Kimberly - posted on 07/01/2010 ( 1 mom has responded )
I am a 27 year old mother of a beautiful baby boy. His biological father is a lazy useless man. In the nearly four years that I lived with him, he was unemployed at least half the time. I was working, sometimes two jobs to support us. I gained nearly $20,000 of debt while I was with him. Now, you may ask yourself, is she stupid? Well, I'd like to hope not, as I have a college education, but love makes you do stupid things...
Then, I found out I was pregnant. I was 17 weeks pregnant when I finally figured it out. Here's the kicker! My ex, according to his family and doctor, was not supposed to be able to father a child. While it took more than three years to get pregnant, it was certainly a surprise!
With this new information, I had a choice to make. In Canada, abortion is legal. Now I had to decide what was best for the baby I carried inside me. His father, I knew would never be a man and support his baby, let alone me. I had just been fired from my job two weeks before I discovered I was pregnant, and though I was looking and interviewing for a job, the prospect of finding one was not promising. Though it is discrimination not to hire a pregnant woman, I was beginning to show and I can't imagine anyone that would hire an employee for just a few months.
My ex on the other hand, had been unemployed for nearly ten months at the time, and I had no expectations that he would be able to find a job immediately. So my decision became to raise a child alone, or not have a child. While there were a great many thoughts that roamed through my head, abortion was not something I wanted to do.
With our eviction imminent, I sent him back across the country to live with his family. I moved in with my family. Yes, I lied to him to make him leave, telling him it would be okay and we'd all be together again. No, I did not intend to ever see him again.
My best friend was with me throughout the pregnancy, at the doctors office, labs, ultrasounds, everything. He wanted to be there. Though he knew the baby wasn't biologically his, he didn't care. He loved the baby and me anyway. No matter what I'd been through, that wouldn't change. I discussed the situation with him when it mattered, and he would have supported me no matter what I decided.
Now, my ex is bitter about our break up and constantly talks down to me and makes me feel guilty for sending him away. However, he never asks about the baby, nor is he willing to pay support to help me raise him (not that I want his money, but he certainly didn't offer any...) I have blocked my ex from facebook and msn and everywhere else I can think of, leaving him only email as an option to contact me.
Should I feel guilty about cutting him out of mine and my son's life when I have someone who is actually dedicated to providing my son with a father he deserves?