Starting to feel like I've had enough of breastfeeding

Nancylee - posted on 04/07/2010

no judgment here! being a mama is hard work and we are hard on ourselves. you are being so open and honest with strangers and that is brave!

i do have some suggestions:
-consider taking a vitamin D supplement. i live in a gray place and find that when i take vitamin d i feel better.
-my stroller is my salvation! i have 2 boys and am still breastfeeding my 1 1/2 year old- but something i just want to be in my own space. so i put him in the $10 g-sale jogging stroller with rain guard and walk and walk and walk. thankfully it's not that cold here- maybe walking in a mall or indoor area would be an option for you? some kind of sling would work too!
-also hormones are powerful! when i am feeling a strong emotion i try to name it (wow- i am totally enraged), notice how it feels (my hands are shaking and i really want to smash a really ripe tomato) and then tell myself "this too shall pass."
-if you don't have one, find or start a weekly mama meet up. (meetup.org is a good starting point). i didn't have one w/my first boy but now i do and it makes so much difference to have mamas to be with at least once a week.
-use nap times for yourself, not for chores. this is a big challenge for me but i try really really hard to do something i enjoy while the baby naps. otherwise i start to feel like a ghost of my former self. i don't like that feeling.
-get some audio tapes/cd or podcasts (i enjoy this american life!). yes, sometimes breastfeeding is charming and sweet and bubbly and sometimes it is completely boring. when i have a good book or story to listen to while i breast feed i look forward to it- and feel like i do have a brain and personality still.

lastly- what i think i hear you saying (or see you writing) is that you want some freedom. that means something different to everyone- most of my suggestions are things i have done to help me recognize the ways i do have freedom so that the times/ways i don't have it won't overwhelm and shut me down. what are ways that you can experience freedom in your life while continuing to breastfeed?

i know breastfeeding can feel like another chore at times- but i will say that it does pay off. my 7 year old son was breast feed for a very long time...4 years. and he is so open and honest with me. he is very healthy. he respects mamas and loves babies. he is a gentle warrior and i think breastfeeding him so long is part of what he needed.

take care!!

Samantha - posted on 04/07/2010

I have only been breastfeeding for almost 3 months and sometimes I feel like giving up. My mother gets me down a lot because she says I am breastfeeding because I want to be the only one to feed my daughter and because I am stingy. I keep going because I know what my reasons are and I know it is best for my daughter and because I love the special relationship I have with my daughter!!

Becky - posted on 04/07/2010

Good job for making it to 4 months! You are doing a great job. I'm sorry that you are having a tough time. I was just wondering if you have other friends with young kids that you can start having play dates with. I think it really helps to be able to get out of the house with your kiddo and start having chances to have fun with her. Are you comfortable with breastfeeding in public? Maybe even when the weather is bad you could start having little outings just to get out and not feel so isolated and alone. I know you know the benefits of breastfeeding, just keep reminding yourself of those facts. I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but this time goes sooo fast in their lives, you will eventually miss it, the ability to provide exactly what they need. Good luck and hang in there.

Sammie - posted on 04/07/2010

I can completely understand how your feeling, it can be overwhelming at times. But just remember it will get better and they grow up so fast.
And you will be so thankful that you stuck with it and gave your child the best possible food she could ever receive.
The best of luck to you and i hope you get over this little rough spot very soon.

Anne - posted on 04/07/2010

I know how you feel too. I was confined to the sofa all day long because my baby started nursing on and off constantly. We weren't that good at it and didn't have the hang of nursing on the go. I got quite depressed and had no-one to talk to all day long. I know it can be really hard. I felt like a caged hen. My baby moved over to bottles and so I've been exclusively pumping for 7 months and that has it's own drawbacks too. Still can't go anywhere for any length of time because I've got to be back at home to express on time and put it in the fridge. Plus it hurts. I don't have any advice, only empathy. I hope that knowing you are not alone might help. Try not to feel guilty though, that will only make nursing more stressful and unhappy for you.

April - posted on 04/07/2010

i felt nearly exactly the way you felt when my son was 4 months. At that age, he was doing marathon breastfeeding and seemed permanently attached to me!!



Now that he is 15 months, there are still some things I long for. I long to be able to go out in public and not feel guilty that my son won't nurse in public (he is a very private baby). I feel especially bad when i see other moms nursing their babies and i know i cannot do the same for my son unless i'm in his room at home.



Whenever you feel down, just tell yourself you will do it for 1 more week and when that week passes, ususally the bad feelings pass too!

Amanda - posted on 04/07/2010

Hey Laura,



It wasn't until the last 4 months that I started to really enjoy nursing my daughter -- she just turned 1. I've frequently said to my husband, "I just don't understand those women who LOVE to breastfeed. I'm not that into it." I kept at it because of the health benefits to her, but for a while that was my only motivation. We do give her a bottle of expressed breastmilk & formula combined before bed because that was my way of getting a break and my husband enjoyed that quiet time with her (his opportunity to relax after work!). I think what changed things for me was my daughter's choice to start weaning herself. When she didn't need me every 2-3 hours, I've started to miss that quiet bonding time that was just the two of us.



As far as thinking the weather might have something to do with your moods -- you could be right! Do you take a Vit D supplement for yourself? There's a lot of study behind Vit D deficiency linked towards depression (as well as other ailments -- cancer, low immune systems, etc.). Our bodies crave that sunshine! :) I'm not the best at remembering to take it daily, but when I find myself hitting some low points emotionally or mentally, that's usually my cue to get more Vit D into my system. I also give my daughter Vit D drops (gave her 2x the daily dose during the winter vs. giving her the flu vaccine -- she was never sick!). Vit D is an amazing "cure-all" for a lot of what ails us as a society. Might be worth checking out. It's pretty easy to find (at least here in the states).

Melisa - posted on 04/07/2010

I am very sorry you are going through this! It must be extremely difficult feeling that way. I think it is a good thing you have come to the BF board rather than a formula board for encouragement. I hope you find what you are seeking here. I can relate on the feeling like you need to breath and have a bit of time to yourself. I have yet to leave my daughter for longer than an hour at 3.5 months -- and that I have only done once.



I just think breastfeeding is the most important thing you can do for your baby. If you just stick it out 2 more months you are giving her the very best start. You have already come so far. If I were in the situation where I was really down about BF I would look at all the resources online that talk about allllll the amazing advantages your baby has by drinking YOUR milk! Just remember how strong of a woman you are to be able to keep your daughter alive and healthy as can be by your milk alone!



Good luck, and I hope you feel more encouraged and get the support you need from all of us on here.

Kathy - posted on 04/07/2010

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/m...

Well, only you can decide, but IMHO, quitting would be for wrong reasons (M)

and it seems like others are not clear on developmental changes and individual traits for babies - in other words, it's not *you* doing this, but it's simply that developmentally the baby is not ready to move away - this is common (all babies go through periods of what is called seperation anxiety) and it will pass.



The worst thing one can do during this time, is take away the one thing baby is clinging to. Imagine it like this... you have one thing in the whole world that you count on being the same (stable, comforting, secure), and you go there when the world around you is moving so fast it's overwhelming. Now take away that thing.. and what are you left with? Seems to me it'd be frightening and overwhelming.. and cruel.



We don't make independent kids by "forcing" them to self comfort (well, we do but it's not the sort of independence that we would like to see for a lifetime), but rather we make secure and well-adjusted kids by meeting the individual needs of our children. Some need more attention (for lack of a better word) than others.



You might want to give baby a little more time, and love and snuggle him all you can now, because before too long, he'll be all grown up, and all this will be a distant memory.