pressure to stop

Casandra - posted on 07/07/2010

I, because I kind of went through the same thing, I don't recommend talking with anyone but your pediatrician and husband about it. You have a plan you should stick to it. I don't believe you have to explain yourself to anyone else. As far as her bringing it up at dinner, that just shows her bad side. I suggest to stop trying to bring everyone else to your side, keep it moving my LO is almost 10 months in a couple weeks and I at one point planned to stop at 12 but im still on the fence. My great-grandmother and mother still think im crazy but im not feeding them so it doesnt matter to me anymore

Lucie - posted on 07/07/2010

I had HUGE problems from the beginning with breastfeeding. Issues with latch-on, not enough production at first, and 2 horrible bouts of breast infection. Both my mother and my husband, though advocates of breastfeeding, saw how hard I struggled and how painful it was to feed G (punching the table several times), and encouraged me to stop at 3 months, 6 months and 9 months. I think I just kept doing it because my goal was to do it for 1 year, come hell or high water, and I was stubborn and wanted to prove that I could do it. And I did it. After 1 year it got real normal and I was really used to it, and I went for another 6 months. G decided it was time to stop at 1 1/2 years - I realized that if I didn't push the issue, half the time he didn't ask. After going 2 weeks of only asking 1 time each week, I realized it was over. Even though he still digs through my shirts now (at 22 months) and likes to rest his head on the girls! And, knock on wood , he has had only one cold since he was born - that's why I did it. Americans tend to stop at one year because it's inconvenient for them, society tells them to stop, and they don't bother to research what's best for the baby. I agree. You're going to have to get as pushy with her as she is with you - it's just none of her business.

Shruti - posted on 07/01/2010

reading these posts make me feel glad i come from a culture where breast feeding is considered the natural and best choice for the baby for as long as the mother and baby want... if anything the older the generation, the more they encourage breast feeding.

Shruti - posted on 07/01/2010

i can understand your MIL pressuring you to stop BF - she has uninformed & incorrect views about BF which make her feel its in the baby's best interest for you to stop. However, its really shocking that your pediatrician asked you to stop after a year. Its totally your choice if you want to stop, but its not right for a doctor to advise a mother to stop BF in the face of so much scientific literature to the contrary! Really, is the pead otherwise very good...if not, in your place, I would switch doctors

Amanda - posted on 06/28/2010

I went through the same problem with DH. He even went as far as wanting proof that it was necessary and not just some kind of need for my benefit. He thinks women who EBF do it because they can't let go. I found him the proof and it shut him up. WHO code is actually based on the recommendations/research done by my favorite anthropologist: http://www.kathydettwyler.org/dethowlong... make sure to check out the rest of her site because it's very informative and helpful: http://www.kathydettwyler.org/dettwyler....

Kerri - posted on 06/28/2010

my mother is the same as your MIL - I think it is a generation thing. Breastfeeding wasn't promoted as the way to feed your babies when I was born (1977), they (formula manufacturers) convinced everyone that theirs was better. I think sometimes it is hard to point out the errors to older generations.

Hang in there knowing you are doing what is best for both your baby and yourself!

Maria - posted on 06/28/2010

In my opinion, a mother in law should know that her place is to be a support for you, not an extra weight. She should not be butting into something that she has not been invited to participate in, especially publicly. KEEP BREASTFEEDING!! It is the healthiest possible thing for your baby. Print out all the information you can find. Get the Dr. Sears books out from the library. Hand both of them the biggest stack of research you can come up with. Tell them that you would be happy to listen to what they have to say AFTER they have read the research AND discussed it with a pediatrician. At LEAST do this for your husband (I have done this and it works... I even got an apology!). As for your mom-in law, either invite her to share her opinion after reading the research and talking to the doctor or tell her to mind her own business and that the only people who have any say in how you raise your child is you and your husband. That conversation has to happen eventually anyway if you expect to put an end to this kind of invasive, manipulative treatment. Good luck, and I hope this works out for you!

Kayla - posted on 06/28/2010

keep telling them youll do what you want and its not a topic up for discussion. Tell her that if she continues to question you or badger you then youll simply cut off contact with her untill youre ready to stop breastfeeding. stand your ground. Cows milk is not very good for a babys digestive system anyway.

Shruti - posted on 06/28/2010

I am sure your mom in law DOES want the best for her grandchild....its just that her thoughts about whats 'best' differ from yours - and in this case are also a little incorrect, since its actually good for the baby to breast feed for as long as he/she can. BFF does not mean you need to eliminate other sources of food like fruits, cereal etc. and if your MIL feels that these solids are imp for baby, theres nothing really wrong in giving that to your son as well, in addition to breast milk. perhaps the next time you visit the pediatrician you could take your husband and mom in law along and let the doc do the talking for you - might work better than you trying to convince them

Michelle - posted on 06/27/2010

I had the pressure from friends who thought that my daughter didnt need to be b/f at the age of 2 1/2. My husband was always supportive of me just everyone else thought they had the right to step up.
In the end my girl let me know when she wanted to stop.
It all comes down to you in the end.

Samantha - posted on 06/26/2010

Oh Mother in laws there such a treat LOL well I think just ignore it all dont give a dang what she says and focus on what your doing and your plans breastfeed till whenever you want and whenever your son wants you knows whats best and your doing the proper thing just keep repeating yourself for now but maybe show to your husbands some information on how good it is to prolong nursing

Jai - posted on 06/26/2010

i would not stop because of your mother-in-law, but i would at least listen to your husband's thoughts since he is the child's father. :) have you talked to him about the benenfits of extended breastfeeding? maybe you could even show him some research that supports it. i breastfed my son until he self-weaned at 17 months, and i would not have traded a minute of it. BUT it would have been difficult to do if i did not have my husband's support.

CHRISTIE - posted on 06/26/2010

PRAY!!!! Talk to your husband and let him know how you strongly feel!!!! Even though I think it's best to let them wean thierselves, which is usually around 1 year but, whatever you decide, it's your child!!! I think when they can come up and undo your blouse and tell you thank you it's time! But at least you are doing what's best for your child!! Don't let anyone else discourage you from your beliefs.

Kayle-Ann - posted on 06/26/2010

I'd tell her to mind her own business! its stupid how people try to control mothers on this issue. You know what's best and you are doing it for your child's good. The child's health first! *grumble, grumble* I get so touchy on this subject, because I hate it when these "so called experienced mothers" try to control and tell other mothers what is right and what to do. Breastfeed your child till your child wants to stop or until YOU think its no longer warranted. You are doing the right thing. I hope your husband educates himself on this topic and support you.

Sandra - posted on 06/26/2010

my daughter has just turned 4 and i still breatsfeed her for nap and bed .... i was so afraid to not be able to breast feed when i was prego i prayed that id go atleast a year now 4 years later it is hard ot get her to stop but she really likes the closeness and like the taste better than cows milk which is filled with hormones that atleast get filter thru me so shes not getting as much of them as most kids her age ... EVERYONE but the people at WIC her DR and her FATHER want me ot stop ... both are parents are gone so i dont have that on my but i have everyone else thinking they can have an opinion about it and most of them have never even seen her BF so they shouldnt have anythign to say at all ... i do want her to stop just because shes a big girl now but im not preasuring her now

Felisa - posted on 06/26/2010

This is your child and a very personal thing between the two of you! Do not listen to them. It is very natural to breastfeed past a year, but you may find that your lil one tells you they are ready. My oldest weened himself at 15 months and my youngest and best eater actually weened hinself on his first birthday! They will let you know...unless YOU are uncomfortable before then let that be your guide. Not busy body in laws.

Rhonda - posted on 06/26/2010

I hope that you will be able to have the resolve that you need to continue breastfeeding!!! Breast feeding is such an awesome thing. I nursed my first one for 13 months and my second one for 20 months and although I stopped nursing both of them for good reasons, I still regret that I didn't go longer with both of them!! I agree with the recent reply that said to try to win your husband over first. Battling with the MIL is a no-win situation!!

Crystal - posted on 06/26/2010

"Why don't you want what's best for the baby? Why would you encourage or pressure me to change to something less good for the baby?" Flat-out ask her that. The evidence that breastfeeding is best is overwhelming.

http://www.drmomma.org has TONS of excellent parenting advice AND links to the scientific evidence to back it up.

Stefany - posted on 06/26/2010

why are we the only animals that find it okay to drink other animals breast milk? thats nasty. i understand we want calcium and we arent going to drink human milk as an adult but children shouldnt be forced to drink something completely unnatural. i was made fun of by a DOCTOR the other day for still breastfeeding my son and my sons not even 13 months. some things are good for some people and some things are good for others. that's your son. all your husband did was donate sperm. you carried him for 9 months and gave birth to him.

Julie - posted on 06/26/2010

im having the same problem

Barbie - posted on 06/26/2010

My son is turning two in a few weeks and he still breastfeeds. I have researched this and there are so many benefits including becoming a more confident and independent person as an adult. My husband use to pressure me but it was pure jealousy. Which is what I believe is going on with both your husband and MIL. As for your MIL, it's just NOT her business. Tell her so. As for your husband, tell him to grow up!

Jennifer - posted on 06/25/2010

Keep at it! You are doing a great thing. I am sorry to hear that you do not have the support of your husband. I at least had that when I made the decision to nurse until my daughter decided it was time to stop. I nursed her for 5 1/2 years. After 4 years, I was actually applauded by La Leche League for my efforts and my family finally stopped telling me I was wrong. Good luck with it. You are doing a great thing. Breast is Best!!

Heidi - posted on 06/25/2010

I just don't get why you continuing to breast feed or not is any of her business at all! What skin is it off their back if YOU are breast feeding YOUR child. Sheesh! Some people need to just lay off. Seriously.

Sorry you are going through this. Stand up for what you know is right, mama, and don't let them bully you into anything!

::chest bump:: (from one nursing mama to another) :)

Ella - posted on 06/25/2010

If you cave- you will regret it. If you follow your hear you never will regret it.
Know stats. Quote them. For example "It is estimated that the natural weaning age for humans is between two and seven years. "

http://www.drmomma.org/#uds-search-resul...

Jessica - posted on 06/25/2010

I dealt with similar pressures, but fortunately none from my husband. Ultimately, you are making this decision for both you and your child. I would ask your MIL to keep her opinions to herself, because you are the mother, and you feel you know what's best. Cow's milk is actually not very good for babies, especially before they turn one. It makes absolutely no sense that a cow's milk would be better for your son than your own. If she thinks it's weird past 1, that's her issue and she can deal with it privately. Your husband needs to have your back on this one, but if not he needs to hush too. All you can do is show them the facts and then ask them to keep their opinions to themselves if they still don't agree WITH SCIENCE.

Nicole - posted on 06/25/2010

I like to use the juice analogy when people try to act as if cow's milk is so much better. Since juice is so readily available and affordable which would you rather consume? 100% juice or 10% juice? Chances are if you really care about the health and welfare of your family you will choose 100% juice, which is also why you choose to still breastfeed. Why give your child 10% of what they need from formula or cow's milk when you are giving them 100% of what god intended for them through your HUMAN milk. I realize not everyone can breastfeed and that not everyone wants to. What they do with their children is their choice. What you do with your children is yours. I personally am still breastfeeding my 27 month old with no end in sight. He does not like cow's milk, although he eats lots of cheese. My husband supports me but still makes comments about how he will be 15 and still nursing, but I think it is just to get a rise out of me. I really don't care what he thinks. He knows the health benefits and my reasons and whether he agrees or not is his problem. I have a strong personality so I have no problem putting people in their place when they meddle. If my MIL pulled that crap I would have done something similarly embarrassing to her to get my point across or given her an ultimatum that it was no longer up for discussion and if she can't drop it she is no longer welcome in your home until she can respect you. Harsh I know, but sometimes it takes that. Good luck.

Kristen - posted on 06/25/2010

Keep pounding into her brain the YOU are the mother and YOU will decide what is right for YOUR son. If possible, try not to spend so much time with her. It's admirable that you are doing what is healthiest for your son and you can always remind her that she too should want what is best for her grandson.

Danette - posted on 06/25/2010

You are living my life!!! My son is about 2 and a half and I still BF for naps and bedtime. My MIL was harshly anti-bfing and was not afraid to let me know it, and we lived with them for 6 months! I tried all the things you did as far as educating her, blaming the pediatrician, ignoring her, and finally after a while she just gave up. Though I do get a comment every now and then. My hubby was on my side but would throw me under the bus with his mom sometimes when the subject came up, so I know how it feels to be ganged up on.
Here's the deal. It is your body and you are the mother, do what feels right and comfortable for you. Listen to your baby, they will tell you when they are ready to stop. My MIL never BF with her 3 kids so she didn't understand the need. Get your hubby on board first though, figure out what his reasoning is for wanting you to stop (it may be mommy pressure!) After age one you can start working in cows milk if you want and still bf for the majority of the time, but your son will let you know what he wants and doesn't. Hang tight to your wants and beliefs and remember - NOTHING about BFing is bad for you or your baby!!!
Also~opinions are like a#$holes everyone has one and most of them stink! Good luck to you.

Amanda - posted on 06/24/2010

YES!! Do not stop! it is best! IF you dont want to hear about it, pump a bottle and feed him then they can't say anything about it since he's not on your breast but its the same stuff just in a different way. I'm sorry that you have had to endure issues and now you have to fight for whats right. i would have told them the same thing! Keep your head up, you know whats right for your own son. People have their own opinions and I've noticed people think its weird to breast feed boys and not weird to breast feed girls... a little sexist?? Its a baby no matter what gender. Thankfully my little girls father is aLL about breast feeding, he wont even let me start feeding her rice cereal, his excuse is "women have been feeding their children breast milk since the cavemen days and they didnt have rice cereal or gerber food or cows milk, they had their mothers milk until they could chew food" haha so true!

Nicole - posted on 06/24/2010

I haven't read all the posts here so i hope i'm not repeating anything but i hope i'm offering you something a little different here.
I am getting the impression that your MIL is more concerned about the social "taboo" of having your breasts out rather than the health benefits for your baby...if this is the case then confront her with something like this..."Is it my breasts being out in public that offends you? Is it because you think its rude or sexual to see my breasts out in public? Well, if thats the case then thats your problem not mine. I see MY breasts as a nutritious food source for MY growing baby and use them just as my body intends them to be used. If YOU see them as RUDE and SEXUAL then perhaps you should ask yourself whats wrong with you for looking at your daughter in law breasts that way!"

Tara - posted on 06/24/2010

I'm sorry that just makes me SOOOO mad for you! I would have to tell them to shut up!! You keep BF'ing as long as you and your son want to!

Sally - posted on 06/24/2010

If you want her to stop.. the next time she brings it up in public ask her what issues she has that make her so uncomfortable with her grandchild being healthy and happy.

If that's too rude for you (and you want her to ever talk to you again), you have to get you husband on your side. Collect a stack of literature on not only how healthy breast milk is for the child AND FOR YOU, but on how the rest of the world considers it the norm AND how a majority of the world considers extended nursing the norm AND how boobs being for sexy advertising instead of feeding babies is new even in the western world AND how unhealthy formula is AND how human beings are not designed to drgest cow's milk. If he doesn't want to read it; ask him why his mother's OPINION is more important to him than the FACTS ABOUT THE HEALTH OF HIS WIFE AND CHILD. Then let him deal with her. If that doesn't work, ignore them. When it comes down to it; he came out of your body, science and nature are both on your side and you are doing what is best for your baby. It will suck, especially if you have to fight you husband, but he can take care of himself your baby needs you.

Jessica - posted on 06/24/2010

I've been very lucky to only have an aunt say something indirect this last winter (dd is 20 months) and I was able to easily redirect her. I'm glad to hear your hubby came around to see the logic! Wish your doc and MIL would get with the program!

Rebecca - posted on 06/24/2010

I would tell her it is none of her damn business and that it is not for her to discuss with you or your guests. Sometimes you after you have exhausted every other avenue ( and it sounds like you have) you have to get rude to make your self heard.

Ivy - posted on 06/24/2010

My father is exactly like your MIL. Although I have longer to deal with how my dad is in an everyday situation, I am in the same position. However, I keep saying, I will stop when I am ready. My husband is ready for me to stop, but he knows he can't stop me. He wants me to stop for selfish reasons, but he hasn't tried to force me. Besides, if he knew he did, that would be the end of our marriage as I had enough of that from my childhood.

Anyways, take a deep breathe and keep repeating the same thing. If she can't accept your decision, try to spend less time with her. If you have a dinner with friends, mention it prior that she doesn't support your decision and that if she brings it up, you will try to change the subject. You never know, your friends might pipe up and be on your side. Remember, you are the mother and this is your decision!

My daughter is 15 months old and I feed her at night before bed and rarely in the early morning hours to give us a bit more sleep. We, my daughter and me, are happy with how things are. The time we get to spend together while she is breastfeeding is precious to me. I love it when she gently rubs my skin or holds my hand while eating. Of course I am going to keep going as to me, it is my daughter telling me she loves me and she is comfortable and happy..

Rachel - posted on 06/24/2010

i delt with the same from my family. with my oldest all i head the whole time was "your going to nurse him forever" "are you ever going to stop?" as a rude remark. i said i'm going to do it at LEAST until 1 ... sure enough HE lost interest at 13 months old... it was harder for me to let him stop than for him to stop lol.. and now i'm nursing my 6 month old and plan to do the same. there is no shame in doing it until 2. i'm sure you'll get some looks if your nursing out in public... my boy would have whipped it out and went to town showing the world mommas tata's lol so i probably would be putting it in a sippy cup. so i say do it until she loses interest. and if you really want then just pump and put it in a sippy!! :)who cares what people say! you are doing something that is healthy! i still get crap from family about me doing it!

Jamie - posted on 06/24/2010

I breast feed my 3 children from 1-1/2 years to 2-1/2 years with NO REGRETS! It is totally a personal choice! Ask your mother-n-law what is the point of substituting to a lower class food? I had to pump for 3 months with my first 2 children as they were born at 32 weeks. There are sooo many benefits let alone bonding time! I have EXTREMELY independent children because breastfeeding gives them that security! Also my daughter (9 yrs old), has just been diagniosed with leaky gut (on her way to celiacs... intestinal issues) and I have recently learned the longer you breast feed (which happened to be 2 YRS.) with her, the longer this condition is put off! Just another benefit and the list goes on! It is character building for you during times of pressure building, stand strong it pays off in numerous ways! You will know when to stop!! :) Best wishes!

Brooke - posted on 06/24/2010

i had the same prob w/ my m.i.l. i basically told her to keep her opinions to herself or our visits would stop b/c i didn't care to argue about it. i breastfed til he was 14 mo b/c he got sick and stopped on his own was pressured by her from 10 mo on to stop

Kerri - posted on 06/24/2010

tell them you will parent YOUR child the best way YOU see fit and if you want advice you will ask for it, and do not appreciate being bullied to stop doing what you know is best for your child. Tell them as long as you are not harming the child in any way ( and you are NOT with extended Breastfeeding) to accept it and be a little more respectful of you the childs MOTHER. I hope everything gets better it is so hard not to have support :)

Durrain - posted on 06/24/2010

Someone please tell me.. the later u wean ur baby, the more difficult it is? true or false?
My son is 11 & half months old & his paediatrician has said that weaning anytime later than 13-14 months is very difficult.
I'm still nursing him but only at nights & early morning. After reading this thread, I'm now confused about breastfeeding him longer than 14 months :(
HELP! what must I do?

Jessica - posted on 06/23/2010

Good to read that your hubby is on side - it's so tough when people close to you don't support you! I wonder if your MIL feels guilty about not having breastfed her own kids? If that's what's happening, more info about how healthy breastfeeding is would just make her defensive... I suspect this is behind a lot of older women's objections to BFing. I don't know how you might get around that, I guess you just have to ignore it. And maybe memorise some comeback lines that you can say when she brings it up around guests - there was a good thread about that here on Circle of Moms last week...

Maureen - posted on 06/23/2010

I think people are so weirded out by 'extended' breastfeeding because of the sexuality that our society has attached to breasts. I wouldn't even try to explain to her why you are doing it anymore. It's obvious she won't change her mind. But if she brings it up, you could remind her that breastfeeding is not sexual, if that's what she's afraid of and that her son will have his booby time back soon enough. That might embarass her sufficiently to get her to stop. Also, my daughter is two and is still nursing. We've had lots of disruptions in our life and I was absolutely not going to take away her comfort failsafe. There are days when I really wish she were done nursing, but I remind myself that she'll be done soon enough and that I'll miss that bonding time we have together when it's gone. I did BF in public some when she was little, but avoided it because I just wasn't comfortable with people staring at me. Now that she's older, I rarely nurse her in front of anyone other than my husband or my mom. I know that people disapprove and while sometimes I feel a little guilty about not being more open about my nursing, I won't deny it if someone asks. And quietly getting up and going into another room without drawing too much attention is definitely the path of least resistance. I've got enough battles with my toddler, I don't feel like creating any more than necessary. Good luck!

Katherine - posted on 06/23/2010

Hi I'm still breastfeeding my 18mth old and feel so lucky to be able to, so many people I know have not been able to breastfeed. With my first child I had a lot of pressure to stop and I felt really bad a lot of the time, somebody told me to smile and accept all advice, then do whatever you think is best! Breastfeeding is the easiest and best thing for your children nothing weird at all about wanting to do the best thing for your child!

Wende - posted on 06/23/2010

I think you will know when the right time to stop is. I think it is between mom and baby to decide that. If both of you want to continue to breastfeed after 1 year, I think that is perfectly fine. Trust your own instint, you are MOM! No one is more in tune to your baby then you. My daughter in only 7 months but I am planning on leaving the decision up to her. When she is ready, I am ready. I think she will be ready before I am. Go with your gut feeling on this one, you know best!

Nicole - posted on 06/23/2010

I didn't read through any of the other responses, so forgive me if I sound redundant.

I would continue to educate them about the benefits to breastfeeding beyond 12 months. As a matter of fact, studies have shown that breast milk for the older toddler contains more of some of the immunological properties than the breast milk of a newborn/infant.

Here are two really informative sites about the benefits of extended breastfeeding (the first is about reduction in breast cancer) and the second is a wealth of info.) Inform, at least, your husband of this info and maybe that will be enough for him to back you up when talking to his mother.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/20338...

http://pediatrics.about.com/cs/breastfee...

I hope this helps! And you do what you feel is best for both you and your family as a whole! Good luck!

Anna - posted on 06/23/2010

I would have a few choice words for your mother-in-law..and they wouldn't be nice! I breastfed my daughter until she was 2 years old and don't regret a day of it. The american academy of pediatrics says 2 years and you are right the WHO says 2 years. In the end (here"s the greatest part) you are the mother and get to make the decisions. Not her. Hang in there and stay strong. You know what is best for you baby.

Pauline - posted on 06/23/2010

As my husband pointed out one time - Why are we more comfortable giving Cow's Milk (which was not made for humans) then breastmilk which is made for humans to our children? My son, AD, is 18 months old and still breastfeeding strong. I have decided not to give him Cow's milk at this time and my pediatrician supports this. We do give him cheese and other diary products. When AD is sick, I am so grateful he is still nursing since his food and fluid intake decreases. I also believe that it has decreased the severity of his colds and has decreased his risk for ear infections, etc. Stay strong! It may be important to establish some boundaries for your mother-in-law. Establish a rule such as "She is not able to discuss her beliefs of breastfeeding around you". If she can't abide by this rule then she can't be around you and her grandchild.

Sarah - posted on 06/23/2010

Stay strong! My son will be 2 in September and still loves his "Mookies"! He does drink some cow's milk, but still nurses in the morning and before nap/bedtime. I don't think I've nursed in public for the last 10 months or so (which might be helpful info if they're worried about it being "taboo"), but wouldn't have a problem with it in a pinch. Props to you for having your son's best interests at heart!

Ann - posted on 06/23/2010

Don't stop breastfeeding your son for peoples sake, my son is 18 months old and I am still bf and and we are going to stay like that until he is two.

You know you mother in law needs to get educated about the benefits of breastfeeding it is "liquid gold" your child won't get sick research sais that breastfed babies have a higher IQ are more independant than non breastfed children and a list of whole other reasons.

My advice is as long as you and your son want to keep breastfeeding than keep going, remember what you ae doing is the best thing for your child and you are his mother and you know what is best for him.

Goodluck

Alejandra - posted on 06/23/2010

I am more of an asshole than most people. If my MIL decided to embarrass me like that be airing my private business in public, I would have put her in her place. If she is going to try to make you look like a bad parent in front of others, then I would do the same to her. Perhaps you should wait for a good audience, and then ask: Why are you putting your concern for weirdness over the welfare of the baby?