safe when it is. However, I do agree its important to talk to your doctor- if you are on a medication that isn't safe for nursing, you can often be switched to one that is.

Nina - posted on 02/03/2010

If you are on medications, they may be making your milk have a taste she just doesn't appreciate. not only should you talk to a lactation consultant, if you are on meds, you need to talk to your doctor. Some meds aren't meant to be used while breast feeding. They can pass on dangerous chemicals and endanger the baby. Talk to your doctor and a lactation consultant... this is the problem I had with my son.

Lisa - posted on 02/03/2010

I got very frustrated and upset when I had my daughter and was feeding her at the beginning. She latched on just fine in the hospital but then when my milk came in my breasts were so engorged that she was not able to latch any more. I tried the shield, and she didn't like that at all. She won't even take a paci. Anyway I really wanted to breast feed so I pumped and put just a little in a bottle and she would take that then be able to latch on. I would say just keep trying or maybe pump and just bottle feed her breast milk. Good Luck!

Kathleen - posted on 02/03/2010

Hey there Leah,
I know these are very trying times, but if you try to persevere your endless times when you push yr princess away will truly be rewarded with the most contented baby & how great will be your joy.
If this is the way you feed yr princess, I would like to advise you to lie in the comfort of your room, lie down and have yr princess beside you and just enjoy that moment with her then gradually wean her on yr breast.
Some mothers dont realise that breastfeeding does not have to be a chore, it can be a beautiful experience with just that 1 on 1 contact you have that special bond time with yr princess.
I have always had a hectic life being a mother of 12 children, but my breastfeeding time has been the most pleasureable and rewarding then any other time through rearing my babies.
This is the time that you and only you have that special time with you & yr princess, I love and have breastfed all my babies and I still now with my baby: coco jyzelle who is @ 10 months, i believe strongly that if you as a mum persevere to the end the rewards of breastfeeding your baby is all worth it:

1. content baby
2. flawless skin
3. no doctor visits
4. breast formula ready when u need it
5. happy baby

the lists are endless

And if your nipples ever get sore I recommend an ointment that is good for the baby when she needs a meal, I must look up that ointment and let you know, babies can always sense a mothers instinct and if you are uptight your baby definitely will be that is why I highly recommend to lie down in the comfort of your bed and enjoy breastfeeding that way rather then sit up in a chair, you will notice the difference in a more relaxed baby, try it, it might work.

All the best Leah, remember may be not now by down the track, how great shall be your joy!

Nicole - posted on 02/03/2010

I agree with many others...see a lactation consultant. I tried 3 before I found one that was truly helpful though. So look around. I had a lot of trouble breastfeeding my daughter and my LC was a huge help. In the end though I had to switch to formula since my daughter wasn't gaining an adequate amount of weight. But I did stick it out as long as I could and I hope you can stick it out a little longer too. Breast milk is so much better for your baby. The fact that you are on here seeking answers shows how serious you are taking this and that you want what is best for your child. Good for you! I really hope you get this worked out and can finally find breastfeeding to be the relaxing/bonding experience that it is. Best of luck to you.

Betty - posted on 02/03/2010

my daughter did the same thing, what i did was pump and gave it to her in the bottle.. breastfeeding isn't as easy as everyone makes it out to be.. but well worth it.. but when it came to stressing over it it just makes it worst.. it turned out that my daughter just didn't like the extra work.. i was able to bf my first son and i'm still bf my youngest son.. maybe it's a girl thing not sure.. but you have to do what best for both of you.

Rebecca - posted on 02/03/2010

Have you talked to LLL or a lactation consultant? Remember there's a growth spurt right around 3 weeks too, so that might be part of it right now. My LO was always distractable, and I learned ways to keep her attention on nursing. (Right now, she like sticking her hand in my mouth and I grab it with my lips then shake my head- and I'll only do it while she's nursing) She's a little young to start a bottle, but you can also feed her using a syringe or cup to avoid nipple confusion if you do want to try pumping milk. Even if you do end up bottlefeeding pumped milk, you may be able to get her back nursing. My daughter was bottlefed pumped breastmilk for the first two weeks, and we got her back nursing (and now won't take a bottle LOL)

Laura - posted on 02/03/2010

hi, i had the same problem with my little girl and now she's 20mths still bf and cant get her off it!!

have u tried hand expressing and give it to her by cup or syringe? just enoght to take her hunger off and then she may relax to bf properly.



good luck and keep at it - it can only get easier x

Paula - posted on 02/03/2010

Leah, it sounds like your let down is too strong for her. Pump a little yourself before you offer her your nipple, or try the less-full boob, the one you finished feeding/pumping from previously. The initial problems will iron themselves out, and the joy of breastfeeding will make you forget these days. La Leche League are great too. Good luck.

Leah - posted on 02/02/2010

I have plenty of milk and she knows how to latch. When she is latched and not fussing my milk comes fast enough, but not drowning her. That's why I don't know what it is. Guess I will try asking a Lac. Consultant. Thank you all so much for your help.

Gillian - posted on 02/02/2010

Sounds like its not coming quick enough for her try and hand express till your milk comes out and then latch on try not to give up yet but equally dont let this get to you, go talk to a dr and bf consultant gl